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BaNZai7'S ReVeNGe OF THe NeRDS!
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you know, i've invested alot of thought over the last couple decades in the study of nerds...what makes them tick; what they're up to; this unnatural affection they have for machines; why are their faces so asymmetrical; were they farmed or raised...where do they come from, and where are they going?
i've come to no definitive conclusions on the matter, except to say that they seem to be a species within a species...some kind of distinct chromosomal aberration; sorta like down-syndrome, if it were malevolent and anti-social.
now, seeing how i've exhausted all avenues of inquiry, the only thing left is to settle on a plan of action. how do we deal with the nerd? how do we turn the tables on these mutants and restore them to their natural position? how does mankind make the nerd serve it, rather than the other way round? tis, perhaps, the most pressing question of the age.
i think i have some answers:
first, it is easy to both identify and isolate the nerd at an early age. these creatures are anything but masters of disguise. their very presence is noisome and vulgar to 'norms'. they put-off an odor of benzene and undercooked bacon. their gait is gangly and angst-ridden. they are suspicious of everyone, especially themselves. they have congenitally defective vision (look for contacts if glasses are missing). sinus problems are a consistent scourge. allergies to every fathomable substance, those seen and unseen. does not participate in physical activities. has contempt for fashion. learns to sneer before it can talk.
second, restore the bully system. this will properly condition the nerd to recognize its role within society. it must learn, from the earliest of ages, that it is both at all times vulnerable and totally uncool. what need a nerd of lunch money? fuck all that. it's ice-cream bars all around...except for you, poindexter. this will teach him the value of a dollar; and why he shouldn't be trusted with them. atomic wedgies are an absolute must. everyday, all the time. and what nerd is complete without a 'kick-me' sign taped between his pimple-like shoulder blades?
third, the nerd must be quarantined to certain quarters of the city. we cannot have these boggle-eyed freaks roaming freely across the country side. are we to expose our children to their inscrutable gazes? i think not! what is more, the nerd feels most comfortable around its own kind. it is always ill-at-ease around the 'norms'; a flux of fear and dread mingle in both parties when oil and water are so jostled together. every now and again, we will raid the nerd camp...tossle their belongings...smash their gaming consoles...set fire to their dungeons and dragons halls...you know, inject some visceral fear into the nerd.
i assert it is for their own good.
what is our other option? would you have us be lorded-over by nerds?....have you all taken leave of your senses?
i ask you, has the world gone totally mad?!?!
{awww, cummon guys; can't i ever have a lil fun?}
janus
BANZAI! you're on comedy steroids.
you better watch out or the comedy police are going to accuse you of juicing. you're like the goddamn babe ruth of comedy today, or Arod, barry bonds, mark maguire.
seroiusly, what the fuck is going on here? are you getting writers to help you out?
this---THIS ---is PROLIFIC.
What, no Omega Mu's?
Those aren't potatoes he's holding. They look like turds. Which of course....is apropos as well.
"You, you, you didn't make that potato chip!"
And at $135 a week, you qualify for Medicaid.*
*with clawback from your estate when you die
.
Reggie's a stock picking star
But lately he's looking bizarre
That thing on his face
Like something from space
Makes him look like a future Lamar
The Limerick King
Reggie is the most modest Dude, I know. Kind of like finding a humble lawyer. What a guy.
Hey Reg, about that brilliant scheme to stabilize Bit-Coin,
how's that sucker working out for ya???
Wow. Just Wow.
It's almost like a blackmail photo.
Er, Afro-Americanmail. Sorry, no offense.
Wait - did Reggie seriously wear those fucking things on TV?
Legions of nerds I knew ten years ago who were certain Google was going to end the monopolistic corporate hegemony of Microsoft.
And now Google is just another corporate hegemony happy to turn our data over to the NSA; wonder how they feel about that?
Reggie lost me with the UltraCoin derivatives thing; derivatives are a big part of the problem in modern "finance".
It's like pushing paper gold to help fight Central Banks and the banksters; wrong turn.
That point regarding Microsoft and Google is just sublimely spot on.
I feel what you say about the way we seem to continually reengineer technologies, and praise this for the resulting disintermediatation, still I can't help but agree that with this you say. By hook or by crook, the companies and powers that have already rolled out the existing infrastructure on which it all depends, will come for their ounce of flesh.
Let's keep some things physical.
i guess you could say that everything the NSA does today is done thanks to these guys, and what they learned in China where they helped the police arrest dissidents. is it possible they really are a couple nerds set up by the government surveillance industry to do their dirty work?
Looks like Hillary Clinton on chemo.
Giorgio Tsukalos and crew were right all along.
lol, WB on Mary's nightcap
This is one of the best ones yet!
"The only thing better than a good swindle...is a bailout." - Priceless.
hilarious!!!!
No one else on the planet would have thought to transmorgmutegrify Blankberg and Zuckerstein.
The result is a level of evil heretofore unknown.
LOL...I saw an interview that was advertized on YouTube with this guy talking to interns last summer. I could not watch after he was introduced and started to open up his mouth. I had to close the browser window. This picture explains why I had to run away or vomit. :p
How do you get the map to the Roman baths on this goddam thing ??!?
Triple threat on the Revenge of the Statist Nerds.
I shit, puked and snorted all at the same time.
Anybody got some KABOOM cleaner ?
the white guy gets to hold the real guitar (summers) holder looks like a street organ grinder and geitner is going to play The Devil Came Down From Georgia on his golden fiddle. bummer on lead air guitar is warning putin in the front row not to cross the line. we don't need a fifth, stay where you are Vlad. and where's the EU CB choir?
on the dance floor doing the Bunga Bunga
The only organ Holder is grinding is Obama's.