Christmas Cheer

Bruce Krasting's picture


I did get an invite to a Christmas Eve dinner party. After the last few years of mishaps I thought I might get left out. This one was up in Bedford, a town where only the 2% are allowed. I was reluctant to go, as I don’t fit in so well with the “horsey” set, but the hostess said there would be several single ladies there, so I went, thinking I might get lucky.


The invite said “holiday casual”, so I went casual, Khaki pants, blue blazer, striped shirt, no tie. What a mistake that was. It seems that holiday casual actually means that you dress up wearing silly outfits; so even though most of the guests looked like idiots, it was me who stuck out like a sore thumb.


The place was a sea of guys wearing red and green sport coats. Every man had a tie with a snowman, Christmas tree or a wreath (no Menorah ties at this party). Then there were the pants; how can anyone wear red pants and a green jacket these days?


The women all looked great. The usual pearls, diamond rings, colorful outfits (some with fur trimming?), $1,000 shoes, $300 hair-dos, etc. I thought it was amusing that half of the girls were wearing silly Santa caps as part of their garb.


One nice lady was dressed as an Elf; all green, silly shoes and hat, a black belt. Thinking maybe this was one of the singles, I tried some small talk, saying, “That’s quite the outfit you’re wearing”. Her, happy I’ve noticed, “I had it made special for this party”.


I’m thinking how crazy that is; but look a little closer, and see that this costume is very well made; hand stitched, tailored just right, nothing cheap about it. I come back with a surprised, “You’re kidding?” Her not smiling, and saying something about needing more Egg Nog, and she’s gone.


I got myself a drink from the punch bowl, (Cosmopolitan, made with Tito vodka, of course), went into the den where there was a fire burning and the guys were drinking brown liquor from cut glasses, no ice, thank you. One guy smiling at my pink drink, probably thinking I’m gay.


The small talk was of the usual stuff, vacations, horses, promotions, vacation houses someplace nice. There was some back and forth on the more pressing issues; the cliff, the economy, taxes and, of course, guns.


To the extent that this group represents the thinking of the top 2% (I think it does), then Boehner should have been there listening. What I heard was a complete acceptance to the idea that taxes on income and capital would be higher next year. One guy said, “They should just get it done already”.


Later, I wondered about this seeming inconsistency. I doubt that there was single person at the party who is now paying the top rate of 35%. If tax rates go up in 2013 to 39%, they won’t pay that rate either. It’s far too easy to move income around so that it doesn’t get taxed at the maximum rate. (Ask Mitt Romney - he pays only 11%.)


There was one loud gripe, the new 3.8% Obamacare tax on investment income. This crowd will, in the end, get hit harder with this tax then they will with the increase in tax brackets. That’s probably worth noting, whatever popularity Obamacare may have had with upper income Americans, it’s going down next year when the new tax starts hitting.


Bedford’s thirty odd miles from Newtown, so that topic had to come up. I thought it was interesting that there was a clear consensus for harsh new gun control laws, but at the same time, I knew that damn near all these folks had a loaded 9mm back at the house; just in case…

There were no NRA supporters at this bash, but they liked the idea of a cop at the local schools, and agreed that the only thing that was going to stop a bad guy with a gun; was a good guy with a gun. Listening to this group, I wouldn’t be surprised if guards with guns start popping up at some tony private schools.


For dinner I got seated between two well decked out ladies, the one to my left was a knockout. Maybe 40, but tight, red dress, dark hair, black high heels and nice legs. I asked her how she managed to stay so fit, her saying she rode horses and did Pilates. I was embarrassed to ask what the pilates thing was about; what ever it is, it was working for her. I got the sense she was upset about something, her knocking back red wine like it was water.


She was sitting next to a guy wearing a dark green jacket, red vest and tie with reindeers. He had about 20 years on her; the word “trophy” did come to mind. Anyway, towards the end of the meal she excuses herself, comes back five minutes later. Mr. Green Jacket made a big deal of her return, gets up and helps her with the stiff-backed chair. But he muffed it.


I happened to notice that the damn chair was still not where it should be, and watched as she grabbed the sides to cinch it into place. Greenie still had his hand on the back of the chair, so it tilted back just a bit.


Sure enough, as her backside hit the back of the chair, it tipped a bit more. Gravity took hold, and ass over teakettle she went. It probably only took a half-second for her to go down all the way, I saw it happening in slow motion.


Green Jacket tried to save the day with a last minute catch, but he flubbed, and ended up just hitting her in the head as she went akimbo. As the chair went down, her legs went up, and her left foot whacked the bottom of the table about as hard as a four-inch heeled stiletto in a size six foot could hit.


It was like a gunshot. At least half dozen long-stem goblets ended sideways, silverware flying. For a second or two, not a sound. I’m on my feet ready to help, but Green Jacket is already lending a hand. As she gets up, she gets close to Greenie and whispers in a voice that only the three of us heard, “You fucking asshole”.


I have a sick sense of humor, so that line got a quick chuckle from me. The lady sitting on the other side of me (why do some ladies tint grey hair blue?) snapped, “There’s nothing funny about it!” I looked at her, “You don’t know the half of it”. Red Dress was rubbing her foot, looked at me, and sort of smiled.


It was snowing when I left; on the slow ride home Green Jacket and Red Dress came to mind. I was thinking that Green Jacket was not going to get lucky before the New Year, and I was going to look into that pilates thing.


Anyway, have a good Christmas Day!





Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
ptoemmes's picture

Your smartphone doesn't have a camera?

Lumberjack's picture

"Then there were the pants; how can anyone wear red pants and a green jacket these days?


...Tiger Woods...


Happy Holidays Bruce and thanks from those of us watching the energy sector!

lamont cranston's picture

Bruce, absolutely delightful. Perhaps you should embark on satiric short stories of the 2% set. Reminds me of the phoney baloney class (aka Dime Store Millionaires) in my small resort hillbilly town in NC. Plus ca change...

My best friend, who is an .01, if not an .001%, moved 45 minutes away off the hill to a semi-redneck city where no one knows whom he is to prevent his daughters from becoming like that. I saw a man wearing an old "Members Only" jacket there last week. Am sure he has a leisure suit or two tucked away in the attic waiting for a 70s revival.  

You've one big hurdle to literary success. Don't sense the New Yorker would be too keen on such a topic. 

Omen IV's picture

Bruce - Pilates is great exercise - did it for three years - will tone every muscle in your body and lengthen your spine - very few guys get into it due to the flexibility required for the exercises - but if you stay with it  - can help as you get older since flexibility in older men is key - weight lifting will shorten muscles - pilates will lengthen same muscles

give it a try!

WT Sherman's picture

Great story.  Sounds like a seen from "CaddyShack".  Probably a crowd where many of them wear their money, IOW, all hat no cattle.


WT Sherman's picture

Great story.  Sounds like a scene from "CaddyShack".  Probably a crowd where many of them wear their money, IOW, all hat no cattle.


rsnoble's picture

These will be the people that will be hillarious to watch killing themselves when there down to the their last million when the collapse comes.  Be a shame to have to boil a pair of those $1k shoes and eat them lol.  I have pms, chickens and cows that bitch is gona be sucking my dick.

bigkahuna's picture

LOL! Too bad these folks seem to be pompous as a way of life. Oh well, to each their own :)

jonjon831983's picture

High society eh? $1,000 shoes and $300 hairdoooos...

Toolshed's picture

"High society eh? $1,000 shoes and $300 hairdoooos..."

Please, that is not even close to high society. More like the court jesters and functionaries for the REAL roayalty of wealth.

Imminent Crucible's picture

I think he meant High Society as in "they must be high on something".

pfairley's picture

Where can I get details on the '3.8% Obamacare tax on investment income'?  No one tells me anything

ebear's picture

These people weren't real upper crust or they'd have had a spare reindeer suit for you to don so's to spare you the embarassment.  The true elite are always concerned about the well being of others.  I know. I used to be one.

azzhatter's picture

I believe they save the plaid for the country club. G reat story Bruce.  Merry merry all

Intoxicologist's picture

Bruce, I feel remiss in that I dumped my own Christmas party story on here without complimenting you on yours.  It was quite entertaining, and I had a good chuckle.  I, too, read your posts regularly and always look forward to them.

I, for one, am grateful to be single over the holidays.  I'm not dragged to family/in-law gatherings and I can do whatever I want. 

It's all in the perspective.

Cheers, and happy holidays.

bunnyswanson's picture

I second that.  Great story.  Red dress and Green jacket may be a dominatrix and a eunuch...ya never know.  It's the same everywhere, the drapings and the grammar change according to the side of town the party is.

Merry Christmas, everyone.  I hope you are having at least a memorable day.

Today, I actually worked and felt like it was a "gift" to be able to do so (healthcare/radiology - we see the consequences of overindulging during mealtime or inebriated to the point of unconsciousness, family-related stress, bad luck or making the wrong decision (driving drunk) during the holidays. 

Be safe everyone.

notadouche's picture

Bedford would be a great place to live if not for the major economic barriers.  I feel like they "allow" me to visit their quaint little downtown.  

 Maybe Bruce should have made nice with the "blue hair babe".  You know what they say, "He who hesitates masturbates"

willwork4food's picture

..and something wrong w/that? :)

Great article Bruce! Reminds me not to envy the wealthy and just thank God I'm young, healthy and would love to f*ck the shit out of the "I used to care" Road Kill Ad girl about now.

Merry Christmas to you and all here @ ZH!

CheapBastard's picture

Good on ya, Bruce! Keep up the celebrations and excellent articles.

ebworthen's picture

That's what she gets for hunting money versus heart; how happy can she or he be if she's calling him an asshole over that?

Stories like this remind me that being single can have it's advantages.

If a Woman doesn't love me for me I'm better off alone.

A Fleshlight is worth every penny.

Jena's picture

Amen to that sentiment.  That's how I felt while I was single.  


(although I had to put 'fleshlight' in startpage)

SmoothCoolSmoke's picture

Tuck the fwo percent.... and the horses they rode in on.

bank guy in Brussels's picture

Regarding the ladies, Bruce ... Take a tip from your fellow investor and fellow Swiss citizen Marc Faber, re ladies from Asia

As a European citizen, you should already know that, for example, European women, Latin American women and many others, are, in general, far nicer than American ones

Much less likely to be in the mode of the money, power and personal manipulation complex, like American ladies

The weirdness of American society has made American women weird, they are too obsessed with the power or wealth images of males, and too eager to think of things scheming a divorce for big alimony via some American court scheme with corrupt lawyers and an American judge taking a bribe ...

And American women with some money are often obnoxious beyond all hope ... Sheesh, we run into them here, ha!

But there is nothing quite like some of the Asian ladies to make you feel 30 years younger, and treat you better than you've ever been treated in your life ... Not to mention they often also look 15 years younger than they are

They tend to appreciate a man of character who treats them well ... you will never grow tired of having your shoulders rubbed every day ... find one, treat her like the gold she is and your life will be a lovely one, and you will feel 25 again ... I am not kidding

Many of us are able to meet our Asian mates socially here amid the European mix ... But friends who have used online dating services say the CupidMedia sites are the best - they have numerous Asian ones

Or Bruce, just give yourself something like a 4 week vacation in the smaller islands of the Philippines (who are half-European really), or in places other East or Southeast nations ... you might well come back with a loving and lovely wife who will change your existence

Or hook up in the East with William Banzai ... or Marc Faber himself ... you might be surprised what happens when you take some quality time outside the rut in the American Empire

Escapeclaws's picture

American upperclass women, especially the blond ones, look like lionesses. They'll rip your insides out. They have nothing but contempt for the craven, battered, feminist-supporting American male who pays that price in order to get laid.

bunnyswanson's picture

I'll rush to the defense of the American woman.  In this country, there is a real lack of confidence and the result of that is men who are, as well.  That leaves the American girl with the responsibility of making decisions.  The consequence of having to "consider the possibilities, take responsibility of carrying out your suggestion and having it turn out as had been envisioned" can have an impact on how a woman can feel when it comes abandoning inhibitions and focusing on the moment. Being in love would help immensely. 

Women taking the lead role because she has no choice as the ship is going down if she does not is confusing as it is, but also, if it does not turn out as she planned, the blame is laid on her lap. Cook, clean, fuck like a slut, be able to carry a conversation, work out, work at a job, kids and their activities...Families are strung out all over the country most times, so there is not family support in place. 

Before the scam called globalization transformed the govt and took ownership of the prime real estate up north, I could feel the change in the air from the US border to crossing into Canada, from a level of low but constant anxiety to calm, cool and you pretty much know what tomorrow is going to bring.

Being raised in daycares and schools while their parents worked, the broken homes, stress from all this tragic news blasted in our faces nonstop basically, and the pharmaceuticals which treat normal responses, dulled many into mannequins, jumping from one thought to another, trying to hard and being angry for having to.  It's unfair to judge people under the extreme circumstances the US is in.  But sometimes, it's still like sticking your dick in the ocean, when diminutive, in character I mean.

Kayman's picture


Financializing the economy has led to the destruction of the family. Men and women equally carry the can for this fatal error.

At one time finance serviced the economy, now the economy services finance.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Water Is Wet's picture

Oh my god dude.  Share that shit on or somewhere that gives a shit.

KTV Escort's picture

A "dude" can't share personal experience? Priceless advice if you ask me. The most positive and good-natured woman I've ever met (wife) was born in Harbin, China. Sometimes my life feels like a lightbulb with too much electricity coursing through it with her around.

I love dinner parties, but would feel soiled and compromised attending anything like the function Bruce wrote about above.

pfairley's picture

Soiled?  Sounds like a harmless (and clean?) group, unless some dufus helps you with your chair.

Joy on Maui's picture

Fine advice practiced frequently here in Hawaii, owing to our relative proximity to places like Thailand and the Phillipines. Seems to work really well for men who are the counterparts of the American women you disparage here - guys who could don't seem to need an intelligent or articulate partner because what matters are appearances and the ability to dominate intellectually - and subservience in bed, of course.  Mail order asian brides - a great way to express your Chauvinism.

PhilofOz's picture

Oh Dearie!! My ex referred to these Asian women in this demeaning term as mail order brides also.  She was just like the average Aussie woman of this day and age, fickle and uncompromising! We split 15 years ago when she discovered the short-term advantages of destroying a marriage once she was aware how our children could become bargaining chips in Family Court.

Since then she has lived alone with her cats, and I have been happily married for the last 5 years to the best woman I have ever known or will ever come to know..... a Filipina..... looking 15 years younger than her age at least and a woman with more common sense and logic than all the Oz women I have ever had in my life combined!

hardcleareye's picture

So Bank Guy, do you knuckles bleed from dragging on the ground?  

Feeling a little "inadequate" around a female who views you as a equal or many be even.... god forbid..... an inferior........(gee I wonder why after that post??? sarc)

Thanks for the laugh.... ROTFLMAO......

PhilofOz's picture

I've got a strong feeling it is you that's giving far more here the biggest laughs.

Freddie's picture

Many of those American women, including the white Oprah loving types, voted for the islamic twice.

bunnyswanson's picture

I do not know about what you insinuate.  Seems to me he is a chameleon, even his books were part fact part fiction (a walking contradiction).

Am curious though if the "white" Oprah types and the mostly black president is what i hear you say.

I want you to know something.  I have had a lot of friends.  Confiding in one another is what girls/women do.  The understanding is not to say that there is nothing wrong with it, there is none.  I wish we would all cross boundaries and just blend in together so the fighting would stop.  But the friends I had who tended to be attracted to black men were often exploited as young girls and this was their way to deal with it...a total different look so to speak.  So if that means anything.  It's not huge appendages but a chance at a healthy sex life and more with someone who does not bring back memories that are never far away anyway.  Happens more often than you think, sexual predators getting at the kids, I mean.  It's hard to play and have fun for them after that.  Changes everything.

kaiserhoff's picture

You are too kind, bank guy.  American females have been trending toward the hypocrite hooker motif for a couple of generations.  You could do worse, but you would have to work at it.

Bruce, you're close to my age, a sexy senior citizen, that touch of gray everyone loves...  40?  Mein godt!

Remember the Mule Crick creed  --  Younger women, older whiskey, faster horses, and more money!

onlooker's picture

Merry Christmas Bruce and I hope the New Year brings engaging, intelligent, honest, happy, witty, and single girls into your life. If she is a decent looker, that is a bonus.


Thanks for making our Christmas day better.


Keep up the writing. In your case more will be better.

cynicalskeptic's picture

Bedford and Mount Kisco share schools - the latter having a large immigrant Hispanic population.  As a result they have a dual language program for elementary schools where Spanish is used extensively in the classroom to accommodate kids whose first language is Spanish.   Problem is that the program became a lottery selection because all the suburban yuppie parents wanted their kid to have that language exposure (to better communicate with the gardener?  I could understand the push if it was Mandarin).

Tried to buy a house in Mount Kisco a while back - glasd we didn't get it.  Miserably long commute into NY.   A good friend had a place even farther up - wife walked in when the last kid left for college wanting a divorce because 'he was never around'  he BOUGHT the place (and put up with 25 years of a long lousy commute) because that was what SHE wanted......    

You're better off closer in to NY - shorter commute and the real estate values hold up a bit better.   A much better income/diversity mix as well.   Problem is that when the torches and pitchforks get broken out WE get looted because we're closer......  we're not as 'rich' as upcounty and places like Greenwich or Scarsdale but we're more accessible.

Mercury's picture

It seems that holiday casual actually means that you dress up wearing silly outfits; so even though most of the guests looked like idiots, it was me who stuck out like a sore thumb.

But that’s the kind of thing you only need to learn once because it never changes: Preppy/WASP = loud, clashy, “festive” male attire and enough alcohol to float a battleship.  By the way, 90% of those women are "available" in one way or another (see above)...just so you know for next time.  Mrs. Green Jacket likes to be attended to and the hostess is probably aware of that.

My notable takeaway from similar outings this year is that post-Newtown, senior citizens have been arming themselves up to their eyeballs.  I can’t tell you how many 60-70 yr. old women flashed me their ‘carry’ permits with a fourth glass of wine in their other hand.

We’ll see what happens but the general tendency will be for the government to …..  -wait for it-  …..

 create a new federal agency! …and turn schools into airports.  Hooray.

And lest you be misled by received wisdom and the popular heresy claiming that a well-armed citizenry can’t be trusted, our dear Marla (in three posts in a row no less) tears some recent advocacy to pieces which dares to claim authority in such matters regarding Switzerland.

 Merry Christmas to Bruce and all: roast beef, plumb pudding, strong ale and mince pie!



Printfaster's picture

It would seem that the advocates of more gun laws and restrictions to prevent gun deaths and suicides, also seem to advocate for assisted suicide (as long as it comes from the the authority of the government) and for third trimester abortions (basically viable births).

It is all about the weight of emotion over reason.  Freedom needs to weigh in even over reason, or it would not be freedom.  The price of freedom is our individual vigilance.  And don't argue that government has to restrict everyone's rights because of the cost of healthcare affects all of us -- That is reasoning the virtues of slavery.

kaiserhoff's picture

+ 1000 for the Marla link, one of the rare fine minds.

Yes, all government failures must be magnified by 10.  How else would we know who really abuses gun ownership?

b_thunder's picture

Aren't any of the 2% crowd involved with/manage/run/practice at/invest in/provide services to  hospitals, HMOs, Big Pharma, medical insurance businesses?  If so, they should be more than happy about the "Obamacare" tax increases.  First, they're getting 40 million of new PAYING customers. And on top of that, those are the best types of customers - customers who don't delay payments, whod on't haggle - the customers whose payments are GUARANTEED  by the state.  And if that wasn't enough, there will be no meaningful reform in the next 10-15 years, such as a "single payer" reform or drug reimportation.  Considering that the sickcare is around 18% of the GDP, 1 in 6 at the party had to be pretty happy with the new sickcare "regime."


ceilidh_trail's picture

Actually, payments are anything but guaranteed. The .gov leaves itself a big out in that it will deny payment to providers that fail to meet everchanging and ridiculous standards. I work in the field. We are very much concerned about this takeover. There is NO FREE LUNCH.

blunderdog's picture

"Obamacare" truly is just another huge gift to the FIRE sector.

Absinthe Minded's picture

Nice job Bruce! I hope you're having a better Christmas day than your eve'. Always enjoy reading your contributions. Went to the wife's Christmas party this week, small doctor's ofice, a total of 8 of us at the doctor's house. What a great time, she made sure she had everyone's favorite booze and hired a chef to cook hors douvres for us all night. We are so lucky she works for a really generous person, not too many employers like that left out there.