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Was Your Apple Watch "First Day" Experience Comparable To This?
As the de minimus supply of Apple Watches meets the stupendous demand from wrists everywhere, The Daily Mash offers one satirically-conjured man's perspective of his first day wearing the device...
Sales manager Tom Logan’s new Apple Watch has been unexpectedly ridiculed by his work colleagues.
32-year-old Logan felt confident that his futuristic timepiece would attract admiring glances rather than unflattering Knight Rider comparisons.
He said: “I had it all planned out – not saying anything about it, but then somebody just notices and goes ‘is that the new Apple Watch?’. I would respond simply with a wry Clooney-esque smile and they would mouth the word ‘awesome’.
“What actually happened is somebody said ‘what the fuck’s that weird-looking thing?’
“I explained that it was the brand new Apple Watch and they went ‘HAHAHA’ in a really deliberately hurtful way. The accounts assistant said it was the opposite of a fanny magnet and everyone cracked up.
“Then everyone started pretending to talk into their watches, saying things like ‘come in KITT, I am a massive tosser, please help’.”
By 10am Logan had removed the watch. He explained: “It wasn’t because people were being sarcastic, I just had a hot wrist, everyone gets a hot wrist sometimes.
“People get jealous of early adopters.”
But it gets worse... Do not drop your up-to-$17,000 watch... ever!
Especially not from your wrist!
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I read that one to my kids many times.
They're in their late teens now and don't take selfies.
He musta bought it offa some guy on the corner of Broadway and 36th.
You laugh -- the Chinese knockoffs are already on the street in China.
Correct see Geek Buying website.
Ten bucks on lower Canal Street now.
It's a fucking watch, get it?
Paying $17,000 sez you're a fucking asshole, and a fucking stooopid one at that.
Moron.
Don't tell Rolex.
Never drop a Rolex. Unless it's into the water!
I have a Seiko Kinetic for past 20 years. Fantastic watch .
I know a guy who lost a few thousand bucks and this Rolex because he went into a ''buy me drinkie'' bar and the chick went up to his room and when he woke up his Rolex and stash of cash was GONE.
Then everyone started pretending to talk into their watches...
bullshit. nobody wears a watch anymore.
Hey Buzz, I have a Breitling navitimer that I bought back in 2003... I paid $3k for it, and I've beat the shit out of it!
Dived with it, dropped and clanked the shit out of it. That thing just keeps on ticking. The crocodile bands are getting expensive though. ;-)
the last watch i bought was a $35 timex indiglo. lost it out in the woods somewhere ten plus years ago. i'll bet it was 10X tougher than that iwatch thingy.
That piece of i-shit looks like an expensive ankle tracking bracelet for the 'Pillow fluffing Brigade'.
How many women would wear that bulbous piece of shit on their wrists?
Vain, self-centered, materialistic women. The kind you find on any given weekend in Vegas. Viets mainly.
Then whatever you do- do not buy a Rado... which I did after a "smashing" experience with a Tag while rock climbing. The titanium, saphire crystal, and ceramics on the Rado are great for resistance to scratches. Unfortunately, the ceramic bands tend to explode when dropped (or knocked) onto tile bathroom floors. You might think I would have learned my lesson after my first thousand dollar mistake... or the second mistake... I guess my wife was right. Now the watch just sits in my jewelry box until I decide to pay the even more outrageous Swiss price for a new band, which is about what I paid for the watch 20 years ago in Dubai, back when Dubai was nothing more than a Duty Free shop and an InterCon.
I'm a Navitimer man, myself. Steel bands, though.
I gave my last watch away to Goodwill along with my Angel Flights collection
So I'm wondering to myself what your comment had to do with that charity that flies sick kids to medical care facilities.
It turns out you likely meant the awesome bell-bottom pants which are (as it turns out) 'The ladies' choice'. If I had only known the wardrobe secrets of this ultimate chick magnet back in the day...
Remember when talking to no one was a sure sign of schizophrenia? These days you can't be sure of anything.
Reminds me of the time I got pulled over while cruising down the Interstate in the early days of portable phones.
They were still a novelty, and having one wired with a mic in the car was pretty unusual. So, I'm in a heated discussion, and I guess a little antimated, when this Highway Patrol sees me waving one arm and yelling into the sunvisor. He pulled me over to see if I was OK & we both had a good laugh.
They don't wear them to tell time...that's true but douchey people exist in the tens of millions in the US and they want to show you just how much they care about knowing what time it is. I worked with one of these once - he had actual PELICAN cases for each watch with him on a business trip. Like they were all engagement rings for his fat wrist and he could show off a new one each night. People today need either more drugs or less drugs - not sure which.
Its all about wearing something that says something about yourself...that typically isn't true.
Should have used Sapphire Glass afterall. OOps Apple bankrupted that company. Greedy prigs. Looks good on them. Must have a pointy haired boss problem at Apple..... .
I will never understand Apple and iphone fans. Iphones are crippled devices. NO removable battery. no removable SD card.
Govt loves iphone users especially TSA because you can't remove those items.
BTW. all Samsung Galaxy devices run circles around any iphone.
And Samsung has the Gear S watch which is actually very usable and looks much better with OLED display.
But never mind, you can never change the iBots minds. They actually believe iphones are made in USA.
Oh, and lastly. Samsung and Palm had smartphones LONG before Apple so its NOT an American invention.
I had Samsung phone in 2004 that had A2DP BT stereo streaming with AVRCP function. Even the original iphone didn't have those functions.
Been a huge effort to do bad PR on it. But Blackberry still runs circles around the competition.
How so? explain in detail.
Pretty sure the new Galaxy S6 does not have a removable battery or sd card.
Sammy is sucking off the NSA teat too,
Yep. But no matter what you got, if you want to go dark you can put it in a $7 Ska Cell Phone Privacy Bag or the equivalent.
hahaha oh man even the Sheeple think this new Apple product is pure shit.
Old watches suck! They have batteries that last for several years minimum, or a well-crafted clockwork can wind with the kinetic energy of your motion and last a lifetime. They were precise down to the millisecond thanks to synchronizing with some stupid rock inside. Here at Asshole Computers, we've created a new, better watch that gets up to 6 hours of Windows-precise timekeeping. Wow, thanks science!
lol. " That's what you get, a free toy surprise, in every box of 'Cracker Jacks'."
+100 Fuck YC - those toys rocked!! some bizzarre snap together shit - fucking whistles you had to put together - cool fucking puzzles. Cracker jacks toys were awesome. don't know about now.
Jet fighters that were actually made out of solid metal. I know, I got one. Let's not discuss the time period though...
The olden dayz. 1970's. ;-)
I'll stick with my old fashion Rolex 1655 Explorer II
I sold my Rolex 30 years ago and haven't known what time it was since then. If you need to know what time it is, you're somebody else's dog, not your own.
Woof, woof!
If I have to look at what's on the screen with a magnifying glass, it just isn't worth it.
Be patient.
The Icloud lets the Idildocam send pictures to the Iwatch. The Iwatch just does not seem cool.
This is bul sh.t.
Why don't you try it on a Rolex and see what happens.
What a fu.king waste of time!
Get a fu.king life!!!
Patek Phillipe
Movado
Breitling. Oh wait; Bulova. No no, they are raising prices. Swatch? Oh screw it. Go sundial.
Mickey Mouse.
Hello Kitty
Timex
In all fairness, I saw a post from a ZH'er yesterday that he would mock anyone with "the watch". Fair warning. C'mon, about as cool as adult diapers these things. Get back to reality, folks. Find that old Timex, show 'em who's boss...
44 mm is less than 2 inches. Maybe he means 42 cm? That would be about 2 and a half feet.
Click-bait title? Or doofus that can't do metric?
42 cm wouldn't do it, either. Unless you dropped it that far into a blender while mixing a drink. Click bait for a slow news day.
Watch the video. The higher models apparently use a better crystal, though.
42cm is about 1.4 feet.
Samsung Gear S watch review. make the apple phone look like a toy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eG1M8bBxbRY
The Samsung is big enough to be useful . . . problem is it's too big and there's the rub with these things. That and the fact that anyone talking into their wrist looks like a moron.
Not any more moronic than people who walk down the street looking at their smart phones or texting while biking or driving a car. (Very dangerous).
Over the weekend I saw a guy riding a crowded bike path taking a selfie with his smart phone--unbelievable.
Saw a reporter get cold cocked in Baltimore walking down the street like he was safe or something. Stole his phone too!
I took a selfie while riding on the bikepath. Held the camera with my right hand and put my left arm with the iWatch right next to my face.
It was stunning
I happen to be a great rider in addition to many other greatnesses.
I have a citizen watch that tells time just fine. It has a nice message from my family on the back. It's got the "I am not a fucking narcissist" app on it too.
+1000 he he heeeeeee
Kit! Come in Kit! I'm 3 stories below ground and I need help! Ok Michael. Duh dunt du dah!!
iNuts are not very tech savvy and pay BIG bucks for a stupid LOGO.
They claims the iphone is built with quality materials but check YOU TUBE drop tests that shows Samsung Galaxy is much better built .
You Tube drop tests?
Instead of worrying about drop tests, check the SAR ratings. Apple puts out 4-5 times as much radiation as a Samsung.
iPhone is the wrong name. It should be called the iCancer.
Meh. Someone must be short AAPL. Sorry, might not be the right century for that.
Too bad Tim Cook and Algore didn't predict this like they can global climate events far into the future.
About as practical as women's dress shoes.
Pure functionality with 6" spiked heels and ankle straps.
A really BIG seller would be the iDildo which comes in many pretty colours and can be activated with BlueTooth or voice commands. Just insert before driving your daily commute to work and if stuck in traffic jam. Just command it to start.
Guaranteed to sell BILLIONS.
iCrackup.
Now that he dropped it, consider it iGarbage.
Sapphire is harder, it resists scratches, but it's more frangible - breakable - than many other glasses. You may not want to do similar drop tests on your Rolex.
I have Gorilla Glass 3 on my Samsung S5 and Galaxy S 10.5 Tablet. Have dropped both a few times and Never a scratch.
Check out the wearables at his site. Lots cheaper than Apple crapple.
http://www.geekbuying.com/category/Wearable-Devices-1549/
It really looks stupid. Proclaim yourself to be an idiot if you buy it and wear it.
42 mm is the size of the watch, not the distance dropped...
I love how he gets angry when it breaks...
ROFL
Ask any Apple fan if they ever research the drop tests on YouTube between iphones and Samsung phones (or even HTC).
Apple fairs poorly. So much for their so called ''quality materials'' like aluminum back . Fact is the plastic Samsung back when fitted is actually SAFER because there is a small amount of flex.
Anway, I got a Spigen Neo-Hybrid case for my Samsung S5 and people ask if I like my iphone 6. Looks exactly like one with the case on . LOL
Then I show them the display and they are awestruck at how much better the Super Amoled Display is compared to Apples.
Also I like Android because I root all my devices and actually tailor them to my use. And with Android you can open mulitple apps and window them like Windows.
Sorry to the others but I'm told this is fight club - OT
DutchNancy - I say you're a fraud and a poser. Pick any vet on this site and submit your unredacted creds. I'll do the same. I agree that if I don't pass I'll go dark on this site. You do the same. I call you out as a poser, bot, fraud whatever.
And that means your unit in Danang 1971 - I 've got plenty of family that can check that asshole
I second that. This Dutchfag is a troll, a poser, a liar, and yesterday, he absolutely jumped the shark and called for murder:
DutchBoy2015
Vote up!
8
Vote down!
-7
I look forward to hitting Yarmulkes from 1500 yds and watch KIKE heads explode.
DutchBoy2015
Vote up!
4
Vote down!
-2
I have an old Louisville Slugger that wants to meet these KIKES heads. After crushing their skulls and hopefully are stilll moaning and alive. I dig a big hole and toss them in and start shoveling dirt in.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tylers- Very clear TOS violation from this troll- DutchBoy2015
That's some ugly stuff.
Yeah- it crosses the line.
I fully support all speech - up to the point you call for murdering those you hate.
But what about Lloyd? Can't we have an exception for Lloyd?
PS - Jethro - if you're there - I'll take you if you would. Knuckles - long time on here - please (even though I think you're fukin Navy)
I never served and have never claimed such.
Fuk - sorry. But I do enjoy the jokes. No hard feelings. I'll still take you if you would
No problem. No apology necessary at all. Just about every other guy in my family served as well as bros in laws, etc. All Navy or Marines aside from my dad who was USAAF. I mentor a number of vets a la friends of Bill W., etc. .... but that's about it.
Just had a thought about dad. He was cashiered out of the AAF just as the war broke out because he had an aeronautical engineering degree ... and we were still flying Steerman bi-planes. Some 15 or so years ago at our local airport there was a show with WWII fighter, bombers, etc., one of which was a B-17. They let us go into the thing and crawl around. The cockpit was shoulder to shoulder.... squeeze so tight that in many/most "passages" (if you could call the "holes" that) one couldn't wear a parachute. My biggest thoughts were that it was a flying coffin and glad dad was dismissed to work the engineering side (Pratt & Whitney) or I wouldn't a been here.
Yeah, I'm in.
Listen I'm good. I'm not the brightest bulb in the pack but I just can't stand the insults to the grunts. Guys like DutchNancy seem to think we are on the same level as the Pres. Let's not go there ha ha. I think he is either a fraud at best or stolen valor at worst.
I came on this site to get some education - which I get. The high finance - makes me spin but I'm trying. Check my posts - many of which are after too many beers - but the only shit I give out on is about going against grunts.
This guy is shit for brains and I think a fraud. Like I said- I won't post mine to the world but I will for cause. And I'm no one special - I was and am a basic and shit happens. Should have gone Navy!! Just saw that - my wife is happy about my 1/6
S'all cool, brother. I harbor many of the very same issues as you about toward whom or what ire is dispensed.
Much of it ill gotten, misplaced or simply derived from ignorance and assumptions.
The complexion of the joint changes regularly. But fur-shur, the idiots and trolls are out in abundance. Methinks in many cases not to simply demean any one individual as they were so apt to do in the past, but more now to give a casual reader of the threads an impression that ZH (and thus the site itself) is populated by a rather unsavory group of individuals.... as in defame the site in it's entirety. Which indeed would be a long established and proven means of perceptions management, "silencing" the "unappreciated, anti-establishment noise" directed at the "system".
Ah .. it is what it is.
Little do many realize that a place just such as this is highly constructive .... where points of view are maintained for purposes of "affirmation" as opposed to "information" and as long as the outlet is "here", so remains "contained".... not to mention that "somebodies" could learn immensely from the points of view exposed as in just what the fuck one slice of consensus opinion might be.
It is what it is.
Be well.
You're too funny. I'll check that out tomorrow when I'm sober
Geez - Jethro - where were you?
I flew in the rickety helicopters in Vietnam 3rd Marine Air Wing and I was very thankful not to be pounding the ground with the 0311 "grunts" and they were all too happy not to fly much in the the rickety Sikorsky H34s. PS All Marines were basic 0311s first.
Before I pass out - that is why I think this guy is a poser. Check out Dutchboy2015 posts It makes no sense. We could have some shit among ourselves but would you disrespect the support guys?
You never served the banksters and MIC in uniform? Shame.
yeah smedley, fukin navy, the service that the marine corp is a dept of, lol
Water taxis - just saying
yeah yeah, the uber of the ocean.
What color is the boathouse at Hereford?
I don't know or give a shit about you - another bot - what was the nick name of 1/6
Why no question for DutchNancy?
That's a "hard" quesiton, Smedley
I thought it was a soft question
hereford doesn't have a boathouse, lol
He was a Marine
You got me ,. yes I am a fraud., It took me a week to find this DD214 on the internet and then had to photoshop it to make it look like me.
I was never in the 366TFW at DaNang AB, RVN. nor did I live in the Gunfighter Village compound at DaNang.
Its all a big lie.
That doc makes you more suspect. My creds are my name and the name and phone number of a verifiable retired officer. He was Nam era and will easily check you out. So let's go
Moved
I know a guy who bought an Apple monitor for 1300 bucks a fews years back. I showed him my Sammy 28 inch LED monitor I paid 300 euros for., and the display was actually better than his Apple monitor.
AGain, people think they are cool and pay big money for the LOGO. that is all.
I am fine with idiots giving their money to Apple hedgefund....but many are the very people running out of money!
Are you a paid Samsung shill or just a douche nozzle?
Seriously, nobody gives a fuck about your shitty devices excpet your provider who's waiting for their next months installment payment and the NSA.
Congrats.
I just carry a Grandfather clock around with me - hey, I'm in great shape!....
What feature does your phone not have that would compel you to buy a new phone? What productive things can you do on a phone, really? What do we expect a watch to do that we can not do now with a phone? What "cool" feature wears off once you have paid the money?
Bigger screen? Ok. Faster. Ok.
I am pretty sure the life cycle of the phone is going to get longer as the phones of last year have all of the real features anyone NEEDS. Wants...that is another thing.
Some folks need ego boosting by wearing the latest. Yeah, I am still using an unlocked LG 710 that does all I need it to do, email, calls, text, maps, call recorder, voice recorder, calendar, timer, clock, pics once in a while. Ho-hum.
First time I see someone with an iwatch I will laugh out loud as I am rude.
What is it that you don't get about "it's all new and improved"?
Did you miss out on your "conditioning"?
What do you expect from a non-Timex time piece? Seriously?!?
Where's the code pink edition?
I would like to do that....buy with the person attached!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahahahahahahhahaha
The apple watch, reminds me of a waist pouch.
We called them pussy pouches.
Fanny pack FTMFW!
I get a lot of hardware to try. I left this newcomer charging in my office. When I came back this afternoon, my Glass was yelling out taunts, Cortana was trying desperately to seem bi-curious, and my Asus watch was off in the far corner sobbing.
The movie "Idiocracy" has become reality.
InDenIAL
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YgQDAKsOh-M
Swatch was ahead of its time, I guess. AAPL has now definitely jumped the gay shark.
After seeing the millions of shattered iPhone screens people are surprised the "watch" shatters from the smallest drop. There is a reason why watches have bezels that rise above the face.
Another Johny Ive innovative design. The most overrated designer from the most overvalued company ever.
Designing a phone is easy. I could beat Apple's entire design staff in my sleep. Try designing a motorcycle helmet to meet the three different testing standards. That is fucking hard.
My IMAC 27 and Macbook Pro are $500 computers in $2000 packages.
Terrible, terrible hardware quality issues. Six years experience on this.
If Jobs had seen the Apple watch in a design review it would have taken months to scrape him off the ceiling.
And I still can't figure out who Christene Turdlington Burns is.
I am a student and I go to college. I don't own much, but I am sure before long I will find junk apple watches smashed on the campus grounds. When I do I will pick them up and carry them to the trash.
Fiat lux.
Signed,
True Bruin
Would they not properly go into the Recycle Bin?
Where is the Shitter, I mean Twitter story?
$750k loss?
Wait for Jim Cramer to forget to to wear his watch. Sell the stock.
It kind of brings to mind Watch-book when you think of it. Collecting data on your vitals, down the road GPS. Etc. Etc. Your data.
For Example:
Apple rolls out the health-enabled Apple Watch By Darius Tahir | September 9, 2014In a much-hyped event Tuesday, Apple rolled out its new smartwatch that's able to collect health data and share it with providers through the tech giant's HealthKit app, which has drawn interest from major healthcare players such as Mayo Clinic and Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center.
http://blogs.wsj.com/cio/2014/09/09/health-care-cios-spot-apple-watch-po...
http://www.eweek.com/mobile/apple-iwatch-fans-want-wifi-gps-capability
Technology is a double edged sword.
That's why we need Data Rights.
You already have data rights. You control those rights based on the phone purchased. When we recently purchased two phones from TMobile. The new ZTE. It was still data mining after everything was shutdown. We ended up buying two older android phones. I expressed my concerns with TMobile.
The other two phones are BlackBerry. Very easy to block motherfuckers who resell information. That's why they hate users like myself.
:p
The Apple Watch - a colonostomy bag for your ego...
Tim Cook fag ego vs. SCOTUS.
scrotus?
I'm not reading any of this. Fuck Apple. And their goddamn watch. Now give me those glasses you motherfukers!!!
Oh NO, now Apple is just plain gay?
I fixed a few Apple comps during my working years, but I've never owned anything Apple and never will. Too proprietary. I dumped Microsoft when they went with "Activation". I'll stick with member supported open source projects like Linux variants. The money is not spent on social issues (to my knowlege) and almost all hardware is supported without having to search for drivers (mostly printers and scanners). You load the software and it's up and running.
I'm considering dropping MS OS. It's sad, grew up with MS-DOS. Began writing in basic language. Linux is looking better by the day.
My first comp was a TI-99.4a. Then Commodore 64/128 (great for basic programming). Moved on to an Amiga 500 (most underrated computer ever in it's time with true hardware multi-tasking).
I've used Linux variants (currently and mostly PCOSLinux) exclusively for the web for years now. I still keep WinXP and Win98SE for my old games with networking disabled.
My first computer was a Heathkit H-10. Imagine your father teaching you how to build a computer at the ripe age of 13. It wasn't pleasant. I always admire my father forcing me to learn.
The second computer was Zenith with a amber screen. Within are childhood network of computer geeks, Crapple and Trash-80 was also cutting-edge.
You were lucky you had a father with that talent. Heathkits and Trash 80's were the pioneers for PC's. I didn't get involved with PC's until the early 80's, and I thought I was old. Got to admit I did have fun juggling that region of ram between 640k and 1024k trying to squeeze as much as possible into those UMB's (depending of course as to whether it was expanded or extended memory).
Those Epson dot matrix printers could heat a house of four. I can't even tell how my times my computer teacher would ask for my 5-1/2 floppy disk. We pulled off some good pranks in High School. The Crapple teacher didn't know shit about MS-DOS. Always walked away scot free. We were bad,bad,kids.
We loved fucking with the indoctrination of educators. Just have mellowed out over the years. ;p.
Last point, once these globalization motherfuckers become distinct. New technology will become available. They steal ideas, claim it was developed by them. Fuck off crony capitalism. Stick with you iFaggot watch. You get no more technology ideas until going into a no bailout tit's up mode.
Got it?
Oh, the days of "memory management" software.
apple will sell a literal shitload of these watches..........to the gov to give out at schools just like all the ipads. affirmative action demands it.
Probably some bolshevik kommon kore mandate to have all the little kiddies wear the tracking device so all the pedophiles can find them.
they killed jobs for this
they took him out
saddammed
gaddaffi eeed
chavezed
and jobbed
for this
for an elton john david furnished gorge clooney trinket
Yep, Jobs told the NSA no-go on putting tracking backdoors in the iPhone and so they found the ultimate "backdoor man" in Cook who bent over and let it happen.
Damn I can't read the watch with these crappy google glasses on!
Finnegals Constant states that it is the second model of anything that is the first model to work properly. The classic example was Windows 98 Second Edition. Only a dick goes out and buys the first model.
Smack this garbage watch against something during a sporting event and notice it shatter.
So much for being a sport watch.
By "sport" they mean, you can jog with it , as long as its not raining, windy, slippery, crowded, hot outside, and if you don't sweat too much, because your perspiration will probably get into it and the salts from your sweat will probably short circuit the thing.
Also its a sport watch, but you can't swim with it, and you might want to be careful if you wash your hands after taking a shit, best to take the watch off before you wipe your ass.
Also its a sports watch, but it can't take a lot of shock, so we suggest not riding a bicycle while wearing the watch.
Ok, since we are talking about gay douchy stuff, what ever happened to google glasses?
I BADLY wanted that for one paticular application, which was a heads-up display that I can use inside my helmet for GPS & Maps while riding.
Since google glasses are apparently dead, I am trying to find something else that will give me some kind of cheap small display in the helmet.
People realized that if they walk around with a cybornetic implant on their face that people would make fun of them.
Thats what happened to Google Glasses lol
No one is going to use virtual glasses till you can't tell them apart from regular glasses , early adopters fun the reaserch and developement of things like this. . . but rarely get to actually enjoy the end product... pay to beta test.
That sky blue thing must match his eyes. It makes anyone look like a little girl because it's so blobular on the wrist.
Gay As Hell.