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Advice From The Department Of Homeland Security: "If Attacked By A Shooter, Grab Some Scissors"

Tyler Durden's picture


Via Michael Krieger of Liberty Blitzkrieg blog,

Advice From The Department Of Homeland Security: "If Attacked By A Shooter, Grab Some Scissors"

We first heard about this from a New York Post article on the topic.  Then we watched the video for ourselves.  It’ll make you want to defund the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) immediately.  While the whole “grab scissors” to defend oneself during a mass shooting is pretty amusing, the more disturbing part is that 90% of the video just consists of people on their knees in cubicles cowering in fear or running panicked with their hands in the air.  All the while police in black uniforms and “assault weapons” race in to save the day!  The video is a great representation of how the DHS views the citizenry.  Feeble, helpless, pathetic little children.  You’ve gotta watch it for yourself! 


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Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:44 | 3208478 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

Thumb armor

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 05:54 | 3208811 Spigot
Spigot's picture

NO, not the illegal grip, it was the 30 round mag on those scissors, I tells ya!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:26 | 3208077 Ray1968
Ray1968's picture

More than 500 yards: my Remington 700

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:34 | 3208102 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

You must work in a HUGE office............

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:56 | 3208181 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Personally, I like to carry scissors that are 600 yards long so that I can take out any active disgruntled co-workers.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:43 | 3208481 Teamtc321
Teamtc321's picture

Careful, Zero/Blundering Biden/Gun Free Frankenstien say you might poke your eye out.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:09 | 3208234 unrulian
unrulian's picture

my sig 9 does pretty well to 25 yds

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 00:19 | 3208548 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

You've been practicing...

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:26 | 3208079 knowless
knowless's picture

why must you deride the GED, some people choose to opt out of highschool. although, yes, I guess the test is just about on par with the education you would have recieved, except it's an extra few years you could have been elsewhere... during a period of prime mental developement..

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:24 | 3208287 Overfed
Overfed's picture

Chose to opt out high school. I like how you put that. ;-)

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:31 | 3208087 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

The right answer to this is ending the national "Gun Free Zone" law ASAP.    The armed guards idea is stupid insomuch as it would probably create another type of DHS, overpaid over-uniformed unionized time servers, as opposed to what is needed, lots of concealed carry by any and all adults who'd like to, subject only to shall-issue level licensing for such. 

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:42 | 3208135 Enslavethechild...
EnslavethechildrenforBen's picture

Homeland Security doesn't give a flying fuck about your or my security. They are security for the filthy rich elite.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:11 | 3208417 Freddie
Freddie's picture

If you want these safety scissors, construction paper, elmers glue and crayons - Molon Labe!

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 00:46 | 3208598 NeedtoSecede
NeedtoSecede's picture

+100 Freddie. There are a bunch of great comments tonight but you killed it with that one!

Fuckin statist clown circus of a country we live in...

Secession Anyone?

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 01:44 | 3208668 Son of Loki
Son of Loki's picture

Those scissors better be registered....

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:43 | 3208140 The Gooch
The Gooch's picture

Just duct-tape your airways like they do.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:05 | 3208396 Bandit und Buster
Bandit und Buster's picture


Martha,  get the duck tape OFF the windows  Damn!

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 00:18 | 3208545 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

The same enlightened folks who brought us "Duck and Cover."

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 10:41 | 3208954 Waterfallsparkles
Waterfallsparkles's picture

Really funny when you think about it. With the Bomb drills we were to sit with our back to the hall and put our hands over our heads.  Like that was going to protect us from a Bomb dropped on the school.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:19 | 3208040 Raymond K Hessel
Raymond K Hessel's picture




Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:25 | 3208075 Esso
Esso's picture

Dammit, you stole my hiccup too!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:19 | 3208033 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

So 'running with scissors' is now recommended? 

My 1st grade teacher Mrs. Winston thought different.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:18 | 3208037 Raymond K Hessel
Raymond K Hessel's picture


Sat, 02/02/2013 - 01:23 | 3208648 Gene8696
Gene8696's picture

Horseshit, horseshit, horseshit, this is a 4 day old story from CNN, Fox, and ALL the other horseshit media. Get off your ass ZeroHedge and quit wasting our time with this horseshit.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:19 | 3208039 qqqqtrader
qqqqtrader's picture

Only reason I'll need a pair of scissors is to cut out my slug from the deranged shooters head and keep it for a souvenir!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:31 | 3208095 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

A hammer plus a strainer or collander can work too, if you are willing to make a mess.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:36 | 3208110 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

Be sure to take the ears as well, just in case you want to make a watch fob at a later date............

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 01:08 | 3208630 ZeroAvatar
ZeroAvatar's picture

Heads make nice post decorations.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:41 | 3208128 trav777
trav777's picture

thank god for that video, i never would have had a clue to just do the obvious

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:59 | 3208197 Sauk Leader
Sauk Leader's picture

Thanks DHS for the slow motion shots of fat lady boobs running out of the building. Where was the blond from the beginning of the video?!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:11 | 3208238 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

I wonder how this video would have turned out if this were to happen at a porn shoot and the scene being shot was one giant orgy with dwarfs.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:55 | 3208510 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

In that case it would have garnered SEC approval.


Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:50 | 3208491 ImReady
ImReady's picture

The blonde under the desk trick.... Now you're talkin! 

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 08:27 | 3208862 Waterfallsparkles
Waterfallsparkles's picture

How about we give Diane Finestein a pair of sissors and take away HER Gun if they are so effective.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:40 | 3208132 Common_Cents22
Common_Cents22's picture

scissors beats paper!!!

just hope he doesnt have a rock, ooops

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 05:32 | 3208793 John_Coltrane
John_Coltrane's picture

But just remember, rock breaks scissors, but paper cover rock.  Scissors are good against paper, however.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 08:28 | 3208863 Waterfallsparkles
Waterfallsparkles's picture

Rock, Sissors, Gun.  I would guess the Gun would always win.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 13:51 | 3209201 takeaction
takeaction's picture

PLEASE...somebody moch up a drawing of a super fighter holstering scissors after being attacked with a gun.  Or All police should know just carry scissors...Banzai...this is wide open. 

Sun, 02/03/2013 - 12:15 | 3210906 roadhazard
roadhazard's picture

How far we have come since 2000. BuchCo advocated duct tape and a roll of plastic.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:24 | 3208068 ACP
ACP's picture

They've been watching too many Hollywood bad-ass action hero movies.

Note to DHS: Real life does not resemble a Steven Seagal movie.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:44 | 3208484 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

There's a Statham in all of us, Automatic Colt Pistol.

Sun, 02/03/2013 - 12:18 | 3210909 roadhazard
roadhazard's picture

Yes it does, Seagal is such a phony they will not even let him in an Expendables movie.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:39 | 3208127 bobthehorse
bobthehorse's picture

What are the odds of getting attacked?

I'm more worried about lightning.

If I had a gun in my house, my wife would shoot me.

No shit.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:25 | 3208291 Boondocker
Boondocker's picture

as a civilian i have drawn three times and had to shoot once.

Sun, 02/03/2013 - 12:23 | 3210915 roadhazard
roadhazard's picture

I pointed a shotgun at my wife's ex a long time ago and told him if he ever came around again I would knee cap him and he would never go anywhere again. Saved a lot of paper work for the County.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:34 | 3208465 Bandit und Buster
Bandit und Buster's picture

Sounds like a need some counseling son! 

(or a new wife). Man up!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:45 | 3208486 Calmyourself
Calmyourself's picture

spam a blog in S. Korea..  Your a sad, sad man..

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:58 | 3208511 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

You know, some of us are getting tired of hearing how you married the wrong woman.

Get a divorce and STFU.



Sat, 02/02/2013 - 12:04 | 3209054 Shell Game
Shell Game's picture

He's a spaming mother fucker, forcing his venue on ZH property.  Pathetic, parasitic.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 12:33 | 3209095 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

From the dude's post, can you blame the wife for wanting to shoot him?

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 12:53 | 3209118 Shell Game
Shell Game's picture

BobTheHorse needs to be put down, it's the humane thing to do..  ;)

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:46 | 3208157 jcpicks
jcpicks's picture

Glock, Luger, Scissors.....shoot

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:21 | 3208278 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

I'm more of a rock guy, thought sometimes I bust out paper to throw 'em off. Boo yah!

Who wants to play Shotgun, Grenade, and Teargas?

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:23 | 3208285 sleigher
sleigher's picture

Went to the store for some scissors, couldn't decide between the assault scissors or the 10 round scissors.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:42 | 3208336 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Always go for the scissors that packs the biggest punch, somewhere in the realm of 30 blades per scissor, you never know when your gonna have multiple active shooters and 10 rounds just won't be enough.

And, while your at the Sporting Scissor's store make sure you sign up for scissor safety lessons and check out how to obtain conceal scissor carry. You never know when or where you're gonna need to protect you, your family, or your neighbor.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 05:38 | 3208797 John_Coltrane
John_Coltrane's picture

And speaking of scissor safety, remember you can't run away from your assiliant while carrying your scissors-wouldln't be prudent.  Remain stationary and hope he trips and impales himself on your scissors.  Then book a gig on 60 minutes to discuss your heroism, write a book and sell the movie rights.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:48 | 3208352 salvadordaly
salvadordaly's picture

atleast you got to choose, in my area the shelves haved been cleaned all out! people at the scissor store said they were on back order and they could not keep them on the shelf. I wanted something for a back up and all of the fucking staplers were sold out to! Walked out with white out and a tape dispenser just to get some thing to help me defend myself.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:53 | 3208504 ImReady
ImReady's picture

Try bit pricey these days but what the heck.) Can you put a price on safety? 

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 08:33 | 3208867 Waterfallsparkles
Waterfallsparkles's picture

If Scissors are sold out go to Home Depot for the Nail Gun.  That will do.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:50 | 3208355 Freddie
Freddie's picture

At Columbine - the kids, teachers and administrators were on the phone begging for help.  The cops were outside waiting for the shooting to stop.  One armed teacher or administrator could have easily taken those two kids down.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:52 | 3208360 847328_3527
847328_3527's picture

the TSA took away my scissors...sorry.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 12:07 | 3209060 Shell Game
Shell Game's picture

Don't forget to bury a pair of scissors...

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 04:08 | 3208755 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

In five years when they ban scissors, the DHS will recommend defending against and active shearer by using crazy staws.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 04:45 | 3208774 Tom_333
Tom_333's picture

Hmmm....let´s hope future shooter don´t watch that info. The obvious thing to for the mentally deranged is then to carefully shoot up every desk and conference table since the victims ar covering under there - and then drop your weapon and join the crowd running out with their hands in the air and...vanish. I bet that next time the assailant will be dressed in khakis and button-down shirt with no tie.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 14:39 | 3209281 battle axe
battle axe's picture

Hello China, you can take us over now, we deserve to be conquered,,,

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 15:59 | 3209434 DosZap
DosZap's picture
Scissors my ass. A Legal Immigrant testifies beofre the committee on GunViolence jan 28th. ONLY if there were a few million more like him maybe we would not even be on this insane path. HE knows more about our history,and world history, than 98% of Americans,what a testimony to someone who has lived under tyranny, and can relate to US. PASS IT ALONG to any you know who give a rats!,Please.
Sun, 02/03/2013 - 17:22 | 3211653 rotagen
rotagen's picture

If scissors are outlawed only outlaws will have scissors.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 20:44 | 3207923 BurningFuld
BurningFuld's picture

Best way to defend yourself......leave the country.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 20:57 | 3207960 TotalCarp
TotalCarp's picture


But dont forget your scissors.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:02 | 3207975 Another Texan
Another Texan's picture

Nah.  Im not running.  This is my/our country, time to stop making excuses and take it back.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:21 | 3208054 TotalCarp
TotalCarp's picture

I respect that but i dont see it happening, sorry buddy

1. Amerikans are too fat and happy. No revolutions happened when population was either well fed (too lazy) or malnourished (too weak). Sry i cant find the research article now but its very good.
2. There is no mass media driver - msm has been captured
3. BarakHussein has done great job pushing class warfare. That will keep shepple occupied for a while.
4. Govt is very good at closing the window of freedom very slowly. People will not get mad unless they make a mistake and close it rapidly.

In conclusion, i am sorry i think there is no hope of taking anything back. Especially after another 11 million freeloaders will be added soon.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:24 | 3208071 Raymond K Hessel
Raymond K Hessel's picture

How much would 11 million rounds go for?

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:31 | 3208088 Ray1968
Ray1968's picture

Well, for us civilians, there's not much ammo on the shelves... and what you do find is damn expensive! Scissors will be cheaper!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:29 | 3208091 TotalCarp
TotalCarp's picture

See i worry that the homeland rounds are headed our way, and not the way of mexican gangbangers who will dutifully vote for barakhussein.
After all homeland probably thinks we are all plotting something.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 00:13 | 3208342 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

You are plotting something. Its not only racist, voting barakhussein out of office, but also terroristic, filling in the ballot to vote said marxist out of office.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:58 | 3208199 bank guy in Brussels
bank guy in Brussels's picture

Re « ... no hope of taking anything back ... »

Similar thinking from Karl Denninger there in America too, who has gotten so frustrated at the 'sheeple' that he thinks, after 5+ years, it might have been a total waste of time blogging and writing. He just wrote, addressing the public:

«  ... you are sheep.  ...  You refuse to demand the truth and instead you continue to suck up the lies through a straw while you are being raped of your funds and freedom at the same time.

I started writing this column in 2007 because I didn't think it was fair that people get screwed again after the Tech Wreck in 2000.  I gave up doing what I like doing -- fishing, diving, sleeping -- for more than five years to do this.

And increasingly, I think I made a mistake.

I am questioning whether the audience is a bunch of masochists, in which case this has all been one gigantic waste of time. »

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:45 | 3208346 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Note to secretary, make sure we get back to this after the super bowl.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:55 | 3208366 notadouche
notadouche's picture

I see a far different America than you do my friend.  I'm not around too many that are happy nor fat.  Don't believe what you see on TV.  America is not on big generic land.  They don't call it a melting pot for nothing.  Americans are not all the same, never have been, never will be.  Now the media may portray it a certain way.  In fact the Americans that aren't fat or lazy and do take revolutionary precautions are portrayed as "right wing nut jobs" and "hate group miltia's"  etc...  You are either fooling yourself or underestimating American's or falling for a sterotype that the media is damned near mandated to portray.  I'm afraid you are only about half right in your notion of Americans.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:16 | 3208423 TotalCarp
TotalCarp's picture

Actually i never said "fat". You did. I never said anything about right wing or left wing. What you have is apathy mixed with blind belief in the virtue of the so called land of the free. The other issue is msm does a v good propaganda job. They dont need to convince 100%, just 51% of the voters for you to be doomed. And they have fully succeeded in that.

So please dont exaggerate or put words in my mouth.
My notion is very simple - for the past 20 years things have gone 1 way only. None of righteous patriots have come out of the woodwork. And by now you can barely recognize the place. Think you will take it back? Riiiight....

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:44 | 3208483 notadouche
notadouche's picture

"Americans are too FAT and happy"  Did you misquote yourself?  I never asserted that you made referenence to any wing either.  I asserted the media did that.

Mostly I agree with you, especially about the 51% and doomed and if I believe I said the media makes folks out to be "right wing nut..."  I ddin't accuse you of making that description.  

I dont' see where I put any words in your mouth or exaggerated what you said.  I either did a poor job of being clear or you misunderstood/misread what I wrote.  All I pointed out is that  you see one version and I see another.  

In fact I'm afraid you are right.  But there may have been some righteous patriots come out of the woodwork but the media and government portrayed them as something else altogether.  They were "right wing militia nut jobs"  then, but now maybe they were just ahead of their time and I certainly didn't see it then but now maybe the Ruby Ridge's of the world were something all together different.  



Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:57 | 3208512 TotalCarp
TotalCarp's picture

Appologies my friend, i did put my foot in my mouth there. Thank you for calling me on that one.
I see a lot of versions and i guess i got wrongly irked by the suggestion i am biased. Tbh i am mostly very sad. I am sad for a great land. I am sad for my friends who are living in the US. I am sad for people who like yourself see the "matrix" but find yourself helpless and powerless in this fight. I know people who went of the grid. That is one way. I am not good enough to do that. I chose to leave. Its been a good experience so far and want to let anyone who is on the fence know that the world does not end outside of the star spangled shores.

Thank you for your reply. Good speaking to you friend.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 00:18 | 3208547 notadouche
notadouche's picture

No problem and it's always good when we agree to agree.  It's fairly easy to get caught in a defensive posture with the way "debate" and "discussion" have been bastardized.

I wish I had the ability to at the very least have a second home base but alas I am afraid I will have to ride it out right here in the states.  With technology that we don't even realize exist and the desire for "globalization" there may not be a single place on earth that is better than another.  The least expected outcome may just be THE outcome.  I can't imagine too many thought 1776 had a chance in hell.  The Soviets.  The Berlin Wall.  The Roman Empire.  History is full of examples of the unthinkable so at the very least the history hasn't been written yet.

Now the Ambien writings begin!!!!!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:44 | 3208479 Bandit und Buster
Bandit und Buster's picture

You don't mean we've been ...ah...dumbed down?

"Television has allowed us to create a commonculture, and without it we would not  have been able toaccomplish our goal." (American Story, Public Television, Dr.Morris  Janowitz, Prof. of Psychology, Chicago University,December 1, 1984)
Sat, 02/02/2013 - 02:16 | 3208705 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

Is our goal to have plenty of irresponsable sex?

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:48 | 3208492 jballz
jballz's picture


Not saying this is the start, but this is exactly how it would start, if it started


(I guess the prosecutor wasn't carrying his scissors when he left the office. Classic civilian mistake...)

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 00:05 | 3208524 TotalCarp
TotalCarp's picture

I saw that, i did find this very interesting. I obv dont know anything of this case... He may have been one of the good guys, not a crooked DA prosecutor who rely on lies, blackmail and corrupt judges.

I hate violence, its justifiable only in cases of self defense. Gunning down an unarmed person is not justifiable. But you may very well be right as far as "this is exactly how it would start".

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:23 | 3208058 flacon
flacon's picture

Lots of Jews thought the same about Germany. For me and my family I left USA in 2009. Next step... deciding to give up citizenship. Oh but there are so many perks to being an American, everybody wants to be American. Probably good enough reason to NOT want to be one any longer. I wish I could sell my citizenship online to some poor ol' sucker. 

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:27 | 3208078 TotalCarp
TotalCarp's picture

Exactly same story here, sadly i was a bit after you. And yes plenty of ppl thought there will be time to escape the reich in 1938. Until all their papers got cxled.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:43 | 3208138 trav777
trav777's picture

there would have been lots of time had the zionists not told the germans to just put them in a fucking dumpster when the zionists weren't given State recognition by the western powers.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:48 | 3208353 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Hey, I got an idea, since all the dumb fucks from Mexico want to come live in the new Nazi Germany, maybe you could strike a deal with one south of the border. You sell them your SS number and drivers license and they come north to be the slaves of American corporations. China has its slave labor, we've got to get ours from somewhere.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:15 | 3208024 johnconnor
johnconnor's picture

Leave the country and go where? China? North Korea? Mexico? Europe? it is too bad there aren't any more unhabited lands

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:25 | 3208066 TotalCarp
TotalCarp's picture

Switzerland? Norway? Singapore? New Zealand? Chile? Paraguay?

Contrary to popular amerikan belief there is more to the world then London and Mexico.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:39 | 3208125 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

If you think there may be a global depression and possibly a world war, then places that may seem safe now probably won't be.  Stable Govts. may collapse and there will be unforseen collateral damage as big players fight for power and new resources.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:52 | 3208176 TotalCarp
TotalCarp's picture

Yes i agree. I just think that wealthy and fat and happy places will fare worse then poorer self sustaining places with strong culture, work ethic and historical rule of law.

But i think here the question is less about global depression and more about cutting down your interactions with the us govt. there are plenty of places where you can live comfortably and not have to deal with homeland minions for ages.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:02 | 3208214 Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

Well stated TC.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 00:36 | 3208580 aphlaque_duck
aphlaque_duck's picture

Excellent point. I would add that even within the US, there are better places than others as far as this is concerned.

I went from CA to NC. The weather is tolerable, heating and general costs of living are low. Acceptable land and climate, esp rainfall, for small ag. Long growing season. Even just outside the cities there are plenty of homesteaders and viable small farms.

I do NOT like being close to the universities, although I don't like being around uneducated people either so what can you do. Most of my neighbors work directly for the university or some supplier. But I feel out of place anywhere and this is nothing new. 

When the education bubble bursts, I expect my home to lose value but I'll be ready to go out and trade silver for land all over this town. It's a reasonable place to hunker down and I think it will be a great place to rebuild.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 01:15 | 3208634 NeedtoSecede
NeedtoSecede's picture

Excellent point @aduck, and one I have been trying to spread whenever I can. Parts of the USSA are still relatively free, and, most days, you are left alone and can live your life. Mostly the south and flyover country where the "elites" think only hicks and rednecks live.

And I think this is the only hope this country has left. If people with brains and a sense of freedom leave CA over time, CA gets weaker. Some state in flyover country gets stronger. Over a couple generations NY, IL, CA, and all the other oppressive places implode while those of us in the free states thrive and can eventually demand our soveriegnty back from DC. Secession without all that messy war stuff. Secession Lite, if you will.

I know it is a pipe dream, but it really is the only hope for longterm viability as a nation.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 13:56 | 3209211 Handful of Dust
Handful of Dust's picture

Chapel Hll used to be a nice, safe place...times have changed all over:


Eve Carson, the student body president of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, was found dead on a street about one mile from campus early Wednesday morning.

The Chapel Hill Police Department responded to a report of gunshots around 5 a.m. Wednesday morning, and found a young woman lying dead on the road. She had been shot several times, including a shot in the head. One of two 9-1-1 callers reported hearing a woman screaming.


Lovette, 20, is charged with first-degree murder in the shooting death of Carson. Authorities say Lovett and Demario James Atwater kidnapped Carson, forced her to withdraw money from an ATM and then shot her five times.

"Before [Lovette] even shot her...she was saying, 'Let's pray,'" 20-year-old Jayson McNeil said, recounting a March 2008 conversation he had with Lovette, who is charged with murder in the crime, CBS affiliate WRAL reports.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 17:32 | 3209598 aphlaque_duck
aphlaque_duck's picture

Yes there is tension, racial as well as financial status. I am on the outskirts, where it starts to turn rural. We've had some burglaries but it's always trivial shit - they'll smash and grab a couple laptops, but never when people are home. The police are fast and courteous. 

I don't like going into town, not because I fear for my safety but because I just can't stand the insipid leftist college students. They have no idea that the shit we've rained down on the rest of the world is coming to them soon too. No idea how it is that their frivolous lives are possible. Obama '12 sticker right next to the peace sticker on their bumper. 

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 00:03 | 3208519 ImReady
ImReady's picture

I'm going to hide out on the south side of Chicago then. It'll be just another day at the zoo. 

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:11 | 3208186 TotalCarp
TotalCarp's picture

I wanna know who are the cowards that downarrowed you without bothering to state a counter argument.?. P*ssy ass c*nts.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:50 | 3208496 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

It's ok. You can say "pussy ass cunts" here.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 01:21 | 3208639 ZeroAvatar
ZeroAvatar's picture

When the 250 pound, 6 foot 3-inch assailant is standing there, looking at you, with a pair of 3-inch scissors jammed into his shoulder, you should:


1. Grab his nose with one hand, and slap it downward with the other, like Moe in the 3 stooges,


2. Grab the next thing available, the sewing machine, and bash him over the head with it,


3. Tell him you're a therapist, and you'd be willing to help him work through some of his anger issues, or:



Sat, 02/02/2013 - 12:36 | 3209103 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

I'm gonna go with #1, at least you'll die laughing.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 20:45 | 3207925 stant
stant's picture

how many clips in those sissors?

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 20:50 | 3207939 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Too many blades and too sharp. 

We must pass legislation to end high blade capacity scissors, and put in dullness guidelines.

I mean, do you really need a sharp blade to cut paper?  No, that is what paper cutters in the hands of trained professionals are for.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:03 | 3207982 Yes_Questions
Yes_Questions's picture



and get receipt:


Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:12 | 3208011 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

"And this is my receipt for your receipt."

Thanks for that.  "Brazil" is an underrated movie and becoming more and more prescient as time passes.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 12:14 | 3209065 Shell Game
Shell Game's picture

..the right of the people to keep and bear Scissors, shall not be infringed.

It is not about shearing...


Fri, 02/01/2013 - 20:46 | 3207930 Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby's picture

"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities" Voltaire

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 01:52 | 3208679 Son of Loki
Son of Loki's picture

Confucius says. ... Man who wear short sleeved shirt supports right to bare arms.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 20:46 | 3207931 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

I rented a movie the other day.  In addition to the usual FBI warning, there now appears a Homeland Security Badge warning letting you know that you will serve life in hard labor if you copy the DVD.  Glad to know the "homeland" means corporations who produce DVDs.  Do they have sciccors in federal prison?

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:14 | 3208028 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

I can't tell which advice is the real advice. The scissors, or this...

"If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.”

Jack Handy

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:29 | 3208089 infinity8
infinity8's picture

PLUS ONE MILLION !! Gotta love the Handy. . .

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:57 | 3208380 salvadordaly
salvadordaly's picture

Fonz i was reding that thinking that you sounded like Jack Handy, till i got to the jack handy at the end. I love my handy!

When I die, I want to die like grandpa. Not kicking and screaming like everyone else in the car.

Jack Handy

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:05 | 3208400 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

"I think if you worked on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching them would be a joke that gets old real fast"

I can't get enough of that guy's quotes.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:17 | 3208036 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

Scope Creep:  It's what government does.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 11:18 | 3209003 samsara
samsara's picture

NOT scope creep. a timely progression towards the original plan

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 20:50 | 3207932 EscapingProgress
EscapingProgress's picture

Are scissors also approved for defense against tyranny?

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 20:54 | 3207952 Ratscam
Ratscam's picture

last time at the airport they took my manicure scissors away. How should i defend myself on the plane? Right I take the knives from first class to fight the terrorists. wahta bunch of bullshit but more scary, most sheeple believe it.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 20:49 | 3207935 Future Jim
Future Jim's picture

Imagine you had a gun and were just mopping up the rest of the bad guys with it when the police come in - and shoot you ...

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 20:55 | 3207948 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Well, you'd have at least 20 minutes to mop up the bad guys, and probably time to get a cup of coffee and have a smoke while the Po-Po's set up a defense perimeter, string tape, and "assess the situation".

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:02 | 3207986 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

you'd have to tear them away from the local govt $ makers-writing tickets and busting kids for marijuana cigarettes

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:18 | 3208048 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

A revenue camera might give the perp a ticket if he drives away too fast, so there is that.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:21 | 3208051 Raymond K Hessel
Raymond K Hessel's picture

So you just survived an attack, participated in a fire fight, and your next move is to look for a mop?

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:38 | 3208114 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

That Dexter guy from the show would use surgical tools, but put up plastic sheets first to tidy up afterwards. 

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 00:24 | 3208361 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

No cops will show up, they're too busy eatin' donuts. If they do show up, their eyes will be too glazed over to find any dead bodies.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 17:22 | 3209577 mkhs
mkhs's picture

I still remember the NYC shootout.  Ten bystanders went down and the perp hadn't fired a shot.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 17:52 | 3209622 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Sounds like "reckless endagerment" to me.

If any of us citizens did that, even to defend our own homes and lives, we'd be in the pokey for 5-10 years.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:11 | 3208009 john39
john39's picture

swat teams sat outside columbine until they were sure it was safe

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:16 | 3208032 CH1
CH1's picture

Yes, the stunningly brave heroes waited something like three hours, while a teacher bled to death.

But we must worship them! Otherwise the terrorists win!

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 09:30 | 3208905 mumcard
mumcard's picture

Same thing at VA Tech, cops were hiding behind dumpsters just outside, you could still hear shots going off.  They're all bad asses til the bullets start flying, then shit gets real quick.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 12:19 | 3209073 Shell Game
Shell Game's picture

'The State is God', low the milk cows..

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:14 | 3208017 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Hey, Porky needs his Krispy Kreme.

Anyway, you wouldn't want a public servant to get involved in something dangerous would you?

And risk an Obama voter?

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 01:26 | 3208651 ZeroAvatar
ZeroAvatar's picture

ebworthen said: Well, you'd have at least 20 minutes to mop up the bad guys, and probably time to get a cup of coffee and have a smoke while the Po-Po's set up a defense perimeter, string tape, and "assess the situation".


At the neighbor's house across the street.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 20:57 | 3207961 Overfed
Overfed's picture

Yeah. That sounds like a good reason to go about unarmed and helpless just the way TPTB/DHS want. Be a good little scared rabbit.


Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:05 | 3207989 otto skorzeny
otto skorzeny's picture

I think you missed his point

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:38 | 3208119 Overfed
Overfed's picture

No, no, I got his point. I still think he was being a douche.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:07 | 3207994 XenoFrog
XenoFrog's picture

Better than dying to the gunman while i'm blubbering on my liberal knees begging for him not to shoot me.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:58 | 3208196 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

Or you could overcome your hoplophobia and learn to shoot.

Then there would be no need to blubber.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 12:39 | 3208372 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Sorry little toadstool, he'll put a few rounds in your skull before you have time to start blubbering, saving you the shame of getting on your knees, which to a mass murderer is like begging to be shot.

And, with thinking like that you'll being wearing a burqua in no time at all.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 09:32 | 3208907 mumcard
mumcard's picture

The probability of a nasty paper cut is nothing to sneeze at.  My stapler is full auto and the magzine holds 250, but you gotta have smething to fall back on.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:20 | 3208055 zerozulu
zerozulu's picture

No time to think, just shoot the bad guys.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 21:47 | 3208153 notadouche
notadouche's picture

I'd imagine that when the police finally got there I would actually drop the weapon and raise my hands with my fingers spread apart, not make any sudden movements and do as I was told.  Nothing like imagining using some common sense along with the fantastical scenarios.  

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 09:34 | 3208911 mumcard
mumcard's picture

If you resist the bad guys and win the day, you'd better strip naked and lay face down with your arms spread eagled so the cops don't kill you.  Their knees will be knocking when they come through the door.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:15 | 3208253 DCFusor
DCFusor's picture

Name one mass shooting incident in which the police have entered before the shooting stopped.  At VA Tech, they just sat outside and waited.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 00:20 | 3208553 samsara
samsara's picture

I thought that in most Terrorist situations the Authorities were there well Ahead of the event....

Oh, Wait....

Never Mind

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 00:43 | 3208595 Maxter
Maxter's picture

Yea.  At Sandy Hook, It just magically happened that the DHS conducted training in the area called: "FEMA L-366 Planning for the Needs of Children in Disasters"

You can't make this up!

See their own website:

look for 12/14

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 00:29 | 3208566 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

+ 1

Yes, we're still waiting.  Hmm?  C'mon, name one incident!

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 09:38 | 3208914 mumcard
mumcard's picture

I can only think of one, where the guy was shooting up the courthouse and the cowboy cop road on the hood of his cruiser with an M4 while his partner chased the bad guy down the road.  True story.


*good cop:  free donut

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