GoLDMaN SaCHs 4-1-9

williambanzai7's picture




WB7: We all talk about this constantly.  We are mocked by many on the Street. Are we mad fools?

Dear friends at Zero Hedge, consider this your day of total and absolute Goldman vindication. If you think the problem is unique to Goldman, think again.

Mad yes, fools no.



How did we get here? The firm changed the way it thought about leadership. Leadership used to be about ideas, setting an example and doing the right thing. Today, if you make enough money for the firm (and are not currently an ax murderer) you will be promoted into a position of influence.

What are three quick ways to become a leader? a) Execute on the firm’s “axes,” which is Goldman-speak for persuading your clients to invest in the stocks or other products that we are trying to get rid of because they are not seen as having a lot of potential profit. b) “Hunt Elephants.” In English: get your clients — some of whom are sophisticated, and some of whom aren’t — to trade whatever will bring the biggest profit to Goldman. Call me old-fashioned, but I don’t like selling my clients a product that is wrong for them. c) Find yourself sitting in a seat where your job is to trade any illiquid, opaque product with a three-letter acronym.

Today, many of these leaders display a Goldman Sachs culture quotient of exactly zero percent. I attend derivatives sales meetings where not one single minute is spent asking questions about how we can help clients. It’s purely about how we can make the most possible money off of them. If you were an alien from Mars and sat in on one of these meetings, you would believe that a client’s success or progress was not part of the thought process at all.

It makes me ill how callously people talk about ripping their clients off. Over the last 12 months I have seen five different managing directors refer to their own clients as “muppets,” sometimes over internal e-mail. Even after the S.E.C., Fabulous Fab, Abacus, God’s work, Carl Levin, Vampire Squids? No humility? I mean, come on. Integrity? It is eroding. I don’t know of any illegal behavior, but will people push the envelope and pitch lucrative and complicated products to clients even if they are not the simplest investments or the ones most directly aligned with the client’s goals? Absolutely.

Every day, in fact.

Greg Smith executive director and head of the firm’s United States equity derivatives business in Europe, the Middle East and Africa, NYT OpEd on his resignation today.

Full NYT Link: Here






Goldman sure knows how to screw
It's what they're paid billions to do
Although there's a chart
It's more a black art
How they've managed to rape me and you

The Limerick King


This Klepto is still on the lam
All others would be in a jam
With justice now bought
He'll never be caught
He may have perfected "The Scam"!!!

The Limerick King

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JohnKozac's picture

"Muppets?"....can clients sue for defamation being called "muppets?"


walküre's picture

Jim Hanson should sue GS from the grave for abusing his brand and labelling GS valuable idiot-clients "muppets".


pebblewriter's picture

With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy...


If your broker calls you with Clippers instead of Lakers might be a muppet.

If your commissions exceed your annual might be a muppet.

If you're not sure what "annual profits" might be a muppet.

If your mailman sighs and tells you how sorry he is when he hands you your monthly brokerage might be a muppet.

If he then asks you for the postage might be a muppet.

If your bathroom walls are papered with stock certificates from, and might be a muppet.

If your Welcome! package from your brokerage firm contained a tube of might be a muppet. If you've needed it after your dealings with your broker, you are definitely a muppet.
Uchtdorf's picture

I am recalling with fondness the dried squid I used to eat in Japan. High energy stuff.

williambanzai7's picture

Squid is consumed big time throughout Asia.

dontgoforit's picture

Go to Dodge & Cox; great folks and honest.

resurger's picture

The JC "Bring him in" is so fucking EPIC!

the grateful unemployed's picture

HFT is the self threading screw? somehow the Goldman guys managed to get FDIC coverage, with no depositors? MF Global clients could have used some of that couldn't they?

i feel pretty sure Bernie Madoff was funneling his clients money to Israel, through AIPAC. most of his clients knew the score.

Goldman cannot keep screwings its clients unless there is some pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. there's a lot more to this than meets the eye. but anyone in that tax bracket can appreciate the value of paper losses for tax purposes, funneled to political candidates who write favorable legislation for them.

if 2008 taught us anything about goverment control conspiracy theory, its to think bigger, much bigger than even the most fringe blogger could imagine. the only thing that limits the truth of their corruption is your ability to imagine it.

walküre's picture

Goldman cannot keep screwings its clients unless there is some pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. there's a lot more to this than meets the eye. but anyone in that tax bracket can appreciate the value of paper losses for tax purposes, funneled to political candidates who write favorable legislation for them.

Goldman is the best established money laundering outfit. Not the only one, but among the top five and probably taking 1st place.

They don't care about their clients because they know that their clients don't care what happens to the money as long as at least 50% come out clean at the end of the transaction.

I'm not even shocked to learn that they call their clients "muppets". Among tinpot dictators, mafia bosses, corrupt politicians, drug lords and so on, the "muppet" label is probably a cutsie code or something.

All money is dirty. For one man's benefit, many are losing. And round and round it goes. What is a man's labor or intellect worth? Certainly not $15 million per year. How much can one man spend in a year?

It's all bogus, all of it.

ali-ali-al-qomfri's picture

Thanks ZH and WB7 bringin smiles

Mary Wilbur's picture

What I don't understand is why clients allow Goldman (or whoever) to run roughshod over them. 

Careless Whisper's picture

I smell corporate psyop to get Blankfein out and replaced with someone who will (supposedly) bring back Goldman's culture of caring about their customers. This is just a Hollywood creation. Mr. Smith Goes to Wall Street.

Eric L. Prentis's picture

The ONLY way to change a firm’s totally corrupt culture is through bankruptcy. In 2008, this should of happened, please let it occur in 2012. The USA will be a much better place.

liz pendens's picture

Lloyd should have vampire teeth drippy fresh piggy blood.

Zero Govt's picture

"..Call me old-fashioned, but I don’t like selling my clients a product that is wrong for them..."

Yep, this bloke is defo not suited to banking

..if you can't sell sugar coated turds (MBS's, CDS's, sub-prime student and car loans) with a straight/two faces, then bwanking is just not going to be your thang

Zero Govt's picture

very harsh and cruel Banzai... i like it

nah's picture

if you want an omlet sometimes you got to break a few eggs

the grateful unemployed's picture

yeah but you don't throw them up against the wall and then laugh when the cleaning lady comes in

Bartanist's picture

I am at a loss to understand how that statement applies to anything in the real world... other than making omelettes.

One does not have to accept corruption, hedonism and satanic ideals as a way of life ... for any reason.

toadold's picture

"Where are all of the cusomers yatchs?"

"Look no matter how you dress it up, a broker is a sales man.  Long term sucess comes from having a "book" of cutsomers who trust you that you can sell to. You can't just let your book set there after you build it up, customers leave, so if you want to stay alive in this business you have to make cold calls and sell people on your services.  If you sell too much crap you'll do OK for a while then the word will get around and you'll only be able to sell to small timers, chumps, and dangerouls people. Dangerous people are the ones that show up at your door in the middle of the night wanting their money back. they don't understand the 'rules' and they don't care."

Ciraca 1982

Bartanist's picture

Lol ... rules?

It seems that Wall Street seems to think the "rules" means simply accepting the theft of one's property. Of course in the twisted Satan worshipping world, they can just have a corrupt satanic judge confirm that you have no power to reclaim what is rightfully yours.

... and yes, I get that the point of the comment was that this was going on back in 1982 ... and most likely back in 500 BC.

digalert's picture

"I did not come here to bailout fatcat wallstreet bankers"

Barry Hussein Obama

dontgoforit's picture lie on top of another...and yet he still has an approval rating over 2...

CompassionateFascist's picture

It's those debt-financed govt chexs now going to >51% of the electorate. This country has passed the state-socialist/crony capitalist tipping point. Which is good not bad: System no longer remediable and will collapse...soon.

Bartanist's picture

He is not responsible for what he reads off the teleprompter. He simply has a talent for reading it and making it seem (to the dense American public) that the words are genuine and heartfealt.

I don't know what concerns me most, the charletan himself, the gullibility of the masses or the corruption of the media that makes it all possible.

Zero Govt's picture

defo the gullibility of the masses

Bumma cannot give a single speech without contradicting himself numerous times before the end.. even a cretin can work out Bumma saying he won't leave the kids with his (suicide socialist spending) debts to be repaid (should) know Bumma would have to work until he's 148 to repay all the bills

the masses are truly clueless (1 of 256 reasons why democracy is such a shambles)

marathonman's picture

If he started tomorrow, that would be the first day he's really worked in his whole fabricated parasitic life. 

NotApplicable's picture

Nope, not even then. Work is something that someone will freely pay you to do to provide them with the value they desire. Since there is no freedom of contract, there can be no work, but only extortion in a third-party payment disguise.

hangemhigh77's picture

He wouldn't blow Lloyd or drink baby's blood for the promotion.

AchtungAffen's picture

"I no longer have the pride, or the belief."

Bankster crocodile tears cause me no emotion.

Zero Govt's picture

i'm just guessing his severance package (Golden Parachute) was bloody generous

Henry Chinaski's picture

This guy is getting out while the getting is good.

Ace in the hole for a Obama re-election is a nasty market crash and a revelation of what ZH-ers have known for a while.  Then Obama can round up banksters, hang em, and ride off into the sunset looking like a hero.  NYT Op Ed?  Smells like a set up.  I'm not saying this is guaranteed, but it is an option, and one that would need to be excecuted soon.

It is an interesting game being played.  Can Obama get enough money out of these guys to buy his reelection, or does he screw them over and appeal to the power of the people. Or both.

OutLookingIn's picture


The rats have been bailing out!

The hotter things are getting - the bigger the rats. Soon - 'King Rat?'

optimator's picture

Get rid of his bosses?  Doesn't work that way.

CoolBeans's picture

Miss Piggy!!!!  Where on Earth is your hand!!!

Piranhanoia's picture

Frank Oz is using it to sow Little Lloyd's little lloyd with clostridium botulinum.  When you know someone that will eat pork and shit, it is easy.

AN0NYM0US's picture

something does not ring right about a 12 year Goldman hundredmillionaire getting Op-ed space in the left wing rag NYT in which he slams his former employer whilst also singing their praises - this is a PR stunt of stunts and it is a bit concerning that so many on ZH appear to have gone for it hook line and sinker


watch this dude land in the next Obamaromney administration - a fucking trojan horse

Bartanist's picture

Yes, the typical Trojan horse ploy would have him overseeing something related to the financial industry then when HE says everything is OK, people will then be expected to "trust" Goldman and the markets again. IMHO Fat Chance.

Face it, no matter how high the markets go, no one of this generation will EVER trust them again because "we" understand how ultimately corrupt they are. We could start with the manipulation, HFT, Ponzi games, IPO laddering, securitization, derivatives as profit centers,, repothecation, insider dealing ... or something that is ever so much more simple and indemic of the ultimate disingenuousness of Wall Street. That core problem is asset ownership.

The MF Global fraud (and it was a fraud, whether prosecuted by a corrupt government or not), highlighted the fact that people who invest in the market have no legal ownership of the assets they are fraudulently deluded into believing that they own. Just as the MF Global showed that the people who, under a fair system ruled by law, should have legal title to the assets they purchased in their segregated accounts, became beggars at the mercy of the crooks, seeking the crooks to give them back the money and assets they took by force and fraud.

With equities it is the DTCC, which is owned by the Fed, which is owned by the banks, which are owned by a very close group of people running the world; that has ownership of all of the equities that people think they own.

Fix this core issue of ownership and a significant contributing factor of trust will be fixed. Until the core issues are fixed no one should ever trust Wall Street. They will always be disingenuous. Actions are the only important thing. Words are meaningless.

Careless Whisper's picture

I'm not falling for his bullshit until he gives details of fraudulent/criminal activity.  Mister Good Conscience says GS is just a bunch of greedy bastards that take advantage of their clients. WTF. That's news?