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Christmas Cheer

Bruce Krasting's picture




 

 

I did get an invite to a Christmas Eve dinner party. After the last few years of mishaps I thought I might get left out. This one was up in Bedford, a town where only the 2% are allowed. I was reluctant to go, as I don’t fit in so well with the “horsey” set, but the hostess said there would be several single ladies there, so I went, thinking I might get lucky.

 

The invite said “holiday casual”, so I went casual, Khaki pants, blue blazer, striped shirt, no tie. What a mistake that was. It seems that holiday casual actually means that you dress up wearing silly outfits; so even though most of the guests looked like idiots, it was me who stuck out like a sore thumb.

 

The place was a sea of guys wearing red and green sport coats. Every man had a tie with a snowman, Christmas tree or a wreath (no Menorah ties at this party). Then there were the pants; how can anyone wear red pants and a green jacket these days?

 

The women all looked great. The usual pearls, diamond rings, colorful outfits (some with fur trimming?), $1,000 shoes, $300 hair-dos, etc. I thought it was amusing that half of the girls were wearing silly Santa caps as part of their garb.

 

One nice lady was dressed as an Elf; all green, silly shoes and hat, a black belt. Thinking maybe this was one of the singles, I tried some small talk, saying, “That’s quite the outfit you’re wearing”. Her, happy I’ve noticed, “I had it made special for this party”.

 

I’m thinking how crazy that is; but look a little closer, and see that this costume is very well made; hand stitched, tailored just right, nothing cheap about it. I come back with a surprised, “You’re kidding?” Her not smiling, and saying something about needing more Egg Nog, and she’s gone.

 

I got myself a drink from the punch bowl, (Cosmopolitan, made with Tito vodka, of course), went into the den where there was a fire burning and the guys were drinking brown liquor from cut glasses, no ice, thank you. One guy smiling at my pink drink, probably thinking I’m gay.

 

The small talk was of the usual stuff, vacations, horses, promotions, vacation houses someplace nice. There was some back and forth on the more pressing issues; the cliff, the economy, taxes and, of course, guns.

 

To the extent that this group represents the thinking of the top 2% (I think it does), then Boehner should have been there listening. What I heard was a complete acceptance to the idea that taxes on income and capital would be higher next year. One guy said, “They should just get it done already”.

 

Later, I wondered about this seeming inconsistency. I doubt that there was single person at the party who is now paying the top rate of 35%. If tax rates go up in 2013 to 39%, they won’t pay that rate either. It’s far too easy to move income around so that it doesn’t get taxed at the maximum rate. (Ask Mitt Romney - he pays only 11%.)

 

There was one loud gripe, the new 3.8% Obamacare tax on investment income. This crowd will, in the end, get hit harder with this tax then they will with the increase in tax brackets. That’s probably worth noting, whatever popularity Obamacare may have had with upper income Americans, it’s going down next year when the new tax starts hitting.

 

Bedford’s thirty odd miles from Newtown, so that topic had to come up. I thought it was interesting that there was a clear consensus for harsh new gun control laws, but at the same time, I knew that damn near all these folks had a loaded 9mm back at the house; just in case…

There were no NRA supporters at this bash, but they liked the idea of a cop at the local schools, and agreed that the only thing that was going to stop a bad guy with a gun; was a good guy with a gun. Listening to this group, I wouldn’t be surprised if guards with guns start popping up at some tony private schools.

 

For dinner I got seated between two well decked out ladies, the one to my left was a knockout. Maybe 40, but tight, red dress, dark hair, black high heels and nice legs. I asked her how she managed to stay so fit, her saying she rode horses and did Pilates. I was embarrassed to ask what the pilates thing was about; what ever it is, it was working for her. I got the sense she was upset about something, her knocking back red wine like it was water.

 

She was sitting next to a guy wearing a dark green jacket, red vest and tie with reindeers. He had about 20 years on her; the word “trophy” did come to mind. Anyway, towards the end of the meal she excuses herself, comes back five minutes later. Mr. Green Jacket made a big deal of her return, gets up and helps her with the stiff-backed chair. But he muffed it.

 

I happened to notice that the damn chair was still not where it should be, and watched as she grabbed the sides to cinch it into place. Greenie still had his hand on the back of the chair, so it tilted back just a bit.

 

Sure enough, as her backside hit the back of the chair, it tipped a bit more. Gravity took hold, and ass over teakettle she went. It probably only took a half-second for her to go down all the way, I saw it happening in slow motion.

 

Green Jacket tried to save the day with a last minute catch, but he flubbed, and ended up just hitting her in the head as she went akimbo. As the chair went down, her legs went up, and her left foot whacked the bottom of the table about as hard as a four-inch heeled stiletto in a size six foot could hit.

 

It was like a gunshot. At least half dozen long-stem goblets ended sideways, silverware flying. For a second or two, not a sound. I’m on my feet ready to help, but Green Jacket is already lending a hand. As she gets up, she gets close to Greenie and whispers in a voice that only the three of us heard, “You fucking asshole”.

 

I have a sick sense of humor, so that line got a quick chuckle from me. The lady sitting on the other side of me (why do some ladies tint grey hair blue?) snapped, “There’s nothing funny about it!” I looked at her, “You don’t know the half of it”. Red Dress was rubbing her foot, looked at me, and sort of smiled.

 

It was snowing when I left; on the slow ride home Green Jacket and Red Dress came to mind. I was thinking that Green Jacket was not going to get lucky before the New Year, and I was going to look into that pilates thing.

 

Anyway, have a good Christmas Day!

 

bk

 

 

 

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Tue, 12/25/2012 - 15:00 | 3094985 Nadaclue
Nadaclue's picture

Thank you Bruce, good story.

Wishing you and the rest of the ZH crew a Merry Christmas too!

Damn I miss the NFL games on Xmas.

Wed, 12/26/2012 - 11:14 | 3096123 lamont cranston
lamont cranston's picture

Don't need NFL no mo'. Watched Indiana Jones most of the day (followed by High Plains Drifter) with my 9-yr old grandson. Of course, the case of mixed Shiraz, Red Zin & Pinot Noir my daughter & son in law brought for the festivities helped. 

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 14:37 | 3094940 Cult of Criminality
Cult of Criminality's picture

Funny stuff Bruce

Cheers

oops (should that have been said)  lol

Maybe Banzai can hook you up with a pretty one.He has enough pics of them like,todays gift.

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 14:24 | 3094920 Carpathia
Carpathia's picture

As always Bruce, love reading your musings.  It's the details of the collapse that reveal the full story.  Hope you get lucky soon;--)

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 14:15 | 3094896 Col. Parker
Col. Parker's picture

Maybe Bruce is a writer at heart?  I enjoyed the story and the writing very much.

Merry Christmas!

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 15:28 | 3095046 WestVillageIdiot
WestVillageIdiot's picture

I agree that I enjoyed the story very much.  But I was really wishing for a happy Christmas ending like Bruce in a three-some with two of the guys' wives.  God bless us, every one. 

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 16:41 | 3095156 negative rates
negative rates's picture

Even Sting said upon approaching his 60th birthday, I still have 3 good years left in me.

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 16:06 | 3095096 a growing concern
a growing concern's picture

A gentleman never kisses and tells. Here's wishing you a new year filled with wondrous delights (and nookie), Bruce. Thanks for your contributions on ZH- some of my most looked forward to reads.

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 13:39 | 3094819 Intoxicologist
Intoxicologist's picture

I decided to open the bar yesterday afternoon.  You can't have Christmas without brandy, right?  There are a number of people who don't really have anywhere to be on Christmas Eve (myself included), and it was a nice gathering of some of my older regulars who came out for some Christmas cheer. Everyone was gone by about 9 p.m.  As I was counting out change at the end of the night, I heard a distinctive "clink."  I looked down, and in my hand was a 1944 Walking Liberty silver half dollar - in near-perfect condition.

That was my Christmas party.

Happy Festivus, everybody, in Zero Hedge Town!

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 20:34 | 3095442 infinity8
infinity8's picture

That's awesome. . . I haven't seen any silver in my street-change in forever. My last good/interesting episode was getting three $1 "silver certificate" notes as part of my change at a 7-11 in an inner-city neighborhood a couple years ago. Not the same thing but still cool.

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 23:11 | 3095616 Intoxicologist
Intoxicologist's picture

The place I work regularly uses half dollars.  In the six years I've been there, I've found four Walking Libertys: 1933, 1937, 1941, and then the one last night.  I've accumulated about a half-dozen or so later vintages.  Some 90%, some 40%.  My ear is always attuned to the sound of silver.  I've gotten a couple of dollar silver certificates, but I gave them to my dad, 'cause he thinks they're cool.

I have a hard time parting with my silver.  If my boat had ears, and could speak, it would tell you how hard I sobbed when I lost it all.

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 13:32 | 3094802 Escapeclaws
Escapeclaws's picture

If these assholes weren't rich, what would be the interest in this dull recitation? More American money worship in spite of the seemingly condescending tone. I can get the same jollies in looking at the ugly models in Brooks Brothers catalogues.

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 13:55 | 3094856 WestVillageIdiot
WestVillageIdiot's picture

The worst thing about being rich is that you have to hang out with other rich people.  From what I've seen, that makes it not worth it. 

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 15:11 | 3095007 blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

That's actually a significant part of the reason I couldn't proceed to climb the social ladder and become a bit more affluent.  I had a 3-year window of opportunity, and it was at a social gathering (where I was a hairsbreadth from breaking a guy's nose) that I realized I didn't ever *WANT* to "fit in" with that crowd.

Some former friends have gone all the way.  At least a few of them are miserable.  They got more money than me, tho.  ;)

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 13:31 | 3094800 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Well look at it this way Bruce, the next time you run into "Red Dress" you'll have something to chat with her about ;-)

Merry Christmas!

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 13:27 | 3094795 negative rates
negative rates's picture

Zombie party all the way. I had to listen to the deafining silence about how the 2% had it all under their control, and no longer even wanted to talk about things anymore. Merry cliffmas to all, and to all a fine day.

Wed, 12/26/2012 - 04:52 | 3095816 bunnyswanson
bunnyswanson's picture

Some in this audience are certainly hard to please.

How is this for a story:

My husband and I embark on a 2 week tour of S. Europe via a tourist group called Tauck Tours.  We are at one point on a yacht/small ship (LePonant - the one which was attacked by pirates), floating to the Isle of Capri in perfect weather.  It's Captain's night on this 24 hour trip and my husband and I are decked out as required.  In the dining room, we are in a group of 60 people, mostly middle and older aged couples.  Most of these tourists are, my husband observes, right at that moment at the dinner table, Jews....  Immediately, everyone stops what they are doing.  All eyes are on us.  A man at the next table grits his teeth as he tells me to "get him out of here" when he catches my eye.  And we actually have no choice but to leave.  We are being looked at with absolute and complete disdain.  And I should add that prior to this, we had been having a jolly good time with these same people, dining together, walking and sitting together on buses. 

Better?  We had to have our dinner delivered to our room.  He was 2%er (cattle industry).  We were reduced to peasants in under 2 minutes.  So weird.  I had to find some Fiorinal because I pulled a neck muscle from the tension. 

Wed, 12/26/2012 - 16:46 | 3097098 Bicycle Repairman
Bicycle Repairman's picture

I have felt the sting of bigotry from WASPS, Jews, lace curtain Irish and high-tone Blacks.  There is no monopoly on this attitude.

Wed, 12/26/2012 - 12:24 | 3096326 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

Hmmm,

A certain segment of society have always viewed blatent bigotry as being somewhat declasse'...

Imagine that.

Try booking a U-boat next trip.

Wed, 12/26/2012 - 18:20 | 3097454 bunnyswanson
bunnyswanson's picture

I was told the error was in saying "jews" and not "jewish."  that the word Jew has connotations, being shortchanged, for instance.  "I was jewed."  Age old phrase.

Wed, 12/26/2012 - 18:42 | 3097529 Thisson
Thisson's picture

No, your error was that you are idiots.  If you were in a room full of blacks, would you annouce that to the world as well?  People are people.  When you annouce that you're classifying them into a category, you alienate them (and in this instance, yourselves).

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 13:26 | 3094793 DavosSherman
DavosSherman's picture

Fine read! Don't feel bad, I went to one of those "casual" parties last year dressed in jeans, that is what my wife and I consider casual. 

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 13:18 | 3094776 Hulk
Hulk's picture

Great story Bruce, you ever considered taking a hidden cam to these things???

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 13:16 | 3094771 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

Spent Christmas eve curled up with mr miffed drinking hot toddys in front of a warm fire. I'm so glad I'm not single partying with the "in" crowd. I couldn't stand the inane conversation without liberal lashings of high quality liqueur. To each his own! Merry Xmas all!

Miffed:-)

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 13:15 | 3094769 Dollar Bill Hiccup
Dollar Bill Hiccup's picture

Now, that's entertainment!

But in keeping with the spirit, maybe they should ban those damn red and green jackets.

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 13:54 | 3094851 WestVillageIdiot
WestVillageIdiot's picture

It sounds like it would be better to ban the d-bags that wear the red and green jackets.

Wed, 12/26/2012 - 11:27 | 3096163 Dollar Bill Hiccup
Dollar Bill Hiccup's picture

No objections there.

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 13:13 | 3094766 acetinker
acetinker's picture

Thanks for the LOL BK!  I needed that.

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 13:09 | 3094760 TraderTimm
TraderTimm's picture

Just imagine the faces of these people when the big devaluation hits, of course, one day after the president urges calm saying "Everything is fine, we have the proper measures in place, blah blah blah blah"

Seriously, the day I hear that - is time to hit the door running.

Wed, 12/26/2012 - 05:25 | 3095828 bunnyswanson
bunnyswanson's picture

Council of Foreign Affairs has presented their assessment/prediction/part of their manifesto.  Rather daunting since, according to Hilliary Hlinton, they run America.

http://www.cfr.org/international-finance/us-debt-ceiling-costs-consequences/p24751

What are the implications for the dollar?

"Historically, the U.S. Treasury market has been driven by huge investments from surplus countries like Japan and China, which view the United States as the safest place to store their savings.

A 2011 Congressional Research Service report suggests that a loss of confidence in the debt market could prompt foreign creditors to unload large portions of their holdings, thus inducing others to do so, and causing a run on the dollar in international markets.

However, others claim that a sudden sell-off would run counter to foreign economic interests, as far as those interests run parallel to a robust U.S. economy.

While many U.S. exporters would benefit from dollar depreciation because it would increase foreign demand for their goods (effectively making them cheaper), the same firms would also bear higher borrowing costs from rising interest rates.

A potential long-term concern of some U.S. officials is that persistent volatility of the dollar will add force to recent calls by the international community for an end to its status as the world's reserve currency. A 2010 survey performed by the McKinsey Global Institute found fewer than 20 percent of business executives surveyed expected the dollar to be the dominant global reserve currency by 2025.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-sUywS0FJ4

Hiliary on tape regarding importance of CFR to govt operation.  4 min.  youtube Chilling.

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 13:00 | 3094747 RingToneDeaf
RingToneDeaf's picture

Sounds like a good party to miss next year.

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 13:53 | 3094847 WestVillageIdiot
WestVillageIdiot's picture

Being stuck in a room with a gaggle of Eastern Fauxberals doesn't sound like a Merry Christmas to me. 

Congratulations on getting through it Bruce.  I suppose most of them had their little mutants at home, being cared for by some Haitian nanny.  You know that every one of the brats was probably a direct result of a turkey baster. 

It's funny how everybody just loves taxes, until they have to be the one to pay for them.  Then they are all libertarians.  

All I want for Christmas is an outbreak of yeast infections in Bedford. 

Wed, 12/26/2012 - 01:15 | 3095700 Freddie
Freddie's picture

These people sound like moderates. They don't like the left but don't want to rock the boat.  they think they can out earn the implosion or the SHTF will not affect them.   If they were fans of dear mullah then they would hav ebeen total pigs filled with hate.

Madoff's implosion exposed how liberals use fake foundations to dodge taxes. 

My guess if they have northern European young nannies at Bruce's shindig if it was pretty big money.  Maybe an Aussie or NZ girl.   If they were Obam voters aka hard core liberals - the nannies or au pairs would have a gulag like existence.  

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 15:51 | 3095074 cynicalskeptic
cynicalskeptic's picture

Pretty funny how so many 'power couples' end up adopting the offspring of some 16 year old trailer park resident conceived in some car's backseat. (there's a premium for white babies - and something of a shortage so this can turn out well for someone in West Virginia or Tennessee). 

The wife puts career first - 'forgetting' to have kids until it's too late even with invitrio et al.  Of course the kids are raised by nannies the parents would never allow in the house under any other circumstances.  So you have a perverse reverse Darwinism.  Of course this DOES show up later when the kids turn out to be astoundingly dumb and too often rather brutish (one particular family comes to mind).  Genetics DO matter.

So you now have a bizzare world where the driven 'super-successful' don't pass on their own genes a good part of the time and then turn over any children (their own or adopted) to someone at the opposite end of the educational spectrum to be raised.   Had to laugh at the parents who complained that the schools didn't do 'their' job in teaching kids to read when they themselves were NEVER around to read to their own kids and their nanny who spoke Spanish surely didn't do any reading in English.....  (Mine could fread before KIndergarten - a f/t parent at home paying attention - a real rarity).  All this produces some real disconnects.   I love the blond Arayan kid in nursery school who talked with  Jamaican accent.....  but then one  of the best nannies I knew - live-in and with the same family and child for 18 years - had her mother back home in the Islands raising HER child before sending her to boarding school, something she never could have afforded if she'd stayed home to raise her own child.  This woman had been a teacher - others are nurses.  Irony is rthey make more raising kids in the US so a logical economic choice on their part ends up depriving their home country of badly needed teachers, nurses and such.  A horrid misallocation of resources.

We've 'devolved' to the point where 'Middle Class' REQUIRES two incomes now - so childrearing has to be subcontracted out.  But the middle class - and upper middle class - can only pay so much for this necessary task.  So, while there ARE some good nannies out there (usually the teachers and nurses from the Carribean or Phillippines or Central America) too often the task goes to the cheapest labor, not particularly qualified in any way.  Of course the REALLY wealthy have always had - and still have -  trained European nannies and their trophy wives DO stay home (to play tennis and such).  I wonder how many of these guys ever do a genetic test on their kids.... more than a few are likely the local tennis pro's progeny.

 

Wed, 12/26/2012 - 09:04 | 3095895 absente reo
absente reo's picture

You make some interesting points, woven into a sad kind of cynicism.

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 15:57 | 3095089 WestVillageIdiot
WestVillageIdiot's picture

Thank you for that fine Christmas gift.  It was better than what the wife gave me.  She gave me a new shirt and a piece of beaver.  Sadly, both were too big.  =(

 

 

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 19:09 | 3095347 Obadiah
Obadiah's picture

that china shink cream might be just what you need brotha

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 12:59 | 3094745 Pike Bishop
Pike Bishop's picture

Now, that's Jenga.

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 16:30 | 3095137 Imminent Crucible
Imminent Crucible's picture

I know Jenga like Bruce knows Pilates. But thanks, Bruce, for a laugh and a reminder of how very, very lucky I am. I went to a Christmas Eve party, too, but it wasn't with the Bedford set. My wife and I were invited by a Mexican couple who live nearby to join them and about 30 Mexican family and friends for a Feliz Navidad party.  We said, Hey, why not?

These are relatively poor and very hard-working people. Marco is a production welder, Jose drives a delivery route, I think Miguel is a mechanic. Virtually all the wives work, too. We had a great time, altho I couldn't follow half the conversation and jokes. The food was unbelievable; Marco had steamed six chickens in avocado leaves and other spices, There was a roasted turkey with some kind of cabbage salsa with habanero peppers chopped in. Picante is not the word; my eyes were streaming. There were Honduran-style tamales. Augustin brought a bean dish made with bacon, ham and spices that melted in your mouth. His wife is Anglo, but if dinner is going to be Mexican food, Augustin insists on doing the cooking.  There were ensalatas and things I couldn't identify, but I'm telling you these people can cook. We stayed a lot later than I'd planned.

Apart from stuffing my face, I occupied myself with noticing how much these people really enjoyed being together. All the kids got along, everyone was talking and laughing. The host said, "We cooked for 50; nobody leaves until the food is gone." Looking back, it struck a very strong contrast with Bruce's Richie Rich experience. Life is not at all about money or the trappings of wealth; why do we have such a hard time figuring that out?

Late last night, cuddled up next to my little bundle of joy, I thought "It really doesn't get much better than this."  Merry Christmas, everyone!

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 22:38 | 3095555 misitu
misitu's picture

After much planning, waiting, and some funding, my first Xmas in (self imposed) retirement exile from GB in South America.

Family.

Jokes, Repartee.

Chocolate, Paneton.

Cumbia, Musica Chicha - gracias a "Radio Rumbo".

Multicoloured chaser LEDs in the windows (seasonal) and on the taxis (permanently).

One Gringo in 800,000 Not Gringos and they don't even let me notice they notice.

Could not be better.

Thanks to all at ZH.

¡ Ay Caramba Compadre !

 

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 23:30 | 3095633 Imminent Crucible
Imminent Crucible's picture

Nicely done, misitu, and congratulations. My Pride and Joy just informed her little lover boy that we're going to be in Latin America before next Christmas.

I can't believe I let her push me around like that.

Wed, 12/26/2012 - 03:44 | 3095776 delacroix
delacroix's picture

crucible, check out nicaragua, san juan del sur, and ometepe island.

Wed, 12/26/2012 - 12:39 | 3096378 Imminent Crucible
Imminent Crucible's picture

delacroix and rodo: Pride&Joy is in love with Baja California, with a massive crush on the Pacific coast below Ensenada and Mulege/Concepcion on El Mar de Cortez. I could happily settle for any of a dozen spots in BC or BCS, but I've already planned exploratory trips in 2013 to Nicaragua (Playa de Cocos and north), Costa Rica (Arenal and Atenas area) and Ecuador (both coastal and southern Andean).

I'm keeping my mind open to new possibilities all the time. Most of our limitations are artificial or imaginary.

Wed, 12/26/2012 - 07:03 | 3095851 rodocostarica
rodocostarica's picture

Then head south to Costa Rica. Pura Vida!

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 19:10 | 3095348 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

Sssshh....if the munchkins ever find that shit out they'll stop fighting the wars and then where will we be?

 

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 16:52 | 3095182 Wakanda
Wakanda's picture

Nice IC - I'm almost jealous.

No, I'm absolutely jealous. 

Happy Holidaze!

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 19:12 | 3095351 The Alarmist
The Alarmist's picture

In my corner of CT you might have gotten away with it if you had simply worn a whale-belt (belt with whales on it).  Red and green jackets still en vogue, eh?  Some things are just timeless. No plaid?

Wed, 12/26/2012 - 11:31 | 3096173 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture

Very "Price is Right".

Tue, 12/25/2012 - 21:08 | 3095484 Bruce Krasting
Bruce Krasting's picture

Plaid is Easter, so I'm told.

Wed, 12/26/2012 - 13:27 | 3096511 The Alarmist
The Alarmist's picture

That would be the pink-and-yellow or light-blue-and-yellow.  Red-and-green should still be acceptable for Christmas.

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