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How Police Are Revamping Their Tactics
This satirical look at how the police in America 'might be' revamping their tactics brought to you by The Onion,
In the wake of widespread protests against police brutality and discrimination, law enforcement departments across the country are instituting new rules and policies to ensure safer practices.
Here are some of the ways departments are reforming their training, tactics, and management in light of scrutiny:
- Improved training to ensure that combat-ready assault rifles are not misused in the course of community policing
- Armored vehicles to be decorated with murals celebrating the communities in which they are deployed
- Switching to new all-organic tear gas blend
- New funding for outreach programs to encourage better relationships between officers and their fathers
- Officers to de-escalate tense situations by drawing progressively smaller firearms
- iPads somehow incorporated
- Disgraced law enforcement officials to be given even smaller desks than normal
- Cops encouraged to report the misdeeds of their fellow officers, thereby sabotaging their own careers
- Ensure this can all legally be thrown out the window if a cop feels threatened
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Truth or Fiction...
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Homebody lol! Home corpse. Share something? Anything worth while?
25 weeks and SIX HOURS!
Let me know when you get that 1 month chit.
We will see who is standing when the smoke clears. In my part of the country the police and National Guard are respectful. The citizens still have morals and ethics. To work is expected, not a dirty word and welfare is considered shameful. I can see this site has become a whiner's blog site full of losers The Constitution gives us the right to protect ourselves from all - including the odd bad police officer - get off your ass and join your community instead of endless complaining here.
I'm MOAR conservative than you could ever hope to be. I give because I care and have received. It's all about priorities.
I suggest that you go serve some meals to the homeless over Easter. I suggest you form a foundation with other business owners that have started from NOTHING and decided to give and share with the community.
Let me tell you something. The government doesn't see you as anything more than a number! Just remember that when you're in need some day.
I spent many years as a volunteer fire fighter. Also a teacher of construction skills to kids that needed direction and a hand up. But I never took my responsibility to select and work to have the right people in office to represent our community - yes our government is off track but crying about the system will not solve the problem.
Xen Cross is only now admitting his combat history. Leave him alone, unless you did better.
You must be deaf in one ear. My combat history is in business. I have never professed to have been in military combat.
The combat role I play involves safeguarding businesses and the people that run and support them.
You could be my son.
No, your son would have to be insane after all I've been through.
I am a veteran combat soldier. I thought you were same. You should consider this as respect. Most of my friends I would grant such an honor are dead.
All the people who would insult me for the world I gave them, should be dead. I paid more than retail. For you liars. I am not OK.
A lot of what me and my friends do, is to do our part to help some people out.
Listen, I'm going over to Queensland to check on things before cyclone season get's nasty. If You're still around I'll introduce you to some of my friends, and see what you think. I'll be back in 6 weeks but will still be posting on Z/H.
Fair Enough?
I have done a lot of bad charity so now all I do is help the families of the marines dispatched in my neighborhood. Lately I mostly watch my friends die, and give subsistance to their grandchildren.
You come back with anything better and and I'll kick in. But right now these marines need me and nobody has a greater claim.
You are welcome to come and look.
I hope the next car muffler that backfires sends you over the edge and inspires you to deep throat your 1911, soldier boy.
Come here, mouth off and expect everyone to kiss your ass because you "served you country" when all you did is do the only thing you COULD do.
Put on a uniform and do what your are told. You get out and are shocked when people give 1 shit or less. You cashed your checks.
Hug a nut, trooper.
I know military people out there that get my respect.
They are the ones that don't ask nor demand it. They did their bit and got on with it.
Fucking brokedick help-me-case.
Otto Zitty doesn't sound like an authentic military combat veteran. He's probably pretty good at playing Call of Duty after he finishes his homework.
Was your sanity worth the price to go murder foreigners thousands of miles and several oceans away at the behest of politician's egos and banker's wallets? Please let us know when you're making your next public appearance, so I may genuflect properly before your underserved, blood-soaked, self-righteousness.
Leave him alone? He sounds like a banker or an accountant. Its time for people in this country to produce and not just push paper.
The fault is Executives, Bankers, Lawyers, and Political Scum who serve them.
- Are we Clear
- Republicans that push for war, MIC spending, overturning democracies around the world, USA as a Soft Empire, subsidies for corporations... are part of the problem... the control of the narrative by leaders is a huge anti democratic "control technique"... like if you don't vote for this party, the you are either an idiot or a welfare sponge... but corporations make Trillions in federal contracts... start with the MIC
Deregulation leads to misery? Many industries in the United States became regulated by the federal government in the late 19th and early 20th century. Entry to some markets was restricted to stimulate and protect the initial investment of private companies into infrastructure to provide public services, such as water, electric and communications utilities.
Deregulation Plans, Transportation, Energy, Communication, Finance, Free Trade, Campaign Finance
1964 - Gulf of Tonkin, Congress gives up War Powers, Legislative Powers, and Budget Powers
1978 - Bankruptcy Reform Act of 1978,
1980 - Depository Institutions (J. Carter, followed by S&L Crisis, 5000 convictions, RTC)
1981 - Executive Order 12287, (R. Reagan, removed price controls on Petrol)
1984 - Caribbean Basin Initiative (Free Imports to USA)
1992 - Energy Policy Act (H.W. Bush)
1994 - NAFTA, Deregulation of Trade, 3 Nations (W. Clinton)
1995 - Community Reinvestment Act, the Clinton Admin urged flexibility,
1995 - HUD advocated greater involvement of state and local organizations
1996 - Energy (W. Clinton, followed by ENRON Scandal)
1996 - Telecommunications Act (W. Clinton, cross ownership)
1996 - Start of a Period of Accounting Fraud in USA which continues today
1997 - M2 Money Velocity Top
1998 - Clinton's Kosovo War
1998 - Brooksly Born Rejected on her concerns on OTC Derivatives
1998 - Derivatives expanded and were not regulated
1998 - Citicorp & Travelers Insurance Merger
1999 - Gramm–Leach–Bliley Act (Phil Gramm, W. Clinton, followed by 2008 Financial Crisis)
1999 - bombing campaign in Kosovo (W. Clinton, over 60 days)
2000 - Commodity Futures Modernization Act of 2000 (P. Gramm, W. Clinton, derivatives)
2002 - McCain–Feingold Act (G.W. Bush, Campaign Finance, soft money unlimited)
2005 - Energy Policy Act (G.W. Bush, subsidies, excluded clean air Water acts)
2005 - Bankruptcy Abuse Prevention and Consumer Protection Act of 2005 (BAPCPA).
2005 - CAFTA-DR Ratified, 2006 El Salvador, Honduras, Nicaragua, Guatemala
2009 - 2014 Continuing Resolutions in which Congress gives up Budget Powers
2010 - Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission (money is free speech for corps)
2011 - US combat in Libya (B Obama, over 60 days)
2014 - lift ban on crude oil exports (B Obama, Commodities Deregulation)
- (Laissez-faire economic policies)
I'm clean too. We are brothers.
the correct term is, Are we clear?!
colonel jessup, i believe.
Too much tv
Are we clear?!
Chruch of Scientology.
Dianetics ~ L Ron Hubbard.
So are we clear [of engrams]?
Now you may or may not like the Church of Scientology. I really do not care for it one way or another.
But when I report the origin of a phrase and you junk my post then it still does nothing to change the truth about the origin of the phrase.
So junk away...
The needle was free floating now onto OT 1
You must not have ever been a soldier then.
But you are at least honest in admitting to being part of the problem.
5 minutes in my shoes would fix you.
God speed
Godspeed boot meets land mine
Too lose and smelly, just like.....well, you know.
This downvote is amazing. According to this vote I'm dead.
But I'm not dead. Suck it motherfuckers, as long as I live.
Not the worst odds I ever beat.
Consider this:
Because I am not dead and am yet able to survive your immature, I can plant forward without limitation seeds of good judgement you'll encounter.
My seeds.
Be seeing you.
Seeds you later.
You have no idea.
Too many replies and posts. Not sure what you believe.
Maybe you just want everyone to be strong, disciplined, recognize that all people are unequal in different degrees in each countries culture. Pretty much the bunk up booby philosophy that life is unfair...?
But Do you believe the crap on Radio, TV, and Political Ideology where conservatives say... there is nothing wrong with the system except we must go and kick ass overseas, and overthrow other countries governments regardless of the Cost??
- We are at $18.1 Trillion in Debt, is that enough to stop overseas Foreign Adventures???
- We transferred $10 Trillion in Taxpayer money to MIC in 12 years from 2002 to 2014... is that NOT too much??
Lighten up, Francis.
An idea you are bank slave and don't even know it....
Otto, you should study a little history. Any era from Roman to Viet Nam. I get you are "indoctrinated" just as many ZH are so let's have a discussion here and maybe we can all learn something. The Imperialism of US is a strong sign of a Reserve Currency country in decline. Why should we kill foreign brown people as a matter of policy? Why should we maintain 800 foreign military bases at the expense of our own people unemployed and starving at home?
There is a very small group of oligarchs in Finance that has once again coopted the US Govt and MIC. Same as in all prior decaying hegemons.
We should all read a little history, open our eyes as to what is happening in USSA, and make amends with God.
I certainly did not intend to offend you. Just pointing out that YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T THERE.
I saw it all. Many unbent witnesses see it.
Fuck Rome. Nigs you going to die. And you question the outcome?
Teach me, the history of the blade at your neck and the hand over your piehole.
If you can make a tater gun you can make anti tank gun. But lack of funds will put those things broke down behind the fire station. And pensions in flames
Some of us can fix things, improvise, and put up more of a fight to protect our liberty than a shit load of baby basement dwellers. If you think those EBT cards are going to protect you from the roving gangs - good luck DOA.
My sister was unemployed until i talked her into ' going on the game ' and now she's earning £8500+ per month ( in cash; no cheques ).
Me, i've just registered an NGO for people willing to make pofleecemens' wives, widows. A Merry FUCK YOU to each and every one of them. Take them down, you know it makes sense.
Seriously, is this an Onion article? Incorporate IPads some how??? What the fuck....
yeah it must be.....'organic teargas' ????
I made some Kim Chi that would make pepper spray seem like Binaca mouth freshener.
3 days later my ass still hurts.
I think I'll use less Korean pepper flakes next time. That the recipe was also was written in Korean should have been a tip-off that it might be a tad on the pungent side.
Koreans must have their assholes resleeved every 30,000 miles.
citizens vs police is yet another ZWO divide and conquer tactic.
This explains why all the race baiting on ZNN, it explains the militarization of police, the upper limit bound on IQ for hiring, and the police receiving traning as an occupation force in Israel and the intentional evisceration of the middle class by the FED.
It's all part of the protcols.
Out of chaos comes order. Their order. Welcome to the future USAstan.
@ Fun Facts
Can hear what your saying ( didn't down you ) BBuuT The Fascist State could not pay me enough to bring down a baton on the head of some poor fuck who's being ' shut out ' from earning a living in this one rule for you, another for us, system.
The Police are only carrying out orders, DA?
FUCK THEM!!!! In my line of thinking they are Worsererer than the Organ Grinders.
America Police Stronk!
of course they would never include showing respect for the people they serve. they wouldn't know where to begin even though it would make their job a lot easier.
Well, to top it all off there's this:
http://www.policechiefmagazine.org/magazine/index.cfm?fuseaction=display...
www.copblock.org
The FIRST prerequisite to being a Cop is ' is he Big and Dumb enough to follow Orders blindly?' when it should be ' can he defuse a situation under stressful conditions? '
For the sneaky little fuck(s) who keep downing me; show yourselves and let's put our cards on the table.
Never having been in trouble with the 'filth' i'z got no beef to grind personally but hate to see the Gross injustice taking place daily for and on behalf of the Slimebag BankerCorpsPoliticos.
If all the bums out there would quit commiting crimes, the cops would all be laid off in three months.
If the cops would limit themselves to arresting people for actual "crimes" with an actual person "victim", rather than robbing us every chance they get for bullshit regulation crap, we wouldn't be having this problem.
LOL, yeah right. They'd just come up with new bullshit laws to enforce.
You know, like they do now...
the orgainic tears gas has got to piss off monsantos...........I bet somewhere in the corp so asshat is getting chewed out for not forcing the police department to buy geneticall engineered tear gas that increases the intensity depending on how dark your skin color is
At my age, which is 69, I have slowly seen the wolves take over government and the courts. In the name of fighting things like drugs and alcohol these government wolves have subverted our system of justice and in turn made our sheep dog police in to wolves that prey on the sheeple. Big central government Washington based wolves are now at the next level turning local law enforcement into quasi-military units.
Go back to the 1950s and look at the legal system those LEO’s worked under. Searches of homes and cars by LEOs were almost unheard back then because local judges were constrained by the law and court systems that left the system liable for illegal searches. Probable cause was not at the LEOs discretion but only under a judges order. In the 1950s the system was not allowed to confiscate your personal property until you were convicted and sentenced in a court and the property order was authorized by a judge where the property was shown to be used as part of the infraction.
It is the wolves in government who have subverted our laws and courts and have turned our LEO’s from peacekeepers in to a military occupation group that is allowed to use force...
"Democracy passes into despotism" - Plato
RabbitOne,
In the 1950s,
the USA was a "legally" apartheid nation.
The situation you describe did not exist.
The cops have always been organized for union busting, suppressing dissidents,
and oppressing minorities for petty "crimes" (like marijuana and consenting adult sex) and/or Jim Crow laws.
Have you forgotten the corruption of Prohibition I? The police spying and violence of the Civil Rights and anti-war movements? The union busting and arrests of "radicals"?
Do you realize why Prohibition II was enacted? Are you aware of the existence of the massive and profitable US prison industry?
Some here have been put off because the discussion has digressed into an evaluation of individuals' behavior, whether some cops behave "better" than others.
What is needed is recognition of organizational factors, and organizational goals which promote and reward police behaviors. From the recruitment preference given ex-soldiers (because they have been "trained" to use guns) to the "laws" they are directed to enforce, and the cultivated militaristic in-group self-identification separate from the "public".
The television good-cop image engineered by the public relations institute meets the real life bad-cop, thanks to this new wonder called "the internet".
The real life "good cop" to me was always a rare one-off individual. Generally the profession was always about brute force - a semi-military organization best suitted for men with no brains and an itchy trigger finger. When I was growing up the police career path was for kids who couldn't get enough good marks to get into college. It was a job for bullies where one used to beating up people illegally would earn a license to do so professionally.
I loved buddy cop shows on television, police procedurals, yet I never pretended that this was any representation of reality.
I think that Paul Verhoeven's Robocop has less fiction in it than a single episode of "Cagney and Lacey".
My dad....back in the late 1950s once rode around all night with a cop buddy. even in the good old "Leave it to Beaver' days, in a dead slow sleepy town, he said that the cops had an "Its us against them" attitude in ....1958 in a backwater, Seattle! My dad was kind of taken aback by his pals comments;
All I know is that I have never had even one problem with a police officer. Why? Because I'm not a stupid piece of shit fucking retard asshole crybaby (like a lot of the people who post up here). Put youself in a cop's shoes. He has to deal with the stupidest, most violent human shit every day. I know if I pop off to this guy, he's going to kick the shit out of me. Straight up. And you know he wants to. Probably every good cop on this planet is one wrong look from losing it. I bet when you are a cop you get up in the morning and says I just can't wait to kick the shit out of any motherfucker who fucks with me today. So when it comes down to it, and they get paid double time to put on riot gear, and they get out in front of some controlled opposition bullshit with a bunch of fucking trustafarian, useful idiot punks, they want to have a field day. I don't blame them one bit. All this shit is fucked up. But I don't blame them. In fact, kicking the shit out of trustafarian useful idiots douchewads is the first step to enlightenment for them. While they've been at occupy and circle jerking, i've been at work. I have to laugh at all you "fuck the police" types. Believe me, I know they won't be there to protect me, but if I had my way I'd be thinking in the back of my mind whether I'd want my kids to share this planet with a bunch of primates. People have gotten more violent. And when you feel good in a pair of shit kickers, I'd rather they go to use when it's appropriate. The only problem here is that cops are IQ selected. In comparison with samaurai culture they are pussies. Straight up. But for samurai big problems are no big deal. It's the little problems. Disrespect will get your head taken. And I get that. I like that. I'm for that. That and ritual self-disembowling for dishonoring your retainer or yourself. So fuck all of you bitches.
Oh, and another thing, when I pop two center-mass in some asshole to neutralize a threat (knock on wood this never happens), I'ma bet I'll get a pat on the fucking back from the people you love to hate. Shit. High fives and bumped knuckles. And all you fuckwits whining about how ZH has gone limp, fuck you! Everybody who can't do shit want's to tell everyone who does shit how they "should" do it. And if you think this site is fucked, you have an obligation to fix it.
I do agree that the Onion is liberal douche. And I just have to say that the cultural vagina is still a self cleaning oven and doesn't need this wash from a bunch of camp, loser useless commentators. They're just marketers, and I believe, thanks to Bill Hicks, that they and many of you should just go and kill youselves. Really.
So, you write Onion well!
Oooh, a couple of tough guys that use bad words . . . . I'm really impressed.
Golden Showers
perhaps you are insane enough for the military:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NzFJxX8yoY
@ Golden Showers ( aka Piss Flaps )
I'd give you a Golden Mouth Shower you fucking Slag but you'd probably enjoy that.
You long winded turd i'd stick my size 11 up your mother's cunt but for fear of gangrene!
I think you need more fiber in your diet, and probably a big fat cock in your mouth - primarily to shut you up, but you'd also like it. You can wear panties and a nice frilly blouse, too.
Now go get your shinebox.
Men are talking.
Yeah, Fuck the police. You first.
Hmm. All of my non-police, non-military weapons training puts the grey matter in my skull and my ability to use it as my primary weapon. The evolutionary compromises evident when comparing apex predators of different species, humans included, suggest this as well.
Furthermore, the standard mantra of "your finger is your primary safety" implies this as well.
The implications then, for the military and police are, at best, unflattering.
You have to arrest Lloyd Blankfein and Jamie Dimon to stop the police from attacking.
Well i believe it was JPM who donated $100k (?) in auto tech to the PoFleece a short time ago. Might have been a $mill but what the fuck's a misplaced zero?
If you follow this logically the Tax-payer bails out the banks who in turn pass some of that ill-gotten onto the filth. . . is an injusteez it is!
@ JuliaS above i remember in first year at secondary school a classmate put under some pressure by the maffs teacher was so stressed out that he couldn't differentiate between a circle and a square. On leaving school at the first opportunity he joined the army.
Cog Dis and Hedgeless are great bloggers no doubt. I may be overstepping my bounds but I am pretty sure I fishhooked HH on a big hauler. What could make a wife happier than rolling up in in an old hauler with exhaust fumes flowing everywhere? She would HAVE to be impressed. I might be wrong because I have been this woman of mine for 15 years now so maybe I'm quite there yet but I damned close by now.
I like this truck and I appreciate the air fresheners. I also appreciate the zip tie that serves as a key chain. Russian womanhead tells me that I am white trash to which I reply that I am trash that is white. That is hard for a native Russian speaker to figure out right away. I alwaqys tell her that she is free to go anything but that I notice that she is not leaving. So why she be surprised if I buy a grain hauler. She hated my big old tractor before I sold that. She complained that all did was spend money and time on it. Well, duh, of course I did. The damned thing worked though. Womanhead also didn't see me smoking crack with some hooker in an alley now did she? Where is my 9/16ths end wrench? Let's go here.
What would she rather have me do? What is so wrong with me wrenching on some shitty old vehicle? Shush now woman of any nationality. Men who are honest of heart will wrench on old shitty equipment and make it work again. If for no other reason other than to say, "See, I told you it was still good yet". What can you do?
We shall see how it goes but I need a pile of shit vehicle to work on. It is just a good thing for me to do. It is a catharsis.... is that even a word anymore? A wrench, a shovel and a vocabulary. Sorry about that.
You need a pile of shit vehicle to work on? Get yourself a 1970s Chevy Chevette like the one I owned. Are you up to the challenge?
A Corvair. Get it running, then drive it.
I remember wel the anti-capitaism demo in the City of London, some tears ago. I worked a few hundred yards from Bank, in Great Tower treet. In fairness, that's a long way in City terms.
Anyway, out of curiosity I went to have a look. I had trouble recognising the belligerent armoured thugs as Biritsh police, and even more surprised at the armoured car they deployed. Turned out that came from some special riot unit no-one knew about. From what I could see the protesters were a fairly limp looking bunch, but the kettling and heavy handedness had the inevitable effect anyway, and gave a few more troublesome protesters all the excuse they needed. That afternoon a policeman clubbed a newspaper seller on his way to the Tube station. The chap died and the police spent the next few years busily covering up and trying to exculpate their officer - despite the clear video evidence of the assault.
My point? For what little it helps, it isn't just like that in the US. British police now routinely wear armour,use tasers on Friday night drunks, and somehow just keep on shooting people. I'm not saying police were saintly back in the day, but that didn't seem to happen in the days of truncheons.
What made the change?
Maybe when protest marchers abandoned the MLK peaceful march for inciting riots, looting and burning other peoples property;
Maybe when protest marchers stopped singing "We Shall Overcome" and started chanting "What do we want?" "Dead cops" "When do we want 'em?" "Now!"
BTW, The First Amendment guarantees the right to PEACEABLY ASSEMBLE: rioting, looting, etc. is NOT peaceable, and looters should be shot on sight imho.
The man in NYC who died of a heart attack in an altercation with cops who had been sent because he was selling single, UNTAXED cigarettes. In other words he died because the city/state of NY wasn't getting their pound of flesh in TAXES-think about that.
d edwards
Your depiction of civil rights and anti-war protestors as
violent looters chanting "we want dead cops" is a bizarre fantasy
concocted in denial of the actual perpetrators and instigators of violence,
and the everyday on-going violence of the status quo and its protectors..
Well you need a different police force for a nation of children.
Livin’ in Amerika…
In my town, the police have replaced their Glocks with Pop-Tarts.
short do-nut hut then?
As my town grew into an appendage of the megalopolis 50 miles away, the cops have been replaced with correctly racially proportional Deca steroid and meth addled ex military drug and sex (your daughters) couriers. Dogs. Gang.
These dumb fucks are trained to shoot to kill, not empty the clip as reaction, but because the legal blowback of survivors is more expensive than the dead. This is why Michael Brown is dead.
Dobermans.
You have to live with yourself.
In an address at Columbia University on 14 April 2006, John Pilger said:
When your life is being threatened and *seconds* count, the cops are just *minutes* away.
Cops love steroids. They even have their own rubber stamp doctors who prescribe them at taxpayer expense to keep it all legal like.