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janus's picture

a lil criminality is in order:

okay, things i've learned lately (that'll be the title for what goes forward):

understand, this goes along with my whole pain-is-your-friend principal...and it begins where you'd least suspect, in the inconspicuous world of home heating oil.  yes, the ole yankee tradition; that lil thing we rednecks know nothing about.  ask us about propane and we'll talk you blue in the face -- home heating oil...we'll, in that regard we're just out of place.

so, it seems that my hot water heater, along with my home-boiler, run on this slimy-stuff they refer to as "home heating oil" (devil's diahreha, if you ask janus).  no big deal...except for the fact that it costs over 500 dollars to replace!  fuck a bunch of 500 dollah bull-shit.  i'll show you, mr. home-heating-oil...janus sez this is WAR!

two weeks into the war and heating-oil hasn't learned a fuckin thing; meanwhile janus has been charging through a series of ruthlessly cold showers; and, dismal as this may at first glance seem, there are benefits beneath the dour veneer.  such as:, really -- you shitty lookin old bitches, pay attention.  a cold shower will wake that skin right up.  and, well, i don't know how to describe what it'll do for the ole libido.  cranks it right up, it does.  virility a-plenty...guarenteed.  well, actually, i'm not so sure you can attribute the libido-thing to the cold that may be a case of correlation rather than causation.  for example: janus has a potent and turbo-charged libido come rain or shine -- which means all the time.  but i don't like to take all the credit; which is why i occasionally extend it to things like cold showers.

i've also learned that i have to be more careful:

mrs. janus woke me up the other afternoon with an exclamatory question.  it went something like this: "so! you're gonna fuck blake lively till she wobbles?" 

i rubbed my eyes, screwed them up to mrs. janus's, and replied, "probably...but i'll have to see her first."

mrs. janus shot back, "you're the one who's seen too much of her...i read what you wrote on zero hedge last night."

"what in tarnation are you talkin about?"  demands janus (still rubbin the cobwebs from my wine-soaked brain).

"i read what YOU WROTE"  she said in a way all pregnant with implications and accusations.

"oh, right, that blonde that her name?"  said janus with relief.

"you know it is!"  sez she.

"oh, well, righty-o, i'm gonna fuck blake lively till she wobbles."  i affirmed.

so.  that was that.  now i know the name of that blonde chic from oliver stone's new movie...and i owe it all to zero hedge.


that won't really do, will it?  need more, don'cha?  okay then...janus will oblige...but first, a lil music -- the time is NOW:


included among the things i've learned is that fair is fair; and since i've shared a bit of mrs. janus's childhood, i will likewise proceed with the story of it relates to his early-youth...somewhere outside nashville, tn:

the contrast betwixt mrs. janus and i could not be more pronounced...janus was bred in a VERY devout home.  perhaps a few examples of what i mean by devout...actually, let me start somewhere else; cause it colors in the contours of what is america; with its diversty and strangeness and idosyncratic difference...america is janus and i am it.

there is a reason i relate to the hebrew, and it has a lot to do with the faith in which i was raised.  it's no accident that i know so much about the ole Bible; simply put, it's because i was raised according to it...i was commanded to memorize large portions of it; i was perfect in the law -- i kept the sabbath, the holy dayz, clean/unclean-meats, fasted for 25 hours on atonement, etc., etc...a bunch of legalistic and meaningless bull shit if you ask me.  but, all the same, i'm satisfied with the results.  without that nonsense i would've never known the Bible -- and that is worth all i had to endure.

ever heard that phrase, 'spare the rod; spoil the child'?...yeah, i heard it lots and lots.  and, let's put it like this, janus was not fact, he wasn't spoiled two or three times a week.  don't get me wrong, i don't think i was abused -- inasmuch as i was/am bad.  i was born bad and i'll die that way; so i guess i had/have it commin.   only, i think i'd someday like to burn that belt.  but, maybe first i'll take it outta your hand and use it on you, america.  maybe it's you that has it commin now.

i was permitted no radio and very little television (the devil is the prince of the power of the air, bitchez)...i managed a cartoon here or there; mother would allow cartoons after school, before father returned home from work.  when i think about it, the main thing i wanted to accomplish as a father was peace...insofaras i wanted my family to feel relaxed around me.  cause, growing up, i always felt very nervous when my father was in the house.  ill at ease; like i was doin somethin wrong...even when i wasn't doin nuthin at all.

i learned that this is the kind of envornment bred by an abundance of religion.  tyrrany and fear.  religion is toxic to peace.  and that's why i settled on Christianity...seein how it's not a religion, it's a person...there's a big difference.

anyway, i was raised in a 'religious' house.  but it wasn't what you it wasn't just uncomfortable and odd, it was repellant to the broader community.  you see, baptists and whatnot take umbrage at, and look with suspicion on, that which diverts from their notions of truth.  and so my family's tacit assertion that the outside world had got it all wrong, that protestant america was just as pagan and worthless as papist rome, was not taken with the good humor one would expect.

shit, really, i don't like talkin about this.  

i've been drinkin a lot lately; and it's been cathartic.  i've had a rough year or so...but, truth be known, i'm done with my past...i just want to light it on fire and walk away.  fuck all of them and all that's been.

may they all rot in hell.




malikai's picture

Damn Friedman for monetarism and his twisted views on the role of gold during the depression. The thing that really pisses me off about him the most is that he was damn near spot-on right about everything else.

Sequitur's picture

Deriva-tits. Lawlz.

Son of Loki's picture

The Corleone Family is getting nervous they may encroach on their turf:

Fozzy Slippers's picture

Chauchesku all those MFrs.

cynicalskeptic's picture

whoa is that one long link..... nonetheless, it shows where Bush SHOULD be...... Mr. Deer-in-headlights-WTF-just-happened-it's-not-my-fault-give-them-whatever-they-want-to-save-Wall-Street-and-the-banks

lakecity55's picture

"socialism, fascism, whatism, we got all the money"

---the Banksters.


As the great Late Geo. Carlin said, "They gotta club and we ain't innit."

pkea's picture

The godfather section needs to be expanded....

lakecity55's picture

and it is all 100%  true, just needs a WANTED-FBI at the top.

Disenchanted's picture




"There isn't anything we can do on our own," Untermeyer complained angrily. "All we can do is just sit and watch everything fall apart. If he doesn't come to life soon ..."

"Everything he printed for us in the old days is beginning to wear out," Charlotte said, as she opened the car door and slid onto the pavement. "And everything he prints for us now is a pudding. So what are we going to do?" She shivered in the chill midday cold. "I guess we're going to wind up like the Chicago settlement."

The word froze all four of them. Chicago, the settlement that had collapsed! The Biltong printing there had grown old and died. Exhausted, he had settled into a silent, unmoving mound of inert matter. The buildings and streets around him, all the things he had printed, had gradually worn out and returned to black ash.

"He didn't spawn," Charlotte whispered fearfully. "He used himself up printing, and then he just -- died."

10044's picture

damn u banzai... u beatiful artist, u fking done it man, u just did it... everyday i login to find your best work and you outdo yourself... not today, you JUST DID IT..THIS IS IT, AS BEST AS IT CAN HUMANLY CAN GET...CON-FREAKIN-GRATS 

tom a taxpayer's picture

Hey, Bernanke Crime family, meet my little friend RICO...Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act. Lieborgate opened the door to RICO prosecutions so easy that a just-out-of-law school junior prosecutor could win convictions putting you all in prison for 20 years-to-life of ass-pounding hell.

Dirtt's picture

The problem with RICO is that you need prosecutors. By the time an AG in the USA actually upholds their oath of office and holds anyone accountable .... 

lakecity55's picture

It would be easier to find an honest USA Govt Inc person (if that is possible) as "the 99%" are all crooks.

I would make Soetoro the Undeboss, however.

digalert's picture

I thought Hank Paulson was Shifty?

SAT 800's picture

Oh, I see. "going to hell in a hand cart", ey?

Disenchanted's picture



Flow my tears, fall from your springs!
Exiled forever let me mourn;
Where night's black bird her sad infamy sings,
There let me live forlorn. ~ (John Dowland) cited in  P. K. Dick's book Flow My Tears The Policeman Said


The Hijacking of Capitalism


and from the intro of:





Fascism was not what most readers think. In its origins, fascism takes the form of a mass movement. Fascism started as a political protest movement at the grass-roots level, an anti-establishment, anti-authoritarian, and anti-parliamentary movement with radical cover and indeed with left cover. It started in the streets, or better yet, in the gutter. It did not start with bureaucrats issuing arrest warrants from government offices. It started with fervently idealistic young students, and then brutal thugs carrying truncheons, clubs, and firearms on their way to do battle with their political enemies, and quite often with the police. Fascism was an affair of hooligans, goons, gangsters, and fanatics. It was the specialty of ragtag storm troopers. It was the political theater of Mussolini's march on Rome in 1922. The bulk of fascism's forces came from parts of the middle class who had been driven insane by economic crisis and by military defeat, and many were disgruntled war veterans. The rebellious despair of these social groups was the soil from which fascism grew. Of course, after fascism took power it became more and more evident that this radical, grassroots, anti-establishment, anti-politician protest movement had not been spontaneous at all, but had been carefully and artificially orchestrated by the most prominent bankers and their political operatives. Fascism established itself by attacking, harassing, and crushing the main political institutions of society which opposed it, most especially the left wing political parties, trade unions, independent newspapers, and independent organizations of all types.

After it had seized power, fascism tended to eliminate its own radical and mass movement dimensions, sometimes with direct murderous violence, and then to solidify and consolidate itself into a top-down police state dictatorship. But it must not be forgotten that such a relatively stable police state dictatorship could never have been created without the ability of a fascist mass movement first to systematically destroy all forms of organized political resistance inside the society in a way that the police and the secret police simply could not do, in which the army could never have been trusted to undertake. While many scholars focus their attention on the ossified end product of fascism as an accomplished police state dictatorship, for us today it is imperative to understand it in statu nascenti, the beginnings of fascism, as a bottom-up mass movement fomented by bankers in order to mobilize society for economic sacrifice, for fanaticism, and for war.


Ralph Spoilsport's picture

Deep Purple kicked ass. Like many British Invasion musicians, Jon Lord was classically trained and was a child prodigy on piano. Seems like every week somebody from that era passes away.

hangemhigh77's picture

Hey Banzia do a deck of cards with all these assclowns.  Could you do some research and document and depict the proper guage and length of rope to hang banksters with.  I mean only the best. Maybe they make silk rope. Also, exactly how do you tie a hangman's noose? The 99% should all know how to tie a hangman's noose.  And what are the best trees to be hanged from? Oak? Pine? An ornamental Dogwood?  We could make them bungie jump and not tie off the rope.  

lakecity55's picture

Yo, great idea! After we win the civil war against these incompenetentiary morons, a deck of cards like we had in Irack would be great for US citizen persons to use while we hunt them down like, well, as Uncle Ho used to say, "running dog capitalists."


Man, they give the rest of us freebooters a bad name.

Bring back the invisible hand of the marketplace, not the strangle-grip of US Inc

calgal's picture

Ina drew my favorite new meme! funnier than the word muppet but not as funny as deriva-tits omigod!!!

HI larious!!! Thank you!

YesWeKahn's picture

Indeed he is the Most hated criminal.

cpzimmon's picture

Where's Pelosi?

AetosAeros's picture

Waxing Fwank's ring with his boyfriends Suk-O-Matic 9000. Both those two should be accomplisses in Bonzai's chart, maybe something along the lines of: Wanted- At Large.

pd303's picture

Excellent mug shots, WB7, for those of us who are less criminally aware, is there a listing of the aliases-to-real names? ;-0

 Unfortunately in my ignorance I only know the big stars; there seem to be some gangsters there whose identities evade me.

Great nicknames, and where'd you get that pic of 'The Bailer' aka 'Repulsive Paulson' ? LOL

Scary to see so many crooks, er, 'businessmen and public servants' in one lineup!

Hate to run into any of these guys at a dark ATM.

Bringin It's picture

Wait a minute ... didn't some Chinese go to jail a few years ago for arrainging contributions to American politics?

How come ...?  Newver mind.  The system will implode if we abandon it.  Go Galt.

lakecity55's picture

Yes, some donors to the Clintonista Crime Family.

However, by some weird stroke of luck, they boarded plane back to PRC just as the warrants popped out!

Later, PRC said they had no idea of who they were.

centre.europe's picture

if your nick is ur real name u are a douche and if it is not ur slimey douche

williambanzai7's picture

I see you are having your moron period

monad's picture

Aw, you struck a nerve.

Do it again!

old naughty's picture

Yes. Yes.
Do it again. Do it often.
Thanks for sharing priceless stuff.

williambanzai7's picture

Right after he finishes his fund raising with the banksters in London.

lakecity55's picture

Please do a bigger display showing the interconnectedness of the Bush, Clinton, Soros, and any other crime families you can think of, showing their connection to each other and in Pyramid form, with The UN just below the apex of the pyramid (banksters on top) with a Satanic eye above the structure.

That should do it.

Offthebeach's picture

I've been meaning to tell you are the digital Hogarth, Nast,Sean Delonas,Gregorius Nekschot.

Thanks for your work.

dogbreath's picture


have you read " In God's Name"  by David Yallop.    The book is spooky but   "The Gorrila" in that book was the bishop from Chicago and head of the vatican Bank ,  Paul Marcinkus  I think he is dead now but the giant ponzi has been going on awhile. 

the book is a must read.



edit:  dead

Offthebeach's picture

Marchinko was from Cicero, just outside of ChiTown. Same hometown of one Al Capone.

Jay Gould Esq.'s picture

WB7 -- word on the street is that Johnny Commode has a new racket...a "mobile venture" Ponzi the coppers at the S.E.C. will never be able to unravel: all the appearances of being totally legit -- for the mark, simply more investor capital circling the bowl.

Nobody For President's picture

Another winner from the Banzai Institute!

And where the hell did you get that picture of The Printer? Took two looks to recogonize the acting boss.

williambanzai7's picture

One observation, I looked for pictures with them playing with their mouths because it is an easy tell for liars.

ParkAveFlasher's picture

You know "The Moz" really looks the part, and I could imagine him on any existing underworld org chart.

Tippoo Sultan's picture

WB7 -- could not find a mug for Bobby "Big Guy" in the Syndicate diagram. Perhaps the booking room did not have a height scale less than 36 inches.

Surveillance photo of "Big Guy" peddling the latest Keynesian "job" to the Capos, taken in the the Davos "Capital Markets Forum" auditorium, a/k/a, "The Boiler Room:"

piceridu's picture

While on their massage tables, as the door slowly opens, one perfectly placed shot...

Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

In the eye, because their eyes are too big for their stomach.

hustler etiquette's picture

Now this is class.  Deriva-tits and Cleavium will be remembered.