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MiTT SWaMi: THe LBO LoVe GuRu...

williambanzai7's picture





 

MITT SWAMI...THE LBO LOVE GURU


ZOMBINOMICS 101: LBO Job Creation

STEP 1: Find underpriced and under leveraged public companies that are generating tons of excess cashflow. Borrow tons of money to purchase them and take them “private.” Pay yourself tons of closing and management fees.

STEP 2: Strip and sell off non-core assets. Maximize operating efficiencies (a euphemism for restructuring the workforce, i.e., you’re fired!) in order to service tons of new debt, pay yourself ongoing management fees and special dividends.

STEP 3A: Wait for the right opportunity to exit via a strategic sale or IPO. Collect more fees. Fire some more employees for good measure.

STEP 3B: Blow the company up and liquidate everything. Collect more fees. Fire all the empoyees.

STEP 3C: Bankruptcy– pass the whole piece of junk your distressed asset team. Collect more fees. Somebody’s going to get fired.

Job Creation: Hire more associates and analysts to look for more LBO deals.

Q: Hey Banzai, private equity doesn’t work that way anymore, right? There’s just too much competition for too few deals.

A: Perhaps, but this is how it worked when Swamney was the…LBO LOVE GURU!

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THE BAIN WAY

This LBO Swami from Bain
Got rich from inflicting much pain
He worships The Green
His wealth is obscene
His morals were sold for a gain

The Limerck King

 

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BAINBOY

 

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THE PUBLIC BE DAMNED (Updated)


The Kleptocrats pose for a shot
They smile for the money they've got
They smile for their power
That grows every hour
They smile for the world they just bought

The Limerick King

 


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Sat, 08/25/2012 - 00:42 | Link to Comment Jim in MN
Jim in MN's picture

Hey WB7,

 

How about a tribute to Count von Count as his voice has passed away.

 

http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/tv/showtracker/la-et-st-sesame-street-puppeteer-jerry-nelson-dies-20120824,0,3396386.story

 

Seems like too many have 'forgotten' how to count.  Anyway, RIP Jerry Nelson.

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 17:57 | Link to Comment Jena
Jena's picture

Gah!  I can take all sorts of Romney iterations but naked?  William, that is brutal to your viewers!

 

Glad you are back.  Just in time for the RNC Convention for starters...

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 22:09 | Link to Comment StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Look closer; you can see the magic underwear! :>D

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 17:42 | Link to Comment Meesohaawnee
Meesohaawnee's picture

banzai you are a rockstar!

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 16:27 | Link to Comment ReligiousAtheist1
ReligiousAtheist1's picture

Another hit piece by WB7

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 15:47 | Link to Comment hangemhigh77
hangemhigh77's picture

Hey Banzai, where have you been the last two or three weeks? Vacation? Did I miss something?

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 23:23 | Link to Comment williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Yes, I took some time off, I've also been reading and doing some other things. You might say meditating before the storm.

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 14:50 | Link to Comment AldoHux_IV
AldoHux_IV's picture

Work on some more Obamney Mr. Banzai-- definitely dug it the first time around.

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 14:01 | Link to Comment sgt_doom
sgt_doom's picture

Great blog posting, Buckaroo!

And for the Friday rant:

Public Enemy

From 2007 to 2009, American households lost $17 trillion in value, wealth and savings, when the same amount was pumped out to banks, private banks and corporations throughout the planet by the Federal Reserve and the US Treasury.

So guess who got that money?

Evidently Martha Stewart was to blame?

Evidently Barry Bonds was to blame?

The subprime meltdown, which most severely impacted lower-income Americans, especially Black-American and Hispanic-American households, produced great wealth for the Wall Street investment firms and banks.

Evidently Don Siegelman was to blame?  (Gov. Siegelman was unjustly railroaded into jail by Karl Rove’s gang in Alabama.)

Evidently Lance Armstrong was to blame?  (Armstrong never, I repeat NEVER, tested positively for doping.)

Martha Stewart (and I’m not excusing her insider trading) may have lied to the FBI, which itself has a solid history of hiding the truth.  How many times have members of the FBI labs retired and then blasted their former employer for tampering with the evidence?

How many depositions taken by the FBI were later found to have been falsified by the FBI?  (Just review the JFK assassination details!)

Louis Kelley, Robert Hartz, etc., one could go on all day about questionable FBI agents in the past, and then there was their COINTELPRO program and that assistant director of the FBI who was demoted for lying about Ruby Ridge.

If everything alleged about Barry Bonds was true --- then he was just trying to improve his game, a game he had worshipped from the time he was a young lad --- but he never sought to destroy lives and hide and obfuscate the national truths the way the FBI routinely does!

And that recent and most bizarre unconstitutional arrest and psychiatric internment of that young former Marine combat veteran of Iraq and Afghanistan --- for Facebook comments about 9/11.*** (Immediately overturned by an honest judge!)

Do Americans really cower at the thought of Martha Stewart, Barry Bonds, Lance Armstrong and that most honest and honorable Gov. Don Siegelman walking the public streets?

No, no and Hell, no!

Why do they persecute Bradley Manning?

Because of that alleged revealing of Iraqi war crimes? ("Collateral Murder" -- see Youtube)

Did they persecute the brave men who valiantly revealed the My Lai massacre of an earlier war?

Hell no!

That alleged dump of US State Department cables revealed the multinationals’ capture and control of the US government --- that is the cause for their persecution of Bradley Manning!

Gov. Don Siegelman is about to face re-sentencing, please sign the petition below for his release.

http://www.change.org/petitions/president-obama-please-restore-justice-and-pardon-my-dad

And please do pay attention to the persecution of Bradley Manning, a real American hero.

***On 9/11:  any American who still doesn’t grasp the obvious connection between the Pentagon’s comptroller announcing the results of a DoD audit on 9/10/01, stating that $2.3 trillion was unaccounted for, and the very next morning Flight 77 crashing dead center into the Pentagon’s west wall, killing most of that auditing team and severely injuring the rest (DIA’s Financial Management staff), is a complete and total idiot!

[Financial breakdown:  a freedom-of-information request revealed that the Federal Reserve pumped out $16.1 trillion to banks, private banks and corporations around the world between 2007 to 2009.  Adding in those monies set aside for US Treasury TARP bailout funds, and the fees paid to manage those TARP bailout funds to BlackRock, Morgan Stanley, Bank of New York Mellon Corporation, and the same select Wall Street law firms specializing in derivatives which promoted the deregulation of those derivatives, equal $ .9 trillion, for a total of $17 trillion.]

 

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 14:48 | Link to Comment hangemhigh77
hangemhigh77's picture

Don't forget Roger Clemens LIED to Congress!!  Oh MY!!!!  Who would DARE lie to Congress and try to GET AWAY WITH IT!!!!  Oh wait......... EVERYONE, starting with Jon "The" Cockzine.

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 13:49 | Link to Comment Henry Chinaski
Henry Chinaski's picture

I love your work WB7 and this is more great stuff!  I think the fix is in for Mitt Rmoney.

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 14:01 | Link to Comment williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

The GOB...Grand Old Billionaires

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 13:38 | Link to Comment williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

SEAMUS SACK

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 22:25 | Link to Comment q99x2
q99x2's picture

Dog rides comfortably in sack on running board

Until driver gets out!

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 18:29 | Link to Comment nmewn
nmewn's picture

I guess now we'll have to decide which is worse, hauling the dog around outside the vehicle or killing, butchering, cooking & eating the dog.

Either way, that dog won't hunt ;-)

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 13:49 | Link to Comment Overfed
Overfed's picture

What's really funny is that my dog would love riding like that!

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 13:07 | Link to Comment bank guy in Brussels
bank guy in Brussels's picture

The WB7 image of Romney that most sticks in my mind, is the one (I think it was WB7's) with the dog carrier strapped on top of Romney's head

A glance at the Drudge Report seems to show hard-propaganda-driving for Romney and against Obama ...

But am wondering how much Americans are affected by that awful story of Romney putting his Irish Setter dog Seamus, into a car carrier on the auto roof, for a drive of many kilometres and 12 hours into Canada ...

And how the frightened dog became sick with diarrhea ... Romney's response being to stop at a petrol station, hose the dog and the car down, and continue onwards to the family's vacation spot, with the dog in continued terror ...

Romney's devioius response apparently being, "My dog loves fresh air".

Why on earth did the Canadian border guards let Romney into Canada that way?

 

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 13:44 | Link to Comment Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

Pray they don't militarize the dog catcher...

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 12:51 | Link to Comment diogeneslaertius
diogeneslaertius's picture

Communist Donkey or Nazi Elephant

enjoy the POTUS2012 reality show everyone

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 12:26 | Link to Comment Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

WB7,

Here's a link to the photo I had mentioned earlier. Maybe it has potential. [shrug]

It's about 4MB.

http://charliefoxtrotnation.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/keep-your-hands-...

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 11:56 | Link to Comment tip e. canoe
tip e. canoe's picture

the news cycle is turning hectic

to further the hegelian dialectic

** red versus blue **

"I'm better than you"

let's instead flush em both down the septic

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 11:45 | Link to Comment gibbs
gibbs's picture

Hey Bill, sounds like you need more fiber and less keynesian fairy dust in your diet.

 

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 14:41 | Link to Comment silverserfer
silverserfer's picture

Aww is mittens your hero Gibbs? Leave Mittens ALONE! Leave him ALONE! WAAAAAAH!

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 11:40 | Link to Comment gibbs
gibbs's picture

Hey Bill, how's that unicorn running?

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 11:01 | Link to Comment YouAreBliss
YouAreBliss's picture

Mitt's Cuisinart Economic Receipt:

 

Toss in 20 million American middle class families.

Add a Billion in junk debt

Sprinkle a few million over your bought and paid politicians

 

Blend to a fine texture - then pour into an offshore cocktail glass - a nice drink of wealth and power!

 

What a God fearing, Jesus loving Patriot!  You can tell God is on his side - what fine weather he's giving to the GOPpers in Tampa!

God Bless You All!

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 11:15 | Link to Comment 11b40
11b40's picture

Ouch!

Truth hurts.

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 10:39 | Link to Comment gaoptimize
gaoptimize's picture

The process/steps here sound pretty brutal and selfish, and the net effect in the excess labor situation we are in is disruptive to people's (labor) lives.  But in a better world, except for the excessive fees, there may be some merrit to this in terms of re-deploying capital and labor.

Step 1:  Public investors in the company with excess cash flow are bought out, presumably at a profit to them, and have the option to invest in new/other companies or activities.

Step 2: Non-Core assetts are sold to willing buyers who value them more, and can presumably generate more revenue with them, than the LBOd company.  Fired workers go find better, more productive uses for their labor.  Bond holders are "serviced" and if investors, can reinvest these payments, or if not, granny might be able to afford to live on them.

Step 3A: If they have created a more efficient enterprise, new public investors may decide they want to but out the private equity for a piece of the action.  Caveat emptor given the debt load.

Step 3B:  If step 3A fails, find a better home for the remaining productive assetts of the company. 

Step 3C:  This is where the worst dangers lie.  Bond holders could get screwed.  The original value of the organization of the productive assetts that were generating excess cash flow in the first place is lost and not re-deployed as well.  I suspect if a private equity company had a record of these failures, they wouldn't last very long, but the thing that worries me most is politics mixing with this to transfer private losses onto the public books.  That, and the external costs of disruptions to people's lives and communities.

So, in summary, I think we could all agree that destruction is a central aspect of private equity.  The question becomes whether it is creative (Shiva) or nihilistic and consumptive  (Kali).

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 14:45 | Link to Comment silverserfer
silverserfer's picture

wow you managed to corrupt both aspects of natural cycles into a twisted moral vice. Good luck with that gameplan.

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 10:57 | Link to Comment williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

I think we've been collectively brainwashed into accepting the premise that loading businesses down with debt is a good thing because it's facilitates restructuring.

The people who created this financial zeitgeist had no concern for the overall impact on the American economy. MBAs were taught to accept this kind of financialization as the ideal form of capitalist ideation. We now see what that impact has been. An army of powerpoint toting idiots who have absolutely no clue how to build a productive enterprise.

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 19:56 | Link to Comment Híppos Purrós
Híppos Purrós's picture

WB7... You are, in all regards, simply the best. Nobody does it better, to paraphrase Carly. Thank you.

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 14:56 | Link to Comment hangemhigh77
hangemhigh77's picture

As well as "labeling" things to distort their TRUE meaning like just because you are filthy assed rich "stealing and lying and thieving IS Capitalism"  or Banksters getting free money is a "Bailout" instead of "Bankster Entitlement Program" and the police are here to "Protect and Serve" instead of the reality of them "Harrassing, Fleecing, and Abusing" the public.  Label it WHAT it IS instead of letting these criminal cocksuckers to hide behind their BULLSHIT aka, TSA Transportation SAFETY (WHAT?) Administration. Instead of what it really is "Thug Sadism Administration" or FBI "Fucking Bullshit Institution" And STOP calling cops "officers"!!  These are people who flunked out of high school, were total stupid bully nasty pricks in school that nobody liked and when they got out of school they either cleaned toilets or became prick cops. Calling them officer is like calling a Nazi Stormtrooper a Friend to Humanity. Call these cops what they are, Stupid PIGS that run around making every situation worse than what it was before their dumb asses arrived. Think about it, there's a bad situation so who do people call? Some dumbass motherfucker who couldn't find his own dick if his life depended on it. Yeah let's have him figure out how to rectify the problem. What the fuck do people think these IDIOTS are going to do? They're going to FUCK UP, that's what they are, FUCK UPS.

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 12:50 | Link to Comment diogeneslaertius
diogeneslaertius's picture

@WilliamBanzai7 PROVIDENCE

"Destroy the image and you will break the enemy."

 

YOU ROCK MAN!


Fri, 08/24/2012 - 11:13 | Link to Comment 11b40
11b40's picture

+1000.......this short 2 paragraphs nails it.

Once upon a time, there was this little thing called loyalty.  Now, I know it was never perfect and not universally practiced, but it was generally practiced, and it was a 2-way street.  I also know the world has changed, but the answer to why it changed is found in greed, manipulation, and financialization of everything that exists (or might exist).  Worker, Community, State, Country...all be damned.  The only question for the Barbarians At The Gate is how much can be bled from this company before it dies.  Strip mining America for fun and profit is the MBA way now, but not when I went to B'School way back in the 60's.  It may be hard for some of the youngsters in the audience to believe, but we even had courses in social responsibility!  Imagine that.

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 18:44 | Link to Comment Umh
Umh's picture

Once upon a time..........was a fairy tail or just cases of the winners write the histories.

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 11:28 | Link to Comment williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

There are a few who left finance early because they wanted the sense of business accomplishment you can only obtain by running a real business instead of a deal shop. A career choice generally stigmatized by the financial elitists.

I knew one such person who left Wall Street to run his family business, which was not a sexy business, for this reason. I remember him saying fuck them if they don't get it.

But as we all know, the so called "best and the brightest" were brainwashed into idolizing the cult of financial engineering.

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 11:37 | Link to Comment AGuy
AGuy's picture

The Game has changed. It use to be invest for our future and our childrens' future. Now its "Either Screw them first, or be screwed."

 

 

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 14:36 | Link to Comment monad
monad's picture

Thats not entirely correct. Creating the perception that it is "every dog for himself" is a variation of divide & rule. Thinking everyone is after our shit makes us distrustful, more likely to act predatory & actually exacerbate the effect they are trying to produce, conveniently obscuring the evidence of manipulation. But most important, suspicion keeps us from forming basic independent collaboration that might lead to organized opposition.

There are definitely effective moles (spooks and other marketing sociopaths) pushing agendas using tactics here that you see elsewhere - and they're scraping social intel.

Choose not to stoop to "screw or be screwed", but don't miss an opportunity to squash bugs either. At least light a candle.

 

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 11:01 | Link to Comment Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

"An army of powerpoint toting idiots who have absolutely no clue how to build a productive enterprise."

I have the instructions right here Banzai7.

You put your right foot in,
You put your right foot out;
You put your right foot in,
And you shake it all about.
You do the Hokey-Pokey,
And you turn yourself around.
That's what it's all about!

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 11:14 | Link to Comment LasVegasDave
LasVegasDave's picture

nursery ryhmes and anti jew rants

Way to show your talents, asswipe

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 15:26 | Link to Comment moondog
moondog's picture

1) Never trust a cop in a raincoat.
2) Beware of enthusiasm and of love, both are temporary and quick to sway.
3) If asked if you care about the world's problems, look deep into the eyes of he who asks, he will never ask you again.
4) Never give your real name.
5) If ever asked to look at yourself, don't look.
6) Never do anything the person standing in front of you can't understand.
7) Never create anything, it will be misinterpreted, it will chain you and follow you for the rest of your life.

oh...and never listen to a word from anyone with LasVegas preceding their name.

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 14:48 | Link to Comment silverserfer
silverserfer's picture

paranoia will destroyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 13:00 | Link to Comment Wakanda
Wakanda's picture

LVD - you doin' LSD?

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 12:08 | Link to Comment monad
monad's picture

Yes, we should stfu and get on board with the pirates. After all, whatever we produce they will take - and weaponize - anyway, right? Might as well be on the winning side... malaka.

"From the moment of her capture, neither the King nor one single man in all his court raised a finger to save her. It is no defence of them that they may have never really believed in her, or that they may have won her victories by their skill and bravery. The more they pretended to believe in her, the more they had caused her to believe in herself; and she had ever been true to them, ever brave, ever nobly devoted. But, it is no wonder, that they, who were in all things false to themselves, false to one another, false to their country, false to Heaven, false to Earth, should be monsters of ingratitude and treachery to a helpless peasant girl." CHARLES DICKENS


Fri, 08/24/2012 - 11:46 | Link to Comment Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Guilty as charged on the nursery rhymes. But you've got the wrong asswipe when it comes to anti jew rants because none have crossed my lips, comments or blog.

But you already knew that before you commented.

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 13:44 | Link to Comment Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Pay no attention to the chimpanzess CD. Some monkey's just fling pooh to stir up shit.

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 16:24 | Link to Comment silverserfer
silverserfer's picture

on that note time for a little friday rockout yeah!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JMkKKX3IsY

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 19:54 | Link to Comment CompassionateFascist
CompassionateFascist's picture

Of all Jewish blobs, the Las Vegas mob (next to Hollywood, NY, DC, and Tel Aviv) is possibly the worst. Bugs Siegal------>Steve Wynn.

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 10:13 | Link to Comment malikai
malikai's picture

WB7: One word: Rombies!

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 09:44 | Link to Comment hangemhigh77
hangemhigh77's picture

I actually went to high school with one of Rombot's Bain buddies. I was a defensive safety and he was a defensive lineman on the highschool football team. I very much did not like him and we used to get in lots of fights during practices. To this day at our highschool reunion we gave each other shit even though he's rich and powerful and I'm not, telling him to go piss off to his fat face felt great.

Fri, 08/24/2012 - 09:41 | Link to Comment hangemhigh77
hangemhigh77's picture

Hey Banzai, you gotta lampoon Rombot's wife. I mean she is just a blueblood dirtbag with her plasticine smile and her air of royalty. That woman makes me want to puke. I'm sure she and the Queen of England could talk for hours.

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