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Advice From The Department Of Homeland Security: "If Attacked By A Shooter, Grab Some Scissors"
Via Michael Krieger of Liberty Blitzkrieg blog,
Advice From The Department Of Homeland Security: "If Attacked By A Shooter, Grab Some Scissors"
We first heard about this from a New York Post article on the topic. Then we watched the video for ourselves. It’ll make you want to defund the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) immediately. While the whole “grab scissors” to defend oneself during a mass shooting is pretty amusing, the more disturbing part is that 90% of the video just consists of people on their knees in cubicles cowering in fear or running panicked with their hands in the air. All the while police in black uniforms and “assault weapons” race in to save the day! The video is a great representation of how the DHS views the citizenry. Feeble, helpless, pathetic little children. You’ve gotta watch it for yourself!
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if you really think the cops will get there that fast, i want to lnow where you live. even in my small town you would 2 or 3 minutes from calling 911 to a cop showing up
Or, imagine the police come in, and you just happen to be in the way.
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2012/08/25/nypd-shooting-bystander-victims-hit...
http://www.cnn.com/2012/09/07/us/new-york-mistaken-police-shooting/
http://www.infowars.com/hostage-escapes-motel-standoff-gets-shot-killed-...
The link below is related to the link above.
http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2013/01/24/no-charges-for-police-who-fatal...
Or the one in Arizone where the cops shot the homeowner in the back and were heard over the radio agreeing to cover it up, but then were cleared.
http://www.azcentral.com/community/phoenix/articles/2009/09/25/20090925p...
http://www.courthousenews.com/2009/09/23/Family_Says_911_Tape_Caught_Cop...
The police don't enter until the shooting stops. The police won't risk their lives to save innocent children if there is any chance of them getting hurt. Even if a few wanted to, the orders from on high say safety [for the police] first.
See something... scissor something.
Fucking priceless!
Now if we can just get that displayed at Walmart and all the interstate information display panels.
Not much different, nor any more absurd, than the 1950's "Duck and Cover" public service announcements to 'protect' yourself from a nuclear bomb attack.
Scissor me, Alison
scissor me timbers!
"This is 911 - what would you like us to write on your tombstone?"
Better buy your scissors now!
I have some suspicion that Feinstein might try to classify them as assault weapons, require a background check, and possibly even ban them all together. I suspect Governor Cuomo will announce a ban for New York sometime next week.
They used to be called American Scissors, now they're called Assault Scissors, and they are NOT for hunting deer.
You didn't scissor that!
(but Janet did)
Rather than scissors which are dangerous, I'd prefer to throw donuts at a violent intruder or sociopath. Or maybe just hide under the nearest woman's skirt until the bad guy goes away.
You could try applauding the guy, cheering him on, and going "niice shot" "ohhh yeah" and so on. Get on his good side.
Especially if he/she, gotta be gender neutral here, is poppin' off a few of your co-workers that you'd like to see put down.
The cup is half full with Pure Evil, gotta respect that.
America runs on Dunkin'.... Americans don't run from Dunkin'. Keep ruining all those donuts and see how much help you get from law enforcement. See something like Hot Donuts Now... Say something like "Hot Donuts Now". (apologies to Krispy Kreme and the TSA: Thousands Scissoring Around).
just call the cops and wait for them-oh wait-you'd be dead by then. last night on local Chicago news there was a story on how DHS is throwing top-notch military equipment at all of the local podunk PDs and the reporter's gripe was the taxpayer $ that was being spent on MRAPs and night vision(not that $ is not a concern) but said nothing as to WHY all of this shit is needed by Barney Fife. DHS has shut down their gun giveaway because too many were turning up missing especially w/ Chicago PD-shocking-I know.
It'll be stolen or lost within a few years.
Duck and cover bitchez!
As requested Dr E. Have fun with ths site if you have never visited it before.
http://archive.org/details/DuckandC1951
Fuck you Janet.
That's what Hillary says when they have a strap-on session
That's MR. Janet to you....
Well, if someone waved a box cutter at me, I might die, but it would be from laughter - seriously folks, box cutters? Does anybody believe that shit from 9/11?
I could believe the box cutter thing especially since US intelligence turned a convenient blind eye to all of the obvious bullshit going on.
The FAA trained aircraft personnel to act that way in case of a hijacking, for decades. They drilled and drilled and drilled on that. That was of course based on non-suicidal hijackers, of which there were a lot in the news around the world up until that then, particularly in Europe. The suicidal type of hijackers, just about uniquely islamic, were a pretty novel thing.
If under attack, I'll threaten the shooter with a spitwad soaked in snot. No one wants the COOTIES...
http://wtvr.com/2013/02/01/city-officer-awarded-250k-after-battery-by-fe...
I guess you only get justice if you are a Praetorian.
Good post. We need moar Praetorians.
"Or maybe just hide under the nearest [good looking] woman's skirt". If I'm going to die, I want to die happy...
Just don't run with those scissors and whatever you do, DO NOT RUN OUT OF THE BUILDING WITH THEM EITHER.
While yelling or otherwise.
Big Bro.
We got this.
Since these things are happening at schools, I think you'd get left back for running for your life with scissors.
The idea is that you convince the perp to run with the scissors, thereby ensuring he injures himself.
I need a shoulder rig fer mah scissors.
"... and remember, if no scissors are available, grab paper, as many sheets as you can. When the active shooter passes by, take the edge of the paper and drag it across his neck from behind him, preferrably across his jugular vein if possible. Severe paper cuts and confusion on the part of the active shooter may be your only way out of this terrible situation... That or a S & W 357 with jacketed hollow points... Your choice..."
I learned how to kill a man with just a withering look when I was in the SEALS
The SEALS you say, Obersturmbannführer?
JFC, what have we become? It would be funny if it wasn't so pathetic.
Scissors, swords or a sharp stick just not gonna cut it at a gun fight.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anEuw8F8cpE
"When scissors are outlawed, only seamstresses will have scissors".
(After paying $150 for a safety course and passing a suitable background check, being fingerprinted and having her medical records searched)
Do you realize how bizarrely likely that Is? Chefs would hide their knives and have to license each one, kept under lock and key, only someone in good standing would be allowed a kitchen knife.. Or those who work in the right house, where such rules are of course unnecessary. Metals confiscation is not limited to the precious variety. Understand a society in decay, understand what it means to go without on a grand scale with a government beholden only to those whose influence they must buy, the level of control garnered unbridled is near limitless.
I love that i sound like a lunatic and all, but i am completely serious.
You mean big sis is going to let us keep pointy scissors? Are you sure those aren't assault scissors? The sheep might hurt themselves , better pass some legislation so that we can only have scissors with rounded tips.
FUCK HOMELAND SECURITY!
Goons for a corrupt State.
Did you hear that Utah Data Center?
FUCK YOU TOO YOU DESPICABLE TRAITORS!
LONG LIVE PUSSY RIOT!
Pussy Riot is all CIA from what I hear.
Communist lesbians defacing churches. So far, synagogues exempt.
Yes
Department of Homeland Absurdity.
Hiliarius!
And who the fuck ever wanted to fund DHS in the first place? I sure as fuck didn't.
None of us did, now STFU and follow orders!
yes, master. (skulks off to hide under the desk.)
Make sure to remain absolutely silent, but call 911 and talk to the operator with details. Yes, we are aware of the conflict in that sentence, but information we can get from you before you die is worth a hell of a lot more to us than your life. OK. Good consumer!
Not any more. Just dial 911 they know where you are all the time..
True that, but the video specifically instructs you, the about to die consumer, to give the operator details of the situation.
And, you especially want to stand in front of the office plate glass window so that if the shooter happens to walk by he can put a slug into the back of your head.
DP again, stinking ipad
Reminds me of the 'duck and cover' procedure we did many years ago in grade school in case of nuclear attack. The importance of those desks has not diminished with time. And all of our scissors had rounded points!
Oh, they should mention that needlepoint hoops are a deadly device as well. Or, crochet needles!
LMAO! One can never be too "safe" now can they?
all Patriots from 1776 are spinning in their graves
Must be the 'great rotation' everyone's been talking about.........................
C'mon, this isn't bad advice for people without the will or means to defend themselves...even it it did come from DHS.
You can tear somebody's ass up, UP, with a soap on a roap. Ain't banned yet either, anywhere. So have one.
I've been priviledged to read some pretty fucking funny post here TBT but that rope soap, tearing ass takes the cake, lmfao.
Good grief.
Now, if I could only get a day job...
In other words be a lamb. I think this is how those Lambs get Silenced.
This might explain why they would always take my scissors back in the day when I would fly peasant.
Who needs gun rights when you have scissors. The insanity is never going to end, keep training.
On 911, the best legal weapon for a passenger would have been....a pack of bacon. Thick sliced or thin, hickory smoked, any brand. Those retards went the extent of shaving their nads and oiling themselves up so they'd slip into heaven more easily. Bacon strikes real fear into them.
The shaved "nads" story? Was that on MSN or CNN?
Seriously, the islamic suicide prep involves shit like that, usually. The 72 virgins things is right there in the sacred scripture, for jihadis dying giving it to the infidels. But you can't be unclean, so, bacon. QED
Virgin welcoming party http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2dt20wi4h1r2kd32o1_500.jpg
If scissors are unavailable, try rock or paper.
FUCKING CELL PHONE! WHERE THE HELL IS A SIGNAL WHEN I NEED IT! Good thing I brought my Ruger to work today!
No doubt there were plenty of scissors available at Columbine and Sandy Hook. How'd that turn out, fucktards?
They were the rounded end type, so no good in a shootout. Only scissors with pointed ends will allow you to emerge victorious.
ever heard the saying ....
"... like taking scissors to a gunfight."
Ultimately citizens of the this country will be left with alternate second amendment, hide under the table and crap in your pants.
When law enforcement officals arrive... immediately raise your hands and... BOHICA!
well thats why we never see any mass killings in barber shops !
If attacked by the Dept. of Homeland Security grab a shooter.
Don't trap yourself but hide under your desk using a waste basket and a chair to protect yourself from what I suppose must be a very wicked paint ball attack. I heard that little video cost about 5 Million to produce and is titled Zero 9 to 5:30. What no Jessica Chastain?
Something I never thought I'd see : NYS people fighting back!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTdhVxva5KU
I have a good friend up that way and he tells me people up there are PISSED OFF!
There are TWO NY States,
1. The CITY
2. Everything North of Westchester.
#2 ALWAYS has and ALWAYS will HATE #1.
Nearly the entire us is now fluoridated, even while nearly all us conquests after ww2, after regaining some democratic authority over their own people have chosen to forego and discontinue public water supply fluoridation. Vaccinations can greatly reduce your chance of contracting specific strains of a disease, but over vaccination, like the over use of antibiotics leads to newer more pervasive and deadly strains of viruses and bacteria, it's best to forego vaccination in many cases, but not all. A naturally built immune system is your best defense, which is wrought through exposure to people, places, and at its best the natural world. And by the way, your food is tainted, invest in yore health by choosing as close to the source as possible.
Don't forget the dihydrogen monoxide that's been a big component of city water since the romans first put up aqueducts
Let me tell ya something, NYC is not NYS. I Grew up in Kansas and rednecks in middle NYS make Kansans look like Princeton grads. They are pissed! I got cousins. They ain't giving up shit. "Cuomo the Homo" has lost 20 pts on his job performance rating in 2 weeks.
Awesome.
I was at the Glenview Il "forum" last week.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7C44B55YYLQ
Those coward statists trash should have their teeth kicked in...
That's why they (New Trier Democrats) moved the "forum" from the library to the police department.
They got word that we were coming.
They had the cops walk them to their cars afterwards.
Truth.
Jack boots for all!
+1 for hope
I can have "metal scissors in kindergarten? It's tough [for us adults], to get a plastic fork on an Aeroplane.
I wonder if my "G.I. Joe" lunchbox would pass muster?
Why am I hearing the Stones in my head...
Oh, a storm is threat'ning
My very life today
If I don't get some shelter
Oh yeah, I'm gonna fade away
War, children, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
War, children, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
Ooh, see the fire is sweepin'
Our very street today
Burns like a red coal carpet
Mad bull lost its way
War, children, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
War, children, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
Rape, Murder!
It's just a shot away
Rape, Murder!
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
Mary Clayton... Great Verse
The Rolling Stones - Street Fighting Man
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUO8ScYVeDo
Scissors ... how about a *bayonet*?
Makes a rifle a lot more useful when bullets are running low.
Using scissors against a well-armed, mass shooter. Hmmmm.
Are we trying to get the killer to laugh himself to death?
I recommend you do a "rock, paper, scissors" face-off with the active shooter.
Now, that's going full-reTARD!
Misrepresenting different modes of cognizance deters society from recognizing significant potential . I still think it's insane that i can't just fucking insult someone if i want. And retarded, is a legitimate and long used root, no worse than dumb, or stupid. If you want to destigmatize, then work on more properly defining and assisting individuals who fall outside the "normal" spectrum of or society, on your time. They will prove their worth.
Dude, are you retarded?
Effects of retarded thinking: In a situation where the post of another post is retarded too far, namely knowless, the poster fails to percieve the joke stemming from a previous poster avatar name, reTARD, along with the combination of previous ZH posts, see link: FULL RETARD, allowing it insufficient time to burn cognitively in the brain. This causes a loss of sense of humor and poor understanding of the human condition. Hesitation and backfiring will accompany the loss of comprehension causing the brain to foul while becoming a FULL LIBTARD which results in leaving pussy assed comments in the ZH blog-o-sphere.
The Beatles- Day Tripper
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwmtNk_Yb2Q
Oh... if you have an iPhone or an iPad, throw it at the active shooter. See, more useful than gold. LOL
Uncle Janet loves scissors.
The haircut is a tell.
Also, DHS employees will make for great human shields.
Uncle Janet....FUCKING L O L.
They should warn you NOT to run with Scissors.
The deadliest scissors are the female kind .... two well turned legs .... hinged at the pussy .... cut your balls off !
Not only that, but those deadly scissors will empty your wallet. And, the closer you get to the hinge the more the money falls out.
i killed a guy on alpha centuri VI with a tea cup....and a sugar spoon.
I knew there would be lots of good comments on this one...
Jeez how about wrist rocket and a high capacity pouch full of ball bearings.
DoChen's got you covered.
And a M80 or two in between the bearings....
They forgot to outlaw firecrackers in Egypt, so, wouldn't you know it, the damned protestors have started using them!
(Rocks and laser beams are readily available, as well)
Heh. When I was a kid we used to fire cherry bombs with our slingshots. M-80 ballistics aren't so good.
SHIT! all i got is a safety scissors! I think i'll staple the fucker.
"Run like hell" is better advice.
Be sure to do it "serpentine"!!!
Fucking scissors........What no one is saying, and it's so blatantly obvious that you should all be ashamed, is there is absolutely no need for scissors, or guns, or knitting needles, or even hiding under desks if you simply TAKE THE FUCKING TIME to understand the aggressor. Get to know him a bit, sympathize with his situation, try giving him a hug........Who doesn't fucking like hugs?? Everyone just jumps to conclusions and gets all paranoid when a 300lb scary looking dude kicks the fucking door to the office down and starts screaming and waiving a gun around.......
DHS next video will be "Stop a Mugging by Hugging".
The shit is flying fast and furious on this thread.
Good times!
As a guy who did a stint in comedy, this thread is gold.
Yep.
I was a "kid in the hall" during "Consumer Economics" class.
It only took one question to light the fire.
"Why isn't it called producer economics?"
Has anyone ever seen a 100 round magazine for an AR15 (semi-automatic) .... that "Piers of Shit" Morgan keeps implying every one has one ?
Google C-mags; and yeah, I've seen them.......in my AR even.
Sure, I've seen them and used them. They're typically heavy and don't work worth a damn, not to mention hellishly expensive. Major feeding issues. I'd rather have three 30 round mags. That's the way of many extended magazines. They sound/look scary until you actually try and use the damn things.
They're called CLIPS, and they're MAGIC. Don't you watch TV man?
I predict sometime in the next few weeks there will be an "active shooter situation" and CNN will report about the "hero" that managed to difuse the situation by using a sharp object, perhaps a pair of scissors.
DHS is giving advice that is contrary to conventional wisdom for many years. something to do with not bringing a knife to a gun fight". Really, a pair of scissors? Scissors never beat gun, not even a fucking musket.
Like the off duty cop in Atlanta yesterday?....oh wait that was a gun and not scissors.
Department for Helpless Sheeple.
Dead people Holding Scissors........
+1 trillion. Best comment yet! I have tears coming out of my eyes over that one!
That was good.
Very good.
Passing it on.
Be like Billy and Jane! When you see the nuclear flash..."duck and cover"...sing it with me...
If you put on that zinc oxide paste really thick, that'll give you a few extra milliseconds to get behind something.
An RIP uncle of mine .... who was in the navy .... said the hookers in Panama city .... kept long hat pins .... in their coiffures .... to poke eyes with ?
I'd call for pizza delivery. All that fighting off terrorist with sissors would make me hungry.
Grateful Dead - U.S. Blues (Studio Version)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdPOAhBp2Ag
.
".. wave that flag, wave it wide and high ..
summer time done come and gone my oh my .." r.h.
.
oh, but terrorism is quite the economic stimulator !
it must be all good in summerland vile.
.
Terrorism as economic stimulus for US
Posted on February 1, 2013 by stacyherbert
http://maxkeiser.com/2013/02/01/terrorism-as-economic-stimulus-for-us/
.
brought to you and yours by the sick and the dimmest
designing the future as if there were no tomorrow or
knowledge of yesterday, begging you to stay on the same
page of their comic horror script. living with/among/under psychopaths
does not get easier, it gets harder as time goes on. no/?
anyway....
Muppet Skool!
In moments of self-defense, my favorite weapon is a cherry bomb...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icCM3MvlXks
Isn't it ironic that the generation that stuck flowers in the rifles of "the man" and rioted against the authority protesting Vietnam and the tyranny of government is now leading the charge in giving the "man" all the power and weaponry and supporting government abuse of power and tearing apart the very civil rights they worked so hard for in the first place?
New rules ...
... rock, paper, scissors, AK-47 ...
sorry you lose.