This page has been archived and commenting is disabled.

Billionaires Troll Middle Class With "14 Things Successful People Do Before Breakfast" Listicle

Tyler Durden's picture




 

At first we though the Twitter account of the World Economic Forum, best known for its annual Davos boondoggle catering only to billionaires, had been hacked.

Either that, or the world's billionaires (who previously were so very concerned about rising inequality they have since greenlighted numerous new cases of QE and a few dozen rate cuts to push stocks, and inequality, to even recorder highs) now have nothing better to do than to troll everyone else, not only by parading with their wealth (and lamenting rising global CO2 levels after creating a traffic jam with their private jets in Davos, Switzerland), but by, drumroll, release a listicle laying out "14 Things Billionaires Do Before Breakfast."

No, we are not joking. Here it is.

Here is the summary of what appears to have been a serious "article":

“If it has to happen, then it has to happen first,” writes Laura Vanderkam, a time-management expert and the author of “What the Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast.”

 

Those among us who have managed to find professional success and eke out a life actively embrace this philosophy. They must set aside their first hours of the day to invest in their top-priority activities before other people’s priorities come rushing in.

 

Science supports this strategy. Vanderkam cites the famous finding of Roy Baumeister, a Florida State University psychology professor, that willpower is like a muscle that becomes fatigued from overuse.

 

Diets, he says, come undone in the evening, just as poor self-control and lapses in decision-making often come later in the day. On the other hand, early mornings offer a fresh supply of willpower, and people tend to be more optimistic and ready to tackle challenging tasks.

 

So what do successful executives and entrepreneurs do when they are rested and fresh? From Vanderkam’s study of morning rituals and our own research, we outline the following 14 things that the most successful people do before breakfast. While they might not do all of these things every morning, each has been found to be an effective way to start the day.

And the details:

They wake up early.

Successful people know that time is a precious commodity. And while theirs is easily eaten up by phone calls, meetings, and sudden crises once they’ve gotten to the office, the morning hours are under their control. That’s why many of them rise before the sun, squeezing out as much time as they can to do with as they please.

The bottom line: Productive mornings start with early wake-up calls.

* * *

They drink water.

Many successful executives reach for water instead of coffee first thing in the morning. Kat Cole, president of Focus Brands, parent company of Auntie Anne’s, Carvel, and Cinnabon, wakes up a 5 a.m. every morning and drinks 24 ounces of water.

Huffington Post founder Arianna Huffington and Birchbox Man chief Brad Lande start their days with a glass of hot water with lemon.

Drinking water in the morning helps you feel more alert, rehydrates your body, and kickstarts your metabolism, says Rania Batayneh, MPH, a nutritionist and author of “The One One One Diet.”

* * *

They make their beds.

This one-minute habit can make you happier and more productive all day long.

In his book, “The Power of Habit,” Charles Duhigg writes that getting into the routine of making your bed every morning is correlated with increased productivity.

Making your bed doesn’t necessarily causeyou to get more done at work, Duhigg writes, but it’s a “keystone habit” that can spark “chain reactions that help other good habits take hold.”

In addition to being more productive, people that consistently make their beds also tend to have “a greater sense of well-being and stronger skills at sticking with a budget,” Duhigg writes.

* * *

They exercise before it falls off the to-do list.

The top morning activity of the rich and powerful seems to be exercise, be it lifting weights at home or going to the gym.

For example, Vanderkam notes that Xerox CEO Ursula Burns schedules an hour-long personal training session at 6 a.m. twice a week. Plus, “Shark Tank” investor Kevin O’Leary gets up at 5:45 every morning and jumps on the elliptical or exercise bike, andentrepreneur Gary Vaynerchuk starts every day with an hour-long workout with his trainer. “These are incredibly busy people,” says Vanderkam. “If they make time to exercise, it must be important.”

Beyond the fact that exercising in the morning means they can’t later run out of time, Vanderkam says a pre-breakfast workout helps reduce stress later in the day, counteracts the effects of high-fat diet, and improves sleep.

* * *

They work on a top-priority business project.

The quiet hours of the morning can be the ideal time to focus on an important work project without being interrupted. What’s more, spending time on it at the beginning of the day ensures that it gets your attention before others — kids, employees, bosses — use it up.

Vanderkam uses the example of a business strategist who dealt with so many ad hoc meetings and interruptions throughout the day that she felt she couldn’t get anything done. She started thinking of the early mornings as project time, and chose a top-priority project each day to focus on. Sure enough, not a single colleague dropped in on her at 6:30 a.m. She could finally concentrate.

* * *

They meditate to clear their minds.

Type-A personalities typically demand as much from others as they do from themselves, so it can be difficult for them to disconnect from their mental to-do lists and calm their minds. Before they head out the door, many successful people devote themselves to a spiritual practice such as meditation or prayer to center themselves for the rush of the day.

Manisha Thakor, a financial adviser and former corporate executive, practices transcendental meditation to clear her mind. She does two 20-minute sessions a day, the first before breakfast and the second in the evening, and focuses on breathing and repeating a mantra in her head. She’s found it to be “one of the most life-enhancing practices” she’s ever experienced, she told Vanderkam.

* * *

They check their email.

While time-management gurus may suggest putting off email as long as possible, many successful people start the day with email. In fact, one recent survey found that the first thing most executives do in the morning is check their email.

They may quickly scan their inboxes for urgent messages that need an immediate response or craft a few important emails that they can better focus on while their minds are fresh.

For instance, Gretchen Rubin, author of “The Happiness Project,” wakes at 6 every morning before her family’s up at 7. She uses the time to clear her inbox, schedule the day, and read social media. Getting these tasks out of the way from the start helps her concentrate better when she moves on to more challenging projects, she told Vanderkam.

* * *

They read the news.

Whether it’s sitting in the corner diner and reading the papers or checking the blogs and Twitter from their phones, most successful people have a pre-breakfast ritual for getting the latest headlines.

For example, GE CEO Jeff Immelt starts his days with a cardio workout and then reads the paper and watches CNBC. Meanwhile, Virgin America CEO David Cush uses his mornings to listen to sports radio and read the papers while hitting the stationary bike at the gym.

By the time they get to work, they have a good idea of what’s going on in the world. Then, they can get down to the business of changing it.

* * *

There were more "things" the successful do in the seemingly endless hours billionaires have "before breakfast" (it appears they "drink water", "make their beds" and "connect with their spouses" but don't actually make their breakfast) in the full WEF "article" of what is next-level middle class trolling, although we were laughing too hard by then to notice. And then we read the disclaimer:

This article is published in collaboration with Business Insider.

Suddenly it all became clear.

 

- advertisements -

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:25 | 6739592 Lostinfortwalton
Lostinfortwalton's picture

What is the opposite of "quality time with the family"?

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:46 | 6739682 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Raping the maid while she makes your bed?

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:08 | 6739760 FrankDrakman
FrankDrakman's picture

Where's that, the "DSK" suite?

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:21 | 6739576 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

16. Constantly look over their shoulders.

17. Never go near nail guns.

 

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:25 | 6739580 bunnyswanson
bunnyswanson's picture

I lived with a poor man who did well.  Much more than healthy routine.  Obsession.  Arising like a bolt of lightning hit him, he left that bed like it was on fire.  Shower, cereal, banana, glass of milk.  To the office.  Coffee until none, 2 pots.  Diet Pepsi from Noon to Five.  Before he met me, 5 o'clock was when he drank his first of a couple dozen cold beverages.  He was 80 lb over weight, living on Mexican food, steak and pizza as his wife lived at the bowling alley figuratively speaking, in an RV which she used to travel the circuit (trophies and cash prizes, on TV tournaments).  Kids were raised in the bowling alley romper room.  End of his day was to pass out at 11 after a forgetable meal and do it all over again.  Never had been to a physician in his life. 

He was driven and from a son of a milker on a dairy, having slept in his car for a week with his family at age of 6, the man was a millionaire by 25 years of age.  Cut throat business and he fit right in after his dad was out of commission for 1 year after MVA, he took over a calf route and went to 2nd largest in USA.  All free time was spent occupied so he would not think of work.  Travel was with tour groups, cruises with itineraries, he was a schedule freak, made fun of other people right in front of them, and too cocky for having a 10th grade education.  His kids circled him like sharks.  And so did the last wife he had, who ended up with the ranch in 6 years, now living with my x's manage who was in charge of the feedyard crew...he took a year to die and she left at noon and came back at midnight, his gardner told me.  Lonely death.  Gated community.  Isolated from his network with his wife whom he met in Argentina while visiting a ranch of his; she was a bank employee who spoke no English.  Her 11 year old son acted as an interpretor.  The boy runs the calf ranch.  His friends lives were no less complicated.  Divorce, bitterness, debt, children-gone-wild or worse, a big disappoitment.  Competitive edge became a personality disorder.  He looked on poor with contempt (if I can do it, so can they).  Well, he died young, at 62.  Wall St journal rn his obit.  It's running scared and you all know it.  Jesters and parades, wine, women, song...eat drink and be merry, surrounded by a facade of The Perfect World...is addictive.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:24 | 6739588 Raul44
Raul44's picture

15. They cheat on their wifes on specific websites

16. They lie on daily basis

17. They manipulate for their own outcome

18. They pretend they`re innocent

19. They support wars for own profit

20. They just wont die

 

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:25 | 6739833 Government need...
Government needs you to pay taxes's picture

Soros, Buffett, and Redstone come immediately to mind.  Satan's cutting some really good deals of late.  100 years?  He's never given anyone that long. . .

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:24 | 6739589 PR Guy
PR Guy's picture

1 Wake up 2 Scratch my arse 3 Try it on with the wife 4 Having been rejected by wife, go to make coffee 5 Go back to bed 6 There isn't a 6.......

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:25 | 6739593 Eahudimac
Eahudimac's picture

1. Rehypothicate rehypothicated commodities that exist somewhere is a burned out chinese warehouse. 

2. Get the days best trades from Janet Yellen.

3. Have yours guys in SE Asia devliver the goods for Langley. 

4. Hookers and blow.

5. Pinochle at the Rockefellers.

6. Fire CFO for not off-shoring more money to shell company in Bermuda. 

7. Rub one out to autographed photo of Ben Bernake. 

8. Perform blood-sacrifice ritual to Moloch.

9. Donate large sums of fiat to political candidate in return for favorable legislation.

10. Throw senior account manager off of 20th floor for discovering company is 10 billion in the red with no actual earnings. 

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:39 | 6739650 FreeNewEnergy
FreeNewEnergy's picture

Great list. LMAO.

Thanks.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:39 | 6739653 herkomilchen
herkomilchen's picture

Nice!

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:25 | 6739594 Thisisbullishright
Thisisbullishright's picture

15.  Call the FED and request MOAR free money....

16.  Talk with assistants to ensure that bug out bunker is properly stocked with truffles and Perrier for 5 years...

 

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:50 | 6739694 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

What?!

No underage hookers and blow?

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:26 | 6739600 I am a Man I am...
I am a Man I am Forty's picture

I only do number 5, "personal passion project", I can only assume this means jerking off.  Got one!!!

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:29 | 6739608 dogismycopilot
dogismycopilot's picture

They jerk off to HRCs photo is missing.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:51 | 6739696 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

That's the personal passion project.

Of course Obama can always fill in for HRC.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:29 | 6739610 ncdirtdigger
ncdirtdigger's picture

Nothing at all about stealing grandma's social security?

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:06 | 6739611 herkomilchen
herkomilchen's picture

The disdain for these habits is overworked.  These habits indeed deliver the highest quality of concentrated mental focus in the conceptual idea realm and highest quality in the networking realm.  If one has a billion dollars, quality of investment ideas and quality of networking maximize productivity.  Tactics and execution are outsourced to others.

The majority of people who are not billionaires produce in the tactical and execution realms where these habits are unaffordable and not as productive as brute force production efficiency for maximum hours in the day.

None of this is inherently bad.  The bad lies in how the gross disparity arose and persists between the two groups.  I.e., why aren't more people able to earn and accumulate enough wealth to elevate themselves to a place where they too can focus on ideas rather than just killing themselves holding down multiple mediocre jobs trying to pay the rent and put food on the table.  The answer of course is all the government-backed privileges the billionaires leverage at the expense of everyone else.  That's your bogeyman.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 13:05 | 6740003 HopefulCynical
HopefulCynical's picture

The answer of course is all the government-backed privileges the billionaires leverage at the expense of everyone else.  That's your bogeyman.

Exactly. And yet a huge number of "working class" people scream for MOAR GUBBAMINT! to reign in the oligarchy, when it's government that creates the environment in which they flourish!

Dismantle the regulatory state, lower the barriers to entry, keep the government from carving out exceptions for its cronies whose business practices legitimately harm people so that they get the legal penalties they deserve. >POOF< The oligarchy fucking disappears. There will always be the very successful, those who've worked their way to the top. But to stay there, they'll have to KEEP working hard, and refrain from fucking over their customers and competitors.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 13:41 | 6740112 herkomilchen
herkomilchen's picture

Well expressed.  We need to take great care to attack the rich cartelists / oligarchs leveraging government supplied advantages to make money, while at the same time praising the rich who earn their wealth though innovation, hard work, vigorous competition, honest dealings, and delivering better value to customers.  The latter deserve to ride around in limousines and I'll pour their champagne for them.  The former deserve a rope.

Making that distinction is really important, lest we slip into the same egalitian blanket hatred of success the left promotes.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:30 | 6739612 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

i think the billionaires make fun of the poor because it is their only joy in life. i wouldn't want to live like they do. working until the day you die for another dollar you don't need. no purpose in life except moar moar moar. flying around sucks, even in a private plane with champagne and caviar. i'd rather go fishing with a sixpack of beer in tow.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:37 | 6739635 Crocodile
Crocodile's picture

Apart from striving for reconciliation with Christ; their is no purpose in anyone's life, for all suffer in this life and all know their "must be something more to it than this" and there is much more.  Are we as perfect as Christ?  No, we are all sinners who will be judged by the standard that is Christ.

 

People cannot humble themselves to acknowledge that the path to heaven is through Jesus, but man loves his own sin and will not come to Christ & turn from their sinful ways that they may have what they always crave in their hearts, which is peace that surpasses understanding.  Heaven is "pure joy" and hell is "pure evil"; man works all his life to enter into "pure hell". Sad, but true, for pride and arrogance blind him from the truth & reality of his fallen condition.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:07 | 6739753 Never One Roach
Never One Roach's picture

buzz, << i think the billionaires make fun of the poor >>

 

"We Made It Wider!" Hank Paulson Bursts Out Laughing When Asked About Wealth Inequality

 

http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2015-09-06/we-made-it-wider-hank-paulson-b...

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:26 | 6739837 Government need...
Government needs you to pay taxes's picture

How much for a stairway to heaven?!?

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:31 | 6739614 Crocodile
Crocodile's picture

To summarize: "Self Discipline is the key to success" for some.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:32 | 6739617 humanstakeaction
humanstakeaction's picture

By breakfast they mean dinner around 9:30 p.m.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:33 | 6739621 alfbell
alfbell's picture

 

Upon first waking, the first thing they do is erase their memory and conscience so that they can continue onward forthwithly, without having to examine their lives and motives.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:53 | 6739709 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

As Gordon Gekko said: "Greed is Good".

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:35 | 6739627 MASTER OF UNIVERSE
MASTER OF UNIVERSE's picture

Exercise before noon has been proven to be bad for health in terms of early morning heart attacks, and Coronary Heart Disease.

 

Drinking lots of water reduces the incidence of tooth decay & bad breath.

 

Making one's bed in the morning is something that only Fascists do.

 

Note: If you find yourself making your bed in the morning you must realize that you are wasting valuable time due to being a psychotic neat freak. Moreover, I don't want to know anyone that makes their bed in the morning and they are not invited to my parties, ever!

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:18 | 6739781 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

For a long time, I used to not "make my bed". Then one day I woke up, folded the blanket, smoothed out the pillow, and smoothed out the bedsheet (no multi-layer-multi-sheet beds in my household. Mattress -> bedsheet + pillow (+case) + blanket. That's it)... and holy shit did it look good - like someone actually gave a fuck. Took all of 30 seconds to my amazement. Ever since then, I've been "making my bed", and it doesn't make a rat's-ass difference to anyone, but it looks neat when it is "made."

My desk on the other hand...

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 20:04 | 6741824 STP
STP's picture

I sort of make my bed.  I at least pull up the blankets and comforter up to the pillows, because otherwise, I'll be picking up sand and dog hair, from the Shop Dog, as she sleeps on the lower part of the bed, when I'm there, but takes over, when I leave.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:36 | 6739629 yogibear
yogibear's picture

We started on this path of adoring people with money rather than those that innovate lang ago.

No wonder we have so many scam artist and gold diggers. 

A nation of slackers with easy money always in mind.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:36 | 6739632 kw2012
kw2012's picture

They all take a morning dump. where is that on the list? Spending quality time with the family or quiet time on ideas? Can't have both. Unless quality time with the family means getting a morning blowjob. THey don't have time to make their own bed, neither does their sex partner. That's what undocumented workers are for. They don't network over coffee, they are too busy for that. Networking is for the golf club and Martini lunches. Not before breakfast.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:37 | 6739636 FreeNewEnergy
FreeNewEnergy's picture

Some of them must have to whip on a strap-on and no mention.

Maybe they wear it to bed.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:38 | 6739640 Dr_Snooz
Dr_Snooz's picture

"Listicle"? That's short for "lick my testicles"? That's a troll triumph!

First the errata:

1. They wake up early [to perfrom their oblations before the sun god]

2. They drink... [the blood of innocents]

3. They work on a top-priority business project [ie: they check in on the progress of the latest scheme to rob the poor and middle class of every last crust of bread]

4. They work on a personal passion project [ie: decide what new bauble they will buy with what they stole from the poor and middle class]

9. They network [with fellow Luciferians] over coffee

10. They meditate... [to get today's marching orders from Satan]

And one addition:

15. They pledge undying fealty to the God of this World.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:38 | 6739644 rejected
rejected's picture

lol

Just what I want to do,,, mimic these parasite manager wannabees.

They are the herd cowboys for the jackal political class that suck the life juice from millions daily. They just stand off to the side until the political class has gorged  their share first.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:38 | 6739645 donhuangenaro
donhuangenaro's picture

15. avoid taxes like Ikea and Apple

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:42 | 6739666 PoasterToaster
PoasterToaster's picture

There's another list that people are much more interested in; the names of the assholes who are mocking the rest of us with lists like this.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:42 | 6739667 MadVladtheconquerer
MadVladtheconquerer's picture

Does "Connect w/ their spouses" constitute getting laid or simply a snarlin' gnarlin'?

I would think that "Take a dump" would be near the top of that list.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 14:34 | 6740291 Zero-Hegemon
Zero-Hegemon's picture

Very near, but like first, and after coffee

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:43 | 6739670 Zero-Hegemon
Zero-Hegemon's picture

#7: They connect with their spouses? That could mean anything, like a left hook to the jaw.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:45 | 6739672 Sergeiab
Sergeiab's picture

They need to be deported to Miami so they won't do further damages

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:45 | 6739675 robertocarlos
robertocarlos's picture

The Mets lost. Can one of these uber successful fucks change that result?

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:46 | 6739677 Kilgore Trout
Kilgore Trout's picture

The secret of success is sincerity.  Once you can fake that, you've got it made.
        -- Jean Giraudoux

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 13:57 | 6740170 Head_Shots_Work
Head_Shots_Work's picture

Oh man + 1 for the quote - but + 10 for the handle - Kilgore Trout! Where is Vonnegut when we need him? Yeah - dead. too bad. 

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 14:36 | 6740305 Zero-Hegemon
Zero-Hegemon's picture

"Where is Vonnegut when we need him? Yeah - dead. too bad."

So it goes.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:47 | 6739680 PGR88
PGR88's picture

#11.  They call Janet Yellen to find out how many bonds she is going to buy today.  

 

#12.   Write $250,000 check to Ben Bernanke for speaking fee

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:20 | 6739800 the grateful un...
the grateful unemployed's picture

fuck that shit, Janet Yellen calls YOU, now thats my definition of successful

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:47 | 6739685 silentboom
silentboom's picture

"Huffington Post founder Arianna Huffington and Birchbox Man chief Brad Lande start their days with a glass of hot water with lemon."

 

I thought Huffington started the day with a glass of fetus blood.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:51 | 6739699 MountainMan
MountainMan's picture

Whatever.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:53 | 6739708 Son of Loki
Son of Loki's picture

They don't take a refreshing walk on their 50 acre Hampton McMansion property with their Pomeranian?

 

That's odd.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:55 | 6739714 ToSoft4Truth
ToSoft4Truth's picture

 Every morning one must count their money. 

And by hook or by crook one must have more money before resting at the end of the day.   

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:55 | 6739716 gunzeon
gunzeon's picture

and when do they have a shit ?

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 11:59 | 6739725 Goldbugger
Goldbugger's picture

1. I wake up  and fuck my women

2. I stetch and run

3. I shower

4. I drink carrot juice

5. I read Zero Hedge and start the day off right

6. I don't have anymore fucks to give about anything else. http://markmanson.net/not-giving-a-fuck

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:08 | 6739758 steelrules
steelrules's picture

Morning sex is best..

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 15:03 | 6740423 SweetDoug
SweetDoug's picture

'
'
'
"Women?"

Lucky ßå$†å??!

•?•
V-V

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 16:13 | 6740703 SweetDoug
SweetDoug's picture

'
'
'
Goldbugger,

I love clicking on the links of people's comments to see what they are thinking of, and your link to Manson's site is just fantastic.

Just read three of his articles!

Thanks!

•?•
V-V

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:06 | 6739750 Herdee
Herdee's picture

Next thing you know,they''l be telling everyone what to wipe their asses with.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:10 | 6739755 taopraxis
taopraxis's picture

Success is automatically conflated with big money and big business, thus it is never operationally defined. The tacit assumption is that people with money can buy everything they want, therefore their lives must be happier than yours. Of course, this is pure fantasy...

What do these so-called successful people do all day, as in physically do? Talk on the phone, sit in a board meeting or hop on a helicopter with some subordinates to go somewhere. Sure, they may have a yacht or whatever, but how much time do they spend on the yacht? The deck hands are the only ones who get to enjoy the yacht, 99% of the time.

I often wonder why people buy into these money illusions...

You think wealth will buy freedom? Wrong. Real freedom does not depend upon money. No one can ever truly be free while living in a state of dependency.

If these rich poseurs successfully convince you that money is worth more than life itself, then you will more easily trade away that which money cannot buy, e.g., time, freedom, love, happiness, or personal integrity and the opportunity to discover your own true path. Works for them...

 

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:09 | 6739757 Ghost of Robotrader
Ghost of Robotrader's picture

I have noticed many of my clients on disability or seeking disability are not early risers.  Many do like to sleep in.  Proly most

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:10 | 6739766 Able Ape
Able Ape's picture

1st things 1st: They check Ashley Madison to see if they got any HITS...

Tue, 11/03/2015 - 01:57 | 6742965 dreadnaught
dreadnaught's picture

and there wont be, since Anonymous recently hacked into Ashley Madison and found about 5 female members, and 20,000 letter writing bots

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:11 | 6739769 TeaClipper
TeaClipper's picture

Who in their right fucking mind drinks water by the ounce?

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:12 | 6739774 Give up. Realit...
Give up. Reality is not scientific nor even mathematical.'s picture

What?  No blow in the morning?  Get real.

 

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:12 | 6739775 sharkbait
sharkbait's picture

Make their beds?  Definitely calling BS on that one.  I think it is probably on the WEF membership requirements "Do not make my own bed or associate with people that do make their own beds"

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:13 | 6739778 NobodyNowhere
NobodyNowhere's picture

It didn't say they pay taxes

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:14 | 6739782 Jim in MN
Jim in MN's picture

 

 

15.  Drive down to the SEC and turn self in.

16.  Atone.

17.  Storyboad next Youtoob cat video.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 16:00 | 6740653 Shift For Brains
Shift For Brains's picture

Would have spun the dial for +56.76 on this one. A tear of joy trickled down my rosy red cheek. 

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:14 | 6739783 free
free's picture

Where is brushing teeth, taking a shit/shower?

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:15 | 6739791 TeaClipper
TeaClipper's picture

I like stroking my silver before going to work in a morning }:O)~

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:16 | 6739792 TheReal_JimmyK
TheReal_JimmyK's picture

This is why McDonalds started serving breakfast all day.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:17 | 6739794 the grateful un...
the grateful unemployed's picture

of course the successful have breakfast at 4PM

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:21 | 6739812 Tunneler
Tunneler's picture

What they are actually doing:

1)     

Triple checking to make sure their doors are still locked and the alarm wasn’t tripped overnight

2)     

Activating their robot at the office (this is a thing – trust me) and double checking on several items including –

3)     

Algos haven’t gone skynet

4)     

Algos UPS still good

5)     

Making sure high-level minions managers are in the office with whips at the ready

6)     

Oogling new secretary

7)     

Back at home – quick workout on high-end elliptical with “virtual hike” monitor or heated lap pool

8)     

Quickie with maid (*son of Loki)

9)     

Make sure the Fed hasn’t made some crazy announcement or committed mass suicide in a moment of supreme recognition of their failure and desperate attempt to regain a sliver of their honor and humanity.

 

10)  

Shopping or calling for breakfast delivery (on-site chef or local restaurant that makes a deliver exception for this special client)

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:23 | 6739821 l.kimbot
l.kimbot's picture

Kindly go fuck yourself, Laura Vanderkam

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:24 | 6739827 gizmotron
gizmotron's picture

Billionaires deserve to be rich because they earned it, unlike the dying, lazy middle class who have no reason to exist. I know this because i've read all the talking papers from the Cato Institute, the Heritage Foundation, the Manhattan Institute, and the American Enterprise Institute.

The only class that deserves to grow are the ultra-wealthy. Then, and only then, will the middle and lower classes really get what they deserve, which is high debt, zero savings, and a menial job. That's the TRUE definition of a successful country, my friends. If you disagree, well, you're just ENVIOUS of the RICH.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:27 | 6739842 the grateful un...
the grateful unemployed's picture

evidently the successful drink coffee and not tea, no mention of Starbucks, do they network over Starbucks, or can i pour Maxwell House? do you actually drink the coffee while you are networking, or just network OVER it. [i dont like coffee] what is the other person networking over, the same thing? how do i find these people to network with, at the coffee shop? when i'm done networking do i say, i have to go now, its time to meditate and clear my mind, and if they say the same thing, then we are networked together, but if they say, i have to walk the dog, then it was a complete waste of time? and if i clear my mind does that erase everything i have accomplished this morning?

Tue, 11/03/2015 - 01:55 | 6742960 dreadnaught
dreadnaught's picture

a successful mans little known secret: where to find FARMERS BROS COFFEE

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:28 | 6739843 _SILENCER
_SILENCER's picture

I don't know about New York skyscraper people billionaire hedge fund hyenas, but I take a goddamn Class-A Warp Core dump in the morning after ingesting some Chernobyl Strength Colombian Bean Squeezins.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:29 | 6739850 slammin_dude
slammin_dude's picture

Bullshit!

They get up, snort a line of coke....look over at their mistress and then head home to get a new suit.

And has anyone ever drunk 24oz of water right as you get up? I tried that once, i pissed nonstop all day....the dumbest fucking advice on the planet

Oh and they forgot the important one...should be #0....call up Fed, borrow 1 billion at 0% interest, ya i'd be successful if i could do that too....and if you lose it, doesn't matter because the tax donkeys will cover it....

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:34 | 6739868 Jim Leyritz
Jim Leyritz's picture

Kill a billionaire 13x's.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:34 | 6739871 Wahooo
Wahooo's picture

Family is last on their list.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:36 | 6739880 I Write Code
I Write Code's picture

As long as the roots are not severed, all is well. And all will be well in the garden.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 16:03 | 6740664 Shift For Brains
Shift For Brains's picture

I like to watch.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:36 | 6739883 Falconsixone
Falconsixone's picture

I find all  of yhose things very offensive and demand they be immediately stopped under penalty of law.  I've just signed an executive order so it's a dumb deal. 

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:40 | 6739900 Towgunner
Towgunner's picture

Oh good fucking grief already. So, I suppose "successful" people eat breakfast at 6 PM. Becuase in order to do all those things, ahem well, would take a whole fucking day. I sometimes think this is just rich people bragging to non-rich people. Look at how superior I am. And to make middle class feel bad about themselves. Its like those interviews on cnbc last decade wtih the token hedge fund manager - here is Rudolph Van Van he manages 1.4 billion runs an ironman every week works 22 hours a day never had a weekend off and sleeps only 3 hours every 2 days. 

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:40 | 6739902 Towgunner
Towgunner's picture

Oh good fucking grief already. So, I suppose "successful" people eat breakfast at 6 PM. Becuase in order to do all those things, ahem well, would take a whole fucking day. I sometimes think this is just rich people bragging to non-rich people. Look at how superior I am. And to make middle class feel bad about themselves. Its like those interviews on cnbc last decade wtih the token hedge fund manager - here is Rudolph Van Van he manages 1.4 billion runs an ironman every week works 22 hours a day never had a weekend off and sleeps only 3 hours every 2 days. 

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:41 | 6739907 European American
European American's picture

Well, I'm (very) far from the "Billionaire" status but in regards to the accomplishing a certain level of success in the world today, I'd have to agree with most of their early morning "life supporting" chores. I don't know what the big deal is, here. What's the point, Tyler? Better than going out a beating someone up.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 14:58 | 6740404 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

Well, soak in all the comments, then.

You are who we are talking to, numbnuts.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:42 | 6739909 Gamma735
Gamma735's picture

They forgot the first thing all these billionaires do...  They sell their souls to Satan.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 18:54 | 6741479 Government need...
Government needs you to pay taxes's picture

As previously commented, Satan's been generous with the time he's giving to Buffett, Sore-ass, and Redstone.  Those fuckers are right up there with Strom Thurman.  Guess the Ole Boy needs some R&D time on a bigger cock that can split more ass. 

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:44 | 6739915 Conax
Conax's picture

Uh, righhhht.

Here's a truthy list-

 

1) Receive blow job from chamber maid.

2) Fart

3) Uncover gourmet breakfast tray.

4) Waste most of it.

5) Load up on the pill-o-the-day.

6) Have chauffer bring car around, and it had better shine!

7) Stop by mistress's condo for morning bondage and degradation.

8) Go to office

9) Fire the new girl for that look she gave you yesterday..

10) Retire to the club, hit the links for meeting with yacht broker.

11) Snort coke like Tony Montana

 

Fun and games in the fat zone.

 

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:44 | 6739916 MEFOBILLS
MEFOBILLS's picture

The secret that you weren't taught in SCHOOOOOL, and that the rich know.

To win in a capitalist society, you have to control capital.

Capital is land, machines, buildings and money.  Note that money and the other capitals are conflated into the same word, which is part of the hypnotism.

 

To produce goods and services, these things are needed:  Land, Capital, Labor, Government.

Government is one of the modes of production... sorry about that Libertarians.

The four modes of production are OWNED by the rich.  They coordiante all of the modes to then produce goods and service.

Good and services make prices, and prices fetch money from the market.

So, the rich do their 'co-ordinating" with phone calls and meetings.  They don't labor, as labor energy is used further down in the pyramid.  By controlling money and keeping it scarce, then labor can be bought cheaply.  The advent of mechanization has further diminished labor, and increased Machines + Energy to be more important in above equation.

Machines + Energy + Labor are distributed within the four modes of production.

Your welcome.

Mefo

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:44 | 6739924 Solio
Solio's picture

Everything that they can conceive of is corrupted.

 

Corruptoholics all; they PAID for the rights!

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:45 | 6739927 gmak
gmak's picture

Note that they don't have to use the John.  Clearly they are the next level up in the evolutionary ladder.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 16:22 | 6740735 Boxed Merlot
Boxed Merlot's picture

...they don't have to use the John...?

 

Maybe that's covered under #4.

 

jmo.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:49 | 6739946 Rockfish
Rockfish's picture

I did not see read ZH on that list. 

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 16:43 | 6740839 CHX
CHX's picture

That is 14 - reading the news. The MSMBS does not qualify for that.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:52 | 6739951 Dre4dwolf
Dre4dwolf's picture

i also do all that before breakfast, but i eat breakfast at 10pm because i cant afford lunch and dinner.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 16:28 | 6740754 Berspankme
Berspankme's picture

I told the wife if we can put off breakfast until noon, we may be able to skip dinner too. Winning!!

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 12:55 | 6739968 fishwharf
fishwharf's picture

Wake and bake is my secret to success.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 13:01 | 6739988 Winston Smith 2009
Winston Smith 2009's picture

1. Buy a pol with campaign donations.

2. Buy another pol with campaign donations.

3. Buy another pol with campaign donations.

4. Buy another pol with campaign donations.

5. Buy another pol with campaign donations.

6. Buy another pol with campaign donations.

7. Buy another pol with campaign donations.

8. Buy another pol with campaign donations.

9. Buy another pol with campaign donations.

10. Buy another pol with campaign donations.

11. Buy another pol with campaign donations.

12. Buy another pol with campaign donations.

13. Buy another pol with campaign donations.

14. Buy another pol with campaign donations.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 13:04 | 6740000 Grandad Grumps
Grandad Grumps's picture

So, if we DO NOT want to be like them, we should not do those things? It will be hard to eliminate them all, but I can try.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 13:31 | 6740084 grumpyoldgit
grumpyoldgit's picture

"Personal passion project" = shag your missus

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 13:31 | 6740085 grumpyoldgit
grumpyoldgit's picture

"Personal passion project" = shag your missus

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 13:43 | 6740118 semperfi
semperfi's picture

= masturbate

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 13:35 | 6740096 Head_Shots_Work
Head_Shots_Work's picture

What. Fucking. Bullshit. 

Here's the real list:

1. Jeeves quietly walks in and turns off the oxygen and removes the mask

2. Mexy (his nickname for his Hispanic maid that he never can remember the name for) comes in with a coffee and freshly squeezed orange juice. She carefully stirred the juice with her index finger after scratching her behind with it - thus that 'Speciale Ingredient' he seems to lie. 

3. He drinks the juice and takes his eight pills for high blood pressure, high chloresteral, and his anti-anxiety meds, along with the aspirin pill so his heart (which he actually thinks he has!) won't stop.

4. The fog lifting somewhat from his brain, we struggles to the bathroom and delivers a huge BM, mostly super rich foods digested from the "Save the Whatever the Fuck those leftist idiots are wanting to save" (too bad it's not the middle class right?) drunken smooze business connection and review of trophy wife fund raising dinner he was at the night before. 

5. Feeling much better, even lighter, he takes a long hot shower, making sure that all the faucets are running full blast (this is california anyway - what better way to demonstrate a healthy disdain for money and any reality based concern for the environment than to use as much water as possible?).

6. Slipping into one of the 50 identical polo or 50 identical LLBeans shirts, khaki's and hand stitched italian loafers, he then goes downstairs.

7. Then it's anybodies guess. Golf with bigshots at an exclusive club? Board meeting with other pompous inbreds? The worlds your oyster when you've inherited an ivy league education and millions by jove!

 

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 13:58 | 6740176 Buster Cherry
Buster Cherry's picture

This is bullshit.

No where on the list is taking a shit.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 14:00 | 6740182 Eahudimac
Eahudimac's picture

Top 10 things George Soros does before breakfast:

  1. Shits the bed.
  2. Calls Victoria Newland to see how the next coup is coming along.
  3. Calls Hillary to remind her that she is his bitch.
  4. Crashes the FX market of a random third world country.
  5. Takes a bubble bath.
  6. Drowns a puppy in the estate fountain
  7. Sells bad European government debt to Mario Draghi.
  8. Spends a few hundred million on climate change propaganda. 
  9. Takes his play money aware from Bill Gross.
  10. Refuses to take his meds so the servant hides them in his applesauce. 
Mon, 11/02/2015 - 14:08 | 6740204 falak pema
falak pema's picture

So Tylers, apparently Anonymous have published, as promised, the 1000 names of the KKK's prominent members.

Any feedback on that juicy prime piece of southern fried spare ribs?

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 14:10 | 6740217 Random_Robert
Random_Robert's picture

She forgot one task:

 

"They log into the Globex, and sell 200 million notional in Gold Continous contracts in the illiquid near-east market"

 

 

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 14:19 | 6740244 3rdWorldTrillionaire
3rdWorldTrillionaire's picture

1 - 14: Check. Then again, that's why I'm a Trillionaire. Fuck ya'll...

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 18:38 | 6741368 o r c k
o r c k's picture

We don't hear much about "hundredaires" do we ?

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 14:35 | 6740299 cheech_wizard
cheech_wizard's picture

Having a step-father who was a dentist... I can see his first remark upon seeing a picture of Laura... "She's got one hell of an overbite."

Standard Disclaimer: No, I don't find overbites sexy. Moving on to the next article because quite frankly I'm of the age where I could care less what someone else does when they get up in the morning.

 

 

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 14:37 | 6740312 cookies anyone
cookies anyone's picture

To all the people that write shit like this: Go fuck yourself 

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 14:55 | 6740386 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

I guess they say their 7 "Hail Satans" and 4 "Our Lucifers" before they go to bed?

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 15:03 | 6740421 Schroedingers Cat
Schroedingers Cat's picture

I do ZERO of those things.  I get to go for long walks on the beach, drink Pinot and pick my crevices all day while other less fortunate souls toil. 

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 15:16 | 6740477 GoinFawr
GoinFawr's picture

 Have your listicles examined at least once a year folks.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 15:20 | 6740494 Skiprrrdog
Skiprrrdog's picture

LOL... not even the most pathetic, living in the dirt third world wretch would bother to read this self serving, self important drivel. These people all act like amassing large amounts of little green pieces of paper somehow makes them special; it does not. The only thing this lame list tells me is I am glad I am not them, after all, you do not become a millionaire by being a nice guy/gal... you do it on the backs of other people, people you never even met before. Maybe you were an HFT worker for a while, in which case your victims were orphans and widows and other people who worked hard for their money. I would be more inclined to read a list that tells me how to *not* become like you.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 15:27 | 6740518 I AM SULLY
I AM SULLY's picture

15. MAKE SURE TO HAVE A NICE CRAP! A SCRAPY ONE! JAGGED EDGES AND SHIT! HEAR THE "CLINK" SOUND WHEN YOU DROP THAT LOAD!

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 15:31 | 6740521 conraddobler
conraddobler's picture

They have no idea what it's like for most people to just try to live a decent life without tossing their soul to Satan.

I truly think their perspectives are completely disconnected from reality due to a lack of interaction.  It would behoove all of them to live life as middle class American's for a while to see what kind of world they have wrought.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 15:30 | 6740522 Grandad Grumps
Grandad Grumps's picture

Feeble attempt to make people think that they are inferior.

By successful, does she mean money and status obsessed slaves of the fiat system?

If you are not a creator of fiat debt money, then you are dependent on the creators of debt-money and are therefore a slave to the money. How successful can you really be? Are willing slaves better than unwilling slaves?

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 15:29 | 6740526 Nanur
Nanur's picture

Wow, they are amazing!  No wonder they're successful!  All that AND they manage to "spend quality time with their family" too!  I'm sure their family really appreciates that "quality" minute or 2.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 15:30 | 6740531 tarabel
tarabel's picture

 

 

Well, personally, I'm fascinated at the concept of dieting in the morning because you will be too busy to do so later on in the day.

And I also liked the "former corporate executive" who meditates for 20 minutes twice a day. Seems to me there's a definite correlation between the words "meditation" and "former". At least there would be if she worked for me.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 15:32 | 6740539 Clowns on Acid
Clowns on Acid's picture

Once QE stops ... this list is going to change for these people.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 15:34 | 6740543 theprofromdover
theprofromdover's picture

" personal passion project"

As Woody Allan said -Masturbation: spending quality time with someone you love.

 

Oo er, missus

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 15:33 | 6740545 conraddobler
conraddobler's picture

1 Let them eat cake.

2 Let them eat cake.

**************

14 Get a job loser!

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 15:34 | 6740550 Nanur
Nanur's picture

They forgot ....Call Senators instructing them to pass that bill for more tax cuts and corporate welfare by telling constituents it will create jobs.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 15:38 | 6740563 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

15. They FUCK OFF

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 15:48 | 6740602 TabakLover
TabakLover's picture

To quote the best t-shirt ever:

 

Fuck you, you fucking fucks.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 15:48 | 6740605 besnook
besnook's picture

here are the real traits of a successful person.

 

1. get up early. sunrise is the best part of the day.

2. roll a phat one while making your first cup of coffee.

3. read something interesting or do a crossword puzzle in the library.

4. make a coupla bucks trading digibucks

5. go fishing.

6. eat good.

7. have sex

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 15:51 | 6740618 LostAtSea
LostAtSea's picture

yep, like Bob Dylan said, a successful person is one who wakes up in the morning, goes to bed at night, and inbetween does what he wants to do.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 17:03 | 6740933 besnook
besnook's picture

hl mencken: a successful man does what he wants when he wants to do it.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 15:49 | 6740613 LostAtSea
LostAtSea's picture

The cynacism and hatred towards those who are better off is thick as molasis here. So quick are we to throw stones, blind with jealousy, like a witch hunt straight out of Atlas Shrugged.

But who is to blame for the wealth disparity? Move your sights to the real source: government corruption and Federal reserve policy.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 15:57 | 6740641 Nanur
Nanur's picture

And who do you suppose corrputs government and runs the Fed?  The poor?

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 16:10 | 6740695 LostAtSea
LostAtSea's picture

The rich use their wealth for influence. No doubt. That has been going on since the beginning of time. What do you propose to do? Kill anyone who is wealthy? Limit the amount of wealth a person is allowed to have? What do you define as too wealthy? Like socialism much?

We have the Constitution and basic laws to attempt to prevent corruption of government. When the gov. is accepting money to influence policy, then they are operating illegally. So who is to blame, the wealthy for using their money for their favor, or the government for accepting it?

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 17:18 | 6740996 PoasterToaster
PoasterToaster's picture

How did they actually become "better off" than 95% of the other people in the country?  Clean living and daily prayer?  Hard work? Hard-ly.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 15:59 | 6740649 tommylicious
tommylicious's picture

FUCK YOU, VANDERKUM!!!!!!!!!!!!      BASTARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 16:26 | 6740747 Yttrium Gold Ni...
Yttrium Gold Nitrogen's picture

Oh blah blah blah shit. What do they think when they publish such lists? That someone will believe that if you do what they do, you will become successful? They are not successful because they do those things, they do those things because, well, they do it. For no obvious reason.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 16:31 | 6740753 Rakksan
Rakksan's picture

Make the bed? Three years in the Army,I made my bed every day. Where did I go wrong?

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 16:33 | 6740788 Meatballs
Meatballs's picture

Kiss my hairy ass , douche bag. Just another conformist kool-aid list of bs. Go sell another book to the suckers...

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 16:35 | 6740800 Theremustbeanot...
Theremustbeanotherway's picture

I can't see work my fingers to the bone or fly around like a blue bottle fly on steroids anywhere on the list!

You won't, because these w**kers dress up what they do as work.

Other people run around for them, but let's look at the list

1) wake up early - what 4-4:30am every morning in th e cold and dark - because gas & electricity costs have gone through the roof!

2) drink water - the cr*p that comes out of the tap for which you are charged a fortune, bceause it is metered! I doubt it !!

3)They make their beds - no sh*t, but I guess they think the rest of us sleep on straw!

4) They exercise - at their expensive club - not running to catch the train, because the next one is likely to be over full or cancelled!

5) They work on a top-priority business project - they don't have ar*eh*les chasing them around trying to convince them that EVERYTHING is a top priority!

6)They meditate to clear their minds - see 5) above there is NO TIME FOR MEDITATION unless you want to be accused of slacking/not a team player etc etc etc!

7) They work on a personal-passion project - its called a FU*CKING hobby see 5) above for reasons why ordinary people have little time to pursue this!

8)They spend quality time with family - that would be nice but yet again see 5) above the opportunities are few and far between!

9) They connect with their spouses - chance would be a fine thing - but yet again see 5) above and link this to soaring diviorce rates!

10) They network over coffee - no time for fu*king coffee ....talking to all and sundry to get 5) done is working the damn net

11) They write down the things they 're grateful for - such as the poor f**kers working their fingers to the bone to keep them in the lifestyle they're accustomed to ! Chance would be a fine thing!!! How about not being made redundant on the whim of a psycho in charge?

12) They plan and strategise while they're fresh - no time for that when your clearing the Augean stables!  see 5) above  

13)They check their e-mail - really WTF do the rest of do? See 5) above - this is another source of harassment!!

14) They read news - I doubt if its a freebie comic masquerading as news - they haven't had to trim their budgets to exclude the luxury of a decent broad sheet. Besides reading about the poor and middle class getting shafted one way or innumerable other ways tends to grate!!!     

 

 

 

 

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 16:47 | 6740860 devo
devo's picture

15. The check how much money The Bernanke has printed today.

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 16:49 | 6740871 all-priced-in
all-priced-in's picture

McDonald's now serves all day brealfast.

 

Plus

 

The McRib is BACK!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 16:52 | 6740886 Theremustbeanot...
Theremustbeanotherway's picture

16. How to use the free money Bernanke/Yellen has given to me in order to shaft the maximum number of the middle class and poor.  Pay Day Lender may be?  etc etc    

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 16:58 | 6740916 Theremustbeanot...
Theremustbeanotherway's picture

17. Make a few calls to see how much trouble I have fomented in the Ukraine!

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 17:02 | 6740926 Theremustbeanot...
Theremustbeanotherway's picture

18. Send my my robes from last night's Satanic Black mass to the dry cleaners as these are as blood spattered as a butcher's apron!

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 17:20 | 6741012 Theremustbeanot...
Theremustbeanotherway's picture

19. Make a call to the high ranking paedo Politician for whom I hold a dossier on (care of the security service agent I bribed) and blackmail him into giving me the latest lucrative government contract!

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 17:23 | 6741021 Shibboleth
Shibboleth's picture

15. They have a wank during showering

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 17:24 | 6741022 Theremustbeanot...
Theremustbeanotherway's picture

20.  Arrange for an IT specialist to visit my home server in order to eradicate all the incriminating e-mails on this!

Mon, 11/02/2015 - 17:28 | 6741048 Tachyon5321
Tachyon5321's picture

More phony nonsense from the liberal elite.

 

1. No one believes that Warren Buffet gets up every morning to excise.

2. Most of the Billionaire have been divorced multiple times and none of them care about their kids.  

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!