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Janet Yellen's First FOMC Press Conference - Live Feed
Drum roll please... A shift from quantitative thresholds to hand-waving along with lower growth expectations and lower unemployment expectations (and more Fed members seeing rate hikes in 2015) - plenty of confusion in there for everyone... Over to you Janet...
Live streaming video by Ustream
h/t @Not_Jim_Cramer for Velma
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Choose the form of the destructor!
<--- End the FED.
<--- Dinner with Yellen
Hopefully by dinner with Yellen you mean she's the tough foul tasting main course?
It's near impossible to listen to her voice. Horrible twat.
Well... At least she didn't learn to talk first. Sounds like she has a wad in that mouth! -_-
Like Richard Pryor's Junkie persona would have said, "I've seen better faces on an iodine bottle"!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQqEa8FNZsw
Tell bernankies jewish grandmother to stfu
Shouldnt it be in the kitchen fixing some matzo balls!?
Ahhhhhhhh i cant watch anymore!!!! Straight up looks like jabba/pizza the hut
She's not doing a very good job of chatting the market up. It's looking more like taper-on-tank-o-fuckin-rama right now.
Someone get her off stage! She is ruining the illusion.
...and it's deep, too!
...Sing that song, you bitch!
She lies as well as Bernanke!
velma: the first child star to go on to ruin the world.
they do a HUGE disservice to Velma with this outrageous besmirchment of her good name.
I think most people here would prefer a threesome with Shaggy and Scooby if they had to choose between the lesser of two evils
I listened for 4 mins and she lost me after that. She talks in circles and her points (if she had any) weren't cogent.
Why we all watch this kabuki "we need inflation and financing" circus is beyond me. Wish all these banksters would die already, f'n greedy pigs.
That head shot shows how fuckable I really am!
I'm happy to provide "unusual accommodation" for anyone with a pulse and an IRA!
Sounds like woody Allen with a fanny
I am in rental car listening to Woody Allen's Kabuki Conference. Where is Yellen?
Elysium
Mystery Gang: Mr. Keynes??!!!
Mr. Keynes: And I would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you meddling free market types!
"The committee has never felt that the unemployment rate is a sufficient statistic in measuring unemployment"
she just said that. This is comedy.Dear God please tell me you're kidding.
Old Yeller: Blah blah blah blah blah. The old Chairsatans lip would quiver as he was telling lies. This one looks senile. Not very confidence building.
When your 85 you'll be dying to bang something that nice!
Jenkies!
Zoinks!
Look at this midget wizard. This is truly a nightmare.
Ruh roh
QE would have gone on forever if it wasnt for you darn meddling kids!
Cue scooby and shaggy taking bong load**
I must be living in an alternate universe one in which inflation is good and deflation is evil. Accordingly, we are not having enough inflation currently therefore we must continue to print and monetized our debt. What kind of evil twisted human being can sit in front of all and plot out this insanity is beyond me.
@FederalReserve FUCK YOU!
note the soothing mood music leading up to the conference to facilitate an amorous d'alliance for them and their hands.
Scooby investigating Central Bankers:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYsk9yt0gxk
She sounds lispy
I was going to suggest she not gargle from the fondue pot before taking the mic. My god, can we get a dubbed version?
If i hear transitory said 1 time I am going to shit my pants and drink a gallon of scotch!
You have the order backwards.
Horses before carts. Women and children last. Debt is money. Greed is good. Bank managers robbing their banks. etc. etc. etc. Welcome to Rand McNally!
"...all their water goes backwards?" -Bart Simpson
"In fact, in Rand McNally, people wear hats on their feet and hamburgers eat people ..." -Lisa Simpson
Ahhhh, felon Yellen. She along with all the other Fed members needs to be tried for theft and treason, then executed for crimes against the US people as a whole.
Holy crap, she IS a member of the rodent class! She sounds like a real moron.
The goblin speaks:
http://resources1.news.com.au/images/2012/11/29/1226526/243981-the-hobbi...
There's unusually harsh weather and shit.
ok boys and girls..
everybody cover your ears just like me and repeat...
LA, LA, LA, LA, LA,, LA, LA,LA, LA,LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA,...............
I hope her scarf brought an umbrella.
2 percent, bitchez! Inflation is GOOD.
Damn she looks old.
Just think, in 2016 when Billary is Pres, we'll get to stare at the TV with kankles and the little munchkin doing joint pressers. Has there ever in the history of mankind been a less inspiring group of leaders, I ask you?
And LaGarde!
Ugh!
[shutters]
Only 70, trust me, ....a mere child......With the Yiddish yawl.
Remember how Bernanke had that smooth, not quite monotone rhythm when speaking that most people would find calming? Yeah, Yellen doesn't have it, no matter how hard she tries. A bit of shrillness creeps into her voice on occasion.
Re: A bit of shrillness creeps into her voice on occasion.
I'm tellin ya... This male/female thing might be blackswan nobody was expecting.
The Congressional males were respectful of the Fed males. But a Fed female... THAT could be interesting.
What happens if a congressional males intimidated the Fed female and accidentally causes a truthiness to escape?
What levers will they pull this month?
I know it's tempting guys, but keep hands on the keyboard!
Who is the dark haired babe in the front row? Librarian glasses...oh so hot.
she looks good in blue
I remember Klinger wearing this outfit on a MASH episode. He rocked it of course!
Why does Hilsenrath get to sit next to her?
Maybe we should ask her what it's like to sit next to an ahole shilling for the fed. muiy@washpost.com
Haven't seen her yet but she be better be hot cause she's taking up Trish Regan's time on Bloomberg.
Can the Fed be sued? They are independent of the gov. Why has some sharp lawyer not filed a class action?
I'd like to start out with violation of the 8th Amendment, accessory to the crimes- violation of RICO, Obstruction of justice, TREASON, FRAUD, Misuse of public funds, abuse of power. aiding the enemy to the United States....
Counterfeiting. The Secret Service should be all over these guys.
The Secret Service is not listed on the federal regsiter of government agencies. They don't work for the USA...
The reason the Fed hasn't been sued is because bankers and lawyers are all part of the same cartel/syndicate/cabal.
Cartel:
A loose association of racketeers in control of organized crime
Syndicate:
A group of people who are involved in organized crime
Cabal:
The artifices and intrigues of a group of persons secretly united in a plot
Do any of these sound familiar?
Judiciary Capture
The Cure
Sure the Fed can be sued but nail gun suicide is so fn painful!
I love the shots of Hilsenrath pretending to be typing.
Sounds like she has a mouth full of marbles.
Or a mouth full of Dimon's dick.
I don't think even Jamie is that desparate.
More likely Dimon is under the table sucking Yellen's dick.
Rate Hike from 0.25% to (0.25 +10% Increase) = 0.275% every month going forward.
Big Problem Yellen. The INFLATION numbers are a LIE and so are the unemployment number. Add that your mix and re-calculate.
Gas prices in Los Angeles has reached $5/gallon. "there's no inflation"- to quote a cab drive on the Max Keiser show, "it's not a recession, it's a robbery".
How do they find all these reserve chairpersons that sound just like Chauncy Gardener in Being There, except with no souls?
Yellens image should be represented by Disaster Girl.
many thanks to zerohedge for providing the video feed here.
I don't see the resemblance. Velma was hot.
Ya got that right!
Janet Yellen looks like the Dutch Boy in drag....
all the boomer voting majority does. The beard trend only comes as to separate from the douches with the Y chromosome vs. the scary "feminist" muggers.
Looks exactly like Larry Summers in drag
Sounds exactly like Woody Allen
Re: Larry Summers in drag
Like, OMG!! I don't think anybody realized how badly he wanted that job!
Yellen keeps having a "did I read that right?" look on her face. She needs a digusting white glob on her lip like The Bernak did. How about a couple stories out of Frog and Toad are Friends?
high word count...
"Slightly more rapid..."
Arrest her. Don't let her get up from that chair.
with her heft, I'd go long Dunkin Donuts.
Janet, maybe if you actually calculated inflation correctly and stopped changing the benchmark when it shows inflation, you would see that the cost of living continues to rise over 2% annually.
Like when they replace DOW components yet continue to chart and fawn as if it's the same beast.
The black haired one with the horn-rimmed glasses makes me horny as well. But seems to be a product placement courtesy of Apple Inc.
Please someone ask if she thinks gold is money.
Clearly, brauts and liquid gold are money. Eat like that troll you know.
Oh and can I tell you I have the greatest recipe for Matzho ball soup. I have it written down on a recipe card here if you want it.
This is holding the financial sytem in her wrinkley old hands.
God help us. We are fucked.
That fugly beyoitch will be left holding Greenshithead's and Chopper Ben's bag.
well i think it's safe to say that the best part of having a new Fed Chairperson is the fact that she sounds like Woody Allen's mother..
If you go back and review/evaluate the last two major economic corrections (i.e., dot.com implossion starting in 2000 and the Great Recession starting in late 2007/early 2008), it wasn't an event at this point in time that resulted in the eventual correction. Rather, it was the actions 12+/- months before the eventual moment of truth that started the process (with the Fed being a main player in the process). So the actions which are starting now (really in December when the taper was announced) will most likely not fully playout until another 12 months or so (my guess is after the mid-term elections). We've seen some pain already especially in EM's (e.g., Turkey) with an acceleration of debt problems in China. These are just the first signs or cracks that are beginning to appear and will most likely increase as the year progresses.
The funny thing will be is that when the "next" correction finally occurs, everyone will stand around with their thumbs up their asses and wonder, "How did we miss this again?". The reason is simple - We were over confident (or isn't this the excuse Big Ben referenced") and trusted that TPTB had everything well under control. The bottom line is the Fed is stuck. Stop tapering is to admit failure and acknowledge major problems are present. Continue tapering and the eventual outcome will be a major rebalancing and correction in global FX, credit, and equity markets. Remember, the Fed's actions produced the new norm with monetary policy - That is, QE became the new standard policy (adopted by CBs around the world). The old norm (i.e., adjusting interesting rates) is now nothing more than a distant memory. When you change from the norm, one can only expect a major change to eventually occur downstream.
No, no, no.
Velma was hot.
Yellen? Not so much...
Yellen is less nervous than Bernanke.
The Fed is an alchemist - holding rates down with the air we breathe. It is their word that is bond, they promise. And so they continue the charade of economics that control the system of finance.
Lord Deliver Us.
Good grief! If she opens her eyes any wider they're going to start shooting laser beams.
U-6 Unemployment levels in los Angeles floats over 20%.
Gas prices are $5/gallon.
Thanks to Cap and Trade.
So this bitch is printing MORE dollars? To send more dollars out of the US via quantitative easing plus oil speculation?
Seriously?
Did she fry her brain on a bottle of rat poison?
Put a whistle around her neck and you've got practically any female Gym teacher in America.
Jeezus, talk about a rabbit in the headlights. She has no clue, that much is obvious.
Chinese pigs suicide in river at the news of continued taper.
http://www.reuters.com/article/2014/03/19/china-pigs-pollution-idUSL3N0M...
Piggish! Er, Bullish.
Short bacon.
Long Hazmat suits.
It took me a while to put my finger on it, but her mannerisms and features are just like Dr. Evil, especially that brief, confused look when first taking a question looking around the room.
Good call.
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cKKHSAE1gIs
She looks like Curly Howard wearing Moe's wig dyed blonde. "Look at the grouse!"
It's more fun to think of nipples every time she says dots moving up and down.
This is the wicked witch of the West. She's worse than the other one was.
Yellen tells us not to trust the dots!
OK, so she is saying by end of 2016, we will be at full employment and everything is gonna be A OK... An 8 year expansion... Yeah right... One day we will look back, and this day will mark the End of the Fed...
Today is not soon enough!
Is Liesman rubbing himself? He looks like Moses after happening upon the burning bush
"...based on it's understanding of the economy at this time."
That's precious because we know you do not have a fucking clue about the economy at this time or any other time.
But Grandma, you mean you didn't bring cookies???
Give that chick all the time she needs for follow-up, providing she removes one piece of clothing each time Yellen says "projection"
Hilsentrath needs to be kicked aside. Ylan Mui should be the new Fed mouthpiece.
Q. How much gold did you confiscate from Ukraine?
A. crickets
To the tune of "Let it Go" from "Frozen" ...
The bonds grow high on the balance sheet tonight
no inflation to be seen
A Kingdom of quantitative easing, and Janet is the queen
The market is ignoring a credit storm inside
Can she keep it in? Heaven knows Ben tried
Don't let it out don't let them see
Be the Fed Chair you've been meant to be
Conceal that cash, don't let them know...
Well know they know!
Let it print! Let it print!
Push the taper from the fore!
Let it print! Let it print!
Another $55 billion more!
She doesn't care what credit markets will say
Let the printing go on
Fiat currency never bothered her anyway
Its funny how five years
makes catastrophe seem small
and the fears that once controlled us,
hopefully won't get to us at all
It's time to see what she can do
to test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for the Fed
She's free!
Let it print! Let it print!
Let liquidity pile to the sky!
Let it print! Let it print!
You'll never see her cry!
Quantitative easing stands, and QE will stay
Let the printing go on
Fiat currency never bothered her anyway
Her power flurries through America into Emerging Markets
Her soul is spiraling in frenzied algos all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
She's never going back; forward guidance is in the past!
Let it print! Let it print!
Qualitative factors rise like the break of dawn!
Let it print! Let it print!
The old metrics are gone!
She doesn't care what credit markets will say
Let the printing go on
Fiat currency never bothered her anyway
So what I am hearing is the we are in for a couple more years of little or no growth....and the weather excuse will become the Obamacare excuse as those costs kick in..
Reuters girl can't believe she''s looking at someone uglier than she is
Ohhhh GOD, did she just pull a booger out???
Due to recent gibberish from the Fed, NASA has developed a new slogan to ensure the public they still can do maths: "It ain't exactly economics."
Did you see that classic tell; she touched her mouth / nose and smirked when asked 'you mean this fall?'
She says inflation is OK so far and under their goal. Does she ever tell the truth? Oh, wait, it is the FED.
Double talk by double chin. Asset purchases will be over this fall she says...oh really? Then a rate hike? Umm...well..gee..stutter..hard to define...
What a joke on America. Fuck this shit.
She said...Rate hikes 6 months after the bond buying program runs out in fall????
Thats pretty much a line in the sand..stupid on her part I think
SWLABR
max employment objective-robots delivering free shit to the free shit army.
simply put more discouraged workers falling off employment rate - U3.
U6 = free shiters...
blah blah blah lie lie lie blah blah blah
Good Lord, watching this woman talk is like watching a turtle chew on a head of cabbage!
"turtle chew on a head of cabbage" - i think that's a porn film in my skat list
so she just acknowledged that the cause of the economic mailes was the Fed induced housing bubble.
Look at the DJI someone is letting the air out of the inflatable doll.
Best part of this: the Zero Hedge audience comments....
HOLY SHIT! A real question! Roughly stated: "Did the Russians move $100 billion of US Treasuries out?"
Of course, Yellen didn't answer it.
Re: Of course, Yellen didn't answer it.
Well, come on. 100 billion? That's almost a rounding error.
Why don't any of these people ask her why it is so important to devalue the purchasing power of US dollar by a minimum of 2% a year in a world where there are no wage gains of an equal magnitude?
They should allow no dumb reporter questions next time, but open the floor to online questions from ZH!
Wow.. the closing music / still shot of Grandmother Yellen REALLY pulls on the heart strings.
Any slow motion eagles and flags?
She's trying to jawbone the dollar up as a snub to Putin.
Who knows how much money these clowns are really pumping out? Because the balance sheets say so? I think we all know now how transparent things really are(nt).
The Fed just reported that the sale of Scooby snacks has plummeted in Q1.
This is considered a critical and non-weather-related leading indicator, since we would do anything for Scooby snacks.
Anything.
Dear Dr. Yellen,
I have several questions.
Please tell us how you justify keeping interests rate so low? Aren't you damaging savers and aiding speculators? Is that just? This policy is especially onerous to retired persons, such as my mother who lives off her interest income.
And please tell me how you can justify devaluing our money by qe, counterfeiting the US dollar and spreading this money throughout the world in by far the largest financial bubble in world history?
And why do you insist inflation is just 2 percent? It is obvious that your measure is much too low. Go to the grocery store. Alpo went from 60 to 70 cents a can in Walmart. Hamburger is 3.60 a pound and chicken is a dollar a pound. All of these prices are accelerating. Gasoline is another example as well.
I'm sorry, but this is reality. Let's deal with the problem. End the Fed! We need state banks and no central bank!
Dear jHarry,
Thank you for your recent letter.
Our duel mandate of 1) protecting the banks and 2) enriching the Elysium Class means that if - as you state - you aren't personally benefitting from Fed politicies means you are a member of the worthless Trash Class. Stop wasting my time, loser!
Your humble public servant,
Janet
(Please note that all letters are forwarded to the NSA for quality control purposes).
Dear Harry
Thank you for your interesting questions. Everyone at the Knesset got a big laugh.
Looking forward to killing you and flipping your house,
Bibi
This is not reality TV