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A SuBPRiMe CHRiSTMaS CaRoL (2012)
A SuBPRiMe CHRiSTMaS CaRoL
(PaRT I)
E-Bernank Scrooge lived all alone in an old house. The yard was very dark and scary that night and when Scrooge wanted to unlock the door, he had the feeling that he saw John Maynard Keyne's face there.
This was rather spooky, but Scrooge was not frightened easily.
“Bah Munger,” he said, opened the door and walked in. He locked himself in, however, which he usually didn’t do. But then he felt safe again and sat down before the fire.
Suddenly, Scrooge heard a noise, deep down below, as if somebody was dragging a heavy chain. The noise came nearer and nearer, and then Scrooge saw a ghost coming right through the heavy door.
It was Keynes' ghost, and his chains were long; they were made of cash-boxes, HP ink jet cartidges and heavy purses.
“Who are you?” said Scrooge
“In theory I am your PhD ghost partner, John Maynard Keynes." “But why do you come to me now?” “I must wander through the world and I wear these chains because I was a naive old PhD fool in life. I only cared about fanciful money printing theories but not about the people around me. Now, I am here to warn you. You still have a chance, E-Bernank. Three spirits will come to you. Expect the first tomorrow, when the NYSE trading bell tolls open.” When he had said these words, Keyne’s ghost disappeared; and the night became quiet again. E-Bernank Scrooge went straight to bed, without undressing, and fell asleep immediately. PART II When E Bernank Scrooge awoke, it was still very foggy and extremely cold, and there was no noise of people on Wall Street. Keynes' ghost bothered him. He didn’t know whether it was a dream or not. Then he remembered that a spirit should visit him at the opening NYSE bell. So instead of having a Brazilian butt, head and back wax at the Federal Reserve barbershop, E-Bernank Scrooge decided to lie awake and wait to see what happens. Suddenly, the NYSE opening bell struck. Light flashed up on his trading screen and a small ink stained hand drew back the curtains of his bed. Then E-Bernank found himself face to face with the visitor. It was a strange figure – like a child: yet not so like a child as like an old decrepit Randian fool. “Who, and what are you?” E-Bernank Scrooge asked the ghost. “I am Maestro the Ghost of Busted Bubbles Past. Rise and come with me.” The ghost took Scrooge back in time, to a place where E Bernank Scrooge studied as a young PhD candidate. There Scrooge could see his younger self playing foolish market equilibrium games with other delusional central banker wannabes and future bonehead Nobel Laureates. They were cheerfully running around a cheap imported Christmas tree made in China; and although they were hopelessly naive in their theoretical assumptions, they had lots of geek fun. The spirit also took E-Bernank Scrooge to a money printing factory where Scrooge was an apprentice. Scrooge saw the merry Christmas Eve they spent on the printing presses with his boss Mr Fuzzidice and his family. There was food and music and dancing and everybody was happy. Then the spirit took Scrooge to yet another place. Scrooge was older now. He was not alone, but sat by the side of a beautiful young girl. There were tears in her eyes. “It is sad to see,” she said, softly. “that yet another moron has displaced me – the love of fools gold. Your heart was full of real gold once, but now …? I think it is full of QE crap. Fiat fraud begets fraud...swindle begets swindle...error begets error and the whole cycle soon becomes woebegotten. May you be happy in the lunatic path of monetary expansion you have chosen.” “Spirit,” said Scrooge, “show me no more. Take me home. Why do you torture me?” “One shadow more,” said the ghost. They were in another scene and place; a room, not very large or handsome, but full of comfort. There was a happy group celebrating Christmas with all their warmth and heartiness. Scrooge recognized his former girlfriend. She was married now and had children. Sweetheart said her husband with a smile, “I saw an old friend of yours this afternoon. E-Bernank Scrooge it was. I passed his office window; and as it was not shut up, and he had a candle inside, I could see him there. His money printing plan to revive the economy is faltering miserably and there he sat alone. Quite alone in the world, I do believe.” “Spirit,” said Scrooge in a broken voice, “Take me back! I cannot bear it any longer.” He struggled with the ghost to take him back. And finally Scrooge found himself in his own bed again. He was very exhausted and sank into a heavy sleep.
PART III
E-Bernank Scrooge woke up in the middle of a snore, just before the CNBC midday report. He sat up in his bed and waited for the second ghost to come.
And there it was – the Ghost of Never Ending Banksta Presents. It had a curly brown toupee, sparkling eyes and it wore a simple greenback robe with white fur. Its feet were bare as the theoretical justifications for it's nauseating bloviations. It wore a holy bailout wreath and thick glasses.
"Didn't I just see you" inquired Scrooge.
"Shut up and don't be a wiseass if you know what's good for you" replied the ghost.
The ghost took Scrooge to his former partner Hank Paulson's house – a not too shabby poor little 12 bedroom Park Avenue penthouse. In the kitchen you could see Mrs Paulson screaming at the maids preparing Christmas bailout dinner. Her spawn were cheerfully running around playing hide and go swindle.
Then the door opened and Hank came in with Tiny Timmah upon his shoulders.
Tiny Timmah was Hank's dumbest protege. The only government salaried employee in the family. He bore a little crutch and wore a noose around his neck.
“On our way home, Tiny Timmah told me that he hoped the people saw him in the Harvard-Soviet Club, because he was a very very very important government central planning employee.
It might be pleasant to them to remember on Christmas Day, who made Bankstas rich and stroked that blind choom chugging fool Obama to sleep.” Hank's voice trembled when he said this.
Then the Christmas bailout dinner was ready, and everyone sat down at the table. As the Paulson's were very very very very...very poor by Forbes billionaire standards, it was not much they had for Christmas bailout dinner.
But still everyone was joyful and you could feel that they all had the TARP Bailout Spirit in their hearts.
“A Merry Christmas to all Bankstas my dears! God bless them. Let the rest suck it up and cope!” said Hank.
“God bless Bankstas, each and every one of em!” said Tiny Timmah.
He sat very close to his mentor's side upon his little stool. Hank held his little hand, as if he feared to lose him.
“Spirit,” said Scrooge, who felt sorry for the feckless moron, “tell me if Tiny Timmah will keep his job.”
“I see an empty Treasury Secretary seat,” replied the ghost, “and a noose with Timmah's name embroidered on it. If these shadows don’t change in the future, the happy moron will get lynched and hung with his chestnuts roasted over a Main Street open fire.”
This made Scrooge very sad for a nano-moment, but the spirit went on and took Scrooge to his best friend Lloyd Blankfein's penthouse at 15 Central Park West.
Lloyd and his slimy friends had a very cheerful party and played squidilious games like suck a buck, subpenny the client and schtup the Kraut banker.
E-Bernank Scrooge really enjoyed their celaphopodic party and wanted to stay for another while but in a second it all faded and Scrooge and the spirit were again on their travels.
They visited many homes in fraudclosure: they saw rich Wall Street financiers and Bankstas who were glad to have QE Infinity and wanted more in the form of QE IV; PIIGS in foreign lands who were close to bankrupt but saved by the ECB bailout clock, poor common people whose bank accounts shrunk smaller every day – all because of the spirit of QE+N..., can-kick-onomics and moron hazard.
Suddenly, E-Bernank Scrooge noticed something strange about the ghost. Two children-like figures were at the ghost’s feet – a boy and a girl. But, they looked old and dreadful, like little monsters.
Scrooge was shocked.
“Spirit, are they your creatures?” Scrooge asked.
“They are Wall Street's creatures,” said the spirit “The boy is Want, The girl is Want More. Cherish them both, but most of all cherish this girl” said the spirit.
“Have they no place they can go?” asked Scrooge.
“There are no prisons for Bankstas just like there are no Chinese iPad workhouses for the unemployed?” the spirit turned on Scrooge with his own words.
The NYSE bell struck the close.
The Ghost of Neverending Banksta Presents disappeared.
And at the last stroke of the bell, Scrooge saw the third ghost coming towards him.
PART IV
“Slowly and silently the ghost came nearer. It was very tall and wore a deep black piece of clothing, which covered its whole body and left nothing of it visible but one outstretched hand holding a stinking counterfeit Cohiba cigar stub.
Are you the Ghost of Crashes Yet to Come?” asked E-Bernank Scrooge, “I fear you more than any other spirit.”
The ghost did not say a word, and Scrooge was really scared.
They wandered through lower Manhattan past OWS stragglers at Zuccotti Park and Scrooge heard some men in Guy Fawkes masks talking about a Central Banksta who had jumped.
E-Bernank knew the men and wanted to find out, whom they were talking about. But the spirit moved on.
They next stopped in a swanky uptown area where many pinstriped thieves and liars lived. They had stolen things with them and made fun of the person who once owned those things.
“Ha, ha!” laughed a woman, “He threw everyones money out of the chopper when he was alive, to profit us even more when he was gone! Ha, ha, ha!”
After that, the ghost led Scrooge through streets that were familiar to him; and as they went along, E-Bernank Scrooge looked here and there to find himself, but nowhere was he to be seen.
They entered poor poor poor Hank Paulson's penthouse and found the mother and the Paulson spawn browsing Zero Hedge.
Quiet. Very quiet. The noisy Paulsons were as still as statues.
When Hank came in, the children hurried to greet him.
Then two young Paulsens got upon his knees and laid their little cheeks against his face as if to say, “Don’t mind it, father. Don’t be sad.”
“You went to Maiden Lane today?” said his wife.
“Yes, my dear,” returned Hank. “I wish you could have gone. It would have you good to see how well guarded the place is.
But you’ll see it annually. I promised him that we would walk there every April Fools Day in his honor.
My little, little Timmah.” cried Hank. “My little captive moron.”
He broke down in tears. He couldn’t help it. If he could have helped it, he and his Banksta loving protege would have been farther apart perhaps than they were.
The ghost moved on and took E-Bernank Scrooge to Trinity Church graveyard.
The spirit stood among the graves and pointed down to one.
E-Bernank Scrooge slowly went towards it and following the ghost’s finger read upon the stone "The Great Asset bubbles of QE".
“Spirit!” E-Bernank cried, “hear me. I am not the money printing PhD fool I was!
I will not be the Central Banksta I must have been so far! Why show me this if I am past all hope? Good Spirit, I will honour austerity in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
I will live in the past, the present, and the future. The spirits of all three shall be within me. I will not ignore the lessons that they teach. Oh, tell me that I may change my fate so I may adorn the cover of Time Magazine yet again!”
Full of fear, Scrooge caught the spirit’s hand. But the spirit suddenly changed – it shrunk and faded and finally turned into a giant fraudclosure sign post...
And the calendar said December 25, 2012....
"There is nothing Sir, too little for so little a creature as man. It is by studying little things that we attain the great art of having as little misery and as much happiness as possible."--Samuel Johnson
To ALL Ye ZeRo HeDGeRS,
HAVE A HAPPY AND MERRY CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY SEASON!
WilliamBanzai7
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http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Isaiah%2060:5,10-12,16,21-22...
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Isaiah%2061:5-6&version=NKJV
Yup, it's all there!
What shocks me even more is that Christians who practically know the entire Bible by heart generally miss the fact that Purim is, to this day, associated with the mass murder of 75 thousand Gentiles (the hangings weren't just limited to Haman's family, which is a common misconception among Christians).
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Esther%209:14-17&version=NKJV
They will be called the "priests of gods"???? (cohanim of ADONAI, both are plural). As far as prophecy goes, either that time has apparently passed or not yet come to pass. The question is who the jews considered "gods" way back then and why they chose YHWH (by whatever name) specifically.
They are certainly feeding on the wealth of nations and reveling in their greed, cleverness and riches. Giving lordly permission, maybe? I think that is not exactly it ... although for their gods it might be true.
Forecasting pasasites who may very well reveal in their theft, fraud and excesses, more probably. Internally, we all have the capacity to know good from evil... or maybe the cohanim do not. Recall that the jews became the favord people of their chose god for aiding him in a genocidal war against HIS enemies.
Recall that the jews became the favord people of their chose god for aiding him in a genocidal war against HIS enemies...
God didn't / doesn't "need" aid to defeat His enemies. He invites people to attend the victory over His enemies, but people don't become favored by anything other than God's will. Recall that even before they did anything good or bad, "Jacob I loved and Esau I hated". The paradox here is favor has nothing to do with blood line, only the will of God, this is the stumbling stone.
One chief difference with Christianity and it's relative Jewish / Muslim cousins is that Christianity is a choice one makes to become one. Other faiths recognize blood, i.e. physical birthing into their faiths as the recognized rite of passage. Christianity recognizes a "second birth", i.e. the sacrament of "baptism" as the gateway. (The theological debate centers around whose choice is exercised when a person is baptized, but it is none-the-less an adoption into the Christian family of faith, as it is only illegitimate, bastard children that are added.)
As for the priestly line Jesus hails from, it is not the Levitical priesthood, but the line of Melchezidek, who has been shown as even greater than Abraham in honor as Abraham bowed to him after the defeat of the kings. So, it may come as a surprise to Jews and Muslims that their highly esteemed Abraham wasn't all that.
jmunderstanding.
Ah...Melchizedek, interesting character. Mentioned twice by name in the Bible I think. My Grandma used to listen to some preacher on the radio when I was a wee lad, and this is what he had to say about that:
You said "will of God"
I've come to the conclusion that this 'God' in question is a capricious beast of darkness and is the chief archon aka Yaldabaoth(=YHWH). Two books that I've read in the past helped me to arrive at this conclusion:
The Shining Ones by Christian and Barbara Joy Obrien
Not In His Image by John Lamb Lash
The Nag Hammadi library, a site called metahistory.org (John Lamb Lash's website) and other 'gnostic' materials available online and off have also been helpful. So in conclusion Lloyd Blankfein, his god, and their works can FOAD as far as I'm concerned. Have a merry mithras... paraphrased:"Ah...Melchizedek, interesting character. Mentioned twice by name in the Bible I think..."
In the Old Testament perhaps, he's spoken of in the book of Hebrews in the New Testament a bit more. Some say he was a pre-incarnation of the anointed one, others say not, but an historical figure both Jews and Muslims must reconcile when dealing with their particular beliefs.
"I've come to the conclusion that this 'God' in question is a capricious beast of darkness..."
That's not an altogether original concept. Many hold the Unspeakable Name to be Unknowable too, as in a dweller in darkness or impenetrable mist / vapor. The Roman / Jewish writer Paul held the historical personage of Mary's oldest son / child as being the image of this invisible being. His admission of claiming if one had seen him, one had seen "the Father" was in fact the evidence cited to condemn him to death.
Right or wrong, history and the ability to think are pushing me to believe in the very real possibility, and in all likelihood of the existence of a Being with real aseity. It makes much better sense than having 72 virgins waiting for me on the other side of the veil anyway.
I mean, are they going to remain virgin throughout eternity? And if not, we're talking Eternity here. Where’s the reward in that???
Good questions Mario...you mention Adonai as plural and it is the plural of Adon. Isn't the word Elohim also plural? cohanim would be the priests, but Adon means Lord, owner, ruler etc., so adonai is Lords, owners...
you said: "although for their gods it might be true"
So who(not to mention why and when exactly) was behind the push to monotheism when gods became one god only as things stand today?
Maybe Lloyd really meant he was doing the work of these ' gods .'
All this is certainly above my pay grade.
Banzai,
You are the Top Gun of politico/banko skewering! What a hoot.
George C Scott in 'The Christmas Carol' is our family traditional Christmas movie, and I'll have to try not to laugh when we get to the poignant, tear-jerking scene of looking at the little crutch without an owner, and Tiny Tim's seat being unoccupied. I know the rest of my fam will be looking at me like I'm some sort of insensitive cretin.... Ha.
Merry Christmas to you and yours!
Excellent work WB7! Thanks for being here to provide some humor while we watch the end game play out. Nice catch with the PV ref.
That is so sad. All those vacant lampposts going to waste; after we paid so much for them. Tiny Timogen shouldn't have to hang alone when he has so many deserving friends.
I just want to know one thing. Have you gentlemen been making $$$ on TARP warrants? Hmmm? Is that why you are accepting this so calmly? I did a search of ZH of TARP warrants and nothing came up.