Dell

• JPMorgan Nears Settlement With SEC on London Whale Loss (BBG)
• Without even a wristslap: Iksil to face no U.S. charges in 'Whale' probe (Reuters)
• China’s Credit Expansion Slows as Li Curbs Shadow Banking (BBG)
• China slowdown shows signs of abating (FT), even as...
• Australia central bank Lowers Growth Outlook as Economy Transitions From Mining (BBG)
• SAC Business Plan Goes to Judge, Plan Would Allow Firm to Maintain Business Operations but Restrict Its Ability to Move Assets (WSJ)
• Another buyer of Herbalife? - Norway’s oil fund plans to turn active (FT)
• Mark Carney plays down scepticism over interest rate policy (FT)
• Orders Evaporate for Celebrity Perfumes (WSJ)

• Fukushima: "300 metric tons of contaminated water were likely leaking into the ocean daily" (WSJ)
• Unexpected strength in China trade data eases some gloom (Reuters) - actually, perfectly expected data fakery
• Pimco, BlackRock Seek to Bar California Mortgage Seizures (BBG)
• How will Amazon's Bezos change The Washington Post? (Reuters)
• Montreal Maine Railway Files for Bankruptcy After Crash (BBG)
• Fed Belongs to Everybody as Public Says It’s Our Money in Crisis (BBG)
• Local Russian TV channel broadcasts rare critical segment about Putin (Reuters)
• Loeb’s Reinsurer With No U.S. Staff Gains From Obama’s Jobs Act (BBG)
• As Berlusconi star fades, daughter Marina tipped as new leader (Reuters)
• Detroit Rattles Muni Market (WSJ)

• Washington Post Company Chairman and CEO Donald Graham talks about the sale, what it means for the future of The Post (WaPo)
• Private-equity firms are adding debt to companies they own to fund payouts to themselves at a record pace (WSJ)
• U.S., U.K. Urge Citizens to Leave Yemen (WSJ)
• India Names Rajan Central Bank Governor as Rupee Plunges (BBG)
• Family Offices Chasing Wealthy’s $46 Trillion in Assets (BBG)
• UK 'bad bank' repays $2.9 billion to taxpayers in first half (Reuters)
• Sony rebuffs Daniel Loeb’s push for entertainment spin-off (FT)
• Public Pensions Up 12% Get Most in 2 Years as Stocks Soar (BBG)
• Hidden Billionaire Found With Food Fortune in California (BBG)
• Fonterra under fire over milk scare; more product recalls (Reuters)
• Crédit Agricole Profit Rises After Greek  (WSJ)

• Botulism toxin? There's an apology for that - Fonterra CEO apologizes, sees China dairy curbs lifted within days (Reuters)
• Patent troll-In-Chief strikes again: Veto of Apple Ruling Likely to Upend Big Patent Battles (WSJ)
• Because scapegoating means justice FTW - SEC Gets ‘Shot in the Arm’ With Victory in Tourre Case (BBG)
• Insider-Trading Probe Caught in a Washington Knot (WSJ)
• Miners return to hedging as gold  (FT)
• Toyota’s $37 Billion Cash Pile Means Turning Point for Abenomics (BBG)
• Inside the battle at Germany's Siemens (Reuters)
• ‘One million’ UK workers on zero hours contracts (FT)
• Wag the dog, part 1984: Iran Seen Trying New Path to a Bomb (WSJ)
• Tokyo Cheap to Hong Kong Luring Asian Bargain Hunters (BBG)

• Low Wages Work Against Jobs Optimism (WSJ)
• Tourre’s Junior Staff Defense Seen Leading to Trial Loss (BBG)
• Russia gives Snowden asylum, Obama-Putin summit in doubt (Reuters)
• Fortress to Blackstone Say Now Is Time to Sell on Surge (BBG)
• Brazil backs IMF aid for Greece and recalls representative (FT), previously Brazil refused to back new IMF aid for Greece, says billions at risk (Reuters)
• Google unveils latest challenger to iPhone (FT)
• Swaps Probe Finds Banks Manipulated Rate at Expense of Retirees (BBG)
• Academics square up in fight for Fed (FT)
• Potash Turmoil Threatens England’s First Mine in Forty Years (BBG)
• Dell Deal Close but Not Final (WSJ)

• Headlines only idiots, Schrodinger and Goebbels could love:
  • China Manufacturing Gauge Shows Unexpected Strength (WSJ)
  • China's factory activity shrank for a third straight month in July to its lowest level in nearly a year as new orders fell (Reuters)
• For nuns and analysts alike, bank commodity earnings are a mystery (Reuters)
• US spying comes under fresh attack (FT)
• Summers Backed Yellen for Fed Before Rivals Now Prove More Alike (BBG)
• Good Luck Leaving Your Wireless Phone Plan (WSJ)
• Spain's Rajoy says he was wrong to trust treasurer in party funding scandal (Reuters)
• Shell's Profit Falls on Shale Write-Down (WSJ)
• Why Rand Paul and Chris Christie went to war  (Politico)
• Sony Returns to Profit Aided by TV Business (WSJ)

• More Doctors Steer Clear of Medicare (WSJ)
• Syrian Looters in Bulldozers Seek Treasure Amid Chaos (BBG)
• Siemens CEO Peter Löscher Is Set to Leave His Post After Series of Earnings Misses (WSJ)
• Silver Vault for 200 Tons Starts in Singapore as Wealthy Buy (BBG)
• Omincom and Publicis merger shows that advertising is now firmly in the business of Big Data: collecting and selling the personal information of millions of consumers (NYT)
• Apple supplier accused of labour violations (FT)
• 'BarCap was the Wild Wild West – that’s what we called it’ (Telegraph)
• P&G chief seizes opportunity in era of three-day stubble (FT)
• Federal Reserve 'Doves' Beat 'Hawks' in Economic Prognosticating (WSJ) - LOL: Fed "hawks"

• The Department of Justice has opened an initial probe into the metals warehousing industry (WSJ)
• Obama Says Budget Debate a Battle for Middle Class Future (BBG)
• Death Toll From Spanish Train Crash Hits 77 (WSJ)
• ‘Fabulous Fab’ takes to witness stand (FT)
• Banks Said to Weigh Suspending Dealings With SAC as Charges Loom (BBG) - what about Anthony Scaramucci?
• How the Muslim Brotherhood lost Egypt (Reuters)
• German Business Confidence Rises for a Third Month (BBG)
• Fraternities Lobby for Tax Break Without Hazing Penalties (BBG)
• China charges Bo Xilai with corruption, paves way for trial (Reuters)
• Airbus Pushes Higher-Density A380 to Counter Luxury Image (BBG)

• Humans Beating Robots Most Since ’08 as Trends Shift (BBG)
• Easing of Mortgage Curb Weighed (WSJ)
• European Banks Face Capital Gap With Focus on Leverage (BBG)
• Signs Suggest China Warming to Idea of Stimulus (WSJ)
• China Coal-Fired Economy Dying of Thirst as Mines Lack Water (BBG)
• Jeans and shoes show criminal underbelly of China-EU trade (Reuters)
• How U.S. drug sting targeted West African military chiefs (Reuters)
• Japan scrambles jets after China plane flies by southern islands (Reuters)
• Apple Plots Return to Growth After Coping With Aging Lineup (BBG)
• AT&T Falls Shy of Analyst Estimates as Discounts Hurt Margins (BBG)
• SAC insider trading case takes twist (FT)

• Biggest Banks Face Fed Restoring Barriers in Commodities (BBG)
• SAC to Employees: Cohen Didn't Read Dell Email at Heart of SEC's Case (WSJ)
• Second (and Third) liens are back, and so is 2005: As Banks Retreat, Hedge Funds Smell Profit (WSJ)
• Singapore funds benefit from Asian wealth (FT)
• 2 years later the lies haven't changed one bit - Tepco hit over slow admission of radioactive leak (FT)
• How big tech stays offline on tax (Reuters)
• Hilton Leads Rush to Africa in Fastest Boom (BBG)
• U.S. and UK fine high-speed trader for manipulation (Reuters)
• Key witness takes stand in SEC case against Goldman's Tourre (Reuters)
• Boomer Sex With Dementia Foreshadowed in Nursing Home (BBG)
• Bentley SUV gives £800m boost to UK car industry (FT)

• Earthquake Sends Kiwis Screaming From Wellington Buildings (BBG)
• China quake death toll more than doubles to 54, hundreds hurt (Reuters)
• In 2011, Michigan Gov. Snyder said bankruptcy wasn't an option for Detroit. Two years later, he changed his mind (WSJ)
• GlaxoSmithKline says Chinese laws might have been violated (FT)
• SEC Tries Last Ditch Move to Put SAC’s Cohen Out of Business (BBG)
• Detroit’s Bankruptcy Reveals Dysfunction Common in Cities (BBG)
• Obama to start new offensive on economy (FT)
• As WTI and Brent reunite, Gulf of Mexico faces squeeze, not glut (Reuters)
• Extended Stay Files for Public Offering (WSJ)
• Apple Developer Website Hacked: Developer Names, Addresses May Have Been Taken (MacRumors)
• Treasuries Not Safe Enough as Foreign Purchase Pace Slows (BBG)

And in the category of most made up charges by the SEC against a hedge fund billionaire we have:

SEC SUES STEVE COHEN FOR FAILING TO PREVENT INSIDER TRADING
SEC SUES SAC’S STEVEN COHEN WITH FAILING TO SUPERVISE MANAGERS
SEC CHARGES STEVEN COHEN WITH FAILING TO SUPERVISE PORTFOLIO
SEC SEEKS TO BAR COHEN FROM OVERSEEING INVESTOR FUNDS
ALLEGES COHEN RECEIVED INFO THAT SHOULD HAVE LED TO PROBE

All of the above was known to our readers since December 2010. Thus Steve Cohen's forced conversion to a "friends and family" office is now complete. And since hedge funds make money not on portfolio upside (and certainly not downside) but on the management fees, the chapter of Blue Eyes' information arbitrage glory days are now over.

• Detroit ‘Gut Kick’ Poses New Test for Long Suffering City (BBG)
• Florida lawmakers urge overhaul of 'Stand Your Ground' law (Reuters)
• Investors pour huge sums into US equity funds (FT)
• Snowden Standoff Threatens Obama-Putin Moscow Summit (BBG)
• China, U.S. companies' great hope, now a drag (Reuters)
• Morgan Stanley stock traders rebuild burned bridges (Reuters)
• Huawei spied for China, claims ex-CIA head Michael Hayden (FT)
• Gorilla Flipping Homes as Rebound Revives Rapid Trades (BBG)
• BRICS joint action at G20 summit may be wishful thinking (Reuters)

• MSM always "ahead" of the curve: Fed’s Messages Raise Volatility in Threat to Profits (BBG)
• Bernanke Plays Down Link Between Jobless Rate, Fed Moves (WSJ)
• Draghi to Carney Face Test Backing Guidance on Rates (BBG)
• House Republicans Vote to Delay Obamcare Mandates (Reuters)
• China media accuses Japan PM of dangerous politics (Reuters)
• China will replace America as the leading superpower, global attitudes survey finds (SCMP)
• Nonqualified mortgages make up as much as $1.5 trillion of the $10 trillion home-loan market (BBG)
• Dell $24.4 Billion Buyout Plan Is a Nail-Biter as Vote Looms (BBG)
• Republicans could see more bruising Senate primaries (Reuters)
• GM delays Chevy Cruze debut by a year (Reuters)
• Peltz needs support for PepsiCo restructuring dealsa (FT)
• Sweaty Wall Streeters Skip Booze for Spin-Class Meetings (BBG)

• Bernanke Seeks to Divorce QE Tapering From Interest Rates (BBG)
• China launches crackdown on pharmaceutical sector (Reuters)
• Barclays, Traders Fined $487.9 Million by U.S. Regulator (BBG) - or a few days profit
• Barclays to fight $453 million power fine in U.S. court (Reuters)
• When an IPO fails, raise money privately: Ally Said to Weigh Raising $1 Billion to Pass Fed Stress Tests (BBG)
• Bank of England signals retreat from quantitative easing (FT) ... Let's refresh on this headline in 6 months, shall we.
• Russia's Putin puts U.S. ties above Snowden (Reuters)
• Smartphone Upgrades Slow as 'Wow' Factor Fades (WSJ)
• Snowden could leave Moscow airport in next few days (FT)
• New Egypt government may promote welfare, not economic reform (Reuters)