THeY SHoT THe GiRaFFe...

williambanzai7's picture



BANZAI7 NEWS--Dick the toxic derivative giraffe died at the Copenhagen Zoo on Sunday.

He wasn't Too Big To Fail.

The cause of death was a shotgun blast, and after a public autopsy [in front of a bunch of school kids], the animal, who was 11 feet 6 inches, was chopped up and Fed to the zoo’s lions and other big feline counterparties.

Administrator Hank Paulsen said they had decided to kill Dick, who by Wall Street standards, was in just as good (or shitty) health as the other toxic derivative giraffes, because his genes were well represented among the captive TBTF giraffe population in  the Wall Street zoo.

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Sundling's picture

Here is the story, translated from:


Investment bank acknowledges giraffe killing

" We hate cute animals just as much as we hate poor people," declared a spokesman for Goldman Sachs, who acknowledges that the bank was behind the murder of the defenseless giraffe Marius .

Sunday the giraffe Marius was killed, dismembered and thrown to the lions . Until today, the public believed in the elaborate cover story that the giraffe had become redundant in the Copenhagen Zoo. But today, Rococo Posten reveal the shocking truth : Marius was killed in a murder spree of big business minions.

Several witnesses have independently reported that the brutal giraffe killing  in fact were given by the grizzled businessmen with Goldman Sachs typical vampire squid logo on their custom made suits . The unscrupulous capitalists threw on with big dollar bills that were used to bribe officials in Copenhagen Zoo .

Pure sadism

An anonymous employee of Goldman Sachs recognizes that they were behind the killing.

"Yes, that's right . We killed the giraffe . When a diabolical company like ours first get a taste at the prospect of destroying the electrical infrastructure in Denmark of sheer sadism , we are not just how to stop. In addition, we hate animals that behave with great dignity , almost as much as we hate the poor people , "said the employee with a laugh and sprinkles ash from his cigar on a picture of a crying Mother Teresa.

"In addition, it is probably also suffered as a blood sacrifice . As everyone knows, capitalists hates the nature, and when we unfortunately are going to pour money into wind turbines by DONG , we thought , that we could at least slaughter a beloved animal from Africa. So that we create a little balance in the accounts and satisfy the latent needs of vandalism and evil in our hinterland, "he says.

Giraffe Liver and good chianti

Also the story of how the giraffe was then served to the lions have been found to be fanciful .

" The only predators that tasted the animals flesh , were the ferocious beasts that sits on our board , " said the Goldman Sachs spokesman , revealing his vampire-like canines in a grin.

" We drank the giraffe's blood and ate its liver with an excellent chianti together with a lot of people from the Bilderberg group , while we were discussing how best to put Danish electricity consumers to beggary , " he explains.

williambanzai7's picture

This is hilarious. Thanks for posting this. I was vaguely aware that the power plant deal stirred up anti-Goldman venom.

kurt's picture

I think it's a Danish berzerker viking thing. A shot gun! Not even a high powered round. More sickening is the annual Faroe Islands Slaughter of Dolphins with Knives again the Danes.

williambanzai7's picture

The Dolphins need top be slaughtered in such manner because the Oceans are too radioactive.

Professorlocknload's picture

Separation between Country Folks and City Folks goin' on here. To some a steak comes from a steer and to others it comes from a neatly labeled Styrofoam backed cellophane wrapper in the meat department at the Supersave.

4H kids are exposed to the economics and realities of Animal Husbandry everyday. It's part of growing up. City kids are more protected in that light, sans the assaults and murders they might witness on occasion.

williambanzai7's picture

I remember the early AM 4H advertisements on Saturday morning TV when I was a kid.


Are the 6,7 or 8 year old 4H Club members and country school kids encouraged to name their cute and cuddly steer friend Marius. Are they then told that Marius is one of a unique endangered species who needs to be protected for the heritage of future generations, before they are told it is has suddenly been decided by a panel of rancher bureaucrats domiciled in a distant land, that Marius has to be shot, dissected, then chopped to pieces in front of a live audience before being fed to the coyotes?

I don't know, but I doubt it...

No doubt this tastes better than Dick the Gorilla Fuld, unless you are a Vampire Squid ;-)

Peter Pan's picture

What was that joke about two lions and a lamb deciding what they were going to have for dinner?

nmewn's picture

Exactly, democracy.

But the joke has been upgraded...A Democracy, is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. A Republic, is a well-armed lamb contesting that vote ;-)

blindman's picture

speaking of republics? ....

blindman's picture

Steve Earle - Guitar Town (Live in Sydney) | Moshcam
here a man speaking the truth.
"this machine kills fascists." w.g.

blindman's picture

people will never fail to disappoint you,
remember that. it is just "life".
this is the proof of the phrase
"trust no man". not one historic citation
can be recalled to refute it.
one must take this bull by the horns, oneself,
or die. fix it is the word.
tell them to solve it and fix themselves,
no one else gives a wicked shite.

blindman's picture

key phrase in the brando interview: "sea of dullness" /
the real world, the political world, the world of the
unwashed and the story of responsibility, not freedom,
the other side, responsibility, the fix it yourself.
go ahead and do it, what needs to be done as you see
you are responsible.
Who Owns You?

blindman's picture

shot the giraffe! bingo
americans, the people, worship the "actor"
as people have worshiped "gods" in the past.
note: gods are beyond the laws of men, immune to
it all.
Marlon Brando Interview 1973 (Pt 1 of 6)
perhaps because they are beyond the usual tripe of
the media and the politicians?
Obama Does Brando
Marlon Brando Interview 1973 (2/6)
the actor politician approximating a god
being in a position to sell out the interests
and resources of the general public, that is the
ticket my friends.

deerhunter's picture

We cut, boned , ground and wrapped two beef steers this past weekend! A week ago when those were put down, gutted and skinned my 7 year old grandson helped. He knows it is messy and it stinks but he knows where his meat comes from! He was not there when they were shot!! To shoot a giraffe or any animal in front of small children is a total lack of common sense!! As to non producing or profitable animals being put down is just a fact of life. Farmers treat their animals well. There are things young children don't need exposure to!

blindman's picture

Obama Does Brando
listen here and learn.

blindman's picture

speaking of giraffes, lions, meatballs
and other stuff look here, the temperature
on this thing is heating up with the globe, venus,
mars and the rest of 'em.
Death By Metadata: Jeremy Scahill & Glenn Greenwald Reveal NSA Role in Assassinations Overseas
don't miss the recent house intelligence committee hearings
most definitely laying the rhetorical groundwork to charge
snowden and greenwald with treason and associated ultimate "punishment".
it is getting realy?er and uglier, faster and faster.
selling stolen property/information/security secrets-methods
for federal reserve notes and other things, tangible and otherwise!
one has to break down the assumptions embedded while the
temperature rises.
related links
Book Excerpt Quotes Obama: I’ve Gotten ‘Really Good at Killing People’
by Mediaite Staff | 3:34 pm, November 3rd, 2013
if you like your societal chaotic feudal monopolistic
money and financial system you can keep your societal
chaotic feudal monopolistic money and financial system.

blindman's picture

since no one else hears the song let me respond myself to
the implicit conflict.
those agents accusing mr. greenwald and snowden of profiting
in federal reserve notes are also personally profiting in
those same notes, not only personally but institutionally,
so there is an obvious conflict of accusation as the prosecutors
are guilty of the exact same crime. that crime is one of
association and exploitation of a criminal and corrupted fraudulent
system established by legislation at the end of the barrel of many
guns and the pressure of many dead, conditioned and weighty eyes
informing mind numbed muscle and bone to do the unthinkable.
time to cheer up, so let us put on a happy face!

Silvergood's picture

Nothing funny about this folks.  Its very sad to see how cruel this world is becoming.

Wolferl's picture

Lion eats baby giraffe. True, this is not funny. This is just how things are suppossed to be.

Anusocracy's picture

That is an example from the animal world.


Of course 99% of all people are still animals, so it is apropos.

blindman's picture

animal, unconsciously adhering to symbolic cues
that dictate learned responses and behaviours;
conditioned animals with a greater potential
gone neglected and leveraged against them,
aka , culture propagated by language and other

Lumberjack's picture

Secretary White. Thank you, Mr. Chairman. My name is Tom White, and I am appearing here voluntarily to answer the questions the Committee may have with respect to its investigation regarding the California energy marketplace in 2000 and 2001. Since May 2001 I have been privileged to serve as the Secretary of the Army. From July 1990 until that date, I was employed by Enron Corporation. For several years I ran various businesses that involved physical assets, including gas pipelines and power stations. Beginning in April 1998, I brought that experience to a startup retail energy business called Enron Energy Services, or EES, where I was assigned the duties of Vice Chairman, a job I held until February 2001. Enron was divided into a number of business units which changed from time to time as energy markets evolved over the years. With respect to the California energy market in 2000 and 2001, it is important to understand that the energy services business I ran was entirely separate from the wholesale business run by Enron Wholesale Services. EES was strictly a retail energy operation of national and international scope that sold commodity capital and energy services to the end users of energy. Those products included both gas and electricity, were both short and long term, and were sold to small and large customers located throughout the United States and the U.K.

Lumberjack's picture

Police Probe Death of Ex-Enron Executive
Who Had Worked to Sell the Firm's Assets


The former Enron Corp. executive who was found dead Friday had been engaged in the difficult task of trying to sell off assets as the company's finances started to take a turn for the worse.

Police investigators in Sugar Land, Texas, said they are continuing their investigation into the death of former Enron Vice Chairman J. Clifford Baxter, who quit the company in May before a string of negative events became public and propelled the Houston energy company into U.S. bankruptcy court last month.

Mr. Baxter was found at 2:23 a.m. Friday morning in his 2002 black Mercedes Benz with a gunshot wound to the head. The car, which police said contained a handgun, was parked in a median about a mile from Mr. Baxter's newly built home that he shared with his wife and two children in the affluent planned community of Sugar Land, about 30 miles southwest of Houston.

Police quickly put out a press release with the headline "Suicide," only later in the day changing it to read "Death Investigation." Following an autopsy, the Harris County Medical Examiner's office said Mr. Baxter's death was consistent with a suicide. But police spokeswoman Pat Whitty said Sunday that "in spite of the fact the medical examiner believes it's a suicide, we're still processing the car, gun, hair and fibers ... to ensure it was a suicide." Authorities haven't released the note.

Those who knew Mr. Baxter, who was 43 years old, expressed shock and disbelief that he should have taken his own life. A former U.S. Air Force captain and investment banker, Mr. Baxter joined Enron in 1991 and quickly became a leading dealmaker for the company, according to one person who worked closely with him. When Enron later became burdened with poorly performing assets, he was charged with helping dispose of assets, particularly ones overseas.

buckethead's picture



So GIRAFFE is the Schmuck.

Godisanhftbot's picture

 It's not all that funny.

 But if they put one of those machines that closed a wire around YOUR neck .


 That would be hysterical.

shutdown's picture

Zoos. Animals in cages. Causing mass extinctions. People are such sick, cruel creatures. It's embarrassing to be one of them.

shutdown's picture

Thank you.

So far I can count only The Buddha, St Francis of Assici, and Jesus as the only three humans worth a damn. There may be a few others, but few, if any.

sarahsloverlance's picture

Seaworld and the Orcas.   Another proof that Apes are actually an advanced evolutionary species, not the other way round.

Killer the Buzzard's picture

... but they did not shoot the Deputy.  Seriously though, what a bunch of sick fucks.

HerrDoktor's picture

Are the Danes breeding a race of super-Giraffes?

williambanzai7's picture

Giant Squids

That's why they sold a minority interest in the power company to Goldman. Later the Danish population will volunteer to be culled for Squid Food.

ebworthen's picture

There always has to be a fall guy, a stooge, to take the pain for the other gamblers.

Ultimately, the biggest stooge is the American Worker but hey - we got NBA, NFL, MLB, and crappy Olympics coverage to keep us somnolent, passive, and in our corrals.

Zero-risk bias's picture

Some will get there before others, whether US workers, Japanese kids, Chinese farmers or European pensioners..

but on a long enough timeline..


"Quite an experience to live in fear, isn't it? That's what it is to be a slave."

WTF2's picture

He did't see it coming.

dogbreath's picture

The lions being fed the giraffe meat didn't seem that happy about it  -  in their own caged enclosure.   

Zoos are sick.

williambanzai7's picture

I have seen these animals in the wild. And although they look lean and ragged, they are obviously happy. Of course, one can argue that an African game preserve is not the wild any more.

It was not my impression that lions typically hunt giraffes. Particularly if there are easier prey around. Giraffes are huge and I was told can injure lions. Healthy giraffe steaks would be an unusual delicacy for a wild lion.

Wolferl's picture

Baby giraffes are not huge. True, giraffe mothers can be a bitch if you order baby giraffe steak for dinner as a lion. But there will be a lot of lions invited for dinner. Guess far less than 50% of all baby giraffes survive their first year in the wilderness.

ConManipulation's picture

Lions can & do hunt & kill giraffes.

AngelEyes00's picture

Lion do not hunt giraffe, unless it is a young giraffe that is not being guarded.   Lions stay clear of giraffes because it would be too easy to get injured.  They like game they can quickly sink their teeth into their necks, like wildebeast and zebra.  They also steal food from cheetah and hyena.  Sometimes the hyena steals their food. 

Lions will also eat water buffalo but usually only if other game is not available, because they have to gang up and work at it for hours.

I'll bet though when they chomped into giraffe in that zoo they knew what animal it came from.  It's probably instinctual.


williambanzai7's picture

I once read that the Hippo is one of the most feared of the big animals. Surprisingly, the water buffalo was next on the list. I guess it is not as easy to accidently run into an elephant protecting her calf.

Giraffes were not on the short list. But I can see why tangling with a giraffe is less than an optimal low hanging fruit scenario for a hungry but not yet starved lion surrounded by abundant herds of prey.

Stoploss's picture

Not after being shot in the head and dismembered in front of children.

Even lion's wouldn't stoop that low.. 

And they wonder why the kids don't have any problem what so ever killing anybody or anything.


It's called OJT...

TrumpXVI's picture

Probably not typically, like you point out, giraffes are huge.  But lions will tackle anything....that's what's cool about them.  And they get real banged up in the process.  Wild lions have all sorts of dings and injuries.  They don't look like the ones in zoos....they're much scarier looking.

Nobody For President's picture

More creative genius from WB!


diogeneslaertius's picture

i shot the giraffe

but i didnt shoot no manatee

ConManipulation's picture

I am glad they did it in front of the children, so that they don’t grow up to be like the giant wussies that they grow up to be here in the USA.


 Slaughtering and butchering animals is as natural a human activity to perform as is walking…our species has done it for millions of years, and it was always in the presence of children since the dawn of time, until very recently.  Stop shielding children from the natural GOOD things that occur in life.


Yes, I said GOOD things…slaughtering an animal, and using its meat for sustenance, is a GOOD thing…it brings life to you & your family.  Treat it with respect, of course, and say some kind words of thanks over it, and kids will learn to appreciate & respect life much more, and be healthier for it, than kids who never see it and are all grossed out by it when they finally do.


When I butcher animals I have hunted, my kids are right there with me, asking tons of questions…and that is how it should be.


A zoo is a human-managed organization.  Not much different than a farm, actually, except it is kept running from donations & taxes, instead of selling the animal products.  Heck, the animals wouldn’t even be alive if not for the zoo  in the first place. 

The comments are exact proof of why they need to do this more often; so many are so detached from reality.

They can’t use it for breeding because of the inbreeding, and it takes a lot of money to keep it alive, and it takes a lot of money to feed lions.  So they did exactly what they should do, just like any smart farmer; make the best use of use the available resources on hand.


And actually, they even wasted some of the resource; didn’t realize its full potential.  They could have sold the hide for a nice chunk of additional $$, instead of wasting it on the lions, who won’t eat it anyway.  Or they could have used hide to start a natural museum exhibit, and draw more crowds.


And at least get the story straight; it wasn't a shotgun.


?Don't be a bunch of poosies!!