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Where’s My Refund?

Cognitive Dissonance's picture




 

Where’s My Refund?

By

Cognitive Dissonance

 

 

Beginning way back when my children grew old enough to work ‘on the books’ and thus earn enough taxable wages to ‘voluntarily’ pay their (Social Security and Federal/State/County-Local income) taxes and ‘voluntarily’ file a Federal Income Tax return (oh sweet puberty) I’ve handled the annual spring rite of documenting their IRS 1040 wage slavery by filing their tax returns for them. This ‘voluntary’ documentation always includes spouses and/or girl-boyfriends….and occasionally even the parents of spouses and/or girl-boyfriends. Please don’t try this at home boys and girls.

Now that the electronic filing option has trickled down from the IRS to nearly all the states and now that the various retail software tax preparation products (such as Tim Geithner’s TurboTax) have worked out most of their bugs and are reasonably reliable, the time I spend discharging my now permanent parental duties is tolerable. Best of all I gain the satisfaction of knowing that it’s all done right…….or at least that I’m the only one screwing up my children in preparation for the return of the (Government) debtors prison. Ah, but the good old days (remember the mid nineteenth Century?) seem to be lurking just around the corner. But I digress.

Several of my children have simple tax returns that encompass traditional W-2’s from established employers who also ‘voluntarily’ withhold my kid’s portion of their ‘voluntarily’ tax offerings. (How kind of them to help.) With little to no investment income, capital gains, real estate or trust income or any other complications, their returns are relatively simple affairs. (Thank you IRS.) One of my kids is married with a child, which means she and her spouse claim the child credit and a slice of the earned income bribe……..err………credit given to low wage earners to entice them back onto the wage slave hamster wheel for one more year. But I digress……again.

My children generally receive tax refunds and I dutifully file as early as possible in order to ensure that they’ll soon have fat wallets stuffed with ‘free money’ that immediately burns a hole in their pockets or purses. Nothing warms a parents cockles quite like getting a text message from their child informing them that s/he just received her/his IRS tax refund, a text sent while shopping for 55” LCD TV’s in Best Buy. (“Thanks Dad, you’re the greatest.”) Unfortunately we begin to lose our children to the PONZI’s consumer frenzy by the time they’re old enough to watch TV, meaning 2 or 3 years of age. BTW I’ve heard real, supposedly intelligent, people [“not my kids” says proud CD] call their tax refund ‘free money’, but I’d rather call it a partial return of our ‘voluntary’ tax donations. But (sadly) I digress once more.

While my small circle of friends and family hardly constitutes a statistically significant sampling of the average American Taxpayer, unless of course I’m the BLS (Bureau of Lies and Statistics) who appear to count the same baker’s dozen-dozen (a baker’s gross just in case you want to know) of wage slaves over and over and over while consistently dropping a few here and there (‘on’ accident I suspect) it seems that I’m observing a frightening trend playing out in real time.

In the interest of high brow economic research I wish to gauge the response of my Zero Hedge readership in order to increase the sample size of my tax refund survey to 25 or 30. That way I can publish an ‘expert’ paper describing the state of the IRS tax refunding efforts and its relationship to the ongoing paper (fiat) chase. I plan to sell it to various economic think tanks and Pulitzer Prize economic fiction writers for several bazillion Bernanke Bucks and retire to a remote island in the Bahamas with Mrs. Cog where they don’t have Internet or phones, but they do have several dozen precious metal dealers and coin shops. But I……umm………never mind.

Simply put, for at least two years running now, and maybe even three (pardon my pun, but an old man and his memory soon part) it seems that those cuddly little wage slaves of mine who are expecting smaller tax refunds (say less than $1,600) get them very quickly, usually within 8-10 calendar days. But the ones who regularly receive refunds above $3,500 have been forced to wait more than 21 days two (three?) years running.

In fact, this year the IRS will make my daughter wait 25 days from the day of the IRS’s acknowledged receipt of her electronic filing. At least that’s the delivery promise the IRS just made on their “Where’s My Refund?” web page. This despite the fact that the IRS claims you should receive your direct deposited e-filed tax refund in 8 to 15 calendar days, with some waiting up to 3 weeks (21 days for the math impaired). Hmmmmm……very interesting.

Now……to be crystal clear this is all supposition on my part. And I’m absolutely certain that if someone asked the IRS spokesperson to comment (not me because I’m already suffering under a life-time red flagged IRS audit alert) s/he would provide a perfectly coherent and reasonable explanation for why the larger refund seems to run late several years running while the smaller refunds are quickly paid. I bet there’s a perfectly innocent explanation for this little quirk and I’m nothing but a silly Chicken Little making a too-big-to-fail mountain out of a wage slave mole hill.

However, considering the humongous budget deficits the US Government is currently running (until of course Baghdad (Bob) Ben Bernanke [of “We’re not printing money” fame] runs out of green electronic ink and fuel for his helicopter) on top of lagging ‘voluntary’ tax collections, I was sort of wondering if the Treasury might actually be pulling a fast one here. After all, if you’re running a bit short this month and only have $1,000 on hand to pay bills amounting to $2,000, I bet you’d gather up the largest pile of small bills you could find that equaled $1,000 and pay them before you paid the one or two larger bills that amounted to the same $1,000.

The rather rational theory for doing so is that you would rather receive one (or two) phone calls from the larger creditors than phone calls from five, six or more smaller creditors. I suspect the IRS/Treasury feels the same way…..particularly when government’s only real purpose now-a-days is to continuously kick the Ponzi can down the road while maintaining the illusion for all the wage slaves that it’s getting (so much) better all the time”.

I find it interesting that my daughter’s refund info suddenly showed up on the ‘Where’s My Refund?’ web site two days after the Treasury sold $35 Billion of Two Year Treasury bonds, one day after they sold $35 Billion of Five Year Treasury bonds and just before they sold $29 Billion in Seven Year Treasury bonds. Those (larger) tax refunds must have been piling up somewhere in a corner stinking up a storm. But of course that’s just a coincidence……….right?

Regardless, I can’t help but smile when I realize that my daughter and son-in-law might just be in on a tiny little slice of that sweet PONZI Treasury action. I only wish I could get in on the fun myself. Where’s My Refund Uncle Sam?

So what say you fellow Hedgers? Have you also noticed a lag in your voluntary tax refund or is all well on Capitol Hill and free money trickles from the gist mill to your too-big-to-fail checking account with no delay? Sound off in the comment section to let me know. And remember, it’s a voluntary tax you pay each and every day and Uncle Sam is very grateful for your donations.

P.S. I can’t wait until the day (coming very soon I’m afraid) when, instead of a cash tax refund, Uncle Sam sends you a custom made-to-order 100 Year U.S. Government Zero Coupon Bond (helpfully denominated in the exact amount of your refund) with a sticky note attached informing you that as a Red Blooded American you should be proud to buy American (Fleecing) Bonds.

Besides “that’s just as good as money Sir, those are I.O.U’s”…..just not negotiable for 100 years because, well, we’re broke at the moment and for the foreseeable future as well.

 

02-23-2012

Cognitive Dissonance

 

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Thu, 02/23/2012 - 21:17 | 2191368 Colorado14er
Colorado14er's picture

To clarify, the $70 fee for direct depositing into our account was in addition to the cost for using the Turbo Tax service in the first place.

Fri, 02/24/2012 - 12:26 | 2192909 Silver Dreamer
Silver Dreamer's picture

I did not give my bank account information to a den of theives.  Have them send you a check.  Who knows what will happen with the bank account data of us citizens.  Hell, government computer systems are not exactly known to be highly secure anyway.

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 20:35 | 2191276 Coldfire
Coldfire's picture

I haven't paid the IRS in years since I escaped the USD plantation. It's a great feeling.

Fri, 02/24/2012 - 03:38 | 2191994 The Navigator
The Navigator's picture

As far as I know, if you're a living entity you must report even if you don't owe (pain in the ass).

Of course if you don't owe, you don't have to pay.

Would love to hear your story, if possible, without endagering your condition(s). i.e. Did you give up citizenship or just file a missing persons report on yourself.

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 20:37 | 2191281 non_anon
non_anon's picture

congradulations!

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 20:20 | 2191235 Puffnstuff
Puffnstuff's picture

I e-filed my return on Feb 1st and my information didn't show up in their system for almost 5 days for me to get a status of my refund.  In years past if I filed this week I would get my refund on Friday of the following week.  Not this year.  When my information finally showed up in the IRS "Where's My Refund" system it claimed that I would get my refund by Feb 21st.  Well the 21st came and went so I logged back into the IRS only to discover that my refund had been pushed back to the 23rd.  Well I checked my bank account today and it was finally deposited.  Uncle Sam is a broke mofo.  Just think about people who haven't filed yet.

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 20:25 | 2191247 non_anon
non_anon's picture

why file at all, as you said, Uncle Sam is a broke mofo

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 20:10 | 2191208 Cydonian
Cydonian's picture

For the past three years the IRS refund schedule worked fairly smoothly with refurds coming in 8 to 15 days depending on the day of the week your return was accepted.  Returns accepted by 10AM EST on Thursday would receive their direct deposited refund in in 1 week plus 1 day (refunds were released on Friday).  Returns accepted after 10AM EST on Thursday went into the next refund cycle so you would have to wait between 8 to 15 days for your refund

 

All that changed this year.  The IRS went to their new Modern E-fille Processing.  It was supposed to speed up the process.  However, on January 17, the 1st day the IRS began accepting returns, the system went down for 24 hours.  This slowed the whole process down and the IRS went from saying 8 - 15 days to 10 -21 days.  Once they were backup and had cleared the backlog another problem developed.  You would receive an aacknowledgement that the return was received and accepted but when you checked the status of your refund either by calling or going to "Where is My Refund" at IRS.gov your would get a message that they had no record of receiving your return.  The IRS has acknowledged this on their web site.

The speed of the refund is not consistant.  Taxpayers who filed and had their returns accepted on the same day may not receive their refunds on the same day.  Sometimes they are weeks apart.  I have seen returns filed and accepted on Feb 1st receive refunds on the Feb 10th and while others are still waiting for the refunds and the IRS website says they are scheduled for release on March 6th.

 

So much for their modern e-file process.    

Fri, 02/24/2012 - 10:30 | 2192444 snowball777
snowball777's picture

So..."It's in the mail." LOL

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 20:47 | 2191306 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

I saw this explanation on the IRS web site as well.

<cough> Bullshit <cough>

Alas I'm just a cynical old man. :>)

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 20:00 | 2191189 non_anon
non_anon's picture

ha ha, I disconnected from W-2's in 2000 and am reclaiming my right to my own labour without a middleman to siphon it off, fuck the guv!

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 19:59 | 2191188 Red Raspberry
Red Raspberry's picture

Could be getting Califonia IOUs?

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 19:59 | 2191187 Red Raspberry
Red Raspberry's picture

Could be getting Califonia IOUs?

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 19:55 | 2191177 Geoff-UK
Geoff-UK's picture

Anyone getting a refund paid too much in tax.

 

Ergo, suckers.

 

When I get raped every April 15th, I FEEL the rape.  And have to write the check, cursing profusely throughout.

 

 

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 20:13 | 2191219 Miles Kendig
Miles Kendig's picture

Anyone getting a refund paid too much in tax.  Ergo, suckers.

Hardly.  The tax code is formulated so I submit zero withholding, pay no federal income tax and get a nice refund every year.  I'm not even a top corporation or bailed out company to boot!

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 19:44 | 2191154 The Alarmist
The Alarmist's picture

Refunds? Haven't seen one of those in decades.

As for those zero coupon refunds, you won't have to worry about that ... You will work, and Uncle will feed, clothe and shelter you, and maybe give you a little pocket change for movies and candy. Your soul belongs to the Company Store.

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 19:37 | 2191129 nmewn
nmewn's picture

"So what say you fellow Hedgers? Have you also noticed a lag in your voluntary tax refund or is all well on Capitol Hill and free money trickles from the gist mill to your too-big-to-fail checking account with no delay?"

I prefer to wind up paying them at tax time or get a small refund (less than a hundred bucks).

I'm kinda careful when loaning money to these "subprime" oufits...I never know if I'll ever see it again ;-)

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 20:21 | 2191240 Miles Kendig
Miles Kendig's picture

The feds are a money tree outfit no doubts there nmewn ;)

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 20:28 | 2191258 nmewn
nmewn's picture

No doubt Miles.

You owe them, it's interest plus penalties. They owe you, fugitabowit...lol.

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 20:41 | 2191278 Miles Kendig
Miles Kendig's picture

Or, by the time the time comes round at long last where one might actually enjoin that rarest of concepts known as redress the events that gave rise to the grievance will have faded from institutional memory leaving a formal apology as the reach around of choice.  whattauckinsystem

We're on an express elevator to hell, going down!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDLQg8ZKBS8

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 20:49 | 2191312 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Well, at least I'm enjoyin the ride, we may yet dance on their graves ;-)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBVt4Pvx2rg

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 21:12 | 2191340 Miles Kendig
Miles Kendig's picture

Nice!

Looking forward to dancin' n partyin' to live Bob Weir and Bruce Hornsby on April fools in the bay area.  Cheers brutha ;) (and damn how I miss Deadhead's voice round here)

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 21:32 | 2191399 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Sounds like a good time.

As Hornsby says, cuz the law don't change another's mind, that's just the way it is.

You never know, maybe one of these days, one of the cool kids will make a mockery of the whole thing...or die tryin.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbgKEjNBHqM&ob=av2e

Always enjoy it Miles, be safe my brutha ;-)

Fri, 02/24/2012 - 03:46 | 2191783 Miles Kendig
Miles Kendig's picture

One day the rain is gonna end .. until those that follow forget .. again

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uravhL8FbY

Seems like this story can either start or end; Once upon a time

Ride strong

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 19:21 | 2191073 mendolover
mendolover's picture

Has anyone read 'Cracking the Code'?

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 19:23 | 2191064 nonclaim
nonclaim's picture

You could go around all this and adjust up your "allowances" so that less is voluntarily contributed to federal coffers. The idea is to have a balance of zero or a little negative. Don't overdo it or you might pay a fine for not being a cheerful volunteer.

The only problem is your children *will* complain they are not receiving as much "free money" as before or, worse, might even have to pay a few bucks.

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 19:13 | 2191045 Nobody
Nobody's picture

I ways thought the delay was an aid to the lending industry

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 19:13 | 2191044 Nobody
Nobody's picture

I ways thought the delay was an aid to the lending industry

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 19:08 | 2191017 Miles Kendig
Miles Kendig's picture

Cog,  as a member of the elite triple dipper club I suspect my 13th month bonus .. err ... refund, ya refund, that I filed on Valentines Day won't post until St. Patrick's Day.  (It pays to be good, but, it's even better to be, and get, lucky)  I love being Irish ;)

Hey williambanzai7  got that awesomely hot Irish chick pic waving the flag ya posted up a year or two ago handy?  I've missed her...

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 20:42 | 2191292 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

"....that I filed on Valentines Day......"

Now, now Miles. Don't kiss and tell. :>) 

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 20:56 | 2191327 Miles Kendig
Miles Kendig's picture

Some of the best sex ever is with those you absolutely cannot stand at any other time and this is a great way to celebrate a return the favor relationship.  I'm sure Doris will forgive my addition to the same time next year circuit.  :D

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 19:00 | 2191002 woolly mammoth
woolly mammoth's picture

Can't help you with your questian CD, but I would like to point out that your red flag seems to be getting bigger. Much bigger. Not yet experiencing either my question is, which is more invasive, an IRS audit or a TSA check point.

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 22:08 | 2191474 HungrySeagull
HungrySeagull's picture

A TSA check.

I don't fly except by General Aviation because of it.

I have not found any compelling reason to fly these days. A few days on the road again with a wallet full of dollars and a night's sleep somewhere sure makes life good.

The Cattle can have the finest cuts culled and sent through the really good scanners for the TSA Goon's to stay awake and sharp on the job.

I once thought about joining the TSA. Until I asked myself what if someone's teen daughter or granny set off something in the scanning? No sir, I will not be a party to what I consider abuse and assault.

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 20:39 | 2191284 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

A TSA check point debases your dignity. And IRS audit is debasing in every sense of the word. And you usually pay for the privilege.

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:47 | 2190968 CrazyCooter
CrazyCooter's picture

Filed Feb 15th. Refund is more than 3.5k. IRS site says deposit will post by Mar 6th if there are no issues.

Regards,

Cooter

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:38 | 2190929 Tic tock
Tic tock's picture

Thus does the responsiblity to move to deflation become shirked

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:33 | 2190903 RopeADope
RopeADope's picture

It is about time a government agency follows sound business practices to reduce waste.

The only problem I have is with state tax agencies when budget crisis cause creep in tax code legislation & interpretation. California is notorious for this type of behavior as witnessed by the number of situations where the FTB refuses to follow the IRS's fair treatment of taxpayer guidelines.

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:28 | 2190891 curly
curly's picture

Refund?  Maybe revisit your parental training ideas and introduce your children to the idea of minimizing withholding and owing the feds at the end of the year.  Or better yet, no withholding and making quarterly payments, deferred as long as legally possible.

Why loan Turbo Tiny Tim and Hussein the zero *any* Ben bucks?

 

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 20:37 | 2191279 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Maybe revisit your parental training ideas and introduce your children to the idea of minimizing withholding.........."

I have and I continue to do so. They stopped listening to me many years ago. They are now captured minds of the enemy state. I hope someday that they will wake up and see the mess we have left them.

Actually I suspect that's why they don't give a shit. Would you really give two shits about anything said by your parents after taking a close looking at the terrible mess we've spread out in front of their lifetime? 

Fri, 02/24/2012 - 12:14 | 2192854 Silver Dreamer
Silver Dreamer's picture

Are we personally responsible for the mess however?  I do not believe I am.  I've done all I can to inform my children and will continue to do it.  I have been outspoken in my community, involved at the local level, and done what I believe is possible for someone with family commitments.  Even if every ZH'er were a super hero, we would still be horribly outnumbered and ultimately lose.  That sounds so negative, but I just don't have much hope left for any revival without a collapse before it.  Even with one however, we may end up with a more powerful fascist nation state than we already have.

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:20 | 2190871 blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

Yeah, CogDis, you nailed it: they don't want to get clobbered with too many returned-check fees if anything goes wrong.

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 23:21 | 2191532 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

It all reminds me of that Amazon story back in July of 2009 where Amazon reached into people's Kindle and erased Orwell's "1984" and "Animal Farm" from the device. Too freaking funny and mad scary at the same time.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/18/technology/companies/18amazon.html

Fri, 02/24/2012 - 12:06 | 2192833 Silver Dreamer
Silver Dreamer's picture

Isn't that the whole point behind why such devices are being pushed so heavily on the sheeple?  It makes controlling what you read FAR easier.

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:19 | 2190864 itchy eyes
itchy eyes's picture

No complaints here.  IRS received my return electronically 2/4, my "refund" posted to my checking account 2/15.  I use quotes because I have zero federal withholding, and I still got over $5k from the IRS.

While it isn't my fault or my idea, I would like to thank all of my fellow taxpayers for subsidizing me, my wife and our 7 little deductions (man, I love that form 8812). 

Number 8 is due in August - cha ching!

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 19:15 | 2191051 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

It's not your fault? Someone else impregnated your wife? How is it not your fault?

Fri, 02/24/2012 - 10:18 | 2192406 Melin
Melin's picture

It's not his fault that you're being made to pay him ever more money simply because he's fecund.

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 20:54 | 2191322 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

"Someone else impregnated your wife?"

I was out of town all that month and I can prove it.

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:23 | 2190878 blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

  subsidizing me, my wife and our 7 little deductions

Those aren't deductions.  That's tax-paying livestock.

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 20:32 | 2191263 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

"Those aren't deductions. That's tax-paying livestock."

A little brutal, but very close to home. Worse, when we "apply" for a Social Security number for our little bundles of joy we are registering them as future wage slaves with the slave master.

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 22:05 | 2191470 HungrySeagull
HungrySeagull's picture

It is brutal, even for me.

Makes me wonder if OUR parents had us because they loved each other or we were... a revenue source.

Just to ask one's parents that little question WILL be brutal.

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