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HaS ANYoNe SeeN BeN?

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Fri, 02/21/2014 - 16:23 | 4462947 janus
janus's picture

i wish ben and timmah and yellen and all the rest all the very best.

it's tough sloggin in a doom's-day-cult; and janus speaks from experience.  only, our little group wasn't trying to fuse leninist/marxist flim-flam and supply-side hoo-doo-voodo; no, we were far more ambitious than that.

we set out to meld all the best elements of trantric buddhism, benedictine asceticism, salafi islam, hopi injun hocus-pocus-stuff, scientology, mormonism, sex majik, zoroastrianism, talmudic hair-splitting, confusionism, snake handlin/tongue-talkin; and always keeping an eye out for anything else we thought would work for us.

we stocked the bunker with every imaginable weapon, enough food to see us through seven years of sorrow (sorrow, at least, for those poor suckers on the other side of that concrete reinforced door!), three babes for every dude ( they had to have wide, child-bearing hips, naturally straight teeth, be gorgeous, and, above all stay ticklish), all the best music and dvds, books, tools, fuel, and lest i fail to omit the most important ingredient: drugs...lots and lots and lots of drugs.

looking back, it was probably a bad idea to so obsessively concentrate our drug procurement efforts on hallucinogens.  mescaline is one thing; but when you add LSD and MDMA to the stash, and then you decide to dose extra-heavy on all 3 to inaugurate the door sealing and the doom's day clock winding, well, things can get a little weird.

they call the combo of MDMA and LSD 'trollin'...it's a hybridized form of 'trippin & rollin" (the former a state induced by LSD, and the latter brought on by MDMA)...now, if'n you were to add mescaline to the mix, i guess you'd call it mesca-trollin...we called it, 'the great freak-out of 97'.  

okay, so, we got the babes all situated in their bunks (we had specially made teddies embroidered with their names...it's the details that make a doom's-day-bunker an experience worth remembering)...put on some tunes...fired up the bong...and then we got all somber in preparing to read our statement to the world.

we pressed record on the camera, and issued a sweeping indictment to the world outside (which we assumed would be played endlessly, and its every syllable picked apart for deeper meaning, its contents scoured and evaluated for clues as to our genius, all by a hopeless and desperate horde of humanity longing with agony for salvation and succor).

(here's how it went...we still have some surplus copies if you'd like to mail-order)

janus: people of earth, you're so fucked!

comrade 1: yeah, cunts!  don't be hatin!  we gots da babes, we gots the nugs, we gots the tunes...what you sorry mo-fos got?  a mutha-fuckin zombie apocalypse, that's what. (here comrade 1 pretends to mow-down the zombies with his full-auto)

comrad 2: sucks to be you!

janus:  we are prepared to make you an offer.  this offer is non-negotiable; cannot in any way be abrogated; is not subject to future alteration; and, if you think about it, is a very fair deal...and it's the best one you're gonna get.  in exchange for the knowledge and wisdom and spiritual understanding we have preserved in this bunker, you must cede unto us absolute sovereignty.  

comrad 1: and all your daughters, upon their 17th birthday, are to be delivered to our palace for inspection!

comrade 2: and they must with them bring a hefty tax.  and some other cool stuff to impress us.

...

we went on like this for another hour or so; and then we ritually sealed the door with an acetylene torch...said a prayer...and started waiting for all the rest of your faces to melt off and other such inevitability.  

the mood started to sour when we realized we hadn't provisioned for human waste.  and within a matter of hours; we had our first full-blown crisis.  crisis is a bad thing when you're mesca-trollin.

long story short: nobody wins in the blame game.  

anyway, one of the unique mental contortions peculiar to mesca-trollin is that you forget that firearms are in fact dangerous...particularly to people.  comrade 2 gets bored, starts playing cowboys and indians with the girls, accidentally shoots one of comrade 1's hos in her ankle (ouch!)...and now we've got our first trial to contend with.

comrade 1 contends, citing his authority in talmudic quibbling, that he must be allowed to likewise shoot one of comrade 2's hos in the ankle...or at least some portion of the leg below the knee (he referenced something in Leviticus in his prosecutorial diatribe).  he had a point; and, really, he could have argued for two blown-up ankles; but there was a sense of comity and mercy settling over the proceedings.  the only dissatisfied party was holly, the unfortunate object of justice served.

we then went to smoke a peace-pipe...and, well, that's when things took a turn for the worse.

our flashlights ran out of batteries.  i decided to light a fire to at least give us some light. we then discovered that we'd forgotten to prefigure when it comes to ventilation.  a savage and barbaric panic seemed to possess the whole lot of us.  

more shots were fired; yet more ankles blasted to bits, scores were settled without proper adjudication; everyone was hunkered down in some corner of the bunker, pistols cocked and ready...helter-fuckin-skelter!

fortunately, all our shenanigans set off the fire alarm, and the local fire department busted in to repossess the high-school field house we'd commandeered.  janus slipped away in the melee, leaving all unawares...like a cartoon villain!

anyway, i never heard what became of my comrades and the hos...i met them only the day before at a phish show.  i think they were from iowa...or ohio...or something like that.

the lesson of this story is, never mesca-troll without proper ventilation.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3EN4YS0OLg

a child of the 20th century,

janus

 

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 16:09 | 4462905 dexter_morgan
dexter_morgan's picture

Maybe he's in drag, as Yellen?

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 15:15 | 4462733 Burticus
Burticus's picture

You're going to have to try harder, WB7, if you ever want to eclipse your classic "Bernanqualung."

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 14:20 | 4462537 chunga
chunga's picture

Is this the greatest band hardly anyone has ever heard?

The Waterboys, Has Anybody Here Seen Hank?

It's a beautiful day here on the mountain! Just coming in for snack period then back outside.

Banzai, you may recall I made a comment a few posts ago...about the whole MERS fiasco just vanishing. Well, I looked all over the place for this without success, then remembered I had saved it to scribd. This is chilling. If you read between the lines, the Illinois Banker's ASSociation comes out and says if they HAVE TO follow the law, they'd NEVER be able to foreclose anybody! Of course, they DO love following the law, BUT, this would be calamitous to untold muppets who would be denied access to awesome banker innovations and products lol! They even play the moral hazard card here too.

Illinois Bankers Association Response to Supreme Court Committee 4-13-2102

It's only 4 pp and a fair amount of white space.

On a side note, Mrs. chunga went ahead and copped ZH account "jane says". Still waiting on Tyler's approval...maybe it's stuck because of two accounts coming from same IP? She'll probably never comment anyway (rough crowd - too scared) but if she does go easy on her!

Fuck You Bernanke! Prepper my ass! Bitch!

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 14:07 | 4462489 toadold
toadold's picture

Hmmmm, I wonder if somebody will seal off the doors and air vents of the Brookings Institute to improve air quality and prevent gooble gooble warmin.g.

I've guess I've  got that scene from the "Dirty Doazen" iin my mind where they pour gasoline and drop hand grenades into the Germans emerency shelter air vents. 

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 13:45 | 4462390 Joebloinvestor
Joebloinvestor's picture

He is invoking that little know rule where if you stay out of sight or earshot for a set # of days, the chances of indictment go to zero.

He should be prosecuted for theft of funds for those illegal loans to foreign banks he made and didn't tell anyone about.

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 13:36 | 4462357 unplugged
unplugged's picture

try looking in Disney World

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 12:27 | 4462115 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Bomb shelter!

Ben will have his toes in the sand sipping a Mai Tai during the next debt crisis.

He'll get paid $100K for guest speaker engagements to blame the weather and China.

His face won't be sagging as much as Greenspan's but it will be the same pass the blame game.

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 11:29 | 4461867 euflated
euflated's picture

Where is the Benny Bunker Buster when you need it ?

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 12:55 | 4462031 El Hosel
El Hosel's picture

He is playing golf with Barry O, Hank P, and Angelo Mo.... The OPM Dirtyfuker Open, sponsored by Other Peoples Money.

 

 

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 10:53 | 4461731 caShOnlY
caShOnlY's picture

He's at the Orimpics polishing "barbarous relics" for chinese afretes.

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 11:32 | 4461879 Jumbotron
Jumbotron's picture

This reminded me of the story of Neel Kaskari who was the point man for TARP under Paulson and even after.  After he quit government and before coming back into the Financial Scam Universe.....namely PIMCO......he retreated to the mountains of Nevada to build and live in a little cabin with his dog.  He was going prepper.

https://lh3.ggpht.com/-y-LitJspavg/TahTJsL90kI/AAAAAAAAAPQ/qL53Qjjw0oo/s...

http://www.iaconoresearch.com/BlogImages/09-12_07_kashkari.jpg

http://media3.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/photo/gallery/091203/GAL-09Dec03...

 

Now....lookee here......he's just announced that he is running for governor of Socialist Republic Utopia of California.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neel_Kashkari

 

And you know what he wants to do with that.....right?  Yep.....next after that......the White House.

Revolving door in action.  Fed gov ponzi manager.....to PIMCO ponzi manager.....to Socialist Republic ponzi manager.....back to Head Fed / Corp ponzi manager.

Forget this being the Great Seal of the U.S.A.

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/41/USGreatSealGrahamLit...

It should be this.....

http://copypasterepost.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Ouroboros_by_zarat...

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 13:01 | 4462225 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

He'll wind up with a  2 X 4 as a running mate.

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 10:48 | 4461714 tnquake
tnquake's picture

Maybe we'll see headlines of "Bankster Suicide by Pick AX!"

Can only wish and dream...

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 10:28 | 4461615 stant
stant's picture

he was spotted in hong kong , at a gold coin shop

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 10:52 | 4461727 nuclearsquid
nuclearsquid's picture

Yeah right.  ever since he got back from burning down the Iron Mountain warehouse he has most likely been snorting blow off a hooker's taint.

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 12:13 | 4462041 dontgoforit
dontgoforit's picture

Gawd! the visuals!  LOL

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 10:27 | 4461601 nmewn
nmewn's picture

So thats what the Brookings Institute break room looks like ;-)

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 10:39 | 4461671 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

That one had me laughing out loud. Too funny.  :)

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 10:59 | 4461749 nmewn
nmewn's picture

The revolving door of like-minded economists and other "deep thinkers" (back & forth between .gov & academia) has an obvious genetic problem doesn't it? ;-)

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 11:19 | 4461819 DaddyO
DaddyO's picture

Nepotistic inbreeding, the Hallmark of nobility in the USSA!

DaddyO

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 10:20 | 4461556 Save_America1st
Save_America1st's picture

I'm sure someone will spot him in some gay porn on the internet eventually.  Maybe Fonestar can let us know when he sees him?  LOL ;-)

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 10:19 | 4461546 skwid vacuous
skwid vacuous's picture

who is that lady guarding the canned gefiltefish?

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 10:14 | 4461523 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

Timmy is TWINS!

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 11:28 | 4461863 superflex
superflex's picture

Timmy looks like he's taking a dump under the sheets.

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 10:02 | 4461484 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

"HaS ANYoNe SeeN BeN?"

In the bunker, with the other Ponzi promoters and enablers, hoarding the food.

<What did I win Banzai7?>

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 10:17 | 4461536 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 14:49 | 4462643 clawsthatscratch
clawsthatscratch's picture

Its called Bentonite :)

 

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 15:41 | 4462817 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

For heavy metal detox!

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 15:12 | 4462723 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

Over here we call it WD-Corzy.

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 15:32 | 4462789 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

In HK its called Brasso 

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 12:24 | 4462103 Cruel Aid
Cruel Aid's picture

Makes poo disappear!  Holy crap that's funny

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 11:46 | 4461933 Emergency Ward
Emergency Ward's picture

FREE JON CORZINE

that one never gets old...

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 13:24 | 4462301 whatthecurtains
whatthecurtains's picture

Wonder who the democrat douche that downvoted you?

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 14:17 | 4462525 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Christie

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 10:27 | 4461610 X_mloclaM
X_mloclaM's picture

f'n apple eating white stallion owner

 

 

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 10:21 | 4461563 andrewp111
andrewp111's picture

I need some. My kitten made a mess yesterday.

Fri, 02/21/2014 - 10:16 | 4461530 TideFighter
TideFighter's picture

If he's waiting for the Bentomic fallout to deminish...it will be a long, long time.

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