HaNK'S ReSTauRaNT...

williambanzai7's picture




(Arlo Guthrie--Alice’s Restaurant)

Adapted by WilliamBanzai7


This song is called Hank’s Restaurant,

and it’s about Hank,

and the restaurant,

but Hank’s Restaurant is not the name of the restaurant,

that’s just the name of the song,

and that’s why I called the song Hank’s Restaurant.

You can take anything you want from Hank’s Bailout Restaurant

You can take anything you want from Hank’s Bailout Restaurant

Walk right in it’s around the back

Just a half a mile from the Federal Reserve Bank

You can take anything you want from Hank’s Bailout Restaurant

Now it all started Hanksgiving Day 2008

when my friend Fabulous Fab and I went up to visit Hank at the restaurant,

but Hank doesn’t like sittin in there,

he likes sittin near a fella named Blankfein in Goldman Sachs’ Wall Street office,

in a big glass tower.

And being in a tower like that,

they got a lot of room downstairs.

Havin’ all that room,

they decided that they didn’t have to take out their subprime garbage for a long time.

We got up there,

we found all the toxic subprime garbage in there,

and we decided it’d be a friendly gesture for us to take the garbage down to the Federal Reserve shitty deal dump, Maiden Lane.

So my friend and I took the $700 billion tons of subprime garbage,

put it in the back of a red Humvee stretch limo, including CDSs and CDOs and other implements of financial

mass destruction and headed on toward the Maiden Lane shitty deal dump.

Well we got there and there was a big sign and a chain across across the dump saying,

"By order of Emperor Benron--No Dumping on Hanksgiving."

And we had never heard of a shitty deal dump closed on Hanksgiving before,

and with tears in our eyes we drove off into the sunset looking for another place to put the toxic asset garbage.

We didn’t find one.

Until we came to a side road,

and off the side of the side road there was another financial black hole hole and at the bottom of the hole there was

a big pile of Wall Street garbage, offering circulars, stress tests, analyst reports, mortgage notes and such.

And we decided that one big pile is better than two little piles,

and rather than bring that one up we decided to throw our’s down.

That’s what we did, and drove back to the restaurant,

had a Thanksgiving dinner that couldn’t be beat,

went to sleep and didn’t get up until the next morning,

when we got a phone call from Porn Commissioner Cox.

He said, "Kid, we found your name on an Abacus offering circular at the bottom of a half a ton of shitty deals,

and just wanted to know if you had any information about it."

And I said, "Yes, sir, Mr. Porn Commissioner,

I cannot tell a lie, I put that Abacus offering circular under that garbage."

After speaking to Porn Commissioner Cox for about fourty-five minutes on the telephone we finally arrived at

the truth of the matter and said that we had to go down and pick up the subprime garbage,

and also had to go down and speak to him at the Porn Commission’s NY Regional office.

So we got in the red Humvee Limo with the CDOs and CDSs and implements of financial mass destruction and

headed on toward the Porn office upstairs at Score’s.

Now friends, there was only one or two things that the Commissioner coulda done at the Porn office,

and the first was he could have shown us some hot porn tubes of Mary Schapiro doin the deed,

which wasn’t very likely, and we didn’t expect it,

and the other thing was he could have bawled us out and told us never to be seen driving toxic asset backed

garbage around the vicinity of Wall Street again,

which is what we expected,

but when we got to the Porn Commission’s office there was a third possibility that we hadn’t even counted upon,

and we was both immediately arrested.


And I said Mr. Porn Commissioner sir, I don’t think I can pick up the toxic garbage with these handcuffs on.

He said, "Shut up, kid. Get in the back of the car."

And that’s what we did, sat in the back of the car and drove to the quote Scene of the Crime unquote.

I want tell you about Wall Street, where this happened here, they got three Federal regulators, the SEC, the

CFTC and the FBI, but when we got to the Scene of the Crime there was all kinds of Black Ops people running


this being the biggest financial crime of the last five consecutive Wall Street trading days,

and everybody wanted to get in the newspaper story about it.

And the TSA, they was using up all kinds of equipment that they had hanging around the anti-traveler unit.

They was taking plaster tire tracks, finger prints, dog smelling prints, and they took twenty seven eight-by-ten

glossy back scatter scans with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each

one was to be used as evidence against us.

Took scans of the approach, the getaway, the northwest corner the southwest corner and that’s not to

mention the aerial drone photography.

After the ordeal, we went back to the jail.

Porn Commissioner Cox said he was going to put us in the cell. Said,

"Kid, I’m going to put you in the cell, I want your wallet and your belt."

And I said, "I can understand you wanting my wallet so I don’t have any money to spend in the cell,

but what do you want my belt for?"

And he said, "Kid, we don’t want any hangings."

I said, "did you really think I was going to hang myself for financial intermediation?"

Porn commissioner Cox said he was making sure,

and friends the Porn Commissioner was,

cause he took out the toilet seat so I couldn’t hit myself over the head and drown,

and he took out the toilet paper so I couldn’t bend the bars roll out the – roll the toilet paper out the window,

slide down the roll and have an escape.

The PornCommissioner was making sure,

and it was about four or five hours later that Hank (remember Hank? It’s a song about Hank),

came by and with a few nasty words to Porn Commissioner Cox on the side,

Bailed us out using Federal taxpayer money,

and we went back to the restaurant,

had a another Hanksgiving dinner that couldn’t be beat!!

You can take anything you want, from Hank’s Bailout Restaurant

You can take anything you want, from Hank’s Bailout Restaurant

Walk right in it’s around the back

Just a half a mile from the Federal Reserve Bank

You can take anything you want, from Hank’s Bailout Restaurant


WB7: This is my favorite Thanksgiving song. It is also the only one I know.

Arlo Authrie, if you don’t know him, is the son of Woody Guthrie, a famous folk singer who was no friend of Wall Street.

I originally did this version of Alice’s Restaurant in September 2008. This is my updated version, which is really an excuse for me to play this song for you and to once again say…





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mess nonster's picture

Ah, WB, just the way I likes it!

q99x2's picture

Yaaaaa Happy Hanksgiving.

williambanzai7's picture

Players Cafe, Wanchai
(formerly Neptune II)
Photo by Steve Schechter (https://www.facebook.com/steve.schechter)

Skateboarder's picture

Let the guitarist know I says "hi, and nice shoes."

The Heart's picture

Blessings to your and yours Sir Wiliam.

Blessings to all!

acetinker's picture

Never met Arlo, but bumped into his wife once upon a time.  A genuinely amazing person, she was.  It was at an airport food court, and while waiting in line, I began singing "you can get anything you want....'  This gal behind me whacked me and asked how do I know that?  We each got some fantastically overpriced tripe, and continued to converse.  

Didn't recall her name, but she said she was dying.  I said, we all are, eventually.  She said, "I have cancer".  I told her modern medicine could save her.

Guess I was wrong.  Wiki says Jackie Guthrie died in 2012.






acetinker's picture

Yes, it is.  Not often do you have someone you don't know smack you, for no apparent reason, other than to say that my husband and I wrote "that song", and for that person, over a shitty lunch to confide in you such personal things as impending death.

Then again, ordinary people tell me all sorts of things, that I have no business knowing- for reasons only they know.

It's not like I'm a priest or something.

Then last nite, the honest-to-god cutie (half my age) who came along and said "I submit to you" while rubbing, and hanging herself all over me, over and over.  I know she was high, but I was with my wife and family... wtf is going on here, old friend?

Sure, I was as flattered as the wife was pissed, but I honestly don't know the girl.  Furthermore, I don't want anyone "submitting" to me.

Maybe she was a "tease" to get me into a situation, but there was never an invite outside the venue.

I still have all my credit/debit cards, and we didn't even exchange names.  She was a certified cutie, though.  Hope she eats/sleeps well tonight.

edit: Just now realized Jackie's YouTube channel is still online.  It's jguth3.  There's some cool shit there.  She done good.




Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

Just because almost every Thanksgiving as a kid I had to listen to Alice's Restaurant here is the original from 67.


My mother used to play this every year and it got to the point if I never heard it again it would be too soon. Since she passed that has changed. With that said if there is ever something to be thankful for amid all the 'doom and gloom' it is the limited time we do get with loved ones, something we tend not to appreciate until after the fact.

Happy Thanksgiving bitchez

Nobody For President's picture

Thank you WB and thank you Dewey for posting the original - haven't heard it in years, brought back a shitpot bunch of memories.

For a bunch of years, went to Bay Area and had a TG dinner usually a few days later than TG with all three kids and their wifes and four grandkids = quite a crowd. Have a functional family, everybody really likes one another - good times.

Now my wife's cancer does not allow her to travel, so one son came up and cooked us an amazing Thanksgiving dinner. It is easy to forget that there really is a lot of stuff to be thankfull for.

So thanks again WB and the ZH crew for the sarc, the truth, and sometimes, even here at fight club, the civility.

williambanzai7's picture

They made a movie as well and at the time the song and the movie were considered an open mockery of the entire "system." The movie used to rerun of TV.  I don't know what artist does that anymore, at least with access to the entertainment media machine. I suppose he was able to pull it off because his father was Woody Guthrie. 

acetinker's picture

He was able to pull it off because he was Arlo, Wm.  The same way Carlin and Hicks and the Dixie Chicks (for a time) did.  It's the same quality that keeps you above ground today.  It is imperative that you present your work as satire, or comedy, or music, or art, and even at that, you can't seem at all serious.

I fear for you at times.  By doing so, I am being presumptive, I know.

Maybe you have reached a point I flirt with daily, and just don't give a fuck, anymore.                                                                                         

the grateful unemployed's picture

the movie version was done by Arthur Penn (Bonnie and Clyde) it was a rather dark at the subject, (communal life) while the Arlo character provided a moral compass to people for teh outcasts who come there. perhaps you've read the SUN magazine, a friend of mine has stories published there from time to time, the magazine is a forum for the socially disenfranchised. 

Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

With that said I do appreciate the art of WB7 using the newer recorded version and only linking to the Part 1 of ...

It is a nice subtle touch.

LawyerScum's picture

There is a 25th Anniversary MST3K turkey-day-marathon today, in the movie "I Accuse My Parents" they reference "Alice's Restaurant" in one of their jokes.

williambanzai7's picture

It is a cultish artifact now. After the boomers all go, it will dissapear unless they re-release it in vinyl...or do an OWS version.

You can get anything you want at Banzai7's Restaurant.

Trimmed Hedge's picture

Thank you, Bonzai!


Sliding my dick in the yams as we speak...

no more banksters's picture

Opposition MP hints big interests of multinational pharmaceuticals behind a recent amendment voted by Greek parliament


Angus McHugepenis's picture

Dammit Banzai... I haven't received my latest purchase and you've got me shopping for more Banzai Art on Black Friday!? (note: they should arrive any day now).

I still have some of your art in the tubes since I don't have time to either get them framed or do it myself. I'm hoping Jan/Feb will slow down enough that I can actually build the frames rather than let a professional do it. Yes, I know how to do that stuff when I have the time, lol.

I love your art and will always buy it. I truly consider it as precious as my gold/silver. My problem is that I WANT IT ALL... but I can't afford it all right now so I have to pick and choose your offerings. I am thankful this day for what I have received.

All the best to you and the lunatic ZH crowd that I am so proudly part of! We will take over the world eventually.

Gobble, Turkey, Bitchez...

Manipuflation's picture

I second this comment.  Yes, it does take a while to receive a WB7 print but you know that.  The only statement I would take umbrage with is the "lunatic" comment.  We are not the lunatics... they are.  It's not us; it's them.  Hope you had a great Thanksgiving Sir.  And get those prints framed up already.:-)  I hear you loud and clear on wanting a lot of William's work.  I have my eye on one in particular. 

williambanzai7's picture

Should be there by next week, maybe sooner. After you frame the prints you can use the tubes to trip tha man when he come thru da door ;-)

Happy TG and stay warm!

DaddyO's picture


Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanks for truly thought provoking Visual Combat.

Your art has raised my awareness to new levels!

The occasional combat girls are nice too...


williambanzai7's picture

You know my Mom was the one who always kept saying give the crowd more combat girls ;-)

Happy TG!

scraping_by's picture

Saturday morning cartoons.  I'd look for the action figures.

williambanzai7's picture

They can be purchased full size from Japan.

wisehiney's picture

Time for some stuffing!

LawyerScum's picture

Thanks for your efforts William, Happy Thanksgiving.  We talk incessantly of wealth here on the Hedge, but let us not forget family and friends are true wealth.  No amount of gold, Bernanke bucks or bitcoins can purchase back lost time with your loved ones. 

williambanzai7's picture

Wise words. Happy TG my friend...

Colonel Klink's picture

Yep, miss my mother every day she's been gone.  May her soul rest in peace.

Lmo Mutton's picture

The smile on that turkeys face is priceless.

williambanzai7's picture

After the guests have left...


Manipuflation's picture

Is that an old Honeywell thermostat right next to the fireplace?LOL  You have to cut costs somehow I guess.;-)

scraping_by's picture


I knew you'd find Jack Vettriano. Images as complex as yours.

Pictures of a strange and dangerous world.

news printer's picture

whole William;


happy Pussygiving ;)

Yeah instead of Thanksgiving madness;

give Yourself to a girl and give her a chance

simple human to human relation :)

Lmo Mutton's picture

Happy thanksgiving sir.

williambanzai7's picture

And to you and all good ZHers as well...

Coldfire's picture

Neptune! The pride of Jaffe Road is still rocking.