THe TRiLLioN DoLLaR TuNa IDea...

williambanzai7's picture

BANZAI7 NEWS---Irashaimasen!

This is really thrilling for PhD morons, fiscal deadbeats, connoisseurs of fine sashimi and tuna noodle casseroles .

An arcane idea that started on sushi chef blogs in the summer of 2011-- that Tim Geithner should catch a trillion dollar tuna to avert the debt ceiling -- is now seriously taking off following this week's haul of a record breaking million dollar tuna.

The premise of the idea is this: Although the Treasury, with the assistance of the Federal Reserve Bank, already just creates money out of thin air to pay its bills, there is a technicality in the law that says the Treasury has special discretion to can tunas of any denomination, and the thinking is that Tim Geithner could catch a record breaking giant tuna like the million dollar tuna caught just this past week, attach a price tag of one trillion dollars and walk it over to the Federal Reserve and deposit it in the Gold vault next to the Venezuelan bananas and German bratwursts.

The first blog to really promote the idea was Master Chef Ushi o Kao's (as in I grow cows) Monetaro Sushinomics.

Business Outsider jumped on it soon thereafter, as did PhD sliced bullshit chef Paul Klugman.

Of course, once the debt ceiling problem was miraculously solved by the clever creation of a debt politburo and fiscal cliff, people forgot about it.

But there's a new debt ceiling looming, and this time, LOTS more people are tired of using food stamps to purchase cheap sushi boxes at the supermarket.

Now it's going more viral than Christmas photos of the Zuckerberg family!

 

TRILLION DOLLAR TUNA

 

Concerning Tim Geither's next destination, Banzai7 news has obtained this...

 

SOME SCARY SHIT!

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strangeglove's picture

We eat the tuna with coffe beans, then get the beans from the shit and sell them for like 2 Trillion per LB!

ShakaZulu's picture

I'll bet Pelosi's tuna smells like a trillion bucks!  Because once you go AutoKrat, you'll never go back.

ShakaZulu's picture

Kuato Geithner sings "I want to be a Goldman Sachs Weiner, because Anthony's Weiners not good enough for me!"

See you all at the FEMA camp.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0amCfgnwY8

monad's picture

BFD its radioactive. Besides, Hilary is a multi trillion dollar rat fucking talking tuna. The reward for treason is betrayal.

I am on to you's picture

You dont need Tuna dollars,just send a delegation to Zimbabwe,they have 100 Trillion dollars notes,all be done in a Jiffy:By the way,who needs Trillions,when one has,WilliamBanzai7!

VelvetHog's picture

Our Lord and Sovereign as Debt Brother cracks me up every time.  I love it!

A. Buttle's picture

Maybe its just me, but doesn't The Debt Brother In Chief look like he's skull fucking that dead fish?

 

 

 

monad's picture

Looks like its stuck.

Bagbalm's picture

You assume if a technology is invented it will be politically possible to use it.

Downtoolong's picture

Tim Geithner could catch a record breaking giant tuna .. attach a price tag of one trillion dollars and walk it over to the Federal Reserve and deposit it in the Gold vault next to the Venezuelan bananas and German bratwursts.

You missed a step. A tuna is a physical asset. So, to complete the scheme, a futures and options market in tuna must also be created to allow every spec trader, hedge fund operator, and 401k manager to load up and trade more tons of paper tuna every day than there is physical tuna in the entire ocean. That way JPM, Goldman, and Morgan can write unlimited amounts of OTC derivatives based on the tuna index and forever manipulate the shit out of the price for profit, even after the real Fed tuna turns to dust (it probably had tungsten poisoning anyway).

Papasmurf's picture

It sounds like you're fishing for clients.

d edwards's picture

Trillion $$ tuna makes a helluva lot more sense than the coin! At least you can eat the tuna.

 

BTW, ever notice how the word "trillion" was not in every day usage until 0webama took charge?

warm breeze's picture

I like the trillion USD platinum coin. I demonstrates the administration's love of magical thinking.

williambanzai7's picture

This adds a hole new dimension to the idea of "netting" tunas.

randomAttractor's picture
If The North Was The South

The north with their McDonald's, basketball and Rock'N Roll
Their topless bars, Madonnas, and stomach of Stallone
Tanned intellectuals, supermarket scholars
They have everything but haven't paid for anything.

With 18 you too young to have a drink in the bar
But you're man enough for war and to kill
Long live Vietnam and Forest Gump
Long live Wall Street and Donald Trump
Long live Seven Eleven

They powder their nose and use a syringe in their pockets
They travel with marijuana to understand the situation
Of this judge of the planet that throws an invitation
Court your spouse and you will win a reputation

Chorus:

The rods and stars take control of my flag
And our liberty nothing but a whore
And if the external debt steals our spring
To hell with geography borders are finished

If the north was the south would the Sioux be outcasts
Would being dark and indigenous be the popular look
Would Marcos be the Mexican Rambo
And Cindy Crawford the Mench of my countrymen
Reagan maybe a Samosan

Fidel would be an athlete running the stock market in Wall Street
And Che making Double Hamburgers
The yankees wetbacks to Tijuana
And the boats going from Miami to Havana, if the north was the south.

We would be the same or maybe a little worse
With the Falkland Islands by Greenland
And Disneyland in Guatemala
And Simon Bolivar letting out his secret

CHORUS:

The rods and stars take control of my flag
And our liberty nothing but a whore
And if the external debt steals our spring
To hell with geography borders are finished

If the north was the south, it would be the same crap

http://lyricstranslate.com http://lyricstranslate.com http://lyricstranslate.com http://lyricstranslate.com http://youtu.be/VRX6NUV0Bvc
I am on to you's picture

The south is the north:

We have The Wallmart,and the Budwieser,what more could the south wish,to turn Northward:North Oliver were there,saw came and went!

Nice word!

ebworthen's picture

At least you can eat a tuna, unlike the binary digits in Ben and Timmy's magic money box.

And, you can sell Gold, Silver, and Platinum to buy tuna; only the FED and the Treasury can sell un-payable debt on the backs of citizens to prop Wall Street Whales and the Washington Weasels.

randomAttractor's picture

ayai fei chai, awesome stuff

HeadintheGame's picture

I once had a girlfriend that had an ass like that.  It just proves to me there is a god and heaven is real!

 

alfred b.'s picture

 

    oh yeah, well I one had a gf who's ass was like that of the tuna....lol ...and yes, she was swimming in the Red Sea!     ....or was that the sea of Red.

 

otto skorzeny's picture

i would wear that ass as a hat

bank guy in Brussels's picture

More of the traditional religious folks need to open up to the idea that there are many ways to approach the divine, and to know the truth of God ...

And that is one of them

Banzai Babes are spiritual as well

Redstone's picture

Banzai, you write like your artwork. There’s no explanation for BANZAI7 NEWS other than sheer genius! I love it.

Careless Whisper's picture

I haven't heard much speculation on Timmay's replacement, as it's rumored he will be reitiring soon. So I'll give you my prediction. The man I'm thinking of is very popular with the American people. So popular, that he will be able to get Congress to raise taxes. Everyone thinks he's really smart too. He also has Hispanic heritage, on his mother's side. He has been a strong advocate of the New World Order (that's one government for the planet, sans U.S. Constitution). He's also against the gold standard and says that gold has no utility. That's right, I'm talking abut Warren Buffett.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmcxIokfOiE

 

WTFUD's picture

BMad was a sardine compared to Wbuff B7 Tuna. If he's gifted his shareholders balls on a plate to the TBTF's probably best for safety/ security reasons he dives for cover into tosspot Timmy G's strides. As Deputy Commander in Chief he will have plenty sacraficial lambs (corzinettes) to keep the Sheeple busy until he kicks it!

Ralph Spoilsport's picture

I hope you're wrong:

"Berkshire Hathaway at $120,000 a share flash-crashed to $1. It does not even make it to CNBC because they are too busy sniffing around Warren Buffett for nuggets of wisdom from this guy who is the biggest stock jobber I have ever seen. Buffett drives me completely nuts. He is a total insider. He trades on inside information. At the same time he has got this little-old-man thing. He is like the Mafia Don walking around in his bathrobe looking innocuous. He drives me crazy."

http://www.peakprosperity.com/podcast/80364/david-collum-headed-for-show...

q99x2's picture

How do they get the radiation out of the tuna?

Ralph Spoilsport's picture

At this point it's how do they get the tuna out of the radioactivity. Mayonaise won't work anymore.

Wakanda's picture

Damn!  Mayo usually improves everything.  : - (

EnslavethechildrenforBen's picture

Mayonaise removes both radioactive particles and poisonous Mercury.

Jam Akin's picture

Another debt plan limerick for y'all:

 

The plan: catch a trillion buck Tuna.

Was hatched by some money kahuna.

So much costly sashimi

makes our politburo dreamy. 

Can they build out a large enough coola'?

MillionDollarBoner_'s picture

Surely we need a debt plan haiku ?:

 

Trillion dollars

Was once a lot of money

Not so much today

Overfed's picture

Now that's some funny shit there. I don't care who ya' are!

newengland's picture

Happy New Year, William.

The Suckbergs et al will kill each other, as per usual. By gun or boring each other to death.

No sane or creative person would want to be in that photo of them acting up in a kitchen with no good food as they play for the fake social media....strangers even in their own 'myspace'. 

Schmucks. I bet they are all on drugs, just to kill their boredom.

Keep calm, and carry on :-)

otto skorzeny's picture

the chick on the right is looking at a picture of Mark in flagrante delicto with a goat. also-debt brother wishes that was a big piece of Popeye's fried chicken that ben shalom was cutting up-fish is for honkeys(unless it's catfish)

newengland's picture

Pitiful, aren't they. Suckbergs are dull. No wonder they play with tech.

the grateful unemployed's picture

there's something wrong with Sumers left nipple, it looks like a melanoma or something (the right side obviously has a tumorous growth) the only thing that would make it better would be WWF title belt around his girth. give little timmy something to rest his feet on

Billy Shears's picture

Just loved BS chef Paul Klugman's work with Tony Randall...RIP.

otto skorzeny's picture

The world's oceans would be much better off if the fucking japanese would be wiped off the face of the planet. they consume massive amounts of the world's dwindling supplies of tuna, they massacre dolphins for no reason other than "tradition", they kill every whale they can get their hands on, they have annhiliated fish stocks in the Mediteranean Sea and the list goes on and on. also-those Zuckerbergs are about the ugliest jews to have walked the planet-and that's saying something.I'd have to put a bag over my head and drink that bottle of manischewitz wine in the photo to fuck that pregnant pig on the right.

williambanzai7's picture

We all know the Japanese are hyper voracious consumers of tuna and dolphin killers as well. One day they will be eating tofu tuna.

However, I don't think Starkist and Chicken of the Sea deserve a free lunch. Nor do the millions of Americans who consume tuna sushi and sandwiches for lunch daily.

Also those record bluefin catches are typically fished by sport fishermen off Montauk and Baja.

The sad truth is the whole world is killing the ocean.

Joebloinvestor's picture

What about POISONING the ocean(s)?

 

I still remember the FUCKWAD EPA guy who said the ocean has a "cleansing effect".

williambanzai7's picture

Here is a frightening thought: they are so hopelessly iradiated and manipulated by their government, which in turn is manipulated by ours, that they just don't give a fuck anymore...

I wonder if the Japanese will kill all the tuna before the Chinese manage to kill all the sharks.