williambanzai7's picture

The Lufthansa Heist: It was the biggest robbery in the US until TARP.

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lunaticfringe's picture

Of all the insane shit over the past 6 years- my favorite item is Hank's book wherein he tries to tell the world what a fucking hero he was during 2008.


That level of self deception, lies, rationalization, grand theft, narcissism, and sociopathy is fucking profound. When Hank dies, we should remove what brain he has and study it. It is truly one of a kind.

williambanzai7's picture

I hope it was a library book ;-)

the grateful unemployed's picture

don't laugh, the politicians write it, their favorite PAC buys a million copies, (the money is therefore not a contribution) and the books go the landfill

Lord Peter Pipsqueak's picture

Whadaya mean funny?Funny like I amuse you?Funny like some sort of f"""""g clown??????????

Emergency Ward's picture

BANG!  Greatest Pesci scene ever -- BankFiend fits that role perfectly....

MyBrothersKeeper's picture

Should do one with Obammy with his pen and phone. Do it like thoses truck commercials:  A man. A man and a phone and a pen.  With a teleprompter. And some drones

ghostzapper's picture

greatest.  movie.  ever.


bravo WB7 this is my favorite of yours.  classic.  


Nice touch leaving Bobby D I can't associate him with those scumbags but you can't upstage him that's for sure.  


"Not enough POMO this week?"

"Fuck you.  Pay me."

esum's picture

maybe the banksters should realize all the fellas wound up dead or in prison

ptoemmes's picture

Which one is Pesci?

janus's picture

oh, well, whadda-you-know, it's story-time again.  ZHealots, patriots and other such manly-men, it's time for some very true lies.

you wanna know what i respect about dimon?  if you don't, you should: he doesn't smoke crack and he doesn't pay for cock up his ass...and, certainly, i recognize how very vile this sounds; but, believe it or not, crack-ho'in behavior is not in any way uncommon (think i'm exaggerating?) in this nation's halls of power.  yes, there really were crack-pipes on the white house christmas tree...awesomely true shit; isn't it?  

{as a good-honest-folk have absolutely no idea what's lording over you...maybe these NSA files aren't so bad a thing; maybe, just maybe (senator feinstein, etc.), we'll get to examine your records in a very detailed and thorough fashion.  as a side-side note: wasn't that aide of lamar alexander's episode rather strange?  the timing of it and vwewy cwazy. i'm telling you all right now: your 'leaders' are just inconceivably wretched...every one of them a damnable wonder they want to watch over us -- knowing how evil they are, they imagine the rest of us as such-like same as them.  well, let's go file-for-file.  ba-negro-hussain, i've been scoutin about for your contributions to the harvard law review...they ain't no where's to be found.  just who, exactly, are you, mistah president?  just what are you up to, mistah president?  do you intend to bring down my country, mistah president?}  

back again to the story of me and jamie dimon: 

so jamie found himself in debt to the wrong kinda people; and that's where janus steps in.

ole dimon had run afoul a gang of huffers...insofar as jamie was/is a huffer...and had from which spirited away 3 tubes of airplane glue, 2 bottles of amyl nitrate and 1 tank of medical-grade nitros-oxide (NO2).  all of which very difficult and tedious to replace.

full disclosure: janus operated at the behest of the most surly and googly-eyed syndicate imaginable; they were a highly-sophisticated gang of huffers...poorly-bred/nuvo-riche dilletants (despicable people, every last one of them). i did it for a three year period; but only on contract; and only at my discretion; and only because i needed the money. 

so i track his odiousness to a seafood shack in mobile, alabama.  and there i find him, slobbering over a basket of crab, muscles and oysters.

"oy vey!" i say, "what would your acceptably-reformed rabbi do if he saw you shoveling the unclean creatures of the sea into your maw so agressively?"

dimon responds: "huh?"

"that's what i thought, jamie! pass the cocktail sauce"  sez janus.

i know my methods may at first seem unorthodox; but, please understand, when dealing with huffers, orthodoxy is in practice its very antipathy.

"jamie, you know what's wrong with you?"  asks janus; and after janus ignores dimon's response he responds thusly:

"you're just all over the place; you've no self-discipline; you'll have to be bridled, and the bit's bout to be forced into your mouth."

it was at this point janus accepted dimon's offer to share some of his purloined NO2...janus did therewith huff the shit outtta his nitorous. 

i do not recall what occured in the span of the two hours following; but, as-is typically the case in such scenarios, dimon and me ended up in the strip club; he assuring janus that someone was at some point gonna show up with the dough...or something or some substance that would make up for it.

 the strippers sucked...the beer was flat...and janus was just about done with all of it.

"jamie, as i look you over, i see that your left eye is vulnerable."  sez janus.  (this is the kind of shit you say to people right before you're about to jack their person up all apocalyptic-like)

"huh?" responds the consummate huffer.

"let's go back to the mustang and breath in some fresh chemicals"  suggests janus.

when it comes to violence, i subscribe to an olde-school ideology...namely, expose and then stalk your object's vulnerability; exploit it; and viola! you have yourself a highly-suggestive subject.

in dimon's defense, it is somewhat difficult and supremely disadvantageous to negotiate when your left eyeball is at the mercy of a janus thumb, your observing orb almost half-way outta its socket; nothing at this point remaining but to cave to any and all janus-demands.

it was at this point his daughter shows up; hikes her skirt; and the fun really begins.

so's i make like the new-school paul revere

(i did it like this/

i did it like that/

i did it with a wiffle-ball bat...

my name's mike d and i demand respect)

poor-poor dimon...he'd only just begun to understand that huffers play for keeps -- and their enforcers all the more-so.

"okay, so, that was interest; now let's have some principal!"  

you'd a' thought ole jamie dimon's mother had been brutally disrespected the way he looked back at me (all hollow-eyed and stunned); but i wanted to make it clear that things were far-far worse than all that...poor-poor jamie, he'd misfortuned upon janus...a classic arch-villan of the most ancient sort.

next thing you know, janus is unfurling parchment, prickin index fingers & drawing-out blood-scribbled signatures.  

aaaahhhh, c'est fin! oui!

one soul, due janus, forever & ever amen, signed, jamie dimon. (that's the condensed version of things)

well i'm sorry/

but i'm not interested in/

gold mines, oil wells, shipping or real estate/

what would i like to have been?/

everything you hate.../

there is a man/

a certain man/

and for the poor/

you may be sure/

that he'll do all he can/

who is this one?/

whose favorite son/

just by his action/

has the traction-magnets on the run/

who likes to smoke?/

enjoys a joke?/

and wouldn't get a bit upset/

if he were really broke/

with wealth & fame/

he's still the same/

i'll bet you 5 you're not alive/

if you don't know his name,





lunaticfringe's picture

You lost me at "cock up his ass." After that point, it's all drivel.

acetinker's picture

Wintzell's?  Ol' Olly woulda thrown Jamie's ass out before you got there.

TheMeatTrapper's picture

Damn. Somebody on ZH knows about Wintzells. I grew up eating oysters, shrimp and crab claws at Wintzells on Dauphin Street in Mobile. Piles of crab claws. Now I'm hungry. 

acetinker's picture

Small world.  Was born in MoGodbile, Aladamnbama, that is.  Haven't lived there for over forty years.  Wintzell's was one of those places you never forget.  Passed thru MoGodbile not long ago.  There's a Wintzell's out the beltline.  Don't know if it's still on Dauphin St. or not.

janus's picture


i'm gonna drink, listen to music, let the inspiration flow...that kinda thing.  but before i get to my gettin-to, i thought i'd share with you the imediate influence that flushed through ole janus upon the first viewing (love the blankfein, btw)...

learn bout weapons of opportunity, brothers. they may save your life someday.

you beat him with a gun/

well, you better kill him/

cause janus will keep comin & comin & comin till yer dead,


3.7.77's picture

Thanks WB7, good shot.

tom a taxpayer's picture

We need Shock and Awe RICO prosecutions and mass trials in style of the Maxiprocesso (Maxi Trial) of the Mafia in Sicily during the mid-1980s that resulted in hundreds of defendants convicted

Thanksgiving prayer at Goldman Sachs Board meeting in office of CEO Lloyd Blankfein, based on unconfirmed transcript from an unreliable source: 

"Bless Ben Bernanke for giving us a lifeline when we were about to sink like rock in September 2008. Bless Ben for taking us drowning, scared multimillionaires into the Federal Reserve family by approving our application to be a bank holding company, and for waiving the pesky waiting period to review our application and perform due diligence. Bless Ben and his NY Fed family for all the other multibillion dollar "accommodations" they have bestowed on Goldman Sachs in the following years of tribulation and fibulation."

"Thank Hank Paulson, our Godfather, for killing our competitors Bear Stearns and Lehman, for knee capping Merrill Lynch, for saving our behinds from billions of $ of counterparty risk at Fannie, Freddie, and AIG. Thank Hank, truly a family man, for allowing the Goldman Sachs family to control key positions at the U.S. Treasury and to advise him on how best to fleece the taxpayers. Hank, every Thanksgiving we kneel before you and kiss your ring. 

"Bless Obama for giving us Bernanke, Geithner, Holder, and four jail-free years to harvest what we can from investors, pension funds, municipal, state, and federal vaults, and turkey shoots of widows and orphans. I shudder to recall Thanksgiving 2008. We had every reason to think that Obama, the new Heralded Reformer, would prosecute the rampant crimes of Wall Street. We worried our financial engineering would be misunderstood before a jury of mere mortals. We feared spending the next 20 years in federal prison sharing cells with Bubba and disgruntled investors.

"But God works in mysterious ways, and may I say, since 2008 in miraculous ways. Yes, it is a miracle…Obama converted to our side. Truly a conversion of Biblical proportions. 

"Let us give thanks. Bush gave us the U.S. Government Seal of Approval as Too Big To Fail. Obama gave us the U.S. Government Seal of Approval as Too Big To Jail."



the grateful unemployed's picture

well comeon, Scorcese used a panoply of rock songs, which one should we attach? Back in the USSR? Sympathy for the Devil? If 6 was 9? they all fit, Bogarting that joint, My Friend, Pass it over to me......

hedgefunddartthrower's picture

How about the Doors", "Back Door Man", or "Waiting On a Friend", or


The Jackson Five's "Ben". 

"Ben, the two of us need look no more

We both found what we were looking for
With a friend to call my own
I'll never be alone
And you my friend will see 
You've got a friend in me (you've got a friend in me)

  Ben, you're always running here and there
You feel you're not wanted anywhere
If you ever look behind and don't like what you find
There's something you should know
You've got a place to go (you've got a place to go)". 

ShakaZulu's picture

One of these things just doesn't belong here.  One of these things is not like the others.

LawyerScum's picture

Well done William. The only problem is the mafia are boyscouts compared to these ghouls.

Son of Loki's picture

"Daddy, I don't want to be a Brain surgeon when I grow up. I want to be a Banker so I can be rich an dlive on Cape Cod or the North Shore. Oh, please Daddy...."

DaddyO's picture

That little twerp on the right needs to be "bitch slapped", just sayin...


Yes_Questions's picture



I'm thinking during its younger years there was much of that.


Would help explain the antics of the mature version well all know and loathe.

papa_lazarou's picture

For as long as I can remember I always wanted to be a banker. To me that was better than being president of the United States. To be a banker was to own the world.

wisehiney's picture

Now THAT'S funny!

ParkAveFlasher's picture

You really are a funny guy!