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Forget Baghdad Bob, Meet "Saad Maan" - Iraq's Military Spokesman

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Saddam Hussein had Muhammad Saeed al-Shaaf, nicknamed "Baghdad Bob" or "Chemical Ali", to explain just how great things were in Iraq (as bombs were raining down around him). With the US 'demanding' the removal of Maliki, we present the Iraq's new military spokesperson, whose name we are sure will raise a few eyebrows - Saad Maan.

Meet Brigadier General Saad Maan - Iraq's interior minister spokesman.

 

Blast from the past...

 

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Thu, 06/19/2014 - 15:53 | 4875028 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

He looks Saad, Maan. :(

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 15:56 | 4875035 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

There's simply no way that The Onion can compete with this reality.

In other news: I can't get Carole King's "Jazzman" out of my head, complete with replaced lyrics.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 15:57 | 4875045 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

What is beyond "bananas"? Etymology is being challenged here.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:19 | 4875128 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

And the winner and champion of the "why the long face contest" goes to.....

 

John Kerr...

 

Whoa...Hang on a sec...Here it is ladies and gentlemen...

 

Straight from Iraq, living under a rock, he's not just a mad man... he's your lovable Sa'ad Maan!!!!!!

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:31 | 4875167 gh0atrider
gh0atrider's picture

There's going to be lots of sad men who thought collaborating with western governments, banks and corporations was a good idea.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:33 | 4875178 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

I miss Baghdad Bob.

He made Obama look honest!

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:37 | 4875192 pods
pods's picture

Baghdad Bob grew up watching those Joe Isuzu commercials.

pods

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:53 | 4875241 pods
pods's picture

That one is good. Like bombing the shit out of the place for a decade or so didn't take them out?

Any news on incubators yet?  Has Hannity spoken of the "rape rooms?"

This is one gigantic CF.  We topple the bad guy, then to keep the minority happy we give them arms to fight in Syria. Only they got their asses handed to them in Syria and we bailed out on them. So they took their weapons and decided that Iraq would be a better place to make war.

Blowback in real time.  

pods

 

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 17:02 | 4875261 Gaius Frakkin' ...
Gaius Frakkin' Baltar's picture

Fucking seriously... the USSA was in Iraq how long??? And they never bothered to extract this shit? Two fucking trillion in USD for what? To put a paper sign up saying don't go in there? Wasn't that the whole point of Iraq 2.0?

Either way it's complete BS.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 17:07 | 4875279 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

And Baghdad Bob is probably driving around in Miami in his Mercedes with some hot hot hookers now no doubt!

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 17:42 | 4875381 THX 1178
THX 1178's picture

No one knows what its like to be the Saad Maan.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 18:20 | 4875515 swmnguy
swmnguy's picture

No, but Jay Carney and Jen Psaki know what it's like to be fated to telling only lies.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 19:42 | 4875856 mjcOH1
mjcOH1's picture

"Saddam Hussein had Muhammad Saeed al-Shaaf, nicknamed "Baghdad Bob" or "Chemical Ali", to explain just how great things were in Iraq"

 

No.  

"Baghdad Bob" = Muhammad Saeed al-Shaaf ..... funny looking guy willing to stand up and say anything in front of the western media.

"Chemical Ali" = Ali Hassan Abd al-Majid al-Tikriti.....less funny looking guy willing to gas Kurdish civilians (and hanged for that in 2010).

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 23:29 | 4876750 Buster Cherry
Buster Cherry's picture

Obama's dreams aren't as empty as his conscience seems to be.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 23:24 | 4876751 Buster Cherry
Buster Cherry's picture

that who song popped into my head when I saw the dudes face.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 23:16 | 4876726 Buster Cherry
Buster Cherry's picture

Obama makes Baghdad Bob look honest.

 

There, fixed it for ya....

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:24 | 4875138 Luckhasit
Luckhasit's picture

Full retard.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:36 | 4875188 marathonman
marathonman's picture

Noone knows what its like to be the Saad Maan...

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:54 | 4875244 max2205
max2205's picture

It's all Iraqy to me

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:55 | 4875249 CrazyCooter
CrazyCooter's picture

I wonder what position his brother Baad has in the government/military ...

That said, I think his half brother Raain is in our white house ...

Regards,

Cooter

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 15:57 | 4875050 Latina Lover
Latina Lover's picture

Enter Saad Maan?  Somewhere Metallica must be laughing....

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:02 | 4875068 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

And you sir, won the Internets today.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:07 | 4875090 flacon
flacon's picture

I'm off to never-never land! 

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:09 | 4875096 Latina Lover
Latina Lover's picture

Exactly where he belongs.... Too bad he couldn't take the rest of the USSA government with him. 

 

Also,if the USSA keeps provoking Russia via their pet Ukrainian attack Dog, perhaps Putin may decide to send them all to Never Never land.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:19 | 4875125 OpenThePodBayDoorHAL
OpenThePodBayDoorHAL's picture

This guy's look says "yeah, we took hundreds of billions from the US chumps in training and hardware, but we all had our fingers crossed behind our backs the whole time. We learned how to say Yes Sir to those crazy jarhead instructors, but now we've been found out, payback is a bitch".

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:17 | 4875118 Latina Lover
Latina Lover's picture

And With Apologies to the Who:

 

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the Saad Maan
Behind brown eyes

No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:19 | 4875124 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

*standing ovation*

Keep 'em comin dawg.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:02 | 4875072 Canadian Dirtlump
Canadian Dirtlump's picture

what is funny is the double speak thta pervades North america. Mock this guy, when the official story by our leaders is blindly questioned... Sorry, but I would expect SAAD MAN's version is closer than John Kerry's

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:04 | 4875075 Gringo Viejo
Gringo Viejo's picture

..."and if I swallow anything evil, put your finger down my throat"..................

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:15 | 4875114 OpenThePodBayDoorHAL
OpenThePodBayDoorHAL's picture

+10 points my friend. Better times

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:18 | 4875122 Gringo Viejo
Gringo Viejo's picture

Yes sir. They most certainly were.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:21 | 4875131 OpenThePodBayDoorHAL
OpenThePodBayDoorHAL's picture

It couldda been so much better. I finally threw in the towel and moved to Australia 8 years ago, best thing I ever did. America looks like a crazy place from here

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:30 | 4875162 Gringo Viejo
Gringo Viejo's picture

My wife's an Aussie. Mid 60s and still looks like a Las Vegas showgirl. Lucky man sez I.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:47 | 4875232 Jstanley011
Jstanley011's picture

Forget the coat. Can I borrow fifty bucks?

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:59 | 4875254 czarangelus
czarangelus's picture

They're doing it on purpose. They have to be.

Ass Sec of the Treasury Neel Kashkari

Press Secretary Jay Carney

I had another great example that's slipped my mind...

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 17:21 | 4875317 CrashisOptimistic
CrashisOptimistic's picture

 

Timothy Geithner

One More Haiku Friendly Name

Cheats On His Taxes

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:00 | 4875063 Ozy_mandias
Ozy_mandias's picture

"Iraq to the Future"

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:05 | 4875083 Frank N. Beans
Frank N. Beans's picture

next thing you know they will trot out Maan Sagg.

 

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:32 | 4875173 booboo
booboo's picture

Saad Maan, Maan Saag, Bozz Scaggs, Yoko Ono, Tikki Takki, Rodger Rabbit. whats in a name?

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:55 | 4875247 JJdog
JJdog's picture

That guy on the video sounded much better than Obama! 

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 17:16 | 4875299 OldPhart
OldPhart's picture

Now that we're aware of the lies, deceit and duplicitousness of our War Criminal Government;Baghdad Bob's statements don't seem so far fetched.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 15:54 | 4875033 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

Still, he is NOT sadder than Kerry. 

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:09 | 4875097 negative rates
negative rates's picture

Yea that Kelly Kerry is real knockout.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 15:55 | 4875038 Agent P
Agent P's picture

He must be married. 

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 15:58 | 4875052 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

Greatest post ever.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:11 | 4875107 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

Agreed

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:35 | 4875181 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

I third that motion!

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:38 | 4875198 Latina Lover
Latina Lover's picture

Plus +1000!

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 15:56 | 4875040 EmmittFitzhume
EmmittFitzhume's picture

This isn't Thursday humor?!

 

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:06 | 4875086 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

No, it's just saad.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 15:56 | 4875043 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Is he related to Abu Hassan Bunny Saadr?  (former bigshot under the Ayatollah).

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 15:59 | 4875057 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

My friends call me Lenny... only I ain't got no friends. [Leonard Smalls, Raising Arizona]

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:43 | 4875215 Headbanger
Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:02 | 4875058 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

sorry but had to throw this in...

have ya'll noticed the how they once again r fucking with the phony paper prices of the only 2 forms of real money in the Globex where no one but the fucking bankers r selling...

http://www.kitco.com/charts/livesilver.html

just sayin.

 

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 15:59 | 4875060 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

Brigadier General Saad Maan Ibrahim....

You've got to be kidding.

Brigadier Fucking General?

Looks like a Bugle Boy. Poor bastard.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:02 | 4875073 Agent P
Agent P's picture

I count three stars on his epaulet....must be on a different system over there. 

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:05 | 4875082 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

I guess with all the other brass either getting dead or surrendering...the promotions went in hyper drive.

PFC to Major in a day! Yeehaw!

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 17:25 | 4875328 MidwestJester
MidwestJester's picture

Dune promotion?

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:00 | 4875065 asscannon101
asscannon101's picture

John Kerry: 'So, Saad Maan- Why the long face?!?'

Saad Maan: 'Look who's talking, Eeyore!!'

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:06 | 4875087 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

See, this is the kind of creative writing I'm looking for in these shows.  'Saad Maan' - classic, give the guy who came up with that a bonus, and make sure he's involved in our next project - that's fucking awesome writing.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:10 | 4875100 Sandmann
Sandmann's picture

'Chemical Ali' was Saddam's Cousin who gassed Kurds.......... 'Comic Ali' was the propagandist who was farcical......

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:12 | 4875105 Ms. Erable
Ms. Erable's picture

Perfect name for a guy attempting to narrate this epic shitshow.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:15 | 4875115 homiegot
homiegot's picture

Bah ha! Why are we helping these fuckers?

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:16 | 4875116 Tucson Tom
Tucson Tom's picture

We need WilliamBonzai7 to photoshop Carney`s face on Saad Maan for a real treat.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:21 | 4875127 Jethro
Jethro's picture

No one knows what it's like to be the Saad Maan.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:26 | 4875152 news printer
news printer's picture

He's my man (Comical Ali). He was great. Somebody accused us of hiring him and putting him there. He was a classic.

http://jumpingpolarbear.files.wordpress.com/2012/09/comical-ali-meme.jpg

Comical Ali quotes:

  • "Be assured. Baghdad is safe, protected"
  • "Who are in control, they are not in control of anything - they don't even control themselves!"
  • "Now even the American command is under siege. We are hitting it from the north, east, south and west. We chase them here and they chase us there. But at the end we are the people who are laying siege to them. And it is not them who are besieging us."
  • "They do not even have control over themselves! Do not believe them!"
  • "They are achieving nothing; they are suffering from casualties. Those casualties are increasing, not decreasing."
  • "Fight them everywhere. Don't give them a chance to breathe until they withdraw and retreat."
  • "They are lying every day. They are lying always, and mainly they are lying to their public opinion."
  • "We are winning!"

Some of the quotes are in fact prophetic.

https://web.archive.org/web/20121024044442/http://www.welovetheiraqiinfo...

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:33 | 4875177 Duc888
Duc888's picture

 

 

"Is he related to Abu Hassan Bunny Saadr?  (former bigshot under the Ayatollah)."

 

Possibly, and that would implicate Bun E. Carlos.  It never ends....the horror.....the horror...

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 16:59 | 4875257 Fred Garvin
Fred Garvin's picture

Reminds me of that other spokesman we have here from the Whitehouse...what's his name...oh yeah, "Hugh Janus"

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 17:08 | 4875281 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

That guy's a two-faced ass!

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 17:04 | 4875272 JuliaS
JuliaS's picture

It's starting to make sense. Maliki pulled Morsi on the US, so now we're trying to use ISIS to clean the house, much like we used neo-nazi's to help overthrow Ukrainian government. The plan is to let them do most of the work and then take over... the only problem is that last half a dozen times we tried keeping our hands clean, it backfired.

ISIS is out of control, yet we believe we can channel them in the right direction - around the embassy and away from the oil wells.

The question that bothers me is who the next target is. At some point we're going to use the current regime change as a pretext for invading somebody else. We've already shelled every country Cheney named in his 2003 speech. What's at the end of the run? Russia? Saudis themselves? Could we actually be going after the Saudis?

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 17:12 | 4875289 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Backfired? What makes you think the US is supposed to win this round?

This is about pure chaos and its leverage to usher in new eras, I'm guessing (given there is NO other solution to CBs gone wild).

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 18:32 | 4875560 swmnguy
swmnguy's picture

Using ISIS to dump Maliki gives the added frisson of putting Iran on the hot seat, much as the ball is very much in Putin's court vis-a-vis the Yatzis in Ukraine.

And I think next up is already Nigeria.  They've got a lot of energy resource reserves, they've refused to let US troops be stationed there, and they've had the temerity to try to take a leadership role in their region.  We told them, "Pretty nice country you've got here; sure would be a shame if Muslim Terr'ists wrecked the place, hmm?"  and they said they could handle Boko Haram themselves, thank you very much.  Mere moments later as such things go, Boko Haram turns up with lots of new weapons just in from what's left of Libya, actual bomb-making knowledge, communications gear, lots of money, etc.

As usual, a good atlas with resource maps helps a lot.  To build a big pipeline to Europe from Nigeria, going through Libya and under the Mediterranean, would cut Russia out and make a Middle East pipeline through Syria unnecessary.  Which would be handy if Assad plays party-pooper on that deal.

Just my $.02.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 17:14 | 4875298 JR
JR's picture

It’s satire.

But David Swanson hits Middle East history with a thrust so strong that the humor in its basic truth will make you weep.

A Brief History of Iraq for Westerners by David Swanson | War Is A Crime.org | LewRockwell.com 

June 19, 2014

Iraq was saved from ignorant subhuman barbarism by a gentlewoman named Gertrude at the time that the civilized nations of the world were, in a quite advanced and sophisticated manner, slaughtering their young men in a project now called the First World War.

Because the Arabs were too backward to be allowed to govern themselves, or even to contemplate creating a world war, and because tribes and ethnicities and religions never really garner much loyalty or support that can’t be wiped away with a good cup of tea or a few clouds of poison gas, and because the French were too dumb to know where the oil was, it became necessary for the British to install an Iraqi leader who wasn’t Iraqi, through a democratic election with one candidate running.

The great Winston Churchill explained the governance of Iraq and the new civilizing technique of bombing civilians thusly: “I am strongly in favor of using poison gas against uncivilized tribes.” Others failed to see the wisdom, and the Royal Air Force used non-chemical “terror bombing, night bombing, heavy bombers, [and] delayed action bombs (particularly lethal against children)” to police disobedient Iraqis. Only by developing these techniques on Iraqis were the world’s civilizers prepared to use them on Nazis when the time came to level German cities in the name of defeating Nazis, which of course also places the rest of this paper beyond the reach of moral criticism.

Iraqis, from the formation of Iraq by Gertrude to this day, were never quite able to create a democracy for the CIA to overthrow as in neighboring Iran.  But the idea that Iraqis have been violent or resistant to control because of lack of representation misses the central fact that people in the Middle East enjoy killing each other over sectarian differences.  Of course it’s hard to find evidence of significant sectarian fighting in Iraq prior to 2003 and some say there wasn’t any.  There was violent looting of Jewish neighborhoods in 1941, but the British government keeps all information on that event secret.  There was bombing of synagogues in Baghdad in 1950-51 but that turned out to have been done by Zionists trying to convince Jews to come to Israel.  And “until the 1970s nearly all Iraq’s political organisations were secular, attracting people from all religions and none.”  But what was simmering just below the surface waiting to burst out at the slightest scratching?

Think how little it took.  Supporting and arming a brutal dictator in Saddam Hussein and his catastrophic war against Iran, then bombing Iraq and imposing the most murderous sanctions in history, and then newly bombing Iraq and occupying it for 8 years while arming and training death squads and torturers and imposing sectarian segregation, creating 5 million refugees, and killing a half-million to a million-and-a-half people, while devastating the nation’s infrastructure, and then imposing a puppet government loyal to one sect and one neighboring nation.  That, plus arming the new government for vicious attacks on its own people, while arming mad killers in neighboring Syria, some of whom want to combine parts of Syria and Iraq: that was all it took, and suddenly, out of nowhere, ignorant Arabs are killing each other, just out of pure irrationality, just like in Palestine.

During the 8 years of U.S.-led occupation people mistook purely irrational violence that had been bubbling under the surface for centuries for resistance to the occupiers, and now some imagine that part of the violence against the puppet government is motivated by grievances against that government. But this misses the fundamental truths here, which are:

1. Shock and Awe was meant to put people at ease and make them comfortable.

2. The plan to rid Iraq of weapons it was about to use against those of us who matter was successful beyond the wildest expectations, working retroactively by a decade.

3. Our great leaders, Bush and Cheney, meant well in giving Iraqis freedom even if they weren’t ready for it.

4. The election of Maliki was even more legitimate than the election of Faisal.

5. When the Bush-Maliki treaty ended the U.S. military presence in Iraq, that was thanks to President Obama who is way smarter than Bush but couldn’t get Iraq to let U.S. troops stay with immunity for crimes — crimes of course being necessary for policing, just ask Winnie.

6. When Iraq remained a disaster, that was President Obama’s fault for focusing too much on murdering people in Afghanistan and Pakistan and Yemen, and never Iraq — as if we just don’t care about Iraq any more.

7. The U.S. weapons being seized and used against the U.S. puppet government in Iraq are no match for the vast stockpiles of weapons of mass destruction that we can and must ship into Iraq now to be seized and redirected later on down the road.

8. The few people getting rich from all of this misery mean well.

http://www.lewrockwell.com/2014/06/david-swanson/a-brief-history-of-iraq-for-westerners/

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 17:59 | 4875427 the wet spot
the wet spot's picture

Sa'ad Ma'an, meet Sivil Wa'ar.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 21:18 | 4875470 deflator
deflator's picture

 No fuckin way! I just saw that guy at the convenience store staring at the chips aisle trying to figure out which chips to buy.

I ain't playin' bitchez, he is the one!

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 18:09 | 4875472 Jstanley011
Thu, 06/19/2014 - 18:12 | 4875481 ross81
ross81's picture

Al-Sahaf certainly had some cojones on him. People seem to ridicule him but can you imagine any of the Washington regime's LGBT brigade giving it simillar? Wolfowitz soiled himself when Iraqi insurgents got wind of his little Green Zone tour and fired in a few mortar rounds.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 18:26 | 4875536 Itch
Itch's picture

Straw maans brother.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 19:20 | 4875743 world_debt_slave
world_debt_slave's picture

Time for a new deck of cards.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 20:34 | 4876080 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

I think if I have the slang right this is what the Brits calling taking the piss at the expense of John Kerry. At least the Iraqi's have a sense of humor.

 

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