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Dylan Ratigan Discusses The Great Financial Con Job With Alan Grayson And Bill Fleckenstein

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Dylan Ratigan, joined by the inimitable Alan Grayson and Bill Fleckenstein, does one of the best comprehensive summations of the where we are, how we got here, and why those responsible for the upcoming US default are still doing exactly what they were doing, through the enabling of the Federal Reserve. The logical question arises: when will someone finally do something about the situation the US is in right now? At this point pretty much everyone understands how the con works (and if you don't, watch this clip). Why do we allow a handful of corrupt politicians and a select few of Fed members unaccountable to anyone, coupled with a small group of Wall Street CEO, to determine the fate of this nation, and how long will democracy be trampled by those very people who claim to represent nothing but the people's interests? Watch this clip.

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Wed, 04/07/2010 - 18:46 | 290750 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

i'm inclined to watch and see if the gangster banksters can pull it off. it's way too late for real reform we might as well enjoy the crash.

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 04:37 | 291246 Seer
Seer's picture

Do people demand a really just system? Well, we'll arrange it so that they'll be satisfied with one that's a little less unjust ... They want a revolution, and we'll give them reforms -- lots of reforms; we'll drown them in reforms. Or rather, we'll drown them in promises of reforms, because we'll never give them real ones either!!

- DARIO FO, Accidental Death of an Anarchist

Wed, 04/07/2010 - 18:48 | 290753 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

Did Grayson get any of those $5,000 checks?

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 04:37 | 291247 Seer
Seer's picture

Did you?  Prove it!

And, while you're at it, prove that you're not a GOP troll!

Wed, 04/07/2010 - 19:15 | 290787 dcb
dcb's picture

I find many of the comments silly and uninformed.

Grayson is a self made man who started with little and made himself into something. He has better understanding of the markets than most. His health care idea was simply allow people to buy into medicare at cost. using the system in place. I find this reasonable. He is also the guy with Ron Paul who got the who audit the fed thing going. so please let us not type cast this person. It would be like calling paul part of the republican hierarchy. He isn't. the man has openly called a lobbyist as "whore". that aint establishment that is knowing what's wrong.  There are two views people don't appear to understand. People who can correctly identify what the problem is, but have different ways of getting to the solution. and people who avoid even addressing the problem. Paul and grayson are the former, most elected officials are the latter.

 

As for conspiracy. It doesn't need to be an overt conspiracy to be a "conspiracy".  You make sure academic departments get grants, who gets jobs, who moves up the ladder, who gets fired, etc. over years a view gets adopted. Put everyone in power with a specific viewpoint and you have a conspiracy of thought which produces the same outcome as any overt conspiracy. i.e. the only guy like hoenig in the fed is hoenig. they make sure the people who don't drink the cool aid don't get the jobs. Why don't we see austrian economists in positions of authority? what a surpries that an induistry with money over time works to advance the theories that make themselves the most money? see how it works. It isn't like this doesn't happen in most or all large organizations. I'm sure most of you have gotten ahead by rocking the boat even if you were right. (LOL). No play along and get rewarded with huge upside and no downside.  So those that pay along move up the chain even if they know it's crap. the system ensures those with an honest intellect aren't in any position of authority.

If it looks like a conspricay, acts like a conspiracy, etc. then regardless if it is or not it is a functional conspiracy. Because of the efforts of the fed to keep things hidden I have to go at this time with a real conspiracy.after all they aren't allowing us to investigate if it is or not are they. when we even hint that we would they claim the sky will fall and we will be eating rats. Tell me that doesn't sound like a conspiracy.

 

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 08:48 | 290808 Mercury
Mercury's picture

Agree with paragraph one.

But let's not forget that for decades there was huge political pressure (mostly but not entirely from the left) to essentially make credit a civil right. The Community Reinvestment Act crowd typically does not support efforts that also make fat cat bankers fatter. Those folks being in league with the Fed just isn't plausible (back then at least).

I do think the Fed responded to the fact that globalization was eating away at the real wages of many Americans by keeping rates low rates and money easy. By picking up the slack in this way Americans were able to build wealth -for a while- via the stock market and a housing bubble - which is where the easy $$ went.  Also, cheap illegal/semi-legal S. American immigrants made many Americans feel "wealthier" by providing services and labor that would otherwise be more expensive.

All that couldn't continue indefinitely. The housing collapse/credit crisis that started in '08 is basically a no-free-lunch story but at this point, with TBTF and government hands in everything it has become a conspiracy.

Edit: My bad!

Re: below responses...

I was agreeing (or intended to) with the point that Grayson seems to be a congressman who at least has accomplished something in life before he headed to Washington and I generally agree wil Ron Paul however hopeless his agenda.

I don't buy the "buy into Medicare at cost" idea although it may have turned out better than the shitshow plan that just got passed.

I stand by the rest of the comment but I wasn't paying close enough attention there...blogging while cooking...sorry.

Wed, 04/07/2010 - 21:52 | 290974 theworldisnotenough
theworldisnotenough's picture

His health care idea was simply allow people to buy into medicare at cost. using the system in place. I find this reasonable.

 

How would the buy in price be determined without politicians polluting what would claimed to be a free market price? Eddie Murphy said it best "I ain't fallin' for the banana in the tailpipe!"

The conspiracy theory is plausible but in no way probable. The reason that there aren't any dissenting ideas in the Fed is for the same reason there aren't any/or very few dissenting ideas in academia in general. Want to be a Phd in psychology? The gatekeepers of the Phd are all the current Phds. Do you think you'll become one with theories that they find antithetical? Nope. And so most monetary economists want in, or have worked for the Fed in some capacity, so publishing papers on the failures of Fed policy would make that kind of tough...

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 09:11 | 291355 pan-the-ist
pan-the-ist's picture

There are two ways to approach buying a car.

1. Buy a cadillac and charge it (and hope that you have enough money to pay for it.)

2. Save your money and buy a car that you can afford.

Medicare for all would mean that health care would have to fit a budget (perhaps be rationed etc) Doctors would probably end up on a salary (a very good salary) in short, healthcare would need to live within its means.

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 01:11 | 291189 The Merchant of...
The Merchant of Venice's picture

His health care idea was simply allow people to buy into medicare at cost. using the system in place. I find this reasonable.

You might be unreasonable then.  Medicare is going broke. Grayson's plan is to increase the enrollment.  That will unwind yet another ponzi scheme.

Medicare and Health Insurance are both frauds.  Taking care of your own body isn't as difficult as we make it out to be.  We don't need insurance or Medicare for any other reason than to continue inflating yet another bubble of wasted precious resources to collatorize the debt issued by the US Treasury.

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 04:46 | 291249 Seer
Seer's picture

Medicare and Health Insurance are both frauds.

Well yes, though less so than the current "system" (and especially less than the newly legislated shafting).

What we have had (and are being forced to have more of) is SICK CARE.

This is all one big scam dealt by big Pharma, big AG and big Insurance.  I believe that it was all born out of compassion, but big power managed to capitalize (becuase that's what Capitalism does!).

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 07:28 | 291286 SME MOFO
SME MOFO's picture

Alot of these comments seem to be noise expressly designed to obscure important signals.  Natter on about this and that and everyone going broke (at cost = additional individual in program pays the marginal cost of adding an individual ---> no new net expenses; got it yet?).  Always money for wars and banks and new house spiffs but goddamn it if we have any resources available for sensible health care or existing financial regulation enforcement.  Measured responses based on data and commonsense seem far from some of the hysteria on these anti-grayson/ratigan commenters.  These outbursts may be enough to identify a paid troll Turing test failure.  Seem to be alot of those folks around here lately...

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 08:44 | 291315 Mercury
Mercury's picture

(added to above comment)

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 09:04 | 291342 dcb
dcb's picture

As an MD I'd imagine I understand why the system doesn't work better than you. Notice adding people who can pay a premium makes the programs more solvent. Not less. the same concept as to why you don't get rid of pres existing conditions. leave the government all the cost of the sickest and have the insurance conpanies take only those they make a profit on.

I have as a general rule avoided this topic on the blogs because it isn't worth the effort. Of the ideas that were tossed around I thought his were the best of the bunch.

I will say the current reform will not work.

1) the government isn't allowed to negotiate for the best drug prices (huh)

2) there are few if any cost basis studies of care and outcome. (including drugs, technology, etc)

3) the system does not align payment with cost effective outcome. (you may actually get paid for causing a problem.)

4) There is an entrenched hierarchy that has little or no real "industrial"management experience. i.e. data analyisis. Those how have postitions of power feel they have more to loose by fixing the system than keeping it as it is. Fixing the problem would displace those high in the system.

5) I worked for a large academic anestheisa department. I tried and failed to have analyisis performed on stats that looked into outcome, costs, etc.  This was viewed as a cost to hire a person to analyze the data, and a potential threat to the department head. I also suggested multiple ways to increase turnover time. But for instance, if you get a patient ready before the case in holding so he is ready when the room is clean it pusts pressure on nursing so they look bad. so they don't hire the people to cover the holding area. a late patient costs the operating room big bucks in down time. Yet you understaff cleaning and transport in order to save money.

these are just a few examples.

the idea of continous quality improvement is shunned. suggestions are to be avoided. decisions are all made by committe so there is never anyone at fault for a poor choice. therefore one's positions depends on other issues than your ability.

 

 

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 09:19 | 291366 pan-the-ist
pan-the-ist's picture

Word.

I'd like to see you all on salary in a pay per procedure system (rather than the HC system getting paid per exam, office visit, xray etc), -- too many oppurtinuites for unnecessary 'care.'  But that's just me.

edit (sorry pay per procedure isn't the right term, my vocabulary escapes me.)

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 11:31 | 291549 dcb
dcb's picture

I think the ultimate answer is large integrated health care systems that have there "profits" regulated like a utility (rate increases). these utilities compete with each other ain each market (have to have multiple players in each market). they are measured as per cost effective outcome. those that produce the desired outcome you want are allowed to increase rates.

I have a problem with a lot of the current system because a lof of money goes away from care. the incentives of the system make encourage the ceo's of these companies (insurance and pharma) to make the most, not produce the most cost efficient good outcome.

I will say if you want good care you must pay Md's well. the debt burden is huge,we start to earn an income very late in ife, if we are private we have big upfront cost structures, and you want to have an incentive to get smart folks. The current plan can only save money by
decreasing the salaries of providers. We have already been squeezed dry. remember each an every penny that doesn't go into care goes into administration of ceo salary.

I used to joke I would start my own insurance company and hospital. I would make the most money by refusing to care for people and cllecting, and giving as little care as I can. If you die fast and I don't treat ypu for cancer you are pure profit, and causing problems that pay the hospital very good money to fix. Also getting the worst MD's to work for me who accept the least money.

that is the system many appear to want to embrace in this forum.

Wed, 04/07/2010 - 19:32 | 290802 Racer
Racer's picture

Over the last 6 months I had a special offer for movies channel, so I availed myself of all I could watch as I had a lot of free time on my hands. I was very interested in old films especially, (I have watched films going back to the 1940s which were about events in the previous century so they were still in the minds of the families of the then living)

What has really struck me is that each generation of film makers find it necessary to make some sort of protest against injustice in the system based on true stories.And they are all rated very highly in their field.

Yet the same old, same old goes on, why? Why has there not been a change to this same old scam con, pyramid, ponzi, what ever you call it?

Silly out of date look into the past regulations too late put in place, too slow, hum and haaahed about, so they con merchants can find new loopholes and laugh all the way to the bank again...

It will never change EVER unless some serious re-thinking and re-direction is done.

Zero Hedge, please be the ones that help make it happen! This is a new generation of computers and communications where it doesn't take a lot of people to travel for months and take their whole family to find there are no jobs where the advert said the land of gold and honey awaited them if they ventured out

 

 

Wed, 04/07/2010 - 20:02 | 290829 poor fella
poor fella's picture

If you had the time, I'd love it if you compiled a good list of movies from depression era U.S.

I recently watched 'Surviving the Dust Bowl' and 'Sunrise' (1927). Both were good, but neither was what I expected. The scenery/sets in Sunrise were pretty eye opening as to life in the 20's but movies with more of the 'why's, 'how's, and 'who's of The Great Depression I. Been searching for anything with lots of actual footage of events.

Anyhow - that sounds like time well spent, you can learn quite a lot by seeing how others lived. Either way, thanks! Because now I got the itch to do some searching myself.

Wed, 04/07/2010 - 20:26 | 290856 Frank Owen
Frank Owen's picture

Grapes of Wrath - 1940. Staring Henry Fonda. Though the book is better.

Modern Times - 1936 - Charley Chaplin lol

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 10:59 | 291502 poor fella
poor fella's picture

Appreciated (to both)! Zardoz link looks interesting ;)

Watched "It Happened One Night" and "Duck Soup" last night while working. Looking forward to many more. "Documenting the Face of America" looks great - although it's only stills and not on Netflix.

Wed, 04/07/2010 - 21:34 | 290954 Bolweevil
Bolweevil's picture

I hear you Racer.  Frog in a pot of boiling water comes to mind. The movies themselves provide a nice release that may render the opposite effect of what was intended.  Instead of inciting a revolution they allow for a evening of spirited debate.  TPTB (if they do in fact exist) seem very adept at maintaining the system which is working like a charm.  Many here have stated, "...push them far enough and they'll revolt." How far is too far?  What's it look like on the other side?  Is it "better" than what we have or just more tolerable and for whom? These are the questions I ask myself when the pangs of reality tell me this isn't what I signed up for.

Ask not what Tom Joad, John/Sara Connor, Sacrilege and Morpheus can do for us, ask what we can do for Tom Joad, John/Sara Connor, Sacrilege and Morpheus.

Wed, 04/07/2010 - 19:50 | 290821 Augustus
Augustus's picture

Grayson claims to have worked as an economist.  I suppose that Karl Marx could make the same claim.  Grayson worked his way up from very little, just like John Edwards.

Here is the real fraud that Grayson bought for you.  It is Government Motors that he should be proud of.  Wipe out the equity owners of both GM and Chrysler, wipe out the bond holders of both GM and Chrysler, give a majority stake to the Democrat supporters that had destroyed both companies.  Let them loot it a little more, then turn over the Pension Plans to be paid by the taxpayers.  It is based upon the ultimate mob bust out scheme.  Grayson and Obama were for the deal.  BTW, GM market share down to 16% and they only lost $4 bln more since they were "rescued" by the Obama - Grayson team.  But you only heard about them paying back a little tarp money, actually paid back with some of the excess loans they got upfront.  And Ratigan explains that GM went broke because their financing costs were TOO LOW.  Take a look at Megan McArdle's write up at The Atlantic:

http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2010/04/gm-more-troubles-coming-down-the-road/38603/

Wed, 04/07/2010 - 21:28 | 290943 wackyquacker
wackyquacker's picture

inimitable...I suppose a human turd is inimitable...can't do any better than Grayson? What a joke. 

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 04:50 | 291250 Seer
Seer's picture

And this relates to what Grayson said in this clip, how?

The POINT about this segment was the encapsulated information provided to a lot of people that may not have a clue about things.

Wed, 04/07/2010 - 19:50 | 290822 Tic tock
Tic tock's picture

In any other country, apart from the UK, the military would have stepped in and declared martial law. the scope of this corruption is beyond all comprehension... and I lived in Pakistan!

Wed, 04/07/2010 - 20:12 | 290840 react1200
react1200's picture

I somehow think that a conversation took place and it wen something like this, "we need to debase the market now, lets have that Dylan guy start talking about how bad things are".

Wed, 04/07/2010 - 20:41 | 290877 monmick
monmick's picture

Dylan RANTigan. I'm afraid he has become a caricature of himself. The mere flip side of the Cramer coin (or con)...

Wed, 04/07/2010 - 21:38 | 290958 theworldisnotenough
theworldisnotenough's picture

I have never wanted to mock a post at ZH...

Wed, 04/07/2010 - 21:39 | 290961 Gimp
Gimp's picture

Always liked Rattigan at least he has some balls which is more than I can say for the suck ups at CNBS and Bloomberg.

Grayson,one of maybe two congressmen, to question the Fed's totally unregulated practices and who seem to be accountable only to the TBTF Gangstas. Yes folks your democracy has been hijacked by the money men.

Wed, 04/07/2010 - 22:04 | 290991 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

No one's perfect, but kudos to the Rat and Gray.  We do not have many options left, so let us not split hairs when it comes to the overall message.  People need it washed down and stupified.  And I mean, they NEED that.  The sheeple can not truely understand it until they are ALL poor and hungry.  And if we wait for everybody to be that way, then it is 1984, and it may be bad right now, but it ain't that bad.  Really close, but not that bad yet.  The only thing that needs to happen is for the people to wake up.  I could care less if that means they hear it from Rat, or Gray, or if they announce on 'Mercan Idull that the American dream is over.  But as long as we are taking steps.  Gotta love the baby!

Now to split hairs with friends, I do not know why Gray said "We are recovering from the crisis" though, that was bullshit, but I gotcha boy, yer a politician.  Can't shake the Matrix with one swoop, eh?  Well, I mean, you could have, but whatever man.  Same as they eva was. 

Get rid of the Fed, thats all I care about right now.

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 01:14 | 291192 sweet ebony diamond
sweet ebony diamond's picture

you are missing half the fun.

the investment wankers have a big target on their foreheads.

and i am going to take some shots.

Wed, 04/07/2010 - 22:21 | 291010 Crab Cake
Crab Cake's picture

I know truth when I hear it.

Sound, rational, clear, and a good clear picture of the people of the US are getting sheep raped. 

I'll take truthiness where I can get it.

You peeps had best move along into a liquid state because it's going to be deflation.  No?  Consumer credit/debt down, and money fleeing Greece.  California.  Fannie Freddie.  Need I go on?  Diversified cash in safety deposit boxes and safes, some treasuries, some gold, some lead, some livestock, and some land.  That's my bet, but wtf do I know?

I do know that this video is simple enough to be a weapon.  The mainstream is finally smelling the dogs ass.  Lies don't float, apparently, but I wonder if criminals do? Send this to every person you know.

Things are going to get interesting this year.

Wed, 04/07/2010 - 22:42 | 291029 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Fair enough crab, but then what happens to all of that CASH.  There are quadrillions of doelarrs floating around in the Matrix.  You know BS has a question for you.....

"ARE YOU READY TO MAKE SOME HOT WET STINKY CASH 'MERCA?  'Merca, you are on the phone Zone, where you win CASH!  Hot, wet, stinky, CASH!"

"How many feet are in 7 feet?  Lets skip that question........."

Wed, 04/07/2010 - 22:38 | 291030 Hulk
Hulk's picture

Roger that Crab Cake,  deflation it definitely is...

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 02:15 | 291203 CookieMonster
CookieMonster's picture

"The mainstream (media) is finally smelling the dogs ass."

Great line. Have already sent the link to 9 people, will be sending more.

I think the answers to our questions have to come from ALL OF US. And even perhaps outside of ourselves, from an outside standard, something that governs each person from the inside of each individual. Not politicians, nor for that matter the MSM.......

Wed, 04/07/2010 - 22:23 | 291014 Marzen
Marzen's picture

Nice try Mr. Ratigan, real blame should be directed at criminal "GOD FATHERS" who owns and controls Fed not the spokes person.  Alan Greenspan only followed the orders. 

 

 

Wed, 04/07/2010 - 22:43 | 291035 digalert
digalert's picture

My how slowly the wheels turn. Had they been in the fast lane, they'd have found ZH and others. This is so...yesterday.

MSNBC? Lets cut the crap, we've got decades of corruption and the only way this clip was broadcast is because they didn't mention Bernanke, Geithner and yes Obama. This bullshit has no political party and needs to be stopped now.

Carry on Zero, pedal to the metal.

Wed, 04/07/2010 - 22:44 | 291036 islander
islander's picture

All this talk, is useless. No ones going to do anything until its to late. The average Polk County American is to busy worrying about the upcoming football season, and this weeks American Idol contestants to care about how many times they are being rolled by the Bankers and their shills in gov't. 

Just keep drinking your aspartame infested Kool Aid, and eating your ammonia filled burgers. 

Its not God Bless America, but God help America. The Great Empire is consuming itself in carnival like fashion. Its grotesque (revolting) but also just interesting enough for the freak in me to be motivated enough to post my thoughts.

When America falls the whole world will follow. The Chinese won't be saving anyone. The transistion period, after the greatest economic crash of all time will be hard. The change over to a less benign form of capitalism will see a great deal off the worlds population deleted.

Buy gold ,silver, farmland, and or get a survival guide on how to live off the land as a hunter/ gatherer.

I know your saying this guy is an AHOLE.  what a doom sayer. But Ill add a happy note.  When this is all over, we'll be living in a better world.

 

 

 

 

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 00:05 | 291122 Mark Beck
Mark Beck's picture

A few comments:

1) The Bank interest scam, spread in interest rates, has been in place forever at no real risk when deposites are backed by the FDIC.

2) The 2008 financial crisis was slightly different in that leverage was fully exploited with the use of structured finance, to hide or transfer risk. Ultimately, due to the magnitude and to big to fail, the risk and costs were transfered to the tax payers.  

3) So politicians can be bought? Shocking!

4) Politicians do not understand what is happening? I thought TARP was about as clear a surrender of power as could be imaged, and it is still being used.

5) The FED has been handed the power of the purse from the Politicians and the Treasury. They are all part of the con.

If Ratigan is looking for justice, I am afraid he has come to the wrong country.

Mark Beck

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 00:30 | 291143 tyler
tyler's picture

Its funny that greenspan is married to another msnbc employee, the hideous andrea mitchell. 

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 00:46 | 291166 Entremanure
Entremanure's picture

the hideous andrea mitchell. 

 

I'd hit that...

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 00:45 | 291158 No More Bubbles
No More Bubbles's picture

Grayson is smarter than most in DC, but he still doesn't fully get it.

Firstly, he thinks we're in a recovery. That is fake and won't last. Nothing has been fixed or changed. When this reprieve ends, it will be even more disastrous than the last time down.

Secondly, he said something at the end of the video about "mistakes". Lets be real, there were no fuc*ing mistakes made, this $hit was INTENTIONAL! 

He is correct on one count however, namely when he said it won't be a pretty picture for those in charge.  One way or another, they WILL PAY, many with their very lives!

COUNT ON THAT!

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 00:55 | 291173 sweet ebony diamond
sweet ebony diamond's picture

how come there is no clip of Richard Bowen (Citi) from yesterday.

a brief summary of his statement: "it's not my fault"

it makes for good entertainment to watch these people pass the buck.

the picture would be complete with a note stating his total remuneration for the past 10 years. hopefully, c-span can organize this.

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 00:59 | 291176 DaddyWarbucks
DaddyWarbucks's picture

Dylan,

I hope you read this. That was beautiful! We need what you just did, keep it up and don't whitewash it.

 

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 01:02 | 291178 Silver-Is-Better
Silver-Is-Better's picture

Come on people, give the guy a break.

This type of behavior they are talking about is totally sickening. Is there no way to stop what is going on?

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 04:06 | 291231 godfader
godfader's picture

What better guest than Fleckenstein himself to discuss the topic of "con job".

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 05:59 | 291262 Bear
Bear's picture

IT's all gone ... no mo video?

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 06:34 | 291271 fUny1
fUny1's picture

Greenspan is a carnal cretin who is finally being exposed to the vacuous intellectual that he's always been.

He sold his soul to the lowest bidder and now it's collection time:

http://funy1.blogspot.com/2010/04/if-you-ever-thought-fed-was-pulling.html

In exchange for increasing the value of his CDS(Comeuppance Due Satan) via inflating his soul's CDO's(Conspiratorial Demonic Obligations), Greenspan awaits the Universal Soul Recycling Gallows by keeping his mindlessness on his blockbuster Harry Potter like Sorcerer's economic memoir book.

His rivetingly boring retelling of FED Financial Wizardry was evidently worth an upfront 8 million thin air FED unit fee/bribe after walking away from the FED with an added 180k per speaking engagement bribery retainer annuity bonus to continue to keep his mouth shut about what really goes on at the FED( The outlandish speaking engagement fees are otherwise known as backdated bribery options exorcises)

 

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 07:47 | 291290 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

ON BAILOUT HARIKARI

WARNING: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!!

The Fine Art of Bailout Seppuku
WilliamBanzai7

Bailout Seppuku (only gaijin or smelly caucasian men refer to it as "hari-kari") is a highly ritualized road show performance, as complicated as chado (tea ceremony). The principle difference is that at the end of chado, one is merely nauseated from too much green tea, while at the end of bailout seppuku, ones Wall Street career is finished.

The first thing to do is to recruit an analyst, a kaishkunin. Contrary to what is thought, almost all forms of bailout seppuku do not technically involve suicide, but merely inflicting fatal humiliation upon oneself, preferably on the internet or the Daily Show. The kaishakunin does the actual killing. If one is ordered to commit seppuku by the bafuku (United States Congress), it will generally appoint its own kaishakunin. Otherwise, one should ask a great iaijutsuka (practitioner of the technique of killing with a single key stroke) or a close personal friend (as hard as they are to find on Wall Street these days) to be one’s kaishakunin. If asked out of friendship, one may refuse on the grounds that one’s waza (blogging technique) is inadequate; if the request is repeated, however, one should consent gracefully, as flaws in technique will be forgiven (by the blogosphere).

Bailout Seppuku is ideally committed in a corner office, a board or Penthouse (trading floors should not be defiled by bailout death). The participant dresses in Saville Row bespoke long underwear, to express purity of intention and sits in the seiza position (legs drawn up under the body so that one is actually sitting on one’s blackberry). A servant places the sanbo (a Bloomberg terminal) before one. It will be accompanied with a tin cup, a balance sheet (water soluble paper handmade from mulberry bark) and blogging accoutrements such as an executive assistant with a wireless laptop, and a copy of the ISDA form Credit Default swap with standard attachments (disemboweling blade). This can be a tanto (SWAP) without collateral ceiling, wrapped in several sheets of toilet paper to provide a better grip. Real Wall Street samurai, however, use their own wakizashi (ginzu steak knives). If one is of limited experience, or judged too dangerous to be trusted with complex derivatives, an autographed copy of Alan Greenspan's book "Age of Flatulence" may be substituted for an actual blade.

The tin cup is filled with Thunderbird from the left, by an attendant using his left hand (this is indescribably rude under other circumstances). The person committing bailout seppuku then empties it in two drinks of two sips each (one sip would show greed, whilst three or more would show even more greed). This makes a total of four sips; shi, "four", also means "trader death" (Japanese just love these kinds of puns, especially when they’re about to kill themselves).

One then writes a hail Mary sales pitch in the waka style (five lines of five, seven, seven, five, and seven syllables). The poem should be graceful, fraudulent, misleading, deceitful and about results of operations and capital resources. Under no means should it mention that the fact you are about to be terminated with "good cause".

At this point, the person slips out of his bespoke boxers (kamishimo) and places them under his chin to prevent him from doing something undignified like telling the truth or paying back last years bonus. He picks up the kozuka, and with his other hand picks up the sanbo and sticks it up his buttocks, to cause him to lean forward slightly in the proper attitude.

If the person committing is so young or so evil that Greenspan's book has been substituted, the kaishakunin executes a kirioroshi strike (vertical) over the head as soon as the person committing bailout seppuku touches the book to his stomach. Otherwise, he will typically wait until the person plunges the ISDA SWAP into his left eye, and draws it across to the right, with a sharp upward cut at the end. A Wall Street samurai who feels himself capable may then plunge the SWAP into his groin and then up his sorry ass. However, the kaishakunin is supposed to keep a sharp (heh, heh) eye out, and strike at the first sign of pain or hesitation in his principle.

After the executive committing bailout seppuku is finally humiliated, the sanbo, the kozuka, and the katana are all sold on EBAY.

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 09:32 | 291385 twotraps
twotraps's picture

way to much credit to dylan here boys.  So, without Dr Evil Greenspan................................there was no Automatic Triple AAAAAA ratings game, there was no securitizations gone crazy, no mortgage shops popping up on every corner with idiot sales people with No Credentials and God forbid  (( as much as I hate to drag the Good Lord into this)) that actual prices of housing rose, like a market, allowing people to make the same bad decisions they make in any market that every was??????   Please.

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 09:47 | 291405 mark456
mark456's picture

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Thu, 04/08/2010 - 12:20 | 291636 Rick64
Rick64's picture

Thank you Ratigan for your unrelentless and honest reporting. Fucking Beautiful.

Thu, 04/08/2010 - 16:15 | 292039 SRV - ES339
SRV - ES339's picture

+1

Grayson too (a bit spooky at times but it gets his message out).

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