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Original Sin
Original Sin
By
Cognitive Dissonance
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They are everywhere and mostly unrecognized, paths we have taken and routes we have abandoned. Some are emotional and physical, some moral, some mental. Most are of little consequence to us, or to the world at large, and pass unnoticed from our perceived reality, almost as if they were not there to begin with.
But every now and then there is a fork in the road that is of such earth shaking magnitude that the very world is changed. Yet few of us recognize the event for what it really is…..or was. In the vast history book of time, even the magnitude 8 or 9 earthquakes often warrant little more than a sentence or two, if any mention is made at all. Why is that?
The ultimate expression of our ego is when we declare we are aware, that we see clearly, our vision 20-20 and without fault or flaw. While the reader may scoff at such a silly notion, that we would actually claim to see clearly for we all understand we are human and thus prone to (the occasional) error, our ego does not believe this to be silly at all. Our ego wants us to believe we are always correct, with no error or blunder, because believing so tends to cut down on uncomfortable Cognitive Dissonance.
Since we spend the vast majority of our conscious time engulfed within, and influenced by, our ego (and if we deny this it is most likely our ego talking) it would be foolish to think we perceive anything as it truly is. We willingly don rose colored glasses in an effort to ignore our ugly truths, both small and large, in favor of our more carefully sanitized reality. Then again, the further we travel from the authentic life, the more difficult it becomes to recognize that which we no longer truly understand……the truth……our truth.
I would like to engage in a thought experiment, though it will be presented as fiction, make believe if you will. The purpose is to allow the reader to try on a new suit of clothes without fear or consequence, to crank up the imagination and apply liberal doses of empathy. While we all understand the concept of walking a mile in another person’s shoes, the real goal of this little ditty is to place you not in my shoes, but squarely in yours. In order to do this I shall create a small poetic fiction for you to have fun with……and just maybe to explore.
I do this to disarm and seduce, to engage and engross. If I were to point to ‘you’ (or God forbid myself) while venturing into difficult areas, the egoic defenses roll up and the rational mind shuts down, auto pilot safely on. No one likes to be pointed to, let alone to be piously lectured.
But if I were to expose a fictional person as human and vulnerable, then it is safe for the reader to venture in, and try on, the make believe skin for shape, size and clarity. After all, you can’t be hurt by what is not real and most certainly not about you. And isn’t that the ultimate purpose of a story, to provide an all expense paid trip down the rabbit hole with the assurance of a return ticket back home?
At some point or another we have all experienced a situation where we are having a very difficult time absorbing a concept, fact or thought process when suddenly everything comes together, like a light bulb just turned on. For me this usually occurs when information is presented in a different manner or by a different person or process.
Since this is written from ‘David’s’ point of view, he will be narrating his rocky tale for you. This is also my first foray into some very clunky rhyme in an effort to change up the delivery so that you might swing at the pitch. Please indulge me as the ultimate purpose is to view our current situation from a very personal point of view, that of David. Let us begin.
David’s Story
My thirty five year marriage to Mary was always off track, but it really began to fall apart the day after the attack. It’s best not to begin this at the point we went off track, but rather with the benefit of hindsight and looking way back. We met three weeks into my junior year, and for me it was love at first sight. But Mary spurned my initial approaches, and it was months before we had our first night.
I was persistent, though some would say stubborn and still others might say dumb. I sent flowers, I changed classes, I was forever beating my own drum. She was intelligent and beautiful, and I feared she was more than I could manage. But Mary came ‘round and I thought myself lucky to have turned her to my advantage.
Regardless of her motives, we joined to build a life, though it was always on her terms and rarely did I win a fight. While I wished to believe ours was a marriage of equals, as in so many unions in life it was a joining of un-equals. She demanded her space and since I feared her loss, I conceded her what she took, shut my eyes and stifled my remorse.
But in return she bore my children, kept my house, helped nurture my career. There were burning questions I dared not express, “do not go there” she said quite clear. We worked through the rough spots and she appeared at times resigned. I convinced myself I was as well and lived my life as I defined.
It was easier when I was younger, full of blind drive and great hunger. My future in corporate finance assured us a life time full larder, though Mary was never satisfied and relentlessly drove me ever harder. But my offsite business meetings and her weekly socializations kept Mary distracted and helped quiet her unhappy vocalizations.
Still her strange absences, missed phone calls and many unanswered questions, pointed to trouble at home and I worried about her indiscretions. But when I would probe, Mary would lash out and accuse; something I could not fathom which left me all the more confused.
With my earning power climbing along with social status and corporate rank, we muddled through the rough times as I learned to remain mentally blank. But with our two children now finally off to state college, Mary’s absences and transgressions left me constantly on edge. While I feared asking too much for I might not want the knowledge, not knowing what was happening often drove me to allege.
It was while driving to a client late one morning that I received the call; the police informed me that Mary had taken a brutal fall. I drove straight to the hospital where Mary had been taken, she had been brutally beaten, why were the police so mistaken?
So many questions, so few being attended, how could this be, my world was upended. I was told it was a home invasion of the most destructive kind; they took some money and jewels and anything else they could find. I protested confusion, my home was secure, but the police were satisfied when Mary was demure.
I demanded they find them, what the many discrepancies meant, but with their paperwork complete, soon their interest was spent. So after two weeks of rest and rehabilitation, I gathered up Mary and off we went on vacation. She was frightened of our home unless I greatly expanded; it seemed the more security I offered the more she demanded.
While our extended family gathered to wish us all well, they did not want to look closely and most certainly not dwell. That approach seemed to quiet Mary, but it just furthered my depression. Something was very wrong here, but no one seemed in the mood for confession. To my family I was now the injured party, Mary was looking better in fact quite hearty.
With my incessant inquiry and pestering question, I was considered ill and in need of professional attention. My brother took me aside and told me to stop my protestations, it was Mary who was the victim here “how dare I have expectations?” I was alone in a house full of family and friend, everyone satisfied to look past Mary’s bruises and my troubling bend.
The following years were a slow downward spiral into hell, heartsick, my calm and resolve descending as well. First she wanted more security, then a stronger window and door, once one thing was installed, it was ripped out for some more. The distraction this caused did not bode well at work, my job in jeopardy I feared demotion to file clerk.
I was being bled to death, both my sanity and my wealth; I could deal with most assaults, but not my failing health. For all her numerous faults, this was not the Mary I wed, nothing I did would please her, her demands were never fed. After seven long ugly years of this, it was decided I would say goodbye, she had found someone else, someone she had on the sly.
Looking back over the years it is now abundantly clear, that I willingly participated in the deception I did fear. Even now with the advantage of time and distance, I’m still working through the details of the self destruction I gave my assistance. Recently while clearing out some old boxes from deep storage, I found some love letters to Mary next to an old first mortgage.
While I had always suspected that Mary had kept a lover, what I discovered in that box was that her lover was my brother. To make matters worse he was her lover during the attack, and it seems from the letters that it was he who beat her black. Mary then conspired with my brother to cover his track, by staging the theft and beating as a false flag attack. What does one do, where does one turn, when one is betrayed and then left to burn?
End of David’s Story
Many of us claim to have known to some degree or another about the coming danger of those who presently rape, rob and pillage our homes, our economy and nation, our sense of self worth and community, our national pride and honor. Then again how much of that is actually our ego talking, protecting ourselves from the trauma of the shock and awe scorched Earth operation presently under way.
Still there is no getting around the fact that deep down inside, during the quiet of the night when we wake with a start and the mind begins to race, that we are hurt to the core, betrayed by all that we wanted to believe in, did believe in for most of our life, taught as children about what was just and right. It sounded so good; it sounded so right, sea to shining sea of free souls gently governed by a benevolent authority derived of the people, by the people, for the people.
Who among us at some point or another did not avert our gaze, bow our head and quicken our step before crossing the street in order to avoid what we suspected might be going on down that dark alley just off to the left. A mugging maybe, none of your damn business; hurry along there serf and mind your P’s & Q’s. You owe, you owe, so off to work obedient consumer you go. Forget what you saw, forget what’s up ahead, just dream of that overdue bill dancing around in your head.
While I may claim this is not what I signed up for and thus I am not responsible for the present day mess, there is no denying that I left to others the moral and personal responsibility I abdicated to monitor and police the system while I pursued my own dumbed down distractions, self interest or mind numbing pleasure.
Or did I simply forget that section of the social compact I now claim to have been defrauded of, the part where I promised to apply my attention and diligence and in return receive my reward? But isn’t that what voting is for on that hallowed second Tuesday in November? Yes sir, I do my part every other year, isn’t that enough?
This is so much more than just about who has the power and who has not, who is not in jail, who is too big to fail and who disappeared into the night like a lost letter in the mail. This is about being violated in a manner most of us have never experienced before. We have been violently assaulted, robbed and beaten before being cast aside and abandoned on the side of the road. Worse, we have been threatened with more if we do not stay silent, and then spied upon in the most personal and supposedly protected manner.
This is about loss and grief, about pain and punishment, about personal redemption and the road to perdition, about our complicity, complacency and willing participation with our tormentors before, during and after the fact. This is about personal shame and public humiliation, about the betrayal of ourselves by someone who we (desperately) wanted to believe was trustworthy when they were most assuredly not.
This is about self betrayal, both individually and collectively. We were either blinded by our own lust and greed, or duped and dummied by ideological drugs. Just because we were lied to does not mean we should have suspended disbelief like hapless children told to mind our business and eat our peas. David knew something was wrong, deeply wrong, with his relationship, but he made the decision, conscious or otherwise, to ignore the warning signs and enjoy the ride for as long as it lasted. What right does he have to be indignant over his brother’s betrayal when first he betrayed himself?
But most of all this is about fear, at times stomach churning, spine tingling, hair raising fight or flight terror from the realization that if this truly does end up going in the direction it is becoming increasingly obvious it will, that we, meaning you and I and all those who we hold dear, could be in real mortal danger, if not directly from our tormentor, then from the effects and fallout of our tormentors thrashing and gnashing death throes.
Nearly all of us……well, all except our benevolent dictators, appear to be permanently caught in the first four stages of the Kubler-Ross black hole of loss and grief, endlessly circling around Acceptance in the center while rotating through Denial, Anger, Bargaining and Depression on the periphery. One would think we would eventually succumb to the gravity of Acceptance in order to move on and make significant personal changes, but as long as our velocity and centrifugal force is great enough to counteract the gravity well within we will not quickly pass through this insanity.
This finally gets me to the point of this dissertation. While it is comforting to believe that if only ‘they’ or ‘them’ would change their ways we could rid ourselves of this mess along with the sociopaths in charge, thus absolving me, myself and I from any blame or responsibility, the truth of the matter is that the present state of affairs is just the symptom and not the disease.
The illness can and will be found within, in our dysfunction within ourselves and with our interactions with each other. The health or discord of a society is a reflection of the health or dis-ease of the individuals that comprise that society. One must think of this in the same way one would blame the chain for breaking when it fact it was the weakest link that failed. Only in our case society’s chain consists of all weak links, some better or worse than others, but all ill at ease. The answers always lay within. Maybe we should take a long look some time.
05-18-2014
Cognitive Dissonance
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Absolutely. It's the ultimate irony that people look to a higher power for truth when that very truth exists within them. The higher power imbedded it in them at the moment of their conception.
Do they not realize that the Bible was written by men? The men gave their own names (excepting Solomon) to these books, and this is the holy word of God?
Your truth is your truth, and most would be astounded how closely it resembles others' truth if compared. For some reason, people ignore that, and choose a pre-packaged truth that is not their own.
Makes my head hurt. Luv ya', Cog!
"Absolutely. It's the ultimate irony that people look to a higher power for truth when that very truth exists within them. The higher power imbedded it in them at the moment of their conception."Your truth is your truth, and most would be astounded how closely it resembles others' truth if compared. For some reason, people ignore that, and choose a pre-packaged truth that is not their own."
And this is PRECISELY the reason why we have the situation we have today in the world.....and all this bitching and moaning over it. As has been for thousands of years.
We should have ALL the pathways of Truth completely mapped out......the Solutions at hand and fully documented. And it should be SO crystal clear to ALL as to be "SELF-EVIDENT".
And yet.....it's not.
Perhaps we should simply ignore all of you who continue to belch out the same, tired, retread of the notion that the "Truth lies within.....you have to find your OWN way.....Blah, Blah, Blah."
If that Truth is really THE TRUTH.....we would already have a changed world. But the proof is in the Blood Pudding that is our world today......and how it has ever been....and will be for a Thousand Tomorrows to come until everyone realizes and ACCEPTS that there is only ONE TRUTH.....and has only ever been.
What if the goal posts are constantly being moved ?
That was a frightful story, and probably because it happens more often than any of us would think.
It happened to a friend of mine. His brother stole his first wife, and then eventually died a pathetic wretch, diabetic, both legs amputated.
We reap what we sow.
I am Chumbawamba.
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury
Signifying nothing.
-Macbeth
funny thing, before he married Lady M, he was all shits and giggles
@Cog
Brilliant and very poignant piece.... thank you for offering it. It was "disturbing" enough to inspire my first post. I will have to return to reread this and will comment again.
When I find something I really enjoyed I can't wait to return for a second read. After doing so I usually find several gems I missed the first time through, making the second helping even better than the first.
It is sort of like how a homemade stew or soup seems to taste even better the day after it was made. Warming it up for lunch or a second supper is a special treat by itself.
Thank you for honoring me with your first comment.
Nice writing, it goes in corners of the mind, I forgot were there..
For you and all nice goodhearted readers out there. There is a lot of evil and wrongdoing is this F**ked up world, but there still is a lot to enjoy also. Now and then we have to shift focus on to those things that make life worth it. This was on the radio this morning when I was driving home, I wanted to share with you all: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NibQO7lGwDU
This song has a double effect on me, since it was a hit when I was a child.. Hope you'll enjoy it too.
The above piece has been sitting in my 'unfinished' box for over three years. There was something about it that was disquieting even to me......so I let it be.
A few days ago I pulled it out and extensively reworked and edited it, then posted it first on TwoIceFloes.com followed by here on ZH. Several readers, including Mrs. Cog, have told me that they too were disturbed by this piece.
Let me know what you think below.
batting out of one's league carries certain dangers.
exemplifies the concept of 'grasping'
grasping that which you want, oftentimes at the expense of that which you need. fundamentals undermined, rot ensues until systemic cracks emerge and take the edifice down.
one can write articles about using the credit card to live beyond one's means, but this story more deeply illustrates how badly people can ignore things until they become massive intractable problems.
good one as always cog!
Cog, your lesson is one I have learned again and again. Don't assume that your expectations will be met by someone with different expectations.
Nice.
May I steal that? :)
I have always found that the less I take part in the society I'm supposed to, the better I feel.
The world stopped making sense for me when I was 12 years old, so I've tried to just get on with my own life.
There are costs, but that applies to any choice you make.
If, when you are drawing your last few breaths you can look back and say you never deliberately harmed another human being and you enjoyed the ride, you can claim success, IMHO.
Absolutely logicalman!
I cannot resist my urge to say that I did not find this article to be as groundbreaking as others here seem to. This isn't some derrogatory remark that I'm just throwing around. Rather, it's because these thoughts have been with me since a very young age. I know I'm not an intellectual giant but no amount of words can complicate or dress up certain facts for me. As a species, we simply lie through our teeth day in and day out. We demand honesty from others when we aren't even honest with ourselves. To make matters worse, honesty is actually a moving target that depends upon the level of enlightenment for each human being. In others words, assuming someone is being 100% intellectually honest in a particular situation does not mean that they actually are being 100% honest as it pertains to the situation as the situation may be above their grasp. And yes, I understand that it may be very inviting to others to simply say that I cannot grasp this article and therefore am an idiot.
If I were to explain life in word, that word would be confidence. We think and do things that build our confidence. When confident, the fears subside. Since what makes one person confident may not make others feel the same way, I too have decided to withdraw and go about my business. I've disbanded partnerships, reduced my significant other to a semi-significant other, have no children and will no longer run around on the hamster wheel of personal emotions. This solution works best for me given the present circumstances. Put differently, the fear of unnecessary conflict, obfuscation, arguments, convolution etc. outweighs the benefits.
As far as the general human condition is concerned, I realized long ago that I cannot change it and it isn't from the lack of trying. It's obvious I am not popular enough, respected enough or highly thought of enough to create any change. The only way true change can come about is if one aspires to something higher. This is why role models are so important in today's society. People strive to be like them but not necessarily because of personal growth and enlightenment. Rather, they are enamored by what these people possess and that defeats the whole purpose.
While that may sound like defeat to some, there is also wisdom in facing reality. Therefore, I too, bother no one and expect the same in return.
EDIT: Case in point, logicalman's comment made so much sense to me, I proceeded to write 3 paragraphs. Had I bothered to read a few more comments, I would have seen that others did a much better job of expressing this with far fewer words. Well, at least I'm honest :-)
This is the precise definition of a psychopath, logicalman. This isn't the way our DNA is wired.
No, I think it is those that have chosen to "show us the light" that display the qualities you describe. I can say I had no part (infinitesimal at most) in shaping the way the world is today.
Well done, again, Cog. You hava a calming way of writing about disturbing concepts. We all
need to rise to the times and stop the madness.
Thanks
Ultimately when I write I am first and foremost writing to myself in order to explain the concept to myself. Often when I begin an article I have no real idea where it will end because many times I am exploring the specific concept for the first time in depth.
At times I alarm myself with the direction I take, thus I seek to reassure myself that it is OK, even healthy, to go where I wish not to go. Because of this I seek to calm myself as I move forward.
I suspect that sounds a bit crazy to some.....but that is how I compose. I write to me, my inner me, to try to coax him out from under the bed......precisely where so many of us reside when it comes down to the nitty gritty.
When it is all boiled down to a simple broth we are all alone in this world. It is during these periods of realization and vulnerability, essentially looking into the black abyss, where the real inner work and reward is found.
Cog https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-Ma8Vm0tEI
People will believe what they are told to believe, or what they are told they are seeing, long before they will apply critical thinking and believe what they actually see with their eyes and perceive with their mind.
After all......the 'authorities' and 'experts' are always right.........right?
...right
no mater the pain, angony or even unintended happiness, just do it.
why can't we just say or do what NEEDS TO BE DONE? yea, you said it above. i have few friends, and a very very close family, because i tell(and do) it like it is-no phoney ass codeling bullshit...
because in the end should i really care what you do, because I am responsible for the the action, NOT THE OUTCOME!!!!
Are you trying to control the outcome to no avail?
Cog, have you been inside my head again?:)
This ain't no shit- My 'senior quote' (remember high school?) was; 'The world owes all its' onward impulses to men ill at ease. The happy man inevitably confines himself to within ancient limits'. That was thirty nine years ago. I don't even remember who I borrowed that from, but it was true for me then, and it's still true today, for me.
As you are a 'reformed' financial advisor, I am a 'reformed' employee of the MIC. We can't undo what we've done in the past, and are remorseful. It's been a bumpy ride- but there is another side, as you are aware, and we can only hope (I hate that word) that more will join us.
I fear 'hope', for I do not wish to be disappointed. Thus rather than risk being hurt by my own vulnerability I play the self deception game and simply say that I await for the others to join with me.
Man! We all self-deceive, it's only a matter of degree. Odd ain't it? We can avoid disappointment by not setting our sights too high, but we can guarantee personal failure by the same mechanism.
I have arguments, with myself and totally inside my own head. I am my own enemy. I alternatively love me, and loathe me. But the whole freakin' issue always brings me back to one thought- balance. The answer, (not 42) is always balance.
OT: It appears I've acquired a serial junker. That's one of the coolest things that's ever happened to me!
I'm here, with you. Is there anything I can do for you?
There's an admittedly remote possibility that there is- but the offer is open.
It's like the "Hunger Games", only it's not a movie. It's real.
I appreciate the offer and might just take you up on it some time. :)