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Thursday Humor: The Other Meaning Of Getting A "Brazilian"

Tyler Durden's picture


With mere weeks to go until millions descend on the Carnivalic streets of Rio for The World Cup, it seems the term "to get a brazilian" has a new meaning. As this poor woman discovered, while being interviewed live on Brazilian TV, while complaining in the clip about the lack of police presence near the station, a would-be mugger approaches her from behind and rips off what appears to be a gold necklace. Welcome to the safe streets of Brazil, world...



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Thu, 04/10/2014 - 15:53 | 4644613 Concentrated po...
Concentrated power has always been the enemy of liberty.'s picture

At least it's not FukuSoccer in 2020!

Will everyone be wearing green jerseys or just the home team?

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:03 | 4644650 Richard Chesler
Richard Chesler's picture

Socialism is just awesome.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:14 | 4644701 Pladizow
Pladizow's picture

I'd prefer the original.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:49 | 4644852 Latina Lover
Latina Lover's picture

So do I.


And having been swarmed in Rio, I will never visit there again. I can get it at home cheaper.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 17:19 | 4644959 zerozulu
zerozulu's picture

Our banker do the  same job but nicely.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 18:34 | 4645310 jbvtme
jbvtme's picture

was the reporter working with the thief?

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 18:43 | 4645343 BellyBrain
BellyBrain's picture

Did anybody actually see the necklace?

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 19:29 | 4645531 Occident Mortal
Occident Mortal's picture

Am I the only person who saw the reporter punch this poor woman in the face?

Maybe he declared and Oscar Pestorius... "I punched her, but that's OK I was trying to punch somebody else. It's not a crime to punch innocent people is it."

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:42 | 4644818 eurogold
eurogold's picture

I can't wait for the upcoming World Cup ( disaster ). The crime will be staggering ! Sao Paulo and Rio are uncontrollable battlefields! 

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:49 | 4644851 Stuck on Zero
Stuck on Zero's picture

A good Capitalist should come out with a new line of women's jewelry - Exploding Dye Pack Bling!  Rip it off a neck and three seconds later the thief gets gets a punk look.


Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:04 | 4644652 Stackers
Stackers's picture

looks awfully "staged"

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:13 | 4644693 samsara
samsara's picture

You been to Brazil?

It wasn't

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:42 | 4644822 Stackers
Stackers's picture

not saying it couldnt or wouldnt happen ..... just that grab looked awful fake to me.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 17:30 | 4644990 mumbo_jumbo
mumbo_jumbo's picture

i'm with stackers on this one, i can't even the see a necklace

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:47 | 4644842 zaphod
zaphod's picture

If Brazil allows CC permits to everyone, I wonder how common this would be.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:27 | 4644760 Pairadimes
Pairadimes's picture

Rio is so hip. It's just the latest thing. Kind of a cross between video-bombing and the knockout game. Should be big in the US in time for summer.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 17:19 | 4644957 TheRedScourge
TheRedScourge's picture

With the obesity levels what they are, Americans will be hard pressed to stop these grab-and-run thieves.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 17:54 | 4645108 Remington IV
Remington IV's picture

good one flaco

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 18:07 | 4645185 Silver Bug
Silver Bug's picture

CNBC will be shouting, Look this means Gold is in a bubble! Nonsense.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 15:53 | 4644614 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

A guy I know ate lunch outside in Rio once.  He had his lunch stolen off his table by a guy on a motorcycle.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:23 | 4644745 JLee2027
JLee2027's picture


Thu, 04/10/2014 - 17:24 | 4644974 Peanut Butter E...
Peanut Butter Engineer's picture

Where is the translation? It all sounds jibberish chicken language without a translation or caption. Jjiiuhh baas jigjjg badaa!!!!!

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 15:57 | 4644626 syntaxterror
syntaxterror's picture

The camera crew gear was probably worth a lot more than the dime store necklace.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:04 | 4644654 nuclearsquid
nuclearsquid's picture

harder to run with.  

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:44 | 4644827 Herd Redirectio...
Herd Redirection Committee's picture

And not as liquid.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 15:57 | 4644628 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

That kid was fast.

Not as fast as Wall Street, but fast.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 15:58 | 4644633 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

Run, Forresto, Run!

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:02 | 4644646 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

HFM - High Frequency Mugging and the Brazilian Fagan will outline why it isn't stealing.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:18 | 4644708 Emergency Ward
Emergency Ward's picture

If Obama had a Brazilian son.........

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:22 | 4644738 S5936
S5936's picture

Ditto on McMolotov !!
Rumors flyin regarding NFL scouts in Rio. Always on the lookout for speed and elusiveness . Moral character a non-issue.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:41 | 4644814 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

In HFM they come at you like a school of piranhas and leave you buck naked in seconds.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:13 | 4644696 markovchainey
markovchainey's picture

Man, I'm so glad McMolotov is back...always good for a belly laugh!

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:19 | 4644723 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

Stealing gold, though - what a douchebag.  He obviously isn't listening to CNBC or Bloomberg.


Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:35 | 4644795 Agent P
Agent P's picture

I was hoping for the ironic bus smack to the face, but sadly he got away. :(

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 15:57 | 4644629 Ifigenia
Ifigenia's picture

Hehe, just because Brazil want to build a internet cable directly to EU, bypassing NSA, zio-controlled media has put a lot of negative reports of that country for almost a semester.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 17:36 | 4645011 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

I never heard anyone measure time by semester, is that like 4 months?

Fri, 04/11/2014 - 10:29 | 4647340 Ifigenia
Ifigenia's picture

six months

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 15:58 | 4644632 maskone909
maskone909's picture


^^^^ not work safe warning graphic

welcome to brazil! 


where you can get shot and die while being videotaped by smartphones

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:20 | 4644670 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

The value of a human life is pretty fucking low....everywhere. 

Technology will save us! 

...The most distrubing part of the video are the idiots aiming their fucking smartphones for a good view. Carlin, was right again...I GAVE UP ON MY SPECIES.


Thu, 04/10/2014 - 17:07 | 4644918 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

Idiocracy is global.  You think it's bad now, when the US goes down most of the world will be hell on earth. 

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 17:10 | 4644929 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

To this, we are in complete agreement. 

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 21:52 | 4645810 Pee Wee
Pee Wee's picture

Is this not a business transaction?

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:14 | 4644699 Pool Shark
Pool Shark's picture



You failed to mention he was shot by the husband of the pregnant woman he was trying to rob...


Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:51 | 4644861 eurogold
eurogold's picture

This happens everyday in Rio and Sao Paulo. Wait and see how much more happens during the Wold Cup !

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 18:27 | 4645277 syntaxterror
syntaxterror's picture

Ho Li Fuk.

Dayum. That's about all u can say. 

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 19:06 | 4645433 Itch
Itch's picture

Couldn't watch it all, not one of those people would comfort the guy, just sat gawking at him with cameras while he coughed his lungs's a filthy shit hole of the highest order. 

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 21:58 | 4645814 Pee Wee
Pee Wee's picture

Perhaps this kind of carnage is best garnished by government and distributed through IRA's, like - oh, Iraq...or armed UAVs?

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:00 | 4644638 NewAmericaNow
NewAmericaNow's picture

I need a drink

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:06 | 4644658 medium giraffe
medium giraffe's picture

Why are you linking to some dodgy looking *.exe file?  Don't virus me brah!

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:10 | 4644674 centerline
centerline's picture

ban hammer ought to pound you for linking to a exe file like that dude.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:04 | 4644641 Rainman
Rainman's picture

"Anybody walking around carrying, driving or wearing expensive shit these days is an idiot."  .... Mrs Rainman has me sleeping on couch for that one. 

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:05 | 4644656 debtor of last ...
debtor of last resort's picture

Another 13 grams for Germany by EBT, Erin Bashar Tyrone, Obama's second of record son.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:09 | 4644671 starman
starman's picture

wait did that count as gold manipulation!?

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:09 | 4644672 quasimodo
quasimodo's picture

Just remember, when seconds count, the policia are only minutes away!

Bad analogy here, I know, but a little reminder nonetheless.


Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:10 | 4644675 Cupid Stunt
Cupid Stunt's picture

IOC & FIFA love this joint.................KICKBACKS..... &.............??????????????

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:10 | 4644677 deflator
deflator's picture

Buffets of the world, "locking in profits".?

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:13 | 4644690 TPTB_r_TBTF
TPTB_r_TBTF's picture

<--- I would feel safer at an event in Brazil

<--- I would feel safer attending an event in Obama's Chicago

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:20 | 4644726 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture


Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:23 | 4644744 LetsGetPhysical
LetsGetPhysical's picture

trick question.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:15 | 4644702 LetsGetPhysical
LetsGetPhysical's picture

"emerging market"

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:15 | 4644705 youngman
youngman's picture

Just practicing for the real show next month.....lots of tourists with money...easy money

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:21 | 4644731 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

Bingo!  Just practice.  Warming up his technique.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:22 | 4644739 redux2redux
redux2redux's picture

It definitely will be Brazil's host country sport for the 2016 Olympics?

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:16 | 4644710 ATM
ATM's picture

So why was the thief's face blurred out but nobody elses was? 

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:29 | 4644766 syntaxterror
syntaxterror's picture

Because you gotta protect minors.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:19 | 4644720 ChargingHandle
ChargingHandle's picture

I spent 3 weeks there and it is a fascinating country however you have to be complete idiot to wear anything of value. There is a reason why upper management executives fly by helicopter or with heavy security while in the city.  While visiting Cat and IBM, their helipads received constant traffic and when I was shuttled for meetings I was always with heavy protection on their dime. Sao Paulo is even more sketchy. 

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 18:08 | 4645189 Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

That's bullshit. I can walk around a variety of neighbourhoods of São Paulo and Rio, and also north eastern city favelas and there is no danger. You are scaremongering and obviously have been sheltered by your handlers or whatever you call them. Why don't you bother to talk to the locals instead of being freaked out. If an area is dangerous you pick this up quickly and leave. If it's not, then there is little danger.

There is far too much paranoia in Brazil about muggings

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 19:10 | 4645454 Itch
Itch's picture

"Why don't you bother to talk to the locals instead of being freaked out."


I just watched the locals laughing and videoing a man cough his lungs up and die a hideous death, that's the locals, real friendly bunch. Stinking bastards, stick your world cup up your hole.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:20 | 4644728 NOZZLE
NOZZLE's picture

She looks like what my Mexican janitor would look like if he put on a dress and died his hair. Wonder what she is going to use to buy next months rice and bean supply now that her bank account has been swiped.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:43 | 4644824 shutdown
shutdown's picture

Chech back in a few years. The USA will be even crazier, way more dangerous. 

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:46 | 4644834 pies_lancuchowy
pies_lancuchowy's picture

Primitive theft of little-value stuff.

Total opposite of the TRIBE'S modus operandi!


Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:48 | 4644844 BullyBearish
BullyBearish's picture

Years ago, a friend while waiting in his car at a stoplight, was asked if he would like to buy some flowers by a street vendor.  When he said no, the vendor swiped his had across his cheek and ran away.  My friend realized he now had a new mouth, as the razor blade in the vendor's hand cut all the way through his cheek.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 18:01 | 4645148 smacker
smacker's picture

Incidents like that are not uncommon in Brazil. A common trick is for a young black kid to ask you for R$1 or R$2 to look after your car when you park it. If you refuse to pay him, he'll scratch it to pieces or break into it while you're away.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:57 | 4644889 rsnoble
rsnoble's picture

No.1........fucking stupid for wearing the necklace

No.2.......Be thankful you aren't good looking or you would've taken it up the ass also.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 16:59 | 4644892 eurogold
eurogold's picture

World Cup crime spree ( in Brazil ) will shock the World !

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 17:27 | 4644982 tony wilson
tony wilson's picture



beware of girls that try to seduce you i had a lost weekend in rio i figured it out 3 years later.


beware of the devils breath

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 17:39 | 4645019 medium giraffe
medium giraffe's picture

Watched that docu a while ago.  Scopolamine is damned scary stuff! (and you just know government agents have used it, how could they resist the temptation?)

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 17:31 | 4644993 Canoe in the Desert
Canoe in the Desert's picture

They need to dispense free violent video games to keep thugs off the street.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 17:56 | 4645109 smacker
smacker's picture

Please notice the colour of the thief. Say no more.

There are quite a few tips to be taken seriously when anywhere in Brazil (even where I am at the moment in the NE which sports a crime rate higher than Rio/São Paulo per head of population). Massive amount of drug-related crime in Brazil. Rio has its own "CrackLandia" just like São Paulo.

High on this list is never to wear/carry expensive jewellery/watches/SmartPhones on the streets, especially at night, in poorly lit streets or poor neighbourhoods. Ditto expensive trainers or wallets bulging with money. That's inviting trouble.

My own tip is when in a bar or restaurant NEVER place anything of value on the table (eg SmartPhone). A thief will appear from nowhere, grab it and run.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 18:11 | 4645202 smacker
smacker's picture

TV Globo reported the death of a young kid in Rio last week who was killed for his trainers.

And just to rub it in, they showed a video of another young guy with his girlfriend waiting for a bus. Two guys pulled up on a motobike. The guy on the back got off and pulled out a gun demanding the bus guy handed over his trainers. He removed the first one but then attacked the gunman. They wrestled for a few seconds and the gunman struggled free, aimed his gun and shot the guy dead in front of his girlfriend. Motobikers drove off.

Bem vindo ao Brasil(!)

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 18:10 | 4645203 Conax
Conax's picture

How'd the thief see her necklace?

I didn't even see it til he grabbed it. 

An old lady in NY (the Bronx) got dragged and beaten and kicked when she wouldn't let go of her purse.

There are criminals everywhere.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 18:17 | 4645233 butchtrucks
butchtrucks's picture

Kid is fast - but he's got nothing on HFT jockeys.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 19:47 | 4645608 Incubus
Incubus's picture

I thought brazilians were supposed to be hot?

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 20:19 | 4645709 FredFlintstone
FredFlintstone's picture

They are, she is an 85 yo great grandmother.

Thu, 04/10/2014 - 21:57 | 4645970 franciscopendergrass
franciscopendergrass's picture

Is that a representation of the US Fed stealing the buying power of the US citizen or was it the a demonstration of the .gov doing gold confiscation again?

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