Archive - 11769

January 12th

Tyler Durden's picture

I've got a stomachful of Xanax. I took what was left of a bottle. It might have been too much.





You can't make this shit up. All you Hollywood agents scouring under the skirts of Daily Grill waitresses for your next script look no further (I will merely accept a firm virtual handshake and advance rights for my upcoming book), and all you employed sales people, here is a brilliant idea for how to bring your career to new heights...

 

Tyler Durden's picture

I've got a stomachful of Xanax. I took what was left of a bottle. It might have been too much.





You can't make this shit up. All you Hollywood agents scouring under the skirts of Daily Grill waitresses for your next script look no further (I will merely accept a firm virtual handshake and advance rights for my upcoming book), and all you employed sales people, here is a brilliant idea for how to bring your career to new heights...

 

Tyler Durden's picture

Count Vikula Mid-Term Grade in Accounting Alchemy: A+





In the latest round of government-mediated financial synesthesia, Citi is parting with its brokerage crown jewel and making it seems like a sweet deal for investors, tax payers (also investors), and the three or four other people who care about the mass insanity that occurs in present day capital

 

Tyler Durden's picture

Count Vikula Mid-Term Grade in Accounting Alchemy: A+





In the latest round of government-mediated financial synesthesia, Citi is parting with its brokerage crown jewel and making it seems like a sweet deal for investors, tax payers (also investors), and the three or four other people who care about the mass insanity that occurs in present day capit

 

January 11th

Tyler Durden's picture

Ackman and Burkle Agree to Disagree over America's Illiteracy Trends





Even as Barnes and Noble posts a scary -7.7% comp store number for the "holiday" period, two major holders play hot potato with a big chunk of the retailer's equity.

 

Tyler Durden's picture

Titanium Looking Kinda Rusty Too





People suffering from a morbid obsession with titanium dioxide and its principal producer, Tronox Inc., are frantically clicking refresh on Pacer to see the moment the company files for Chapter 11 in Southern District of NY on this cold evening. Reuters cites sources that the filing should come any moment.

 

Tyler Durden's picture

Steel Partners in Need of Serious Rust Removal





Steel Partners, the fund of activist investor and up-to-now wunderkind manager Warren Lichtenstein, has fallen for some tough times.

 

Tyler Durden's picture

Investing Was The Beginning, Now It's Moved Out Of The Basement, It's Called Project Mayhem





And Mayhem it is, as investors are running for the hills, unwilling to find out who the next Madoff turns out to be, and end up stuck with a big fat donut. According to an analysis done by Hedgebay, a secondary hedge fund interest market maker, the average dollar invested in hedge funds traded for an all time low of 87 cents as of November (waiting for December numbers with baited breath).

 

Tyler Durden's picture

There Can Be Only One!!!





We all know about West vs. East, 2-Pac vs. Notorious B.I.G., LA vs NY, etc... How does this express itself in the HF community where most managers are either grads of Steinberg-Dietrich Hall (that Huntsman hall phallic monstrosity will never take the place of the brick facade that Saul Steinberg's Reliance renovated with a whole pile of hard-earned, scandal-free dollars) or ex-Yale Lacrosse players, yet where on occasion you may find the odd Westsider... And they can be quite floral....

 

Tyler Durden's picture

Survival of the Gatest





Well the 2008 hsbc numbers are out. In a year that one would be shocked there were any winners at all (except for Paulson of course... Paulson could make money on Pluto, blind, limbs chopped off, without oxygen, a bloomberg terminal or his copy of Dow 100,000: Fact or Fiction), here are the funds that will shortly need to raise all gates once investors realize these are likely the only places where money can still be redeemed:

 

Tyler Durden's picture

I Am The Retarded Plebs' Smirking Revenge





Just as our funny-speaking cousins 3 hours east of us (via Concorde; probably more like 15 hours if using one of American Airlines' retrofitted B-707 with almost two wings and a fully operational engine, and that includes the 8 hour unairconditioned tarmac wait at JFK and Heathrow) thought that the Waxman witch trials would be confined to the likes of Jim

 

January 10th

Tyler Durden's picture

Timmmmmmmaaaayyyyyy.... reincarnated





Yep folks, the man, the myth, the my-mom-does-my laundry womanizer may be gone (only temporarily - you can't get rid of Tim Sykes... something about weeds or cockroaches), but his spirit lives on. Just click here: http://www.greenwichtime.com/ci_11421481

 

Tyler Durden's picture

A Good Start...





...Is 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean...

 

Tyler Durden's picture

Friday Night Rumor: MGM Selling Mirage to Penn Natl





After losing his shirt, bifocals, and the backup tire of his Jeep Cherokee by assuming that Ford and GM are actually competitive in the global car market, Kirk Kerkorian is allegedly selling one of his prize jewels on the LV strip: the MGM Mirage.

 

Tyler Durden's picture

Citi Lives the Telecom Dream as Nortel is About to Wake





It is good to see that even as the good men leaving the yellow van carrying a straight jacket (specifically outfitted with a bro/manzier for obvious purposes) are climbing up the arduous 59 stor

 
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