Advice From The Department Of Homeland Security: "If Attacked By A Shooter, Grab Some Scissors"

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Via Michael Krieger of Liberty Blitzkrieg blog,

Advice From The Department Of Homeland Security: "If Attacked By A Shooter, Grab Some Scissors"

We first heard about this from a New York Post article on the topic.  Then we watched the video for ourselves.  It’ll make you want to defund the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) immediately.  While the whole “grab scissors” to defend oneself during a mass shooting is pretty amusing, the more disturbing part is that 90% of the video just consists of people on their knees in cubicles cowering in fear or running panicked with their hands in the air.  All the while police in black uniforms and “assault weapons” race in to save the day!  The video is a great representation of how the DHS views the citizenry.  Feeble, helpless, pathetic little children.  You’ve gotta watch it for yourself! 


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Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:17 | 3208424 Bandit und Buster
Bandit und Buster's picture

What. you left your scissors at home?   /s

Why aren't the feds buying scissors and save taxpayer $$?

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:52 | 3208499 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

obamascissors

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 11:54 | 3209045 Bendromeda Strain
Bendromeda Strain's picture

"He gave us a trim, he gonna do MOAR"

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 00:27 | 3208565 PowerzThatB
PowerzThatB's picture

BTW, don't grab 2 pair of scissors; that would be excessive. Everyone is limited to one pair. No need to go full auto.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 02:04 | 3208697 fourchan
fourchan's picture

snips limited to seven, eight will be a federal offence.

 

lol how fucking stupid are new yorkers?

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 03:02 | 3208730 WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot
WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot's picture

Funniest f**kin' thing I've read all night. 

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 11:56 | 3209046 t0mmyBerg
t0mmyBerg's picture

Why aren't the feds buying scissors and save taxpayer $$?

If they are making videos about it you can be sure they are.  Next Alex Jones will be out with a story that they have purchased 1.5 billion pairs to go with the 1.5 billion hollow point bullets they have ordered, which means edward scissorhands g-men coming soon to a neighborhood near you.

In my minds eye I see the dumbasses actually trying to fire the hollow points with the scissors.  Good enough for government work...

 

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:33 | 3208463 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

"Weakness is a provocation"

  -St. Rumsfeld d'Amerique

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 00:35 | 3208577 wee-weed up
wee-weed up's picture

Lore

Obviously, the Lib who junked you felt you were remiss in not conceal-carrying a pair of sissors!

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 14:41 | 3209284 Montezuma
Montezuma's picture

So tough guy, tell me what are you going to do next time? Pull out your gun and John Wayne him/them? What if you miss? Kill a bystander?

Tell me, was it a black dude? Are you a racist now too? Which is more important material wealth or your life? Did you know that statistically the gun is more likely to be accidentaly used to harm someone you know?

This "Ill draw faster and kill the dude" mentality is borderline insane, or the cowboys who think in mass shooting they can kill the shooter. Hell most people shit their pants when they see people getting shot. When the Representative Giffords was shot there were people with guns in the audience but like one of them put it "There was too much panic and confusion to do anything.. everything happed too fast".

When you get robbed gun or  knife point does it make you mad as hell? YES, even if you get beat up, you get angry as hell but stop and think for a moment, how you having the gun is going to escalate the situation.

People look at the stats, even US is quite safe country if you stay away from the certain bad neighborhoods.

Ps. I am not trying to take anybodys guns I just think its time to get sane again. This logic of "Only one who can stop a bad guy in a suicide vest is a good guy in a suicide vest" is frankly retarded.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 16:06 | 3209453 mkhs
mkhs's picture

So if I buy good quality knee-pads, my life will be better?

 

Live free or die.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 17:17 | 3209454 DosZap
DosZap's picture

Did you know that statistically the gun is more likely to be accidentaly used to harm someone you know?(BS)

 

THIS is retarded.................................

Ps. I am not trying to take anybodys guns I just think its time to get sane again. This logic of "Only one who can stop a bad guy in a suicide vest is a good guy in a suicide vest" is frankly retarded.

WHAT is your conclusion Mr.Retarded?

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 22:24 | 3210190 sun tzu
sun tzu's picture

Using your logic, the cops and secret service should turn in their guns too, since they won't be able to outdraw the bad guys. What, are they going to miss and kill an innocent bystander? Besides, cops kill more black people, so they must be racist. Why are we arming racist people to kill blacks?

If you look at statistic, the US is pretty safe, so cops don't need guns and most presidents are not assassinated, so they don't need armed guards, just stay away from certain neighborhoods.

I'm not trying to disarm law enforcement, I just think it's time to get sane again. This logic of the "only way to keep the president safe is by surrounding him with guns" is frankly retarded. I think you should start a movement to disarm the secret service in order to keep the president safe.

Sun, 02/03/2013 - 23:52 | 3212462 Lore
Lore's picture

There aren't going to be near enough policemen for the trouble ahead. And the culture of law enforcement is being manipulated anyway.  The neighborhood policeman used to be your friend, but some modern TV shows and well-publicized incidents seem intended to undermine the public trust. For police officers AND the public, it's going to be very important to check perception and distinguish myth from reality.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 22:25 | 3210191 sun tzu
sun tzu's picture

Using your logic, the cops and secret service should turn in their guns too, since they won't be able to outdraw the bad guys. What, are they going to miss and kill an innocent bystander? Besides, cops kill more black people, so they must be racist. Why are we arming racist people to kill blacks?

If you look at statistic, the US is pretty safe, so cops don't need guns and most presidents are not assassinated, so they don't need armed guards, just stay away from certain neighborhoods.

I'm not trying to disarm law enforcement, I just think it's time to get sane again. This logic of the "only way to keep the president safe is by surrounding him with guns" is frankly retarded. I think you should start a movement to disarm the secret service in order to keep the president safe.

Sun, 02/03/2013 - 23:44 | 3212377 Lore
Lore's picture

Montezuma:  I have no interest in revenge or harming anyone. I'm not stupid. I ask one thing only: to be left alone.  That's all.  "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." My interest is in DETERRENCE.  Any police officer will tell you that predators are highly risk-averse.  They see precautions, they tend to move on.  The odds are shifted in my favour, at least a little. 

You must understand that there are people out there who can't stand that.  They join gangs or get recruited for noble-sounding cons like Agenda 21, but a control freak is a control freak, and it is simply not in their nature to leave other people alone.  They are literally driven to take what's yours and run your life, even kill you if they can get away with it. People like us are not the problem.  THEY ARE -- them and their blind followers.

Mon, 02/04/2013 - 12:59 | 3213564 Montezuma
Montezuma's picture

Yes I hear you, but truth is deterrence is hard to come by, open carry maybe with big arse Desert Eagle. People say it works the same way as bar fights, usually they try pick on the little guy&easy prey. So only deterrent I know would we open carry and a t-shirt saying "Shoot to kill".

Of course in South Africa they lure cops in to situations to kill them for their guns so.

Gangs are their lemmings are the problem, of course police should be the one shutting them down but as long as this "war on drugs" goes on there are people willing to do anything it takes to get in to the game.

Personally I dont think civilians should carry guns at all but thats another story and way too utopistic in countries with a lot of firearms already, also Sam Harris had a point saying, "if you are in a diner and mad man starts shooting are you glad that he is the only with the gun" survival instinct in that moment doenst give a shit about bystanders.

Ps. Good to see you are one of the "reasonable" dudes here and not the gun nut bunker living armageddon waiting loony who think they are going to William Wallace the US government and take back their saloon, while having a tin hat protecting them from messages lizard people are sending from the CIA HQ.

 

Wed, 02/06/2013 - 15:17 | 3220867 Lore
Lore's picture

We could probably have a good discussion about reasons why gun culture exists at all. Is a peaceable society one that is generally prosperous and / or lacking in extremes between most rich and most poor?  I would think that small government and economic growth would be key factors in giving the average joe HOPE and reducing potential motivation to break rules.  I haven't seen a report that would suggest marked rise in crime during economic depression, food riots notwithstanding, although I seem to remember reading about overt anti-semitism in some communities that culminated in extensive property damage. Some reports suggest that food stamps are the only thing keeping us from disintegrating.  

Like your last paragraph. (g)

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 12:33 | 3209096 BlackMagician
BlackMagician's picture

"incapable of reasoning,..." meaning you won't agree with what I believe.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:03 | 3208212 unrulian
unrulian's picture

nice edit moron....if you want to talk about math start grabbing all 300 million of them now and you should get them all in about 600 years...in the mean time get a gun...dumb fuck...or don't....shit for brains

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:04 | 3208221 nmewn
nmewn's picture

The only ones who are excessively armed, massively paranoid, and unbelievably thick are the progressive snobs/statists who surround themselves with armed bodyguards while ghoulishly playing on the emotions of others.

You know, like Bloomberg, Morgan etal.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:06 | 3208228 unrulian
unrulian's picture

+100

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:08 | 3208229 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Well, obviously its the government that is massively paranoid, or why would they be concerned about its citizens turning their guns on them.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:13 | 3208247 TwoShortPlanks
TwoShortPlanks's picture

Agenda21 states that an armed population is...*Drum Roll*...Unsustainable!

PS. That doesn't include me BTW, so don't bother with the role reversal.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:30 | 3208258 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Just so you know, you're more worthless than chicken shit on a pump handle.

Think about it, a bunch of people you don't even know have decided, without consulting you, how you'll live your life from cradle to grave and the only thing you can think of doing is to bend over and squeal, "fuck me harder and deeper!"

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:36 | 3208326 TwoShortPlanks
TwoShortPlanks's picture

I'm sorry, I think I've missed something here...since when have you ever been free?

You haven't bought into THAT old illusion, have you?....LOL, you may have freedom of speech, you may even be allowed to take holidays to tropical places (for now), you may even be allowed to carry a gun (for now 2.0), but get this straight, YOU. ARE. OWNED. motherfucker.....owned!

PS. Chicken shit on a pump handle may have some use...somewhere, somehow.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:31 | 3208433 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Yeah that chicken shit covered handle is useful sticking out of your mouth after its been reamed up your ass.

Gives your tongue something to do other than to tickle Obama's nut sack.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 22:17 | 3210169 sun tzu
sun tzu's picture

Same with you limey chicken shit motherfucker. Except we kicked your limey ass king off this continent. You inbred fuckwads are still ruled by that old German hag. Why are you crooked toothed fuckers so concerned with people across the ocean owning guns? It's none of your fucking business, assholes. You don't rule us anymore

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 10:41 | 3208952 kill switch
kill switch's picture

Hey Two Short Wankers STFU time to back to the home, you missed morning roll call.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:09 | 3208237 TwoShortPlanks
TwoShortPlanks's picture

Then let it be known that the American public (the gun lovers at least), have chosen to bring home the war machine for a show-down on home soil. Like all that liquidity that's sloshing around, it needs to park somewhere. The war's-a-comin-home.

THAT, is the reality which is being created.

YOU. WON'T. WIN.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:25 | 3208248 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Ah, shucks comrade, now pull yourself off of Janet Napolitanos clit and get some fresh air for awhile. Smoke em while you got em, cause that ole dyke bitch is gonna expect you to start sucking her hermaphroditic dick.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:19 | 3208266 unrulian
unrulian's picture

it's all that liquidity thats accellerating that war son....not the gun owners

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:23 | 3208288 TwoShortPlanks
TwoShortPlanks's picture

No, you've got it wrong; it's the lack of a real and true enemy which is causing this inward movement of the machine (think budgetary justification). But don't worry, a new Cold War is emerging rapidly. It will be back to normal (a dual foe) soon enough.

Gov against Gun owners???...LOL, mostly Bread & Circuses.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 00:32 | 3208573 PowerzThatB
PowerzThatB's picture

Circus indeed...and you're the clown.

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 17:05 | 3209550 Rogue Trooper
Rogue Trooper's picture

The old sayin'... "As thick as 'two short planks'" WTF!

LOLLOLLOLLOL!!!!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:23 | 3208284 salvadordaly
salvadordaly's picture

MDB? Is that you?

Genius, that is what the British said to! Oh, and by the way, if this nation was built of "PUSSIES" like you, then I would say you might stand a chance at being right.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:28 | 3208302 TwoShortPlanks
TwoShortPlanks's picture

Wrong tree, I'm not Million...never have been.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:32 | 3208313 nmewn
nmewn's picture

You strike me as someone who is a couple board feet short of a full load ;-)

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:42 | 3208338 TwoShortPlanks
TwoShortPlanks's picture

A handle is a handle; it serves a purpose, whether literally or metaphorically.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:51 | 3208363 unrulian
unrulian's picture

if you spent some time on a grip rather than crafting your handle you'd realize it serves a purpose...both literally and metaphorically

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:55 | 3208373 nmewn
nmewn's picture

So, metaphorically, what two people do you fantasize about walking those two planks of yours? ;-)

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:10 | 3208409 Cheesy Bastard
Cheesy Bastard's picture

He misspelled "too short".

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:34 | 3208469 nmewn
nmewn's picture

I was trying to figure out who he wanted to die...by walking his two short planks...as he was trying to explain why we don't have a right to defend ourselves against those who would force us to walk those planks. 

I guess I'll never know, this will feed my "massive paranoia" no doubt ;-)

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:08 | 3208413 Teamtc321
Teamtc321's picture

Look's like you logged in wrong Nancy. Should have been under TwoShortIntelligence

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 00:02 | 3208516 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

Need to change your moniker to TwoShortSchoolBuses.  You know, those yellow things you took to school.

In short, fuck off!

Sat, 02/02/2013 - 05:51 | 3208806 Spigot
Spigot's picture

"YOU.WON'T.WIN"

You (2PlanksStuckUpYerAss) are an amazingly stupid pc of shit. I admire your tenacity equally as well as your idiocy.

Go look at yourself in the mirror, dope. Private buyers ANNUALLY purchase in excess of 4 billion rounds of ammo in the USA. There at multiplied tens of MILLIONS of long rifle owners. MANY, MANY of whom are military trained. The .MIL brothers who are currently employed by .GOV well know that their retired and discharged brethern are indeed in possession, fully stocked and entirely capable of completely obliterating any and all comers.

You are a fully deluded ass.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:09 | 3208236 BidnessMan
BidnessMan's picture

There are 300 million guns in the US. You do the math, you complete fucking idiot.

Toughest gun laws in the US are in Chicago. The murder capital of the US, where gang bangers have LOTS of guns. And you think those nice boys are going to turn them all in? You can't really be so incredibly naive and stupid. This is a joke, right? If not, go buy your pair of scissors and STFU.

Really want to "do something"? Why don't you go to Chicago and disarm all the nice gang boys. Next week DHS might even come by and wipe up the grease spot where you got your brains blown out. You are beneath contempt.

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:14 | 3208246 duo
duo's picture

heard it last night on WGN.  Chicago's gun problem is due to lax gun laws in WISCONSIN!

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 22:22 | 3208282 unrulian
unrulian's picture

they say the same thing in canada....our gun problems are guns coming from USA due to lax gun laws....you know...its the lax laws not the POS gang bangers

Fri, 02/01/2013 - 23:36 | 3208471 TBT or not TBT
TBT or not TBT's picture

The tough gun laws in a 500ft radius around schools are causing school massacres.

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