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LaTeST PoLL: 99.99% OF ZeRo HeDGe MeMBeRS WouLD SWaP O'BuTTHeaD FoR ELViS...

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Wed, 06/11/2014 - 07:33 | 4843805 esum
esum's picture

you dont hear much about his brother Enis

Wed, 06/11/2014 - 01:01 | 4843486 Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

;-)

           

Wed, 06/11/2014 - 00:48 | 4843461 Jim in MN
Jim in MN's picture

Uh huhhuhhuhhuhhuh  huh  huh ...you said 'pelvis'

 

well almost

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 22:48 | 4843208 the grateful un...
the grateful unemployed's picture

that guy looks like Chubby Checker, but i would swap two Obamas for Chubby Checker.

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 22:10 | 4843046 janus
janus's picture

yeah, i for one would rather have elvis -- any elvis; hell, i'd take tiny tim at this point:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c71RCAyLS1M

i'd settle for just about anything else these days, but it isn't simply a lack of standards feeding my concern.  i'm troubled most over what i suspect the great unwashed want to see in office.  a queer muslim marxist crack-head who kept a male mistress on staff just isn't exciting enough anymore; we need something more spectacular these days.  people convince themselves that Idocracy is some place in time awaiting us in the future; and yet, we've out-done the future here in the present.  amorica, your favorite celebrity (may i remind you) made her name by releasing and then promoting her own sex-tape (that would be this kardashian-thing) -- we accept this as completely normal and bumble around bleating 'why?!?' when plagued with things like school shootings.  all these and more are but symptoms of a seething disease

and as to this latest rash of shootings, i'd like to say that, at least with respect to the first two (the santa barbara & las vegas ones), they smell badly.  i've come to suspect any 'mass-event' (attended by the customary political pomp & scripted media circus) of rank duplicity and status-quo maintaining mendacity...and, after the most cursory investigation, my suspicions are typically confirmed.  uhhh, yo, santa barbara PD, since when did you start letting mexicans swab up crime scenes drenched with blood?  i guess they don't need no stinkin badges after all.

https://globalelitetv.files.wordpress.com/2014/05/santa-barbara-drive-by...

but it's unseemly to discuss such things...it's supposedly uncouth to question narratives when children have died; and it's supposedly important that we all remain very, very couth-like in our dialogue.  btw, when are the funerals scheduled for those that died in santa barbara?  you'd think they'd make bales of hay outta those well-attended tear-jerkers.  maybe this VERY sincere and INCREDIBLY articulate father has said all what needs saying (and with such astonishing verve):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAoKDjDKap0

(if you watch closely, the perspiration almost assumes a misty tear-like quality)

i was SOOOOOO moved watching that moving testimony...yup, i can feel the bowels swell right now -- very moving indeed. 

no, seriously, does it make me a sociopath because i double-over laughing at this 'grieving father'?  probably...or, maybe like dylan thomas, it makes me more the poet than psycho.

like dylan, i flat-out refuse to morn the death of another anonymous child...that was what i told myself this morning.  and about the time i'd resolved to forever wipe away the stubborn tears of far-flung empathy, bam! another strange school shooting.  oh, i'm sure thisn's the real-deal...only, i'm sorry to say that all my sympathy was wasted on those poor children that didn't die in newton, ct. 

call me jaded, but until i start seeing some fucking corpses, all bets are off.  you'll get no more tear-soaked pillows from janus, amorica.  i don't want to see pics of these gamers and fubu wearing nitwits at their late-teen best (i use the word 'best' as a relative term, of course)...this is, after all, amoica -- and i damn-well better get my pound of flesh, mutilated and gory, before i'm exchanging one more once of pity, much less gun-control. 

even so, i was drawn to inspect the photos of the town-folk as they gathered together to heave a beleaguered 'why?!?' at the heavens and bleat about for some 'action' to be taken; so that they aren't in the future distracted from their super-sized burrito supremes. 

i don't know how i'm supposed to feel sorry for this town if i cannot overcome my contempt for them...picture after picture advertising the unseemly effects of hydrogentation, and the ocular systematically assaulted by the most unsightly tattoos available in the catalog from that tattoo 'artist' shop across from 7-11.  and, btw, amorica, i don't know who convinced you, or under what delusional state you've convinced yourself, but this tattoo thing has gotten WAY out of hand.  you're all a bunch of inked-up atrocities attempting to affect some mode of 'cool' that you don't even understand.  whatever, amorica, just stay classy.

anyway, i say all this to assert that i'm totally over the school shooting sagas.  don't give a flying fuck anymore.  whereas i used to ask myself, "what's wrong with this country", i no longer bother -- this nation is rotten to the core, everything is wrong with it.  i don't wonder why young people are 'driven' to such behavior, i only marvel over the relative rarity of it all.

besides, time heals all wounds...in no time flat, every member of that community will merrily return to their doritos, dancing with the stars and the kardashians.  soon enough, they'll be voting for fifty-cent or ru paul for president.  there will come a day when all the sadness of this event will be washed away with liter after liter of pepsi.  you'll see.  amorica always comes back stronger (and, apparently, much more obese).

it's strange, as a child i was instructed not to go in 'public' without a collard shirt...now these waifs won't even bother to shower?  it's one thing to be fat, ugly and grease complected, it's quite another to yield completely to it.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2654147/BREAKING-NEWS-SWAT-teams...

okay, one last thing amorica, you keep on with these school shootings and i'm gonna mock every last one of them.  you thought the above was bad?  that was just a warning...next time, i'm gonna make it REAL funny -- you'll see (and i know that you will).  it's my job, after all.

to a larger extent, and apropos today's WildBill, i'll say that elvis is most apropos; and, what is more, he's a metaphor for amorica.  for a very long time, elvis was the shit.  he was trim, handsome, talented, produced, pulled the world's finest pussy from all corners of the globe, loved & was beloved by all...and then television, prescription drugs and hydrogenation set in.  elvis, a former paragon of awesomeness, was in a few years time reduced to appalling crappiness...he next set about wallowing in his own crapulence for a few more years following, attempted a few comebacks (QE1, 2 & 3) and finally met with a most ignoble end, sitting on his shitter, recycling his hydrogenation and poppin a few more pills.

it's tough to feel sorry for crappy elvis; it's more difficult to feel patriotic amid all this putrifaction; and it's down-right impossible to mourn the death, by firearm, of a child in portland...again, i simply refuse.

http://vimeo.com/11222889

they're selling postcards for the hanging/

they're painting the passports brown/

the beauty parlor is filled with sailors/

the circus is in town,

janus

 

Wed, 06/11/2014 - 11:15 | 4844715 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

Culture Death; you can't beat it as a nation killer. Bob Dylan is impossible to overcome or equal; all you can do is gape in admiration. The Lyrics to "The Jack of Hearts"; I'm far too lazy to type it all out.

Wed, 06/11/2014 - 02:15 | 4843554 OldPhart
OldPhart's picture

Made me rewatch that Tiny Tim shit...ignored the rest of your post.

That guy creeped me out in the 60's and he seemed to pop up everywhere.

After age and (some) wisdom and learned tolerance, reviewing that video...I'm still fucking creeped out.

Wed, 06/11/2014 - 04:34 | 4843651 janus
janus's picture

that was sorta the point, old phart.

i hate to do this, but you leave me no choice:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=biPiMrgHMpo

now, any more guff outta you and it's eighties hair bands for a week!

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 21:00 | 4842702 are we there yet
are we there yet's picture

Elvis was born in America by 2 natural born Americans. And he served in the military. And he was not make of shiat.

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 22:53 | 4843224 the grateful un...
the grateful unemployed's picture

i also believe he never cheated on his wife, and he was a good father. i once wrote a short story called the Church of Elvis, a 2000 year futuristic novel, in which Elvis is by now the long dead messiah of the second coming. the verses of his songs are scripture, and the faithful still listen to them, they really are deeply inspired verse. sometimes in life we tend to believe everything that happened in the past was great and glorious and the present day is a dull imitation. we just need to believe in the goodness we have around us.

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 20:47 | 4842663 FeralSerf
FeralSerf's picture

I'd swap him for a piece of used chewing gum. But if I could get Elvis instead . . .

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 18:51 | 4842271 medium giraffe
medium giraffe's picture

I remember seeing a giant Elvis statue in a roadside cafe in Israel once.  That was a strange day.

Wed, 06/11/2014 - 05:22 | 4843668 messystateofaffairs
messystateofaffairs's picture

Just Elvis making Aliyah in keeping with his Jewish roots,

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 20:10 | 4842498 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Was he fucking a goat?

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 20:20 | 4842537 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Would that add to or detract from, the strangeness?

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 20:28 | 4842576 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Is Ariel Sharon the fake Elvis?

Wed, 06/11/2014 - 10:59 | 4844612 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

No; He's the Goat !!! Ha, Ha, Ha,. Laughing so hard, I got the hiccups. dammit.

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 18:36 | 4842223 I_Am_
I_Am_'s picture

"return to sender" - awesome

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 19:24 | 4842363 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

"address unknown"  -  more awesomer.

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 18:18 | 4842152 blindman
Tue, 06/10/2014 - 18:14 | 4842136 Notsobadwlad
Notsobadwlad's picture

Yes, well I have here-to-fore intentionally avoided using the O'ButtXXXX and O'BungXXXX names, they open up a HOLE new range of funny names for the userper.

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 18:00 | 4842106 blindman
blindman's picture

regarding elvis and never forget his evil twin,
jesse garon Presley, whom he vanquished in the womb. (r.i.p.)
.
when I was a kid I thought he was singing
"return to cinder". I knew that word had something
to do with fire and brimstone and where we all
end up somehow, totally missing the postal service
analogy. but if you listen, he is singing return
to cinder, not sender; weird.
.
Mojo Nixon - Elvis is everywhere
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_hkIN38qnY&feature=kp
.
what would the world be like if elvis was defeated
and jesse garon was the survivor? they probably would
have named him elvis anyway.
.
elvi, live, evil, vile, ilve, veil .....

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 17:53 | 4842090 ken
ken's picture

Elvis Marcellus.

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 17:37 | 4842047 B2u
B2u's picture

Here are Beavis and Butthead (Obama) weight training.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlmvGWStydc

Wed, 06/11/2014 - 02:05 | 4843543 OldPhart
OldPhart's picture

Followed that all the way to the darkest corners of internet hell.

Not sure what the combination was...but, holy shit!  What a ride!

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 17:28 | 4842023 blindman
blindman's picture

look here, perhaps we are totally screwed?
i'll go with elvis behind door number three alex.
Citizens strike back: Tiny, low-cost drones ....
http://www.naturalnews.com/045495_assassination_drones_autonomous_killin...
.
and the response ...
.
Anti-surveillance mask lets you pass as someone else
Posted on May 14, 2014 by Tripp
http://www.trippapparel.com/2014/29866
.
lovely place to raise a child.

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 17:23 | 4842015 dirty belly
dirty belly's picture
BAD NAUHEIM ELVIS PRESLEY GERMAN TOWN:

http://youtu.be/-SAm5BLSOTM

As an ARMY brat, I/we were relocated to Bad Nauheim, DE for a year.

When Elvis was stationed in Friedburg, DE, a few miles from Bad Nauheim, he lived here:

http://www.johannisberg-badnauheim.de/

There is an Elvis Festival every year.

Wed, 06/11/2014 - 11:02 | 4844628 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

Figures. Be grateful they don't have an Adolph festival.

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 17:00 | 4841931 Comte d'herblay
Comte d'herblay's picture

The Office of the POTUS has become the couch upon which Ed McMAhon sat for so long. The POTUS is the Ed McMahon to Johnny but in this case we do not know specifically who are the dozen or so men and women that Johnny represents. 

Even if Elvis was there, he too would be Ed McMahon.  

 

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 16:58 | 4841923 pan
pan's picture

Don't vote bitchez!

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 16:37 | 4841869 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

I'd take a random homeless person over Obama any day.

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 16:06 | 4841791 teslaberry
teslaberry's picture

yea but who are the .01 % of readers ?

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 17:28 | 4842026 cro_maat
cro_maat's picture

Troll bots.

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 15:51 | 4841760 ptoemmes
ptoemmes's picture

Did anyone like Fat Elvis?

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 16:24 | 4841842 Jumbotron
Jumbotron's picture

"Did anyone like Fat Elvis?"

I did.....and he's still alive and well, killing Big Bitch Cockroaches !

"Never fuck with the King !"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jwi7T8eirXs

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 16:04 | 4841775 knukles
knukles's picture

Yes.
They way he sweated after all the pain killers and alcohol in those heavy plastic and silk outfits all loaded with carbohydrates like deep fried spaghetti sandwiches under the hot lights was sensational.

Fat Elvis for God.

Oh Lordy, Lordy, Lordy, the way his whole body jiggled when he shook his hips....

'Specially when he got his very own personal DEA badge from the Other King, Richard M Nixon, Hunter Thompson's Favorite Paranoiac.

https://images.search.yahoo.com/images/view;_ylt=AwrTcXfGY5dTWw4AdMyJzbk...

 

Damn, William, you hot, be bringin' dem good olde daze back ahgin....
Like when gettin' fucked up meant 'sumptin'

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 18:49 | 4842263 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Elvis be da King.

  Barry be da Baffhouse.

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 15:43 | 4841733 BeetleBailey
BeetleBailey's picture

I...was never "polled"

I DEMAND A RE-COUNT - WITH HANGING FUCKING CHADS AND EVERYTHING....

and...LET'S BEAT UP THE LOCAL ELECTIONS SUPERVISOR....

Fuckabama or Elvis?

Hmmm....one's DEAD

The other? A lousy singer...among LOTS of other things the chosen puppet/cunt is...

NON-AMERICAN FOR ONE THING...AND THAT MEANS...

I VOTE ELVIS...

 

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 15:41 | 4841729 machineh
machineh's picture

she had to exhume Vince Foster so she could re-use the bullet.

Wed, 06/11/2014 - 15:28 | 4845822 are we there yet
are we there yet's picture

Hillary is so poor she has to reuse the same lobbyists for bribes.

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 15:43 | 4841736 BeetleBailey
BeetleBailey's picture

stick that ugly cunt in a sewer....

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 15:46 | 4841744 machineh
machineh's picture

#HillaryIsSoPoor she can only afford to be out sick when she's subpoenaed.

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 16:50 | 4841905 Pure Evil
Tue, 06/10/2014 - 18:51 | 4842269 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Poke chop ugly!

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 21:50 | 4842941 Jam Akin
Jam Akin's picture

#HillaryIsSoPoor she used only the Wall Street Journal for commodity trading advice.

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 15:31 | 4841691 toadold
toadold's picture

IMHAO you could chose any random Elvis impersenator and he or she, would be a better US President than the Obama.

'"Obama, "You ain't nothing but a hound dog, crying  all the time.""

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 15:39 | 4841720 Citxmech
Citxmech's picture

"El Vez" is my personal favorite.

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 17:08 | 4841961 HerrDoktor
HerrDoktor's picture

El Vez is a Communist mother fucker, but I must admit I like "Yo soy un Pocho"!

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 15:27 | 4841665 rtalcott
rtalcott's picture

Well that's a no-brainer...Elvis...The Duke...Beavis & Butthead...

Tue, 06/10/2014 - 13:28 | 4841152 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!