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The Sovereignty Series - You Can’t Make Me!
You Can’t Make Me!
Self Victimization through Personal Speech Patterns
The Sovereignty Series
By
Cognitive Dissonance
Introducing a new portal into the mind of Cognitive Dissonance
We’ve all heard of word association tests administered by the psychiatric profession which are used to determine our unconscious psychological makeup. The same goes for various other tests, such as the Rorschach test, that are (supposedly) designed to detect underlying thought disorder and overall personality characteristics.
I have often spoken about the hijacking of language to control and manipulate people, both as individuals and as the collective herd. George Orwell’s classic “Nineteen Eighty-Four” is a wonderful examination of the concept of language hijacking. I suggest that regardless of whether you have read “1984” or not, that you do so again in light of what we all see coming round the bend.
I tend to cringe whenever I use the word ‘hijack’ because it implies that our language has been forcibly taken from us, transformed into a weapon to be used against us, and then placed back in our hands disguised as an everyday tool of essential living. Even if the process I just described is actually what happened (in practice it’s more evolution than blunt force trauma) in order for the hijacking to be effective it still requires our consent and willingness to utilize and embrace the weaponized language.
So let’s try something a little different here. Instead of a word association test I would like to try a phrase association test with you. And I’ll bet that even if you tried you could not stop yourself from inserting a word into the blank at the end of the following phrase.
“You make me so <……….>.”
The lists of words you may have inserted into the <blank> are wide and varied. As well if I were to structure the sentence differently, such as “Sometimes you make me…..” or “Every time you do that you make me…..” the list may grow even longer. Sometimes we even declare that “It makes me so……” thereby giving inanimate objects or situations control over us. If you give it some thought you can come up with all kinds of variations.
The one commonality among most, if not all, of the words we place after ‘make me’ are words or possibly phrases that describe emotions, usually strong (triggering) emotions. In keeping with the theme of hijacking a language in order to control or manipulate, one of the techniques used is to distort the meaning of words or phrases in such a way as to promote a ‘victim’ mentality.
Other examples of victim phrases are “You can’t fight city hall” or “There’s nothing we can do to change the situation”, both classics because what we really mean when we say those things is that since we can’t change everything immediately why even try. This is what non sovereign entities say to each other and to their masters. We beg for permission from the ‘authorities’ to do what we as true sovereigns would never consider asking permission to do. This ‘conditioning’ begins with the language we use to speak and thus to think.
So my question here is simple. Since when is someone else responsible, as in “You make me…,” for our emotional ‘State of Mind’? Think about that for a few seconds before you respond because I would be willing to bet that your initial response, the one that quickly rolls off your mental or physical tongue, would itself be a triggered response rather than a logical and rational answer.
Now before you say, “Well, that’s just something we say. It doesn’t mean anything.” I beg to differ. Just watch two people verbally fight, or even just argue, and count the number of times one assigns the other blame for their own emotional state. If there is any emotional attachment between the parties, or the confrontation is emotionally triggering, blame will likely be assigned to the other. That’s the beauty of left/right politics as a control mechanism, to promote triggering emotions in order to divide and pacify a population.
We are all guilty of this, including myself. Just ask Mrs. Cog. To counter this tendency I try to remain mindful of what I am saying at all times, especially when I’m feeling emotional or I’m triggered by something someone else said. For me one of the signs that I‘ve been triggered is when I won’t let the other person finish speaking or I’m just waiting for my turn to speak rather than actually listening to what they are saying.
I attempt to counter this in the same why I try to avoid using the words ‘I believe’. Often when I use that term I am simply regurgitating some doctrine or thought bubble that is commonly used among those I associate with. Or it is a label I can quickly assume or wear that enables the view I wish to express to be quickly or easily understood. What I should be saying is that ‘I think’ or ‘My opinion is’. Doing so changes the dynamic of my thoughts and speech because now I am expressing my own ‘State of Mind’ rather than repeating someone else’s.
One of the things that drives Mrs. Cog crazy, especially when we are having ‘words’, is that I sometimes reject her assignment of blame. She’s even turned the tables on me a few times to her everlasting amusement. More often though, whether or not we are having words, I try to slow down and think about what I am saying. If I force myself to take full and exclusive ownership of my emotional state by avoiding the “You make me…” statements, not only must I phrase my words differently, but I must think differently about not just whom I’m talking to or what I’m talking about, but I must also think differently about myself.
By accusing someone else of being responsible for my emotional outbursts I am in essence avoiding responsibility for my own actions. By blaming others for my ‘State of Mind’ I’m assigning myself to the ‘role’ of victim status. If it weren’t for you I wouldn’t be in this ‘State of Mind’. So you fix yourself and I’ll be all better. That is one of the definitions of a victim, someone who has no control over their ‘self’, who has had the control of their body and/or mind taken from them, often by force or deceit. Only in this case, because I self assign myself as victim, it is entirely by my consent that I am a victim.
While that assessment might sound simplistic and even childish, I contend that there are few conversations/arguments more childish than two or more adults blaming each other for their own (dysfunctional) emotional state. If you don’t believe me, just spend an hour or so in a public park or gathering place where young children are playing. You will hear little fights erupt now and then and if you are honest with yourself you will see the parallels between what is said on the playground and what is said in the heat of an argument with a friend, spouse or other loved one.
So……..are you ready to take the Cognitive Dissonance challenge? For one entire week starting from this moment let ‘us’ attempt to be mindful at all times, not just when we are emotionally triggered or in the middle of conflict or confrontation, but at all times, of the language we use that sheds us of personal responsibility for our own emotional ‘State of Mind’.
I suspect that at some point during our little experiment we will begin to recognize other words, phrases or mannerisms we regularly use that also directly or indirectly absolve ourselves of personal ‘blame’ or ‘responsibility’ for all manner of things. No one can ‘make you’ do, feel or say anything without your consent and the first consent we quickly (and often without conscious thought) give up/away is when someone else triggers our own inner emotional dysfunction.
The ultimate goal of this thought experiment is to elevate our awareness, our mindfulness, and our inner presence in order to begin to reclaim our own personal sovereignty. In my opinion (see, I didn’t say ‘I believe’) we cannot even begin to assert our own personal sovereignty if we can’t even accept responsibility for our own (emotional) State of Mind.
02-23-2014
Cognitive Dissonance
- advertisements -
"You make me feel..."
"Oh Yeah? Well you make me feel like ripping out your liver and feeding it to the cat."
Gets em every time.
Our cat doesn't like liver. I feel safer already. :)
<What's that honey? He does like liver? Shit!>
Recounting the tale of two male travellers, who confronted with a lady with large breasts at the checkin, bluttered out "We are both travelling to Tittsburg ", an associate told me of his friend sat at the breakfast table, and wanting to ask his wife if she would mind passing the salt, somehow managed to mangle the words into "You have ruined my bloody life"
When my cat is hungry it eats whatever is put in front of him. Or he goes out and kills something more to his liking.
try to say very little for a day. listen carefully, remain silent unless a resonse is warranted.
might be the day one learns a hell-of-a-lot(s)...
The Enneagram of Character Fixation
https://www.leela.org/index.php/en/2012-09-30-11-14-30/enneagram-article...
.
here some more framework that has been used to
appreciate the cracking of complex eggs! another
fairly ancient system , here told by modern
interpretation; the basic idea seems to make sense
to me too.
Cog, I can't really fill in the blank because I don't live my life blaming other people for stuff. My frustrations are many and expressed in word and action, but seldom with blame, and only if necessitated. I like to say, verbally, "the source of my discontent about ____ is due to ____." It forces all parties of the conversation to enumerate the grievances of the argument in a peaceful approach. Sometimes I do crack and let emotion overrule reason when I have to show tough love to someone. Patience and tolerance are key pillars of personal development.
Every day I am reminded that today's decisions compound immensely leading up to some other day in the future.
This: "the source of my discontent about ____ is due to ____."
Reminds me of an "I" statement
"Every day I am reminded that today's decisions compound immensely leading up to some other day in the future."
profound
LOL - Now I see why you didn't have me proofread this before you posted.
One of the things that drives Mrs. Cog crazy, especially when we are having ‘words’, is that I sometimes reject her assignment of blame.
SO, you can "drive me" crazy but not "make me" insane? All I've got to say is, thank goodness we only have issues and not problems. :-)
After well over two decades of being a single parent and a confirmed bachelor, the love of my life came into my world and transformed my language and speech.
Couples have issues. They do NOT have problems. Problems are like.....really REALLY serious problems.
Issues....pfft, everyone has issues.
Yes dear. :)
But conventional wisdom says issues are worse than problems. ;)
"really REALLY serious problems."
Are just bigger issues.
"Dear, I really have an issue with UPS training it's drivers by having them do a run by our house. Do you think we could cut back a little on QVC?"
"How much did you spend on cigarettes last week?"
"Im' sorry dear, never mind."
Good stuff Cog, thanks.
It's all about choice, what do you choose for yourself.
Reference Glasser's "Choice Theory":
The Ten Axioms of Choice Theory[1]
1. The only person whose behavior we can control is our own.
2. All we can give another person is information.
3. All long-lasting psychological problems are relationship problems.
4. The problem relationship is always part of our present life.
5. What happened in the past has everything to do with what we are today, but we can only satisfy our basic needs right now and plan to continue satisfying them in the future.
6. We can only satisfy our needs by satisfying the pictures in our Quality World.
7. All we do is behave.
8. All behavior is Total Behavior and is made up of four components: acting, thinking, feeling and physiology.
9. All Total Behavior is chosen, but we only have direct control over the acting and thinking components. We can only control our feeling and physiology indirectly through how we choose to act and think.
10. All Total Behavior is designated by verbs and named by the part that is the most recognizable.
Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glasser%27s_choice_theory
A good guide to rational living is Three Minute Therapy by Dr. Michael Edelstein.
www.threeminutetherapy.com
It is based on the works of albert Ellis PhD
Search for him on youtube and enjoy.
An excellent summation of Ellis's philosophy can be found by searching for "Mental and Emotional Fitness" in you tube.
The presentation in the last link is very nerdy, however the content is powerful.
It is difficult to change thinking habits, so benefitting from the stoic philosophy of Ellis and others requires commited practice.,practice, practice.
Works for me, an aids ridden blind libertarian Jew living in a tiny expensive studio in San Francisco. Never been more OK. Still practicing how to sink my chi when the lefties throw it in my face.
The crux of the insight is that all emotional upset comes from childish demands that yourself, others and the world be different than they are.
I constantly remind myself to stop demanding that the world be different , stop demanding that other people act and think differently.
The only thing that I can truly control in this world is my own mind and attitude.
This is the philosophy that Victor Frankel used to help himself and others survive captivity in German Concentration Camps.
Excellent!
+10
You Make Me Feel So Young
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuI3ogcQjuI&feature=kp
I raise your "you make me feel so young" with "you make me feel brand new "
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJm51jsRoo0
that is damn beautiful, goddamnit!
Great love song that recognizes the inner child yearning for belonging and family in the adult world and intertwined with the Spring of the Seasons and nature, the Spring of youth:
"You make me feel so Spring has sprung, and everytime I see you grin, I'm such a happy, individual. The moment that you speak, you make me want to go play hide-and-seek...you and I, are just like a couple of tots, runnin' across a meadow, pickin' up lots of forget-me-nots..."
friendship, don't forget that one.
an adult world that embraces friendship,
not so bad.
here, i should post a link concerning "love" and
i do because i guess i'm a romantic?
"scrambled eggs" was the original title and lyric
and don't think i'm trying to be funny, it is the world
itself that supplies the humor, the slings and arrows.
.
The Beatles - Yesterday
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S09F5MejfBE
Smart ass. :)
<Oh.....hi Honey. Yes you do make me feel so young.>
mr. d
not only a talented writer and thinker but
an exceptional straight man ! thanks,
as par usual.
but there is a deeper point perhaps, regarding
the emotional self. i'm not so sure "it" can
exist(live) at all in isolation but rather is
only manifest-evident in the company of an other?
there were those experiments that were done
to study the effect of neglect on infants,
they died; and adults did those experiments,
nazi scientists i think it was, on children
so, yea, give me the childish over the adult
almost every time! (part of response for comment
down the thread.)
Jimmy Durante - ( If You're ) Young at Heart
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9RchGMmizg&feature=kp
.
it takes an adult mind to save the child's heart !
some might say that is the feminine but i think it
is just dynamic sanity.
We are emotional beings, so I don't expect us to scrub our emotions Mr. Spock like.
But it is one thing to experience emotions, another entirely to be held to hold ourselves hostage by our emotional makeup. I always try to remember that one of the most effective ways our ego manipulates us is through our emotional responses.
And the role of the "Id" as related to emotional state. Id, ego, super ego? The cultrual/environmental influences on the id affecting emotional state creating war between ego and super ego. Or use the inner child, adult, parent analogy if one wishes. It is all so interconnected as we are interconected leading me to believe their is no such thing a soverign person. It sounds good though. Ascribes to me power I want but do not have.
I live in machismo environment where a popular phrase is "I won't let ________________________" or "I would never____________(Fill in the blank). My thoughts, usually kept to myself are, Yes you will/would. As an individual many circumstance and events are beyond my control. Groups can take action. I love the phrase, "A bundle of sticks is hard to break".
Assuming responsibility over the big "THEY" is something we all should do because we are the "THEY". Using the government as an example that so many love to blame, "They could do little of what they get away with were we not the ones that allow them to do so". In the end it always comes down to us. You and I.
or, are our emotional responses or states manipulated
by the illusions of our ego? (i ask in all seriousness.)
not to distract from the very fruitful experiment you
have suggested in the main post. i'm just breaking another
eggs shell here and this reminds me of something you will
love, i'm sure. just watch ....
You Have Been Warned: Giant Egg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ScoJk0mKQg
I do appreciate your point of view blindman. You are correct, it works both ways.
But either way I do not wish hold myself hostage to myself and my speech patterns. Once you begin thinking along these ideas the rabbit hole goes deep. The art is in practicing total and constant awareness, not just in being aware of it at the moment, then allowing it to fade to black in the memory hole and never using our growing awareness to become more sovereign.
Personal sovereignty is a State of Mind long before it is a state of being.
i wonder if "sovereignty" is only a state of mind
and never a state of physical or emotional being?
this, i truly and ongoingly wonder at ....
then, there is a voice that exclaims
" hilarious, it is just 'the awful grace of god'!"
consciousness, but it will pass~~~~!
thanks for that response mr. d . know that i wish you
and the board the best and congratulations on the
tif, it looks awesome with great potential! also
loved the element entry, also awesome.
.
Quotes by BKS Iyengar
http://www.awaken.com/2012/11/quotes-by-b-k-s-iyengar/
.
“Body is the bow, asana is the arrow, & the soul is the target.”
.
“Your body exists in the past and your mind exists in the future.
In yoga, they come together in the present.”
.
“Change leads to disappointment if it is not sustained. Transformation is sustained change, and it is achieved through practice.”
.
“It is through your body that you realize you are a spark of divinity.”
.
“Confidence, clarity & compassion are essential qualities of a teacher.”
.
”Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured.”
.
“The art of teaching is tolerance. Humbleness is the art of learning.”
.....
this guy is the real deal too, no bullshit!