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1-800-TaylorMade or 1-900-Vladimir? You decide...
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Operator...could you help me place this call
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TWOl8LaiE0
Hey Dude, keep that Crimea/Ukraine shit coming, okay. My fucking health care law is going tits-up faster'n a whores ass on payday. I need all the distraction I can get.
No, I do not want to switch my long distance carrier.. Get me Vlad now!
Vald, Valarie gave me some of her testosterone pills and I feel in charge, finally.
Baz: "Hey Vlad, how about this? ... I'll let you have Crimea... if you can guess which hand is holding the Gummy Bear. How's that?"
Vlad: *click*
Baz: "Fuck."
"It's been a tough week Reggie. I need you man. Come over for some, you know, ball."
"yes , may i speak to the nuclear bomb servicce tech?"
I'm sorry, but anytime you enter the Oval Office, you should be wearing an expensive suit and tie - Barry looks like someone from the phone company....Yuuuuk!
"Hello, Club Med? Reservations please."
Vlad, I need you rspect me. What? Yeah, R-S-P-E-C-T, that;s what I said..........
Hit on Deborah (like a boss)
Get rejected (like a boss)
Swallow sadness (like a boss)
Send some faxes (like a boss)
Call a sex line (like a boss)
Cry deeply (like a boss)
Demand a refund (like a boss)
Eat a bagel (like a boss)
Even the sex line girl won't put up with his shit.
Not one of you made a "then I have to grab the pillow like this" joke.
Weak, ZH - weak. You're better than that.
"Yes Vlad, I am still flexible"
"Under my plan for the Ukraine, if you like your sovereignty, you can keep your sovereignty."
"Wait - isn't this 876-5309?"
How's the weather there that time of year? You think I can get some shirtless promo shots?
By the way, how is their Pro Shop? Should I pack my own balls? I usually don't bring them with me unless Michelle carries them in her luggage.Here's my little rendition of what really happened...
Hello, is that Aleksandr Muzychko?
This is Barack Hussein Obama calling, I need your help. Due to the current political climate, I cannot access a large amount of funds I acquired from Iraq, Libya, Afghanistan and Syria I also need to recover the money which was left behind by Vikto Yanukovych when he suddenly left the Ukraine recently.
I am willing to pay you 78% of these funds if you can pay the advanced fees to Lamido Sanusi, so that he can pay the costs and bribes to your new officials, the EU and the IMF in order to have my money released.
My bank account details are:
Union Bank of Nigeria
Sort code: 4-1-9
Account No: 419419419
"What do you mean you aren't going to vote anymore?"
putin,putin trying to crack these walnuts in my hand as you said last time but i cant do it,any help???
what undo trousers, check
grab ball bag check
insert walnuts check
squeeze check
ok got that, i get back to ya with the results, cheers my good buddy
1-800-BarracoBarner
My hands are tied. The FSB have the webcam images.
.
"I don't care what Wikipedia says Vlad', my 'rock' will beat your 'paper' to pulp!"
Note to self: Get that Wikipedia page edited!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rock-paper-scissors
Hey Vlad - If we play this right you and I can both get rich without too many people getting killed - now about those russian boy scouts . . . . .
"I want to get it exactly right, Senator. So it's, 'I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!'
BO on HOLD for 89 of his 90 minute talk with Putin.
"Hey Vlad, I gotta go or I'll miss my tee time OK?"
Barry: NSA? Are you getting this?
I want a nice recording of Putin's intimidating voice for later use hmmmm.
Response: This is Putin. The NSA defected to Russia while you were playing the 7th hole.
I was just now reading your file and
Oh my god you recorded that?
.. chuckle ...chuckle...cough/bark
nevermind....Roaring laughter....
click.
"The difference between the wedge and the 9 iron is all about wind....hold on, I've had Vlad Putin on hold for about 2 minutes, but thanks for your input. I'll call the club and reserve Sunday at 11AM. Give me a minute to rap this up."
Put a steering wheel on that PS2 controler and I'll drive the drone.. Hey Schwartzman tell Peterson no talk of carried interest or benifical ownership reporting.... tell Rogers Beluga, Ossetra and Sevruga caviars supply are safe....
1-800-GOLFCOURSE
"its a restricted club....just dont tell them youre jewish!"
Caddyshack
Yo Tiger, can we move our tee-time to 8:30? I got this Russian prick on my ass. Later Bro.
So how many of those golf balls can I shove up my own ass?
You hang up Reggie....
No, you hang up O....
Ok, I'm hanging up....
Reggie?
O , you hang up....
No you hang up Reggie
And on and on .......
We have a weiner of the caption contest.
"Can't find the documents, but can you increase my home equitiy loan on my digs here?"
Vicky, you did just great on this Russia/EU diplomacy project, but remember, this is gonna be like WWW III so we don't actually want to particpate in this one, we just want to be spectators.
"I wud likes to say thats ima declaring this, meh countries a banana republics... Free bananas fors everyones."
Vlad, I don't like enie mini miny moe....have you heard of one potatoe, two potatoe........?
My fists are clenched. Be afraid.
"Doggonit! What do you mean - I can't drone Putin without permission from Congress??"
Yes, Taylormade shipping department? Can I have the tracking number again for those clubs I ordered last week?
Dick.
No Vlad, I will break you like this imaginary chopstick in my hands. Da, you!! Okay, someone get this FisherPrice phone out of here, I've practiced my speech enough for today.