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Dispatches from Occupied Territory - Awakening Alone While in a Relationship

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Dispatches from Occupied Territory - Awakening Alone While in a Relationship

By

Cognitive Dissonance

 

 

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This is the fourth in a series of fictional explorations into an individual’s awakening to the suddenly unfamiliar world around and within her while still engulfed by the day to day insanity. These short stories in letter form are intended for the more sensitive and inquisitive reader who wishes to look more deeply within and explore in depth their beliefs and perceptions as well as how to cope with a world gone frighteningly mad. It is the author’s hope to accomplish this by way of an intimate and revealing first person correspondence between two long time friends as they discuss her ongoing awakening. The first three chapters may be found here.

 

Dear Marie,

It saddens me deeply to find you so distressed. Your last letter detailing the deteriorating relationship with your husband was heartbreaking and so very familiar to me. You may remember my divorce several years back after seventeen years of marriage. While we maintained the public façade of an inmate and loving couple, beneath the surface great rifts had formed and eventually we decided to part ways. So I can identify with everything in your letter and more, having experienced it firsthand.

One of the first lessons I failed to learn in my ongoing awakening was there are multiple layers, blind corners and dark alleys to transit and I had only just begun the process. So the fact I thought I was pretty well versed in not only the external illusion, but the accompanying internal self deception, simply set me up for the next soul crushing fall into the abyss. Only later did I find out this was normal for an early awakening and something to watch for.

I often wonder if it is this reinjuring of the psyche so soon after the initial wounding that sends so many newly awakening into a self defeating spiral of cynicism, depression and isolation. If nothing else it most certainly is damaging, sometimes fatally so, to any personal (and professional) relationship we may presently be involved in. Sadly our culture is full of psychological and emotional instruction manuals for those descending into the social insanity and precious few for those attempting to break free.

In keeping with my theme of the need to gain a greater perspective before attempting to understand, it would help if we pull back and walk a few miles in your husband’s shoes. One of the dangers we experience during first light, that period of time when we initially recognize all is not as it appears, is the problem of self induced tunnel vision. Because we are trying to take in so much so quickly we fail to see anything with clarity, thus we develop a form of tunnel vision to cope with the onrush of new information. Maybe a better phrase to explain this might be selective vision.

Instead of broadening our perspective with this new perception and awareness, it is as if we don dark glasses and everything we perceive is run through this filter. While we might feel it justified, often we judge others’ actions based upon whether we feel they are ‘aware’ or not. Just because someone is still ‘asleep’ doesn’t necessarily invalidate their perspective. As well, just because we are awakening does not mean we see clearly and correctly. It is because of this flaw that we sometimes needlessly dismantle or even sabotage relationships. It is important to recognize our critical part in this unraveling if we are to properly deal with it. 

During the period when we are courting or dating many unspoken mutual understandings and agreements are formed and cemented. We might call this psychological phenomenon ‘compatibility testing’ or ‘harmonizing’. While we might agree this is an important prerequisite to a long lasting and satisfying relationship, rarely do we actually examine what is going on under the surface.

Those who have little in common with their partner often run into severe difficulties at various points in the future, particularly during times of stress. A common refrain from those who are awakening is they suddenly find themselves living with someone they no longer ‘know’. Rarely do they understand their partner may actually feel the same way.

If the initial attraction between two people is sexually based, rather than similarities and commonalities, many differences are ignored or papered over as not important or immaterial to furthering the physical relationship. Later, after the initial rush of emotional attachment has subsided, these differences rise to the surface to disturb the peace. This doesn’t mean long term relationships are the epitome of compatibility and congruency. In practice the reality is often the opposite.

While courting, particularly long term courting, we are constantly assessing if our potential partner is a good fit. When a difference is recognized or confronted, an assessment, often unconsciously or semi-consciously, is made as to the importance of the incompatibility. “Can I live with this?” is one way it might be verbalized if we were bold enough to say so. Of course we do not speak this truth because our self interest dictates we not discuss potentially inflammatory subjects with a prospective mate. 

What courting boils down to is a contract-for-services negotiation, some of which is verbalized with the potential partner and some unspoken with and within ourselves. As dry and unemotional an assessment as this is, when seen in the light of day and from a non emotional basis this is precisely what it is. When the contract is signed, either through the public spectacle of a religious/state sanctioned marriage or, as is increasingly more common these days by simply cohabiting together, essentially we are promising to commit to something we may not have fully examined or thoroughly thought out.

 

Contract

 

Oftentimes we assume (and I use the term ‘assume’ even if this part of the contract negotiation is verbalized and formalized) either no unilateral changes will be made to the contract conditions agreed upon or they will be discussed and agreed upon before being implemented by one or the other of the partners. It is here where tensions exist and problems arise, particularly when the ‘honeymoon period’ has ended and reality presents, warts and all.

Please understand that sometimes the ‘other’ person has not actually changed or made any changes to the contract conditions. Rather, what is actually going on here is our own reassessment of conditions previously considered ‘livable’ or not important. How often are we surprised or even shocked to discover our partner holds this or that view or perspective? Maybe they chew with their mouth open, are messy and unkempt or they are spendthrifts and reckless with money. Unless outright deception was involved, this ‘new’ discovery is evidence of a failure on our part to see reality for what it is, a self awareness often hidden by our ego.

Obviously Marie this is an imperfect one-size-fits-all description that fits no one perfectly but applies to everyone generally. In practice the negotiation is ongoing even after the signing, and contract conditions are always morphing and ever changing. It is with this in mind that I ask you to reach for perspective, even if it is contrary to your perception of you being the victim and your husband the perpetrator.

From his point of view you are the moving party here, the one who has unilaterally violated the terms of the contract without prior discussion, negotiation or agreement. Considering the tectonic reverberations your awakening has caused you personally, imagine what it must be like to be your husband and suddenly witness huge changes in you, particularly if those changes are contrary to the consensus belief of the majority of the population and to those expressed by you prior to your awakening.

Taking into consideration the fact you have been married nearly two decades, thus both of you are experienced with the ebb and flow of any long term relationship, based upon your description he most likely initially viewed your changes as simply transitory and was waiting for ‘normalcy’ to return. When after a period of time you did not ‘return’ I suspect his internal alarm bells and sense of outrage over the one sided changes have led to the series of confrontations on his part you describe in your letter. He wants to know what the hell is going on and when you’re going to be done with ‘this silliness’.

You may recall in an earlier letter my description of your inner fear projecting into your conversations with those you are attempting either to warn or simply to explain what is, and has been, happening to you. No doubt your husband senses your fear which concerns him greatly and adds to his belief that something is deeply wrong with you. While at first he showed great patience when dealing with you out of love and affection, this has now morphed into his own fear of loss and sense of violation.

Since you still go to work, run the household and conduct yourself in so many other ways considered ‘normal’ in today’s world, at this point he is beginning to wonder if you may not be readying to leave him for someone else. This is why he is directly asking if you are cheating on him behind his back. In his mind, since what you are telling him about your awakening makes no sense what-so-ever, from his point of view the only other thing it could be is an affair or some other type of deception.

As well because he also senses the world taking a turn for the worse, yet there isn’t something quantifiable and widely accepted by the culture with which he can grasp upon as proof his own concerns are valid, your ‘illness’ (his words) is what he points towards as the problem with the marriage and his world. Denial tends to push the mind outward searching for scapegoats lest it linger too long looking within and chance the discovery of the true source of our inner distress. The more certain someone is about how the world works and the source of their problems, the less likely they will be to search within themselves for the root of their problems.

Keep in mind deep within our ‘self’ the truth is always known, even if only on a subconscious level. We pile layer upon layer of dirt, mulch, rocks and debris on top to prevent it from escaping into our conscious mind, though there are constant leaks which lead to cognitive dissonance. If these leaks were to become a flow, the condition would demand resolution requiring a complete reassessment of our worldview, precisely what you are presenting undergoing and which you recognize is extremely destabilizing and quite distasteful.

Knowing what you now know, are you surprised in the least we would go to nearly any length to remain in a state of self induced ignorant bliss? In so many ways, when asleep we are very similar to a drug addict seeking a fix and relief from the pain, though for us the drug of choice is denial and the high is the ignorant bliss of self deception.

 

Ignorance is Bliss?

 

The secret to this psychological sauce is we are never fully and truly asleep. Rather we have constructed a carefully compiled worldview that takes into account many of the constantly changing variables the world presents on a daily basis. Now that our awakening is beginning to take hold we can clearly see the contradictions, illogic, deception and fraud that permeate the system and the people. To those of us who go through life asleep we only see what we wish to see and ignore or rationalize away the rest. While imperfect, it ‘works’ because we wish it to work.

It is as if we were previously tuned to a narrow radio frequency and missed ninety five percent of what was being broadcast on other channels. But now we have a wide band radio and receive nearly every channel, though we still lack the ability to fully discern and differentiate the different messages. Your husband still operates on a narrow band receiver and is baffled by your (in his mind) garbled recital of what you are hearing, seeing and thinking.

Please understand that most of his directed anger is actually carefully disguised fear, both of what it is you seem to know and what it is he appears to be missing in your eyes. He doesn’t know what is going on with you and despite his protestations otherwise does not want to know what is going on with you. He just wants the old Marie back and his life to return to ‘normal’. In many ways he thinks he is sleeping with the enemy in the same way you feel you are.

Most certainly neither of you ‘knows’ each other anymore, though in fact you never really did to begin with. At best you knew what each of you exposed to each other as part of the greater challenge of living within a world beset by (self) deception, fraud and The Big Lie. In an insane asylum exactly how well can anyone ‘know’ anyone else when they have not begun to know themselves? Not well I’m afraid.

So where does this leave you Marie? Well first off, not alone by any means since there are hundreds of thousands of individuals just like you who are also struggling to cope with relationships both personal and professional while also nurturing their own awakening. If I were to give any advice it would be this. To go forward from here you need to do two things.

1)   Determine what you need to do regarding changes in your life right now. As I have spoken about before, there is a world of difference between needs and wants. Because you are on high alert, regardless of how your husband may be reacting, you feel danger is present and in close proximity. In so many ways this changes your demeanor and aura and those who know you sense the change in you and are on the defensive.

Consider that in his eyes you are the moving party so his position is somewhat justified regardless of his state of awareness in relation to yours. Since you have made most of the unilateral changes to the mutual agreement by awakening, it behooves you to make the first gesture towards reconciliation if this is what you want to do. If not, you need to be just as upfront about your unwillingness to do so.

You cannot have your cake and eat it too Marie. You state the desire to cease self deception as soon as you become aware of it and I commend you for your efforts. But if you wish the relationship to remain in place you must make compromises you might find distasteful. If you are dishonest with yourself with regard to whether you can become comfortable with that type of decision you are only hurting yourself, your husband and your children.

This is why I speak of becoming centered and settled before any decisions are made about your future. Based upon our prior conversations I know you are making great strides in this direction, but you also know much work remains. This is a moment of truth for you and you know this to be true. There is no ‘right’ decision here, only a decision that is true to your ‘self’. Find that ‘self’, then make those decisions.

 

Walking the Line Alone

 

2)   Sit down with your husband and, in a non threatening manner, carefully and calmly speak to him about your relationship past, present and future. Acknowledge the fact you have changed, but refrain from talking about collapsing currencies, government lies and so on for doing so just muddies the waters and charges the emotions. Once either you or your husband becomes emotionally charged all logic, reason and potential compromise goes out the window while hurt and anger takes its place.

You might need to do this over several sessions since judging from your letter so much has not been said for so long that much will be said by both before you are able to clear the table enough to get down to the substance that matters, your relationship. Do not expect him to ‘see’ or understand your point of view nor vice versa. The real question here is simple. Are both of you willing to make enough changes in yourself and accept enough of each other to mend the rift and find value and love once again in each other?

A critical mistake I continue to make is to see the world through black and white filters. As much as I claim to now see the artificial polarity foisted upon the world in order to divide and conquer the population, unfortunately I do the same thing and think it completely reasonable. Just because I now claim to see clearly does not mean my partner must do so as well in order for the relationship to work. Why am I demanding change in my partner when I would object if the demands were reversed?

One of the personal (one could rightly say intimate) needs filled by our partner is their affirmation and confirmation of our ‘self’. This is part and parcel of our need for some sort of compatibility, of a sameness or similarity we crave if we are to return the affirmation. This is a form of codependency that often expresses in a destructive manner when we require validation of our own state of denial. It was only after my divorce did I clearly see my unreasonable demands for validation of my awakening while refusing to validate her continuing slumber. Not only did I stop affirming my wife’s self image, but I demanded she acknowledge my changes and that she change her ‘self’.

Seen from this perspective, of course my marriage ended in acrimony and heartache, particularly since I made no effort to meet her halfway and instead demanded near total capitulation and unilateral change from her. While I made all the proper noises promising compromise and consideration on my part, in fact my demands needed to be met before I would fulfill my own promises. Worse, I felt justified since in my egoic self righteous point of view she refused to acknowledge I was right and she was wrong.

While I fully appreciate you are not as extreme as I was, surely you must see parallels between my mistakes and what is going on in your life. This is not to say you must make amends with your husband, only that you need to recognize the unfair conditions you have imposed upon the relationship. I understand your complaint that to continue to live with your husband means enabling his worldview and way of thinking, not because you wish to enable, but because he will expect you to at least tolerate his point of view which in a co-dependent relationship is the functional equivalent to enabling. And to be independent means you must shed co-dependent relationships whether personal or professional.

Ultimately you must decide if the benefits of maintaining your marriage outweigh the cost, which means you must examine what your marriage was previously based upon, what if anything is salvageable and whether you can still be fulfilled with less than you wish to receive. The key here is to see that the answer is not black and white, all or nothing unless you decide it needs to be. You can allow yourself some flexibility here while still being true to yourself so long as your intent is grounded and your actions are not self deceptive or co-dependent. 

Just like you, early on I found the insanity I was just beginning to fully recognize was extremely seductive, inviting and alluring. As much as I wished to move towards sanity, now that I had begun to walk the path, similar to a clean and sober addict I often craved a return to the soothing bliss of ignorance, the fuzzy numbness derived from my unaware stupor washing away any feelings of fear or alarm. I so wanted the hard edges of the world to melt away, allowing me to drift in feigned indifference and disbelief that life’s facade really was fake and fraudulent.

So I fully understand your point of view when you say to remain with your husband is to dance with the devil, a seduction so strong you are presently uncertain you will be able to resist. This is precisely why I isolated after my divorce, to heal and grow before I once again ventured out to slay my inner dragons. But to this day I am uncertain if this was the proper path to follow. While I was able to heal some of my wounds I missed out on some badly needed on-the-job training of how to live among the insane while retaining my own growing sanity. It is all just an intellectual exercise until the first time we meet the monster face to face and attempt to co-exist.

Ultimately only you can be the judge of your needs and wants. Because one of your children is already off the college and the other only a year away, any decision you make here should not be clouded by the fear you will harm your children by leaving, or staying, in the marriage. Others in your situation are not so lucky, though I am not sure if ‘luck’ is the proper term to use here.

If I may add one more piece of advice; whatever decisions you make over the next few weeks or months are only as permanent as you wish them to be. One of the biggest lies of the Big Lie is insidious in its simplicity. We are conditioned to believe certainty is of the utmost importance and to exhibit indecision or to change our mind is a sign of moral weakness or immaturity. Among other things this mind meme is designed to trap us inside the insanity by limiting our choices and constricting social acceptance of nonconformity and independent thinking. Once we embody the antithesis of this mind virus we have truly begun to walk the path of our awakening.

Beside you always,

 

Jonathan

_______________

 

Cognitive Dissonance

11-15-2014

 

Alone does not mean lonely

 

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Sun, 11/16/2014 - 04:20 | 5453729 Bro of the Sorr...
Bro of the Sorrowful Figure's picture

excellent piece. it rings very true for me but for a different reason than many people here. im in my late 20s and find that i can't even start relationships with women now, because i know that i will always be hiding my true self. every time i meet someone i like, the "great rifts" become clear all too quickly. after my awakening, the question, "can i live with this" has always been a resounding "no". i can't stand social media or any pop culture, and this is something so deeply engrained and such a major influencing factor in the vast majority of girls my age. i know that i could never be with someone who isn't awake, and the idea of converting someone who i might normally like is far too overwhelming for me, when i havent even managed to turn anyone in my immediately family. i look at my friends and social groups, and they still blithely cruise through life, devoting their free time to disconnecting from reality through drinking drugs or mindlessly gorging on hollywood propaganda entertainment. as you so astutely observed, the problem is i have changed. i no longer wish to disconnect from reality. i wish instead to live everyday to the fullest. to become the most intelligent and healthy individual that i can be, and to be as prepared as possible for what's coming. i wish to do exactly the opposite of what TPTB need me to do. this is so antithetical to my old life, and thus the lives of my friends and more broadly my generation, that i feel i no longer have anything in common with those people.the further down the rabbit hole i have gone, the more difficult it has become to put in the effort to conform to society's expectations when interacting with others. to put it bluntly, in my social life i just don't give a shit about what people think about me anymore. i still put on my sheeple mask in professional circumstances however out of necessity. if i told my clients i believe there is going to be a worldwide sovereign debt and currency crisis i would quickly lose all my business.

Sun, 11/16/2014 - 08:49 | 5453901 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

I had long since given up even trying to find a 'compatible' women when Mrs. Cog appeared in my life. The rest, as they say, is history....in the making. I realized that I was 'looking' in all the wrong places. Thankfully Mrs. Cog knew exactly what I wanted.......her. :-)

The key, for me at least, was not finding someone on my wavelength, meaning someone as aware as I felt I was, so much as someone who was willing to continue to work towards additional growth and personal awareness. In other words, someone who wanted something as fiercely as I did that she was willing to endure additional emotional pain to find and develop it. 

Once we begin to awaken, a never ending process I might add, if we are standing still, essentially we are moving backwards. Like a shark, either we continue swimming forward to keep the life giving air moving over our gills, or we fall back into complacency.

There is a way to plug back into the Matrix. Do nothing about our personal growth and allow the inner rage and dysfunction to destroy us from the inside out. Eventually we will dive back into deep denial in order to try to escape from our own pain.

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 18:50 | 5452578 zipit
zipit's picture

RE: "our self interest dictates we not discuss potentially inflammatory subjects with a prospective mate."  Maybe, maybe not.

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 21:23 | 5452946 nofluer
nofluer's picture

If you don't share your views and positions, your opinions with each other, if you hold up a cardboard cutout that's supposed to be you and your potential spouse does the same, then how will you ever find someone with whom you are REALLY compatible? And if, God forbid, you should marry her cardboard and she yours, then your marriage is pretty much guaranteed to fail because neither of you knew who/what you were marrying.

Far better to just be yourself. Relationships are not game shows. You're not trying to "win" him/her. You're trying to find a person with whom you can make a life together, and with whom you can let your hair down and be yourself without fear. Can't do that if you don't really know each other - and life will become Hell once you start to figure out you don't know that other person. You might get lucky and actually like each other - but it's not likely.

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 19:37 | 5452719 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

There are always exceptions to any rule. But for the most part I stand by that statement.

I have seen many so-called open and honest relationships. Very few are, or were, as advertised. Many have settled into a truce of sorts, meaning you don't push my buttons and I won't push yours.

I used to sell and service life insurance, meaning I would often deliver death claims. One in particular springs to mind. The lady lost her husband of many decades and filed the claim with me. While she was sad as we talked and filled out paperwork, she was grateful for the memory of a loving caring partner of many years whom she could discuss anything with and he as well.

When I came back two weeks later with the death benefit she was an entirely different person, bitter and angry about "that bastard". While going through his things she had discovered he had led a second life both before and during their marriage. So much for discussing inflammatory subjects with prospective (or current) partners.

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 22:41 | 5453148 BigJim
BigJim's picture

Worked out pretty well for him!

For her? Not so much...

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 18:39 | 5452536 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

Being married for 30 years has given me a unique prospective. If one does not grow and mature in a relationship it is doomed. It does not matter if one of the parties awakens or not. Without mutual respect, empathy and compassion, the ties that bind fray over time. The little events will show the quality of a relationship because they are a foreshadowing of what will happen when the big events occur.

A few years ago we had taken a trip to New Zealand. I am not a big souvenir purchaser but I fell in love with 2 hand painted linen towels. These were my only purchase. One day I came home and found one towel on the kitchen floor covered in black motor oil. As I picked it up and looked at it, waves of rage just started to flow. I heard mr miffed typing in his office and the only thing that came into my head was " LEAVE NOW" I walked out the door and started down the our dirt road.

The anger burst out of me. How could he be such an inconsiderate asshole. Why would he leave this for me to find...he wanted me to find this, he did this to hurt me intentionally. He must hate my towel and this was he way of showing me. He doesn't love me because if he did, he wouldn't have done this to my towel. After hours of such irrationality I finally just started to laugh. Because that's what it was, silly petty irrational feelings that had no bearing on Truth what so ever. I was answered.

When I came back, I walked into my husband office with my towel and sat down. When he acknowledged me, a look of abject horror was in his eyes because he realized what he had done and had no escape. One of the key things I have found is NEVER say " you" in these interactions because it invites conflict. I said " I am very sad what has happened to my towel. I was very angry but that is gone now. I realize I should not have put it by the sink as a regular towel which led to what happened. Can we come up with something so this doesn't happen again?" His look softened " Sweety, I am so so sorry. Really, I didn't intend to wreak your towel. I just didn't notice. For me, a towel is just a towel but I know I hurt you. I really didn't mean to."

What he said to me was truth and I could feel it was from the heart. I could hear it at that point yet a few hours ago I was neck deep in irrational thoughts. How different would that simple interaction have been if I had approached him then? It would not have gone well as I would have been aggressive and he defensive and our marriage would has suffered some damage. Done enough times it becomes fatal as the participants move farther and father apart and every little thing ignites anger plus builds on the angers past.

A few years ago I found ZH. It was part of my awakening. However my husband was very much immersed in the Matrix. It was only through his love and respect for me he could eventually take my hand and willingly walk out with me even with extreme doubt and questioning. I don't think this would have been possible without the quality of our relationship. Mindfulness builds a crutial foundation so growth is possible, especially when the relationship is under duress. And society certainly generates an inordinate amount but for a tiny few today.

Miffed

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 23:44 | 5453323 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

I am so glad you did not throw in the towel over that incident.

I even figured out how to stop my wife nagging this year. One day a week I vacuum, mop, dust and do the bathrooms. If she nags during the week then I don't do the cleaning. She has now got the message and we have paradise on earth.

 

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 23:02 | 5453203 Hulk
Hulk's picture

Damn, my wife only lets me work on my Motorcycles in the Living Room, you let Mr Miffed work on em in the Kitchen ??? COOL !!!

/true story: I once placed my cylinders in the oven to remove the sleeves. The oil smell stayed in the oven for weeks !!!

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 23:37 | 5453310 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

I did the same thing twice. Once to replace the sleeves and the second time to replace the sleeves I installed incorrectly.

BTW you're supposed to wash it all down with degreasing solvent before putting them in the oven. That way it doesn't smell of oil. Just don't smoke in the kitchen for a month.  /sarc

True story. This spring Mrs. Cog and I stopped by a little country store/deli up here on the mountain. They have a little picnic area out back where you can eat. Mrs. Cog and I were sitting there eating our ice cream cones near a gathering of about 5 or 6 good old boy locals all shooting the shit.

Somehow the conversation turned to carpenter bees and I chimed in that our log cabin was overrun by them. We had to call in an exterminator to get rid of them. One older gentleman spoke up and offered a cheap cure for them thar carpenter bees. Spray the entire cabin down with diesel oil. I said "Won't that stink to high heaven?" to which he replied "Only for a week or two."

Too freaking funny. Spray a log cabin with diesel oil. All you would need is a match and you could roast some hotdogs if the smell didn't kill you first.

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 23:48 | 5453329 Hulk
Hulk's picture

The smell will only last for a week or two is bullshit. My family in the shenandoah valley  stain all the west virginia buildings (sheds) with used motor oil, which I call HillBilly stain. I still have a few in the yard and they still stink to high heaven after 15 years . The shit does work though but it ruins the naturally good fragrances of the forest around me...

I did degrease the cylinders, the oven still smelled of oil !!!

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 23:56 | 5453361 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

The guy who gave the advice for spraying the building with diesel was driving a car he had made out of wood. I shit you not. It was built on the chassis of an old Toyota pickup and it looked sort of like a VW 'Thing'. The wood was stained and varnished and had operable doors, roll up windows, wood hood, truck, roof, quarter panels and all.

I wish I had taken pictures.

Sun, 11/16/2014 - 00:08 | 5453390 Hulk
Hulk's picture

Lack of money makes them resourceful sons of bitches. I have coat hangers in my house that my uncle made by splitting a small tree inhalf where it had a branch (the branch is what holds the jacket)

Check out the firefox series of books to see some wild examples. My favorite is how they drilled a straight log down the center to create water pipes. They connected the "pipes" together using pine sap.

 

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 20:06 | 5452743 Creepy A. Cracker
Creepy A. Cracker's picture

Most excellent interaction, Miffed.  Please start a women's seminar company and teach this method to all women.

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 18:56 | 5452585 YHC-FTSE
YHC-FTSE's picture

That incident with the towel sounds so petty and silly it must have been true. I am truly grateful for that insight, your courage and wisdom to share it with us because whether I like it or not, I confess I have felt exactly the same on occasion about equally petty things.

~ What a piece of work is a man. So noble in reason, so infinite in faculty. ~ <sarc!> :)

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 23:24 | 5453265 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

When I have reviewed my life I had always focused on the major intersection points. The career decision, purchasing a house, the choice to get married, have kids and what school I went to. I rated them how they defined me as a person. Recently I have come to the conclusion what defines a person is more in simple everyday interactions that are generally discounted.

I watched people leave my yoga studio the other day laughing and talking and ignored a homeless man curled up under the eves trying to escape the cold. They cannot see the suffering being so caught up in themselves or is it a lack of empathy? It is hard to know for certain but I definitely feel the world has grown much colder.

Every thing is so polarized today. Men against women. Haves vs have nots. Generations against generations, Red vs Blue. The problems seem so large and insurmountable. There is a collective loneliness where everyone is clinging to their ideology and yet dead inside as a person. When you focus on how another could feel something inside switches. Personal Darkness fades to Light and the narrowness of your world broadens. You step into a more spiritual life and can find contentment,happiness and gratitude in the land of chaos.

Miffed

Sun, 11/16/2014 - 00:06 | 5453386 Uber Vandal
Uber Vandal's picture

Quite possibly the world has grown colder due to too many people have been screwed over by those they have tried to help, and it dawns on them that when they need help, there will be NO ONE there for them. (Note: read one and oneself in place of they and them)

However, I try to keep in perspective an old adage from the old TV show Kung Fu:

When building a house, a carpenter strikes a nail and it proves faulty by bending, does the carpenter lose faith in all nails and stop building his house?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcdkZDNrYwc

And if you have the time.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_J4TRYxpmU

 

 

 

 

 

Sun, 11/16/2014 - 00:01 | 5453371 YHC-FTSE
YHC-FTSE's picture

I think you're way ahead of me in some of the concepts I recognize like spiritual contentment and mindfulness. I can see in you a genuine decent human being trying to make an oasis of reason in a world devoid of it.

I worry that I will end up being another world weary old cynic as we approach the denouement of this global drama in human avarice. And the problems seem so insurmountable, the popular narrative filling the airwaves so frustratingly evil, that I forget about the clarity with which I saw the beautiful world when I was younger, the milk of human kindness that flowed freely in every interaction I made with people, and the genorosity of strangers that touched my life even in the darkest days. As you say, finding contentment, happiness and gratitude in the land of chaos is something I should practice more often. Thanks Miffed.:)

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 20:57 | 5452898 amadeus39
amadeus39's picture

The glory, jest and riddle of the world.

 

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 18:14 | 5452477 limacon
limacon's picture

Stranger than a familiar stranger .

 

Raiders of the-not-so-lost Ark . This happened 14 Nov 2014 , two days ago . 

http://worldnewsdailyreport.com/ethiopia-ark-of-covenant-reported-stolen...

Somebody is stirring it in a major way .

This theft is going to infuriate Christians , Jews , Islam , North Africa , Saudi's ,  etc 

The fall-out is only just starting .

 

See 

http://andreswhy.blogspot.com/2014/01/fall-of-aksum.html

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 22:37 | 5453139 BigJim
Sat, 11/15/2014 - 18:02 | 5452443 Gordon_Gekko
Gordon_Gekko's picture

Good job CD...

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 21:42 | 5452994 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Thank you. Good to see you haunting ZH. Haven't seen a post from you in a while. Come on back in, the water's fine. :-)

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 23:03 | 5453210 Hulk
Hulk's picture

BUY.GOLD.NOW !!!

/THERE, I said it for him !!!

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 17:50 | 5452402 RazorForex
RazorForex's picture

Don't fall for the "marriage" trap fellas!!

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 21:02 | 5452908 mrpxsytin
mrpxsytin's picture

I hear you. But if marriage to a great woman is the price I have to pay for being able to watch my kids grow up under the same roof as myself, then I will gladly fall in to that trap. Maybe I'm a soft touch...

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 21:48 | 5453004 Charming Anarchist
Charming Anarchist's picture

The only great woman is the woman who loves you and you her.  The rest will fall into place. 

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 17:30 | 5452332 YHC-FTSE
YHC-FTSE's picture

Giving (unprofessional) advice to a woman about her marital problems? The moment you get involved in a discussion of this type, no matter how you handle it, you are enabling the behaviour to seek third party advice for solutions for what is essentially the most intimate relationship between two humans. The dynamics of a marriage is as complex as it is simple - no two are ever the same and there is nothing anyone can do about how two people feel about each other except themselves. If one is "awake" and the other is not, that is their problem to solve.

This situation is familiar to me only because I have received such pleas for advice from old friends in unhappy marriages twice in my life. I guessed (Correctly as it turned out) that the ladies only wanted a sympathetic ear which might lead to some sexual/intellectual excitement in their dull lives perhaps to hurt the husbands they supposedly love. Needless to say, I've never poked my nose into other people's marriages. Never will. What two morons stuck together by social and familial constraints do with their lives does not interest me in the least.

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 18:18 | 5452485 disgruntled hou...
disgruntled housewife's picture

The comment "that the ladies only wanted a sympathetic ear which might lead to some sexual/intellectual excitement," made me sit up straight and wonder if this applies to me. I will admit I can't rule it out. 

It is a battle regarding the "should I stay or should I go," especially for a woman who has had a series of jobs but no career. For me it has come down to evaluating which reality is more frightening. Staying with someone who is unwilling to awaken and unwilling to prepare- even though he has the financial means or striking out on my own without the financial means.  I really can't say I love my husband- I appreciate what he has done. He helped me create two children and provided financial support for us while I raised them and did the domestic stuff. I don't know. Ultimately the real gift of the article was to highlight that I am not alone.

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 22:33 | 5453132 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

"Ultimately the real gift of the article was to highlight that I am not alone."

A priceless gift if it is the one most needed at the time.

I found just about no one willing to discuss these issues in the awakening community. And the Matrix was of little help to me because anyone who feels the system is wrong, a fraud and a lie is considered the one who needs help, particularly in the psychiatric community.

Just as the only people who can really help an alcoholic or drug addict are those who are recovering from those addictions, so it is that only those people who are in the awakening community can help others who are beginning their own personal journey. There are trust issues here that can only be addressed by a fellow sufferer/traveler.

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 17:35 | 5452362 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Thank you for the feedback.

The story is a fictional thought exercise designed to talk about subjects very few ever put into words. I have yet to see an article or series of articles on how someone who is beginning to wake up to a world for what it really is deal with family members who cannot, or choose not, to see.

Since the entire series is based upon this format I'm not exactly going to change it for this particular subject.

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 18:08 | 5452445 YHC-FTSE
YHC-FTSE's picture

+1. I can see that Cog. But fiction or not, I felt it worth mentioning the real consequences of meddling in other people's marriages, at least from my personal experiences of them.

What can we do about our family members who cannot or will not see for themselves? A PPT perhaps? A long diatribe on the MIC, Federal Reserve, corruption inherent in Corporatism? I have actually experienced my American fiancee calling me "An extremist" because I told her that using kidnapping and torture of suspects as matter of national policy was wrong. It was impossible to change her mind about her country even though she would have done anything else for me.

The mind is a curious thing. It is tremendously difficult to disabuse someone of a lifetime of knowledge that they know to be fundamentally "true". Like living in the "Greatest nation on the planet". Like being "Free". But the same people have no problems believing in aliens, ghosts and the Lochness monster. I don't think it is possible to change someone's views overnight. Like all absorption of knowledge it takes practice and repetition which is impossible with the conflicting lies being broadcast 24/7 on the msm to all its addicts. No, an addict will only truly understand their addiction when they can physically see for themselves the mess they have made of their lives. Inspiration to change may only happen at the lowest ebb when they can sink no further, when everything around them is broken beyond all recognition. Maybe not even then.

I am resigned to the possibility that some people will never "awake", whatever that may mean. True discovery can only happen from within, so the only thing I can do is be patient and understanding of others while being resolute in my own thoughts and actions.

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 18:10 | 5452464 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

The thing is, with the article and this series, I'm not trying to tell anyone how to convince family or friends how to wake up. I am telling people to be settled with, then move on, when they recognize they cannot.

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 19:20 | 5452680 RockyRacoon
Sun, 11/16/2014 - 00:50 | 5453468 juangrande
juangrande's picture

That road is a 2 lane hi-way.  The inherit problem, in relationships among/between dysfunctional people, involves the initial strong attractions' ( which last approx. 1 yr) basis of attraction. The way it was explained to me goes as follows;

As unawakened, mostly delusional creatures, our attraction to a mate is based on a subconscious synergy of one's individual set of neuroses with another's. Because all human neuroses are the manifestation of lying to oneself, in one form or another, the relationship is doomed to collapse upon itself, sooner than later.

This attraction phenomena probably has something to do with propogating the species.

This is also the reasoning behind the saying,  (paraphrase) a relationship is an ongoing lesson of learning from your reflection. Most duo's ( in their core neuroses) are much more alike than not. Vitriol and animosity stem from the revealing of one's faults thru the lens of another's perceived actions.

Some people manage to stay together much longer than the honeymoon period for reasons involving convenience and fear reinforced with nostalgia. A few, however, realise that a relationship is sort of a karmic calling; that working thru one's personal baggage, with a partner as a barometer of progress, is a beneficial thing. Usually both members of the relationship must realise this for it to have a chance. 

The human modality of mating is archaic. It was born from, mostly, a necessity for survival, but in today's world, has become perhaps the penultimate example of human dysfunction. I wonder how much of mass conflict in the world is manifested from the pervasiveness of unconscious pairing.

I invite critque of the above sweeping statements.

 

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 19:29 | 5452695 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Initially Mrs. Cog was trying to fix me and I her. Since that route is Mutual Assured Destruction (MAD) we have both decided to fix ourselves and hope the other one can be tolerant during major re-construction.

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 18:19 | 5452494 YHC-FTSE
YHC-FTSE's picture

Well, it seems we're on the same page. Damn it Cog! :) Now you've got me curious to read the rest of the essays on this series.

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 18:26 | 5452513 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Just when I think I'm free....Kaboom.....he sucks me back in.  :-)

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 17:19 | 5452314 NuYawkFrankie
NuYawkFrankie's picture

"What do women want?" - Freud.

Who cares?

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 16:39 | 5452226 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Ah...the juicy and delicious (yet fake) steak from "The Matrix".

Ribeye or New York Strip, Tenderloin or Flat Iron?

If you don't want any fake steak, you're "crazy".

You don't want the red or the blue pill?

Yup, you are "crazy".

Find a crazy friend.

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 19:06 | 5452623 cornedmutton
cornedmutton's picture

uhhh, Ribeye.  Duh.

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 16:51 | 5452254 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

"Ah...the juicy and delicious (yet fake) steak from "The Matrix"."

Realty is in the eye, ear, nose, taste and touch of the beholder. One person's reality is another person's fake. To so many people the 'recovery' is real, to so many others it is fake. So who has the steak and who has the illusion?

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 15:55 | 5452126 Dingleberry
Dingleberry's picture

Here is how the letter should have went:

 

Dear Marie,

Sorry to hear you are no longer feeling fulfilled in your marriage.  Sorry to hear about you mood disorders, and your massive weight gain over the years.  I know its hard not to stuff your face when you feel so bad.

So here is some free advice:

Find a local divorce shark for a lawyer.  Preferably a raging feminist.

File for divorce (don't feel bad.....since about 80% of those who file are female victims such as yourself).

Demand the house, kids, cars, and retirement porfoliio, testicles, alimony....absolutely EVERYTHING. Don't let your conscience get in the way.  Remember...It's for the children!

The judge will give you pretty much whatever you want. And the friend of the court will be the knee breaker if hubby don't play ball.

Finally.....Enjoy your newfound freedom!  Go get a lesbian lover since men are too difficult and emotionally distant.

I think you will find happiness.

 

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 22:47 | 5453170 logicalman
logicalman's picture

Been there

Done that

Got the T shirt!

 

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 16:04 | 5452143 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Ouch! It sounds like you had your testicles hauled into court. Sorry you lost them in the divorce.

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 22:52 | 5453176 logicalman
logicalman's picture

Here's a thought.

In any healthy relationship the gulf you describe can't happen.

It's only in relationships where there's no communication that what you describe can happen.

Without communication, a relationship is just two people existing in the same space - believe me, I know this one.

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 16:05 | 5452151 Dingleberry
Dingleberry's picture

No....just stating the trend from what I saw many times over the years.

This article make s me wonder if ZH is trying to steal readers from Huffpo?

This shit is for the View, Oprah, or other mindless entitites. 

Sun, 11/16/2014 - 00:24 | 5453424 Greenskeeper_Carl
Greenskeeper_Carl's picture

The article is about normalcy bias. You are in a relationship with your own reality, and when you find things around you (the image used in this is your spouse) you keep waiting around for the 'old wife/husband' to return, but it's doesn't. At what point do you decide to divorce your current reality. Our current reality is becoming more and more bizarre. The govt, our whole society. Most are still waiting for it to go back to what we consider normal. At what point do we accept that it isn't going to happen? If I recall, our friend "cog" here divorced himself from this nonsense and moved out into the boonies a while back.

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 16:15 | 5452176 VWAndy
VWAndy's picture

Dude, like go back to porn hub.

Sat, 11/15/2014 - 16:17 | 5452169 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

ZH isn't trying to do anything. We contributors post what we want when we want with no interference what-so-ever from ZH. So I am entirely to blame for this mindless pablum for mindless entities.

As I said in the intro.....These short stories in letter form are intended for the more sensitive and inquisitive reader who wishes to look more deeply within and explore in depth their beliefs and perceptions as well as how to cope with a world gone frighteningly mad.

Move along, nothing to see here.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!