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Vikram Memo to Employees
Submitted by Tyler Durden on 01/14/2009 22:20 -0400January 14, 2009
From: Vikram Pandit
Dear Citi Colleagues,
I want to make sure you know that we’ve moved up our Q4 2008 earnings announcement to this coming Friday, January 16. Since we are ready to release 4th quarter earnings and talk about 2009 and the future, we saw no need to wait.
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Breaking News: Governator About to Hire Lazard to Find DIP
Submitted by Tyler Durden on 01/15/2009 19:20 -0400*SCHWARZENEGGER SAYS CALIFORNIA IS IN `STATE OF EMERGENCY'
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Kappa Beta Phi Exposed
Submitted by Tyler Durden on 01/16/2009 03:58 -0400A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How the Dow Jones used to make me smile.
And I learned my trade and had my chance
The music played I did my dance
And I made seven figures for a while.
I can't remember if I cried
when they pulled the plug on Countrywide...
It sucks that Iceland is out of ice....
Bye, Bye to my piece of the pie...
Now I travel coach whenever I fly...
Maybe this will be the day that I die.
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A Good Start...
Submitted by Tyler Durden on 01/10/2009 18:10 -0400
...Is 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean...
Bernie Forced To Find More Creative Ways to Launder Assets
Submitted by Tyler Durden on 01/12/2009 18:10 -0400BN 12:09 *BERNARD MADOFF STAYS FREE, MAGISTRATE JUDGE RULES
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*MADOFF IS CHARGED WITH SECURITIES FRAUD IN $50 BLN PONZI SCHEME
*MADOFF HAS BEEN UNDER HOUSE ARREST, GUARD, ELECTRONIC MONITOR
*MADOFF'S ATTORNEY SAID TRANSFER WAS AN `INNOCENT' MISTAKE'
*FEDERAL PROSECUTORS SAID BERNARD MADOFF IGNORED COURT RULING
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In Other News: People Still Throwing Away Millions
Submitted by Tyler Durden on 01/13/2009 02:50 -0400
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Timmmmmmmaaaayyyyyy.... reincarnated
Submitted by Tyler Durden on 01/10/2009 19:40 -0400
Yep folks, the man, the myth, the my-mom-does-my laundry womanizer may be gone (only temporarily - you can't get rid of Tim Sykes... something about weeds or cockroaches), but his spirit lives on. Just click here: http://www.greenwichtime.com/ci_11421481
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S&P Pretending Like Its Opinion Still Matters
Submitted by Tyler Durden on 01/12/2009 18:45 -0400
One can say many things about the ratings agencies, one could be bribed and even say one good thing, but recently S&P has decided to get really proactive to have some ammo ahead of the inevitable congressional hearings (Moody's has Buffet in its back pocket so smooth sailing over there).
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- 1299 reads
UBS in Serious Need of Editorializing
Submitted by Tyler Durden on 01/13/2009 04:26 -0400
In what might be a blatant example of investment banking schizophrenia, or merely a good-ole "talking up the book", two of UBS key "strategists", Larry Hathaway and David Bianco, in the span of 1 business day, manage to come out with two essentially contradictory reports.
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I Am The Retarded Plebs' Smirking Revenge
Submitted by Tyler Durden on 01/11/2009 01:57 -0400
Just as our funny-speaking cousins 3 hours east of us (via Concorde; probably more like 15 hours if using one of American Airlines' retrofitted B-707 with almost two wings and a fully operational engine, and that includes the 8 hour unairconditioned tarmac wait at JFK and Heathrow) thought that the Waxman witch trials would be confined to the likes of Jim
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- 2072 reads
S&P Pretending Like Its Opinion Still Matters
Submitted by Tyler Durden on 01/12/2009 18:45 -0400
One can say many things about the ratings agencies, one could be bribed and even say one good thing, but recently S&P has decided to get really proactive to have some ammo ahead of the inevitable congressional hearings (Moody's has Buffet in its back pocket so smooth sailing over there).
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- 1345 reads
UBS in Serious Need of Editorializing
Submitted by Tyler Durden on 01/13/2009 04:26 -0400
In what might be a blatant example of investment banking schizophrenia, or merely a good-ole "talking up the book", two of UBS key "strategists", Larry Hathaway and David Bianco, in the span of 1 business day, manage to come out with two essentially contradictory reports.
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- 1151 reads
Survival of the Gatest
Submitted by Tyler Durden on 01/11/2009 03:31 -0400Well the 2008 hsbc numbers are out. In a year that one would be shocked there were any winners at all (except for Paulson of course... Paulson could make money on Pluto, blind, limbs chopped off, without oxygen, a bloomberg terminal or his copy of Dow 100,000: Fact or Fiction), here are the funds that will shortly need to raise all gates once investors realize these are likely the only places where money can still be redeemed:
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Quick Robin, to the Mad-Mobile, so We Can Escape with the Mad-Plane
Submitted by Tyler Durden on 01/12/2009 19:10 -0400
Because we all know the old man has an escape plan up his sleeve, that may very well include a top secret Mad-Cave somewhere deep inside 133 East 64th street (if anyone has blueprints for the house, please send to us), Zerohedge is very curious to find out where exactly Bernie's Legacy 600 is parke
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Mad-Cave Museum Deal Closer Than You Think
Submitted by Tyler Durden on 01/13/2009 15:21 -0400
Seems Mad-Man overestimated his triathlon skills in getting to Tetterboro and the Mad-Jet before the FBI could catch up with him.
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