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...And If You Call Now, You Can Get $2 Billion In California Bonds At A Low, Low Price

Submitted by Tyler Durden on 04/04/2013 17:48 -0400

Presented with little comment aside to note the 'special' pre-sale ends April 10th - Your State Needs You! Of course, if California wants to really sell these bonds, they should take a page out of Japan's book - Sex sells Bonds.

which while well written has nothing on Japan...

- advertisements -

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 17:51 | 3410010 prains

put a fork in it......done

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 17:57 | 3410033 camaro68ss

The California Bond radio ads are so bad. Every time one comes on I lol off the freeway.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:14 | 3410072 TheCanadianAustrian

Daniel Craig in a suit should be their mascot. Make people think they're buying something sexy and exciting.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:19 | 3410081 WayBehind

Buy some Stockton CA bonds. Much better yield ... but no real returns ... hahaha Viva California. They should call it a donation as you will get nothing back ... other than a tax write off ...

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:28 | 3410127 rajat_bhatia

My name is Bond, California Bond, and the bitchez love me !

Fri, 04/05/2013 - 05:23 | 3411489 Boris Alatovkrap

Funny! But why is Amerikan worry about tax exempt when financial product is exempt of ever repayment!? High risk, low yield - better to play roulette with revolver. But for certain, California Bond is sexy! Guarantee to get screw!

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 19:58 | 3410373 A Nanny Moose

but but but....it yields 6%

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 21:07 | 3410568 smlbizman

i love the disclaimer...not an offer to buy or sell..wtf

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:27 | 3410128 McMolotov

"Well, hey there Miss Money-Pussy, wanna jump on my jet pack?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgaxuH7L4UM

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:45 | 3410182 El Oregonian

Yah! BONDAGE BABY!!!

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 19:14 | 3410268 kaiserhoff

If they would throw in an ounce of skunk week, they could sell 'em by the truck load.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 20:33 | 3410473 Theosebes Goodfellow

The state of california should have no problem moving these babies. They can sell them all to CALPERS. Hey, if it works for the Teasury Dept. and the Fed, why not for California and its union pension fund? Monetize that debt!

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 22:45 | 3410898 FieldingMellish

There is an old saying: "Don't shit where you eat."

Fri, 04/05/2013 - 05:28 | 3411497 Boris Alatovkrap

In Russia is slight to different saying: "Move sh¡t before eat"

Once Boris take family on picnic in country and is sit on cow oyster - not realize community park also is pasture run-off for neighbor collective farm. Next time, Boris is bring shovel.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:22 | 3410112 McMolotov

How dare you laugh? It's for the children, bitchez.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 19:29 | 3410300 localsavage

Doin it for the kids......classic

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 17:59 | 3410035 spankthebernank

Bankrupted beggars.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:06 | 3410051 EscapingProgress

Solution: mandatory California state retirement accounts to assist with "retirement", funnel all of the money into California bonds.

SOLVED

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:37 | 3410152 TJ00

Where-

Tax = X%

Mandatory retirement fund = (100 - X) %

SOLVED QUICKLY!

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:10 | 3410069 zorba THE GREEK

If you are thinking of buying Ca bonds, then please see Zorba first for a great deal on Greek bonds.

You will receive a no haircut guarantee on Greek bonds, but you may get scalped.

California is a great place to visit, but I wouldn't want to pay taxes there.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:48 | 3410187 geewhiz

Do they leave the hair on the scalp?

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:46 | 3410180 Larry Dallas

They should have 50 year old Pamela Anderson in her Baywatch swimsuit as their spokes person.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 19:58 | 3410376 A Nanny Moose

ew!

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 20:57 | 3410544 Fistfull of wor...

The principal value will drop faster than her sagging tits.

The yield spread will be wider than her gaping vaj.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 23:14 | 3410974 e_goldstein

Nah, she's in LA and there is plastic surgery for both those afflictions.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 17:51 | 3410011 edb5s

Me love you long bond

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 17:52 | 3410012 Chuck Norris

I'll buy the Japanese bonds and hookers please.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 17:56 | 3410024 booboo

What do James and a Cali Bond have in common?

They both have a license to kill

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:10 | 3410063 Bon Hagar

Does Cali offer a Moneypenny Bond?

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 17:55 | 3410029 Bastiat

Nothing new, is it?

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 17:57 | 3410032 StarTedStackin'

heh heh, Kali is selling bongs?????

That's Kool!

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:19 | 3410099 SubjectivObject

In Califorkyou, bond bong ewe.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 17:58 | 3410034 1C3-N1N3

Cali, bonds are so 00's. Deposit confiscation is the new bonds.

You've lost a step, Cali...

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 17:59 | 3410037 nmewn

And if we have a problem paying interest & principle back...we'll just Cypricate your savings or have Uncle Sam dilute your wages!

Its a win-win-win!

_{(Its in the fine print)}

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:34 | 3410147 zorba THE GREEK

nmewn.... depositors need to avoid the 3-Cs. Don't get Corzined, Cypricated, or Cali-bonded.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 19:59 | 3410381 A Nanny Moose

no no no. We pay you back in an...IOU.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:03 | 3410039 Urban Redneck

From the utterly corrupt Bill Lockyer (who would better serve the State swinging from a lamp post)-

"And you won't have to pay an upfront sales commission."

then the _{small print}-

This advertisement is neither an offer to sell nor a solicitation of an offer to buy bonds.

Bonds may ONLY be purchased THROUGH A BROKER and through an official statement. Investors should read the ENTIRE official statement.

First rule of investing (or fleecing stupid sheeple) - READ THE DAMN CONTRACTS AND FINE PRINT NOW, OR PAY LATER.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 19:04 | 3410239 OldPhart

The final interest rate will be determined on April 11.
For information on preliminary interest rates, please contact your broker.

Managed By:

Merrill Lynch, Pierce, Fenner & Smith Incorporated - Senior Manager
Morgan Stanley - Senior Manager
Southwest Securities, Inc. - Co-Senior Manager

BUY THEM NOW! Why wait for the interest rate? Contact the crooks listed below.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:02 | 3410043 hannah

"california bonds give you the chance to invest at home, in the state that has given you so much"...given so much to the state employee unions.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:18 | 3410092 Meat Hammer

Uh...get with the proper vernacular...they're called working families, not state employees.

My working family works in the private sector, so we're called ATM machines for the real working families.

"Unions, the people that brought you the 40-hour work week", paid for by the 60-hour work week.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 19:02 | 3410234 you enjoy myself

almost there - its "hard working families", or alternatively, "hard working folks". all the diversicrats and bureaucrats and union slugs only know one speed - hard.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 22:11 | 3410754 hannah

both of you are WRONG...they are called public servants. they work for little to no compensation for the good of mankind. just like cops are heroes and the military is a police force....and catholic priests are rapists no guidance counselors.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:06 | 3410047 SK8boarder

I'll buy some kali mist,, need that,,

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:06 | 3410050 astoriajoe

I heard they stopped Mr. Eagan at the Boarder and told him that they wanted to take him for a little drive out in the eastern part of San Diego county.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:08 | 3410053 malikai

Shamelessly tacky.

The Japanese one was a killer, though. I love the pic of the dude with the chicks swimming in all that "unrisky" cash.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:07 | 3410057 stopcpdotcom

WOW!!! What a good inveswtment!

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:17 | 3410059 pashley1411

"Special Partner Offer"

First 100 buyers get your choice, of LA blonde beach babe, or funky SF pagan witch, thrown in, free!

http://www.witchessabbats.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=6&Itemid=11

California bonds, even come in an incredibly soft 2-ply.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:16 | 3410085 seek

If only this were true they might have a prayer. As it is, the only fucking the buyers of these bonds are going to get is from the CA state gov't and whatever judge/board handles the resolution of the CA state bankruptcy in a few years.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 19:05 | 3410240 espirit

Nah, I'm going to hold out for a free toaster or Spiderman towel.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 20:43 | 3410498 Theosebes Goodfellow

"funky SF pagan witch"= lumpy dreadlocks arm-pit hair. And tats on tits. With perforations. On the sidewalk, in front of your business, aggressively panhandling your customers.

Oh yeah baby, buy them bonds.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:14 | 3410078 Meat Hammer

Only in an upside-down, backward-thinking, cesspool like California does the State ask me to thank them for taking my money to provide utter shit in return by handing over more of my money, never to be seen again.

If we had the topography, weather, and proximity to mountains and ocean of a flyover state, nobody would live here.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:17 | 3410080 buzzsaw99

...in a state that has given you so much. BIG LOLZ

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 19:01 | 3410232 Blano

Ha you beat me to it.

Where does one even start with all that's been given? Gov. Moonbeam, Ahhnold, Hollywood liberal whores, South Central LA, Rodney King, Gay City USA, I'm sure I'm missing a couple hundred more.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:18 | 3410088 pashley1411

Because nothing says "stupid money" quite like a California license plate.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:19 | 3410098 Professor Fate

100 year mandatory call protection (reads redemption protection) and a Sinking Fund managed by newly formed J. Corzine and Co. Gettum' while they're HOT.

Fate the Magnificent

"Push the Button, Max"

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:21 | 3410102 jonjon831983

6 days before it ends! Holy crap! Throw in some nice cali chicks and I'll put in my 2 cents.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:22 | 3410107 The Invisible Foot

Long Smog futures.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:42 | 3410166 Doubleguns

Let CALPERS buy them. Maybe they aren't cuz they know the future expected value is zero.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:42 | 3410169 rockraider3

CalPers can't wait to get their hands on these bonds!!! So what if they don't yield the 7.5% needed to hit CalPer's annual return target. Those are just long term targets, routinely underperforming in the near term by a wide margin is a-okay.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:50 | 3410183 notadouche

Cap'n (STATE of CALIFORNIA): You gonna get used to wearin' them chains af'er while Luke Don't you ever stop listenin' to them clinkin'. Cause they gonna remind you what I been sayin'. For your own good."

Luke (Californian's): "wish you stop being so good to me cap'n"

Cool Hand Luke

Fri, 04/05/2013 - 08:33 | 3411793 Bicycle Repairman

Any man caught backsassin' them Cali bonds gonna spend a night in the box.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:48 | 3410195 Manic by Proxy

California Bonds - representing a forward-thinking alternative to hard assests, coupled with the full faith and security of a Jerry Brown government, paying attractive low yields into perpetuity and as an additional incentive, are printed a wonderfully soft and absorbent vellum. You'll need to use fewer sheets, bit chez.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 18:57 | 3410221 Blano

"in the state that has given you so much"

Good Lord I got a belly laugh out of that one.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 19:12 | 3410260 SmittyinLA

Imagine the horror of California bond holders upon learning THEY ARE California bond holders.

What? Ya You, you own CA bonds and don't know it, its hidden in a burrito wrapped up in an enigma in Bell CA.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 19:14 | 3410262 Quantum Nucleonics

Right now in the California treasurer's office, a securities attorney is finishing off a bottle of whiskey, thanking god that federal securities law doesn't apply to state governments.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 19:29 | 3410302 Bastiat

He's also thanking himself that the California Supreme Court is . . . . well, is what it is.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 19:15 | 3410266 Quantum Nucleonics

Can I get one with a free CDS wrapper?

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 19:29 | 3410295 Bastiat

Don't forget that Jerry Brown's sister was formerly Treasurer of the State and now runs Muni Bond Banking for the western US for the Squid. She used to be the Cali Squid Bond queen but they kicked her upstairs to eliminate any conflict. So the Squid has a tentacle or two up Mr. Lockyer's rectum, you can bet.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 20:30 | 3410466 ozzz169

F!@k California too, Them liberal bastards, ruin there state, the jobs leave then they move to a Red state that is run half way decently and proceed to try and ruin it, yet they are still convinced that they are smarter then the rest of us and that they are right even after ruining half the country. I hope all them liberal assholes buy cali bonds, so they lose most their damn money, but no they wont, cause they only are generous with other peoples money.. .so to cali, and all the liberal bastards from cali... fall in the ocean already...

They ruined my beloved colorado already, cant even move home, cause these assholes, they got the midas touch... except everything they touch turns to shit..

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 20:57 | 3410550 Theosebes Goodfellow

Ah geez Ozzz, I think you're blockin' a bit here. Tell us how you really feel... ;-)

Seriously, If you think that the problems of Colorado can be lain at the feet of Californians moving there you're just scapegoating. Colorado has always had it's share of socialists. As someone who is currently in California, (and seriously contemplating getting the hell out), take my word for it, the largest portion of folks leaving the Golden State are conservatives like me who just can't take it anymore. Those of us still here have not left due to personal situations such as owning property, having a job that won't transfer well or having other responsibilities we can't just "up and walk away" from such as caring for a family member, etc....

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 22:54 | 3410927 ozzz169

Just having a little fun, but colorado was a red state when I was growing up and was pretty level headed. and there have been TONS of liberals move there not just from cali but from all over the place, and its going down hill fast. But seriously would not be to distraught if Cali finally broke off and fell into the pacific :p <--- means its a joke...

Fri, 04/05/2013 - 01:36 | 3411264 StychoKiller

Boulder: Colorado's own slice of California...

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 21:32 | 3410648 MoneyChasingReturns

Is anyone foolish enough to own fixed income securities in this age of negitive returns? There are so many investment oppertinities in the world. Why would anyone want an asset that producing a negitive return? Like owning a boat without the fun.

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 21:57 | 3410702 Bear

"California bonds give you the chance to invest at home, in the state that has given you so much"

So much taxes

So much regulations

So much risk

So much tolerance

and So much insanity

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 22:58 | 3410938 CheapBastard

Even Micky Mouse is in trouble. Cali is about to get hit with moar layoffs ( I posted this above but it's so relevant here also):

Disney to begin layoffs in studio, consumer products

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Walt Disney Co expects to begin layoffs at its studio and consumer product divisions within the next two weeks, according to two people with knowledge of the matter, in the latest cost-reduction step to emerge from a company-wide review.

The studio job cuts will center on the marketing and home video units and include a small number from the animation wing, said the sources, who spoke on condition of anonymity because the plans had not been made public.

It is unknown how many jobs will be lost at either division.

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/exclusive-disney-begin-layoffs-studio-0101...

Thu, 04/04/2013 - 23:20 | 3410984 cynicalskeptic

I hear that Greek Bonds pay much higher interest rates..... and you can get high interest rates on bank accounts in Cyprus. Why settle for low returns on California bonds or T-Bills?

Fri, 04/05/2013 - 11:49 | 3413026 moneybots

What an offer for the muppets to buy before the big institutions. Do the big institutions even want them?

...And If You Call Now, You Can Get $2 Billion In California Bonds At A Low, Low Price

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