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Chuck Norris: World War III Started Last Friday In Paris

Tyler Durden's picture




 

If you know anything about Chuck Norris (or his alter ego Walker Texas Ranger), you know that he’s not one to take things lying down. 

Just look at what happened over the summer when, after a number of Texans got worried about the US Spec Ops Command’s Jade Helm 15 “exercises,” Norris warned The Pentagon that the drills came “a little too close to the backdoor of [his] ranch.” 

A few months later, after Norris became “exhausted” with Tehran’s nuclear “antics”, Walker suggested that if he were allowed to speak for and act on behalf of the entire international community, the Bahamas would never obtain a nuclear weapon, Iranian drug dealers would never be given a 90-day heads up to hide their stash, and most importantly, Iran’s nuclear ambitions would be "sniffed" out and "pre-emptive strikes" would be launched.

Well, in the wake of the Paris attacks, Norris is out with a new missive titled simply, “World War III?”

No, really. Just click the link, you'll see.

In it, we get a history lesson, a quantitative assessment of Islamic State’s power vis-a-vis other Sunni extremist groups, and all sorts of semantic shenanigans. Below, find some highlights and commentary. 

First, Norris says this:

...if you weren’t convinced before, now you know what a disorganized World War III looks like from the six simultaneous Paris terror attacks by ISIS that killed at least 129 precious souls and injured more than 300 more. And to think just a year ago, President Obama called ISIS “a jayvee team.” In fact, on Friday morning just before the attacks in Paris, President Obama again minimized ISIS’ power as he shared on “Good Morning America,” “I don’t think they’re gaining ground. What is true is that from the start, our goal has been first to contain, and we have contained them. … We’ve [also] made some progress in trying to reduce the flow of foreign fighters...”

 

Whoops. Another misdirected miscalculation.

We’re not sure what a “misdirected miscalculation” is, and the word “convinced” doesn’t work with the phrase “now you know”, but Norris is correct that Obama had a rather unfortunate soundbite on Good Morning America and we think we understand what Chuck is trying to say. But just so we’re sure, let’s see if he can clear it up:

I believe these coordinated murder sprees in Paris may go down in history like the Nazis’ invasion of Poland on Sept. 1, 1939, as the spark that lit the fuse for a wider European involvement in World War II. Though apples and oranges in warfare, the impact of ISIS in Syria and Iraq is comparable to Hitler’s annexation of Czechoslovakia and Austria, which caused great concern and condemnation but not greater European revolt.

Ok, got it. ISIS taking territory in Syria and Iraq is a lot like Anschluss and the German occupation of Sudetenland. You see, late 1930s Germany was a rising industrial and military powerhouse capable of annexing entire states by decree. Much like ISIS, a ragtag group of desert bandits operating out of bombed out cities in the war-torn Middle East.

But hey, at least Norris admits their style of warfare is “apples to oranges.” 

It took the closer invasion of Poland to provoke a military battle from France and Great Britain. So, I believe, ISIS’ attacks on Paris will prompt Western nations and others to coalesce against ISIS like never before, especially for those countries whose victims lie among the dead and injured.

Well, on that point we’d have to agree, although we think Chuck may be missing a thing or two when it comes to understanding the real motivation for Western troops going to Syria. 

The expansion of ISIS’ footprint is undeniable. The jihadists possess a hundredfold the power of al-Qaida and, in their own estimation, are well on the way to Caliphate victory.

Yes, they “possess a hundredfold the power of al-Qaeda.” We would love to know how Norris calculated that and we’d also like to know what “well on the way to Caliphate victory” means. Does that mean the Caliphate itself is nearly victorious? Or does that mean ISIS is soon to be victorious in realizing its goal of creating a Caliphate? Because if it’s the former, well, of course they’re going to say that - we're sure that "by their own estimation", ISIS is a lot of things. If it’s the latter, we suggest Norris take a look at a map of some real historical Caliphates and decide how close he thinks ISIS is to realizing their goal.


In true Walker fashion, Norris goes out in a blaze of glory with four policy recommendations. 

Number 1: Mr. President, we need you to quit sticking your head in the sands of cultural, military and religious ignorance and minimizing the power of ISIS. We need you to unleash the full force of the U.S. military and U.S. Intelligence to destroy it both domestically and abroad. We must triple the protection at all of our ports and borders. It is also imperative that nations around the globe join us in collectively stopping ISIS’ Caliphate.

Right. It is imperative that nations around the globe "join in collectively stopping ISIS", which is why it's so damn curious that Washington steadfastly refuses to cooperate with Russia and Iran on doing just that.

Number 2: We need the White House and major mainstream media to quit downplaying Islamic terrorism and playing politically correct cards by moving away from terms like terrorists and jihadists, and condoning Islamic extremism under the rubric of pacifying peaceful Muslims.

Yeah, really. What's with the lack of ISIS media coverage? Besides the fact that CNN has run nothing but ISIS coverage for 72 straight hours to the point that apparently, everyone other than Anderson Cooper and Erin Burnett just got to take three whole days off, and besides this...

...it's almost like no one cares. 

Number 3: We do not need Washington to foolishly open its arms to Syrian refugees when we are in a war with ISIS. Are we naïve enough to believe that the jihadists aren’t packing the flood of Syrian refugees with their minions and importing their jihad into multiple nations around the world, including the U.S.?

Honestly Chuck, who knows at this point and since we've covered it on any number of occasions, we'll just leave it for now.

Number 4: One year from now, we absolutely need a new (Republican) president who rebuilds and expands the U.S. military and U.S. Intelligence, fighting Islamic jihadists like never before, before they succeed in coordinated acts of terror in the U.S. that make Paris and even Sept. 11 seem like Islamic child’s play.

Ah, yes and there it is. The obligatory political plug. Fair enough. Everyone is entitled to that every now and again we suppose.

The irony here is that Norris' premise may in fact be right. That is, what happened in Paris may very well be the spark that starts World War III and so on that point we have to give it to Walker: he seems to be drawing a plausible connection between Poland ca. 1939 and Paris 2015 although it's not at all clear that he fully appreciates what might well be going on behind the scenes.

If Norris is right and World War III did indeed start last Friday in Paris, the only question for ISIS now is this: will Walker be joining the fight? 

Because if so, expect Raqqa to fall in about, oh, let's just call it 14 minutes...

 

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Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:49 | 6801946 new game
new game's picture

can i say fascist vs mussi extremist?

i'll bet on fascism/banksters every tyme...

ps. i want peace...

just don't see that happening

unless

the majority get control some way shape or form before

moar atrocities happen.

sad fucking reality...

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:17 | 6802262 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

As Antony Sutton closed his indictment in his epic work, "Wall Street and the Rise of Hitler"

 

But not until a majority finds the moral courage and the internal fortitude to reject the something-fornothing con game and replace it by voluntary associations, voluntary communes, or local rule and decentralized societies, will the killing and the plunder cease. 

 

Yeah. It is a very sad reality.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:00 | 6801724 markitect
markitect's picture

WTF does Chuck Norris's opinion matter?  Watching people go ape shit and beat the war drums is exactly what they want you to do so you can deliver your 18 year old sons to go die for them.  

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:28 | 6801857 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Don't forget to include daughters in the equation now that the Feminazis want women to serve in combat.

Won't be long now before young women are required to register with Selective Service.

Amazing how you don't see womyn demanding that this glass ceiling of the last bastion of male domination be shattered.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:43 | 6801918 Chuckster
Chuckster's picture

Ya...but the mothers swoon over those gold stars.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 19:08 | 6802054 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

#HollywoodActorsOpinionsMatter

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:23 | 6802299 1223pm
1223pm's picture

Chuck Norris represent 95% amrican.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:02 | 6801731 Jstanley011
Jstanley011's picture

Stupid infidels. This war has been going on since 610 AD.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:02 | 6801737 Oswald did it
Oswald did it's picture

Chuck Norris can eat a bag of dicks

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:11 | 6801773 booboo
booboo's picture

and?  whats the rest of the Chuck Norris joke? eat a bag of dicks and???

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:29 | 6801869 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

....in a dick eating contest with Obama?

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:44 | 6801925 City_Of_Champyinz
City_Of_Champyinz's picture

My money is on Obama in that matchup...

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 19:01 | 6802020 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

just another botched joke.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:02 | 6801738 Agent P
Agent P's picture

What we need is a Total Gym in every American home to properly train for the coming fight. 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:15 | 6801789 inosent
inosent's picture

hahaha, yeah, that's a good laugh ... I don't know what the heck all these fat, lazy Ameriucans would do in the event of the type of invasion their federal mercenary forces pulled on the half baked 3rd worlders in the ME. Whatever you want to say about the ME crazies, they are pretty hardcore. Living in a perpetual war zone with 130 degree heat, a standard of living even a rat over there will run away from. Ha! In the USA? The land of the Pillsbury Dough Boy.

And even if they were all in good shape, since America is totally balkanized, nobody would know what they are defending and for whom. The mexicans would be fighting for Mexico, the asians for China, the liberal left would collapse in heartbeat and join the invaders because 'we are the world' globalist mentality, plus they are pussies, and that leaves like 100 guys with a shotgun and a few rounds of ammo who theoretically get it, but then they say "wtf, even if we repel the invaders, the federal government would still be there to make sure this multi-cultural mish-mosh, homosexualized, anti-God, capitol of porn, purveyors of fiat fed res fraud, with their IRS and the massive amount of rules and regs that make it impossible for my business to stay profitable ... you know what? they can have it"

 

 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 21:13 | 6802470 August
August's picture

Agree 100%, inosent.  I'll be glad to "fight for America" only if an America worth fighting for ever re-appears.

As it stands, the military (and anyone else who defends the DC regime) is merely defending an aggressive tyranny.

 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 23:13 | 6802908 inosent
inosent's picture

late edit:

"wtf, even if we repel the invaders, the federal government would still be there to make sure this multi-cultural mish-mosh, homosexualized, anti-God, capitol of porn, purveyors of fiat fed res fraud, with their IRS and the massive amount of rules and regs that make it impossible for my business to stay profitable ... you know what? they can have it"

should read:

"wtf, even if we repel the invaders, the federal government would still be there to make sure this multi-cultural mish-mosh, homosexualized, anti-God, capitol of porn, purveyors of fiat fed res fraud, with their IRS and the massive-amount-of-rules-and-regs-that-make-it-impossible-for-my-business-to-stay-profitable-entity stays in business ... you know what? they can have it"

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 19:15 | 6802087 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

I probably wouldn't use one but I'd watch Christy use it all day long.

61 years old. A certified GILF in spades.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3318513/How-DOES-Botox-neck-ha...

 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:19 | 6802293 tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

Had to use google to find out what a GILF was.  First thought the G stood for geriatric.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:04 | 6801744 inosent
inosent's picture

I don't get it. According to the propaganda, 'ISIS' is trying to destroy Syria.

The propaganda machine comes up with this flashy 'press release' from 'ISIS Medai Inc' that says "Yeah, we did it. Woo Hoo. We are very bad."

Translation? Go in and start bombing Syria and take out Assad, because the terrorists (per the propaganda) who are trying to kill Assad and ruin his country just committed an act of teror in Paris ...

?

Am I missing something here? That doesn't make any sense, right?

 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:27 | 6802311 1223pm
1223pm's picture

nothing makes sense but weapons are selling like hot cakes.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:05 | 6801746 atomicwasted
atomicwasted's picture

OK, Chuck, you go first.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:08 | 6801756 agent default
agent default's picture

WWIII is governments vs the people on a global scale.  Everything else is a lie.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:23 | 6801836 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

Precisely....

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 19:04 | 6802040 trulz4lulz
trulz4lulz's picture

but who are people?

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 19:56 | 6802212 agent default
agent default's picture

Soylent green

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:08 | 6801760 taketheredpill
taketheredpill's picture

How old is he?  Be great if he started making movies again.  Really.

BTW Can I just say miss David Rees.  GYWO.

 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:10 | 6801770 CHoward
CHoward's picture

WE NEED BRADDOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Braddock 2016

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:11 | 6801772 European American
European American's picture

"...down in history like the Nazis’ invasion of Poland on Sept. 1, 1939, as the spark that lit the fuse for a wider European involvement in World War II..."

Zionist (Bolshevik) propaganda, proving even Charlie has been brainwashed. When will it end?

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:17 | 6801781 JustObserving
JustObserving's picture

If we have to rely on the wit and wisdom of Chuck Norris to know when World War III started, then the earth needs a reboot.

ISIS that killed at least 129 precious souls and injured more than 300 more 

Hey Chuckee, 300,000 Syrians and 3.5 million Iraqis were dead due to illegal US/NATO wars before any precious souls died in Paris

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 21:55 | 6802613 Boubou
Boubou's picture

No Just. Hearts don't go out for 3.5m Iraqis we caused to die. But heads of state walk streets of Paris for 9 Frenchmen. You see, us and our allies are the only ones truly human.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:14 | 6801785 Chuckster
Chuckster's picture

Who posted this article?  Chuck Norris should be swimming across the pacific as you read this and getting ready to really kick butt.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:54 | 6801986 trulz4lulz
trulz4lulz's picture

Chuck Norris should challenge China to a Kung Fu fight. I would watch that.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:17 | 6801799 Teknopagan
Teknopagan's picture

The National Socialists belled the Jewish cat and Germans (read Us) will never be forgiven. 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:20 | 6801814 yomutti
yomutti's picture

Wackoism.

Naziism

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:19 | 6801805 vulcanraven
vulcanraven's picture

Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:20 | 6801817 cordial savage
cordial savage's picture

Unless there's a veritable shitstorm that ensues more broadly than the Middle East, WWIII seems like a stretch, at least as a result of ISIS.  Cells will pop up across the globe, but WWIII?  Long shot.

Now, if countries on any and all sides start lining up and someone gets cross, that's possible.  Then you have an Iran-Russia-Syria-China-Pakistan alliance vs. US-Israel-Europe-Australia-Canada-Japan mess.  That seems more likely than just ISIS leading to the next great global war.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:22 | 6801824 yomutti
yomutti's picture

Chuckie is a such a nutbar, he probably posts here.

He and Vlad-o should get together for some weekend fun. They could take their shirts off and admire each other.

 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:47 | 6801947 negative rates
negative rates's picture

They could have a 3 way butt headin contest and see who passes out last.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:55 | 6801993 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

So you are a woman or a fag.

 

Which is it, cunt?

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 19:57 | 6802215 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

yomutti...

 

Since the word "cunt" elicited absolutely no response then you are not a woman, faggot.

 

 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:48 | 6802373 Baby Bladeface
Baby Bladeface's picture

Insightful strategy. +1

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:22 | 6801826 cordial savage
cordial savage's picture

The Germans should be ok.

http://exopolitics.org/german-secret-societies-colonized-mars-in-1940s/

GERMAN SECRET SOCIETIES COLONIZED MARS IN 1940S
Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:38 | 6801898 Chuckster
Chuckster's picture

I knew all these half bakes idiots crawling all over the country came from somewhere.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:25 | 6801844 tongue.stan
tongue.stan's picture

Troll much, Tylers?

Ya just gotta stir the shit a bit more, dontcha?

Btw, is there a Short Texas ETF out there to go along with my California shorts?

Next thing you know, Charlie Sheen is gonna start donating blood to the Red Crescent.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:27 | 6801845 hotrod
hotrod's picture

Can you imagine a draft in the USA requiring all the spoon fed Baby Boomer's kids to ENLIST and fight for Barry's vision.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:35 | 6801887 Chuckster
Chuckster's picture

With a motivating song it might work.  Maybe a rap.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 19:02 | 6802022 Publicus_Reanimated
Publicus_Reanimated's picture

Songs that will not be used:

"Won't Get Fooled Again" -- The Who

"Nuclear War" -- Sun Ra Arkestra

"Billy Don't Be A Hero" -- Paper Lace

"War Pigs" -- Black Sabbath

"When Johnny Comes Marching Home" -- Patrick Gilmore

 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:16 | 6802287 Caleb Abell
Caleb Abell's picture

"John Brown" -- Bob Dylan

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:39 | 6802341 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

"Killing an Arab" -- The Cure

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpdB0FKsQzc

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 19:26 | 6802118 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

It's an oldie but how about "Get a Job"?

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 22:41 | 6802789 August
August's picture

Be of good cheer:  National Review has teamed up with Craig Venter and the Koch Brothers, and they're bringing back the Andrews Sisters.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:27 | 6801856 MEFOBILLS
MEFOBILLS's picture

How come ISIS is allowed to pump oil and sell it through Turkey?  

 

 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 19:27 | 6802126 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

Because oil doesn't care who owns it?

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:41 | 6802350 HowdyDoody
HowdyDoody's picture

Because how else is the CIA gonna fund ISIS?

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 22:48 | 6802815 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

Because the psychopaths that control the monopoly on the currency that converts petroleum energy into money need to maintain that monopoly anyway they can.

Plus they like all the death and destruction that spawns from feeding their mind-controlled chaos monsters that energy.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:28 | 6801858 smacker
smacker's picture

Dear Chuck,

Stick to making kick-butt films. There's a good fellow :-)

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:28 | 6801860 cordial savage
cordial savage's picture

We don't need Chuck.  We need Rowsdower!

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BaMupuoCQAAr3AG.jpg

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:43 | 6801914 L Bean
L Bean's picture

hahaa good stuff

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:30 | 6801866 Itsthetiming
Itsthetiming's picture

What those terrorists did is not a crime in their country or according to their religion. They acted with a high level of morality and were just in what they did.

They are not monsters. They are very religious (before they died).

Your fighting a religion not a terrorist.

They control an area the size of the U.K. With millions of citizens under their government - not toyotas like you see on tv.

If you want to wipe them out you're going to have to have a very real and. It war.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:31 | 6801877 Chuckster
Chuckster's picture

I believe these coordinated murder sprees in Paris may go down in history like the Nazis’ invasion of Poland on Sept. 1, 1939, as the spark that lit the fuse for a wider European involvement in World War II. Though apples and oranges in warfare, the impact of ISIS in Syria and Iraq is comparable to Hitler’s annexation of Czechoslovakia and Austria, which caused great concern and condemnation but not greater European revolt.

Shakespeare said history is nonsense retold by idiots.  Does anybody out there know France attacked Germany before Germany attacked France in ww2.  The French soldiers attacked a rural area in Germany and stole some bicycles and rode them back to France.  The French government then tried to make some propaganda films out of the raid.  Thus then the films still exist.  The human race has been stupid for a long time. 


Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:46 | 6801938 Dan The Man
Dan The Man's picture

Prince Ruprecht firing Otto Von Bismarck was the beginning of WW1

 

imo

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 22:48 | 6802819 August
August's picture

That French attack was just pro forma to honor the letter, if not the spirit, of the French alliance with Poland.

If we're going to defend the German WW2 record, it's worth pointing out that "strategic" bombing of civilian targets was initiated by the UK against Germany, also in the early days of the war, and possibly for the same reason as the French attack (to show that "something is being done").

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:32 | 6801881 smithmorra
smithmorra's picture

WHY AREN'T THE MOTHERFUCKING A$$HOLES WHO ARE KNOCKING THE BEJESUS OUT OF CIVILIZATION BEING GUNNED DOWN WITH AK47S???  GO AFTER THE COCKSUCKERS BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!!!

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:39 | 6801904 Beowulf55
Beowulf55's picture

..........becuase America now is a country of Metrosexuals that ride Skittle shitting Unicorns..........

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:44 | 6801930 Itsthetiming
Itsthetiming's picture

Don't knock my clothes and buddy lay off the unicorn if yah know what's good for you !

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:30 | 6802320 Chuckster
Chuckster's picture

Gee...why don't you tell us how you really feel?

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:34 | 6801885 tedstr
tedstr's picture

See the media won't call it Islamic terroism becuase once you do that you have to get into the whole icky religion thing, and once you do that you have to talk about the fact that the main beef these people have is against the Joos and all of their supporters.  Wouldn't want to go there now would we.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:37 | 6801896 RMolineaux
RMolineaux's picture

Norris has so often lent his name and fame to zionist propaganda that I do not consider his opinions on Middle East matters to be worth anyone's attention. 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:51 | 6801974 Savyindallas
Savyindallas's picture

Norris is better than most. For instance, he likes and respects Ron Paul, though he supported Huckaby. He tries to play both sides, but he knows whose butters his bread  -supporting Israel, the zionists and neocons is good for business-especially when you are a washed up, second tier star like Norris. 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:42 | 6801909 L Bean
L Bean's picture

He's mad that the power of ISIS is being "diminished" by Obama.

Was he over there with McCain for that meeting with ISIS?

 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:47 | 6801943 Itsthetiming
Itsthetiming's picture

Isis isn't an IPO you know. It's the same damn people in 100 different movements that change nam as they need to. It's not like you crash their stock the company winds up. There are dozens of organizations wanting to be top dog.

If every single member of Isis died tomorrow you wouldn't get Assad running things, one of the other groups will take the command.

Jesus, take it from someone who has been there - there are millions of replacements and they all want the top position.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 19:37 | 6802157 L Bean
L Bean's picture

It was a joke dude.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 23:03 | 6802870 FreeNewEnergy
FreeNewEnergy's picture

So, it's just like Hollywood.

Got it.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:43 | 6801920 Phillpots
Phillpots's picture

The only truth in this headline is the fact that we are in it.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:47 | 6801944 Savyindallas
Savyindallas's picture

Yes  -Chuck Needs to go to Raqqa   -to fight the terrorsits. But it should be under Syrian, Russian, Hezbollan or Iranian command since they are the only ones legally there to fight Isis. 

That's not so bad Chuck  -Putin's good buddy Steven Seagal may join you  -

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:25 | 6802303 Chuckster
Chuckster's picture

No one has really figured out Seagal....he is a strange dude.  He does things (in real life) that mortal man can not.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:48 | 6801948 HoserF16
HoserF16's picture

If these Camel-Humpin' Retard's open-up in my neighborhood, Whoa. It will be over before it start's. Bang, Bang, Bang, Popcorn!

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:48 | 6801953 yogibear
yogibear's picture

So the bigger the bombs the higher the higher the Central Banks take stocks until the nukes come.

At that point it doesn't matter what you had in your accounts because the accounts won't exist.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:49 | 6801959 Chuckster
Chuckster's picture

The man makes movies.  This is a great storyline for a new movie.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:52 | 6801979 Jack Oliver
Jack Oliver's picture

What a HAS-BEEN !

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:52 | 6801980 shanearthur
shanearthur's picture

I swear man! I don't believe the Tyler I'm used to reading these past few years wrote the last two snarky articles. This stuff reads like a snarky female writer to me. Anybody else notice this shift?

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:35 | 6802335 praxis
praxis's picture

Yes it's very noticeable.  It's like whoever hired this Tyler didn't fully vet his/her libertarian credo's cos its like reading the comments section of the Washington Post, mostly pithy liberal stoopid shit, very similar to this Tylers "snark"

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:53 | 6802391 stormsailor
stormsailor's picture

yeah, take them to the vet.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:56 | 6801996 WilliamShatner
WilliamShatner's picture

All Chuck Norris would had to do is sneeze while thinking of his enemies and they'd all get tuberculosis.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 18:59 | 6802013 JimmyRainbow
JimmyRainbow's picture

look at all the ongoing blabla...

pentagon/kerry say: not with russia, hollande calls eu for help in that upcoming war and even that all clues point to brussels/belgium everyone wants to go to syria

chuck is right

the blabla-artists in europe will find a way to start the weltenbrand

 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 19:03 | 6802025 AGAU
AGAU's picture

Chuck Norris? This is the most bizarre thing I've ever seen, I live in bizarroland, I think I've finally lost it.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 23:33 | 6802960 August
August's picture

If Obama can pass as the Leader of the Free World, there's no reason Chuck Norris can't make US foreign policy.

(all together now) At this point, what difference does it make?

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 19:03 | 6802027 Gothic Optimism
Gothic Optimism's picture

And bigger profits for the Military Industrial Complex.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 19:04 | 6802035 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

rotflmfao:

"The irony here is that Norris' premise may in fact be right."

90% of the article dissin' on Chuck, then he "may" be right.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 19:06 | 6802046 world_debt_slave
world_debt_slave's picture

pope took notice

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 19:07 | 6802050 Playtime's Over
Playtime's Over's picture

Do not fuk with Chuck. He da man.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 19:08 | 6802055 The Gladiator
The Gladiator's picture

More like ww I. Insignificant countries causint the world to choose sides.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 19:17 | 6802092 Itsthetiming
Itsthetiming's picture

Amazing.

There could be an impending financial explosion and you'd only know about it on CNN after the fact. We no longer have news channels - they are jerry springer style news channels now.

Ugh.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:11 | 6802266 Chuckster
Chuckster's picture

They always were that way.  The dollar rules.  They are more controlled now than they used to be.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 19:23 | 6802107 loregnum
loregnum's picture

Yet more idiocy coming out of Texas. Shocked, just like I was this morning!

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 19:25 | 6802114 trailerparkblues
trailerparkblues's picture

Me thinks Chucky has been in so long and so deep (his movie tough guy shit) that he has lost touch with reality - he is a doesn't matter - we now have the Kardashians - besides - Paul Blart could take out ISIS and Chucky............

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 19:34 | 6802147 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

Easy there, buddy.

Being a Mall Cop is a tough job, unlike making movies.

Wait a minute...

Never mind.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:10 | 6802261 Chuckster
Chuckster's picture

Ya....them 4 year olds are a pain in the ass.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 19:27 | 6802124 Seal
Seal's picture

Paris = Dien Bien Phu 2

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 19:34 | 6802141 spooz
spooz's picture

Considering that so far all the terrorists were European nationals, and that there was plenty of warning that went unheeded and mistakes were make, its a pretty pathetic excuse to declare "war". 

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/france/11996120/Paris-a...

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 19:36 | 6802151 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

Well, Dammit...

Someone's gotta die...

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:08 | 6802251 Chuckster
Chuckster's picture

Da!  Call in the Germans!

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:08 | 6802248 Chuckster
Chuckster's picture

I think it's a reasonable excuse.  The balkins didn't work out.  Iran didn't work out.  Chuna didn't work out.  Russia didn't work out.  They are running out of ideas.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 19:33 | 6802142 RagnarRedux
RagnarRedux's picture

It's all Kosher!

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 19:38 | 6802160 kerr
kerr's picture

Has Zero Hedge become the new Infowars crap .....

Chuck is right.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 19:53 | 6802177 IronForge
IronForge's picture

Delta Force  (a)
or
Good Guys Wear Black   (b)

 

(a) ISR's Golan Globus Produced US Spec Ops Film.  Bonus: They deploy in the PNAC Target Region.

(b) CIA/Spec Ops Foul Play Film. 

 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 19:58 | 6802216 Wow72
Wow72's picture

Its a National Security Threat and irresponsible to your population to take in unchecked, non-vetted, migrants blindly? This cant happen and if it does and something happens there will be hell to pay.  WHY TF would we even risk it? Bad Idea. We cant even take care of our own. 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:05 | 6802239 Chuckster
Chuckster's picture

Price to pay?  Yeah us'n low life will pay again.  They will find a reason why the common citizen is responsible.  Sad but true.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:41 | 6802344 Duc888
Duc888's picture

 

 

"Its a National Security Threat and irresponsible to your population to take in unchecked, non-vetted, migrants blindly? This cant happen and if it does and something happens there will be hell to pay.  WHY TF would we even risk it? Bad Idea. We cant even take care of our own. "

 

It's job security for LEO's from the FED level on down to Barney Fife as well as the domestic embedded corporate spying conglomerates here in USA.  Kinda like the automotive glass salesmen who go out late at night with a baseball bat to drum up business.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:02 | 6802234 Surveyor4Pres
Surveyor4Pres's picture

Hey, Speaker Ryan;

I know it's too much to ask, but could you PLEASE draft Articles of Impeachment for President Obama's removal from office, before it's too late?

I know that's pie-in-the-sky thinking, but really, this is the only peaceful method of resolving our nations' problems.  There will be no 2016 election, and if there was, it is all just a charade, anyway.

We The People will have two choices, soon enough:  1)  Civil war to oust the devils running our nation, or 2)  Become the World as portrayed in The Hunger Games.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:08 | 6802250 atthelake
atthelake's picture

Chuck acts as if he doesn't know the point is to destroy America, Americans and the dollar. There is no hope that Obama will do anything FOR America. It's all about destruction. All of it.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:15 | 6802253 Son of Captain Nemo
Son of Captain Nemo's picture

No Chuck I think you missed it by about 22 months...

It started in 2013 with the train bombings in Volgograd Russia as a taunt from the Saudi Arabian government and the "lock step" approval of Washington D.C. that if the Russian Federation didn't step aside and give up the Assad government there would be "hell to pay"... Which was followed with hell on earth going on two years with the dislocation of the Ukraine leadership while Vicki Nuland was in the streets of Kiev handing out "cookies" watching it burn!...

Perhaps you also missed the Russian airliner that dropped from the sky a month ago killing 217 Russians on board with the "white chimp" in the oval office saying that he was pretty sure it was a bomb that brought it down, thats all but been forgotten by the writer who delivered you this script to focus ONLY on the Frenach?... Isn't that tantamount to the sinking of the Lusitania or Pearl Harbor for the Russians?

Thanks for the Hollywood narrative but we know and understand well who the fuck pays you to say such stupid things and more importantly "when"!

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:12 | 6802273 bid the soldier...
bid the soldiers shoot's picture

Chuck Norris's beliefs are as good a way as any to trivialize ISIS's attack on a rock n' roll venue and a Cambodian restaurant in a working class district of Paris.

Does anyone deny that when World War III breaks out,  it will be between Russia and China on one side and the US and its inventions like ISIS on the other?

As that did not happen two weeks ago after the downing of the Russian Airbus 321, Mr Norris probably should resume picking crabs out of his beard and contemplating life in his senior years. 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:15 | 6802283 Amish FinEng
Amish FinEng's picture

OMG "The Muslim Terrorist", "Anti-Semitic", Killing Sheeple", "Homeland America", "Christians Jeb", "Syrian hate crimes", "Keep all American negros safe, white, brown, and black"

Deploy the National Police!

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:27 | 6802314 Spiritof42
Spiritof42's picture

I'm more interested in what Kim Kardashian has to say about this. </sarc>

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 23:57 | 6803035 chicmagnet
chicmagnet's picture

The one question that needs to be answered. Did Chuck nut on Christy?

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:31 | 6802324 praxis
praxis's picture

Which Tyler is posting this crap?  I'm not sure if anyone's told you but no one cares about your snark when it comes to Texas and Chuck Norris.  In fact you're kinda coming across like a plain ol liberal Democrat...You must be the European Tyler because everyone in America doesn't take Chuck seriously and we most certainly loved what the Texas governor did during Jade Helm, not so much because we seriously believed the paranoid hype but because he was being a thorn in the side to the FED's.  Dear Ruling Tyler Junta, can you move this guy's shift back to midnight and get him to chill on the Chuck/Texas stupid shit?

 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 21:10 | 6802459 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

A Tessican with thin skin?  Don't let 'em rustle your feathers. - Ned

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:37 | 6802336 Duc888
Duc888's picture

 

 

 

#5.  We (USA) should stop training, supplying and funding terrorists.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:47 | 6802361 AgentScruffy
AgentScruffy's picture

....so informal poll: does Feinstein have (A) an age problem, (B) a pot problem, (C) both, or (D) knowledge about a pending threat in California? 

 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:56 | 6802408 Ms No
Ms No's picture

I would say A and possibly D.  Theoretically A could lead to her spilling the beans about D.  Somewhat like the news did on that crappy day in September.... that would suck.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 21:07 | 6802448 SmedleyButlersGhost
SmedleyButlersGhost's picture

Is this your first time on a multiple choice quiz?

Tue, 11/17/2015 - 00:07 | 6803064 Ms No
Ms No's picture

Okay Smedley, next time I have to take an MC test on Boxer's alzheimers I will be sure to take it more seriously and not scribble out of the lines.

Tue, 11/17/2015 - 06:10 | 6803577 SmedleyButlersGhost
SmedleyButlersGhost's picture

My comment seemed much more witty in my head

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:45 | 6802362 AgentScruffy
AgentScruffy's picture

Forget Norris. Diane Feinstein is where it's happenin'. Check it out: she just said that ISIL attacked "FRESNO" (you can't make this shit up): (Listen to 2:55- 3:13)  Meanwhile, Andrea Mitchell didn't even notice. 

So who's gonna keep an eye on grandma? I'm concerned she may carpet bomb California. (Senate intelligence: an oxymoron?) 

 

 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:46 | 6802363 22winmag
22winmag's picture

Many young womenstill think Chick is hot.

 

There is some hope for the younger generation yet.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:53 | 6802389 Ms No
Ms No's picture

Oh no, he has never been hot.  I can tell just by looking at him that he has a lunch sack for nuts.  I have an eye for these things.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:59 | 6802414 22winmag
22winmag's picture

*Chuck* still has appeal for women in their 20s, lunch bag nutsack or not.

 

You've seen what women will do on the internet anyways.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:48 | 6802372 lasvegaspersona
lasvegaspersona's picture

Poor France...they have us Lafayette, Bastiat, Rueff and Giscard d'Stang. But they also gave us Robspierre, The Treaty of Versaille and the Bush-o-fant Sarkozy. Maybe one day they'll stop doing silly things, introduce only good concepts and start making sense.

Maybe Norris can knock some sense into them.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 21:17 | 6802483 SmedleyButlersGhost
SmedleyButlersGhost's picture

No good can come of these people until they stop eating snails - and paying for it at that

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:51 | 6802384 Ms No
Ms No's picture

I still think Bruce Lee would have kicked old Chucky's ass and this term Caliphate being thrown around constantly is annoying.  The term has an agitating sound to it (like the word moist) especially when you have to hear it pronounced by talking point parrots but then it has to be overused which is completely intolerable, almost on the level of "flip flopper" intolerable. 

Will somebody please give this shills some new terminology!  

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 21:07 | 6802446 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

Ms. Non:

"... this term Caliphate being thrown around constantly is annoying.  ... Will somebody please give this shills some new terminology!  "

I am compelled to agree.  The term Caliphate is annoying, the realization of the Caliphate will be even more terrifying.

Maybe u should find some Mullaz and reason with them.  Madonna and Jean Françoise Kerry seem to think that expressing love to the Jihadiz will do the trick.  U could try that too, all to avoid being annoyed.

- Ned

Tue, 11/17/2015 - 00:04 | 6803054 Ms No
Ms No's picture

Holy smokes Ned!  I have no words.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 20:59 | 6802415 stormsailor
stormsailor's picture

islam is a religion of peace (sarc)

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 21:01 | 6802422 HowdyDoody
HowdyDoody's picture

US proposes a $1.2 billion deal to replenish weapons stores Saudi Arabia has used in Yemen. The deal amounts to about 19,000 bombs and smart bombs for its air force.

http://www.middleeasteye.net/news/us-approves-billion-dollar-sale-bombs-...

Ah well, thats goodbye to even more hospitals and the like.

 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 21:38 | 6802570 Boubou
Boubou's picture

Well we seem to be supplying all the othert terrorists - why not Saudi - the masters of 9/11

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 21:04 | 6802432 Demdere
Demdere's picture

Complete BS.

If we want to stop ISIS, stop paying them.

As for ISIS attacking DC, we should hope so. Ludicrous.  Nobody can think.

https://thinkpatriot.wordpress.com/2015/11/14/in-reality-everything-is-c...

https://thinkpatriot.wordpress.com/2015/11/15/for-world-peace-arm-your-n...

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 21:12 | 6802463 lasvegaspersona
lasvegaspersona's picture

It is just a dream. The US cannot spend more on military stuff. It has lost all support for its currency as Europe, China and the Saudis are all cashing in their chips (treasuries) and going home. Every unborrowed dime the US spends on anything will be another dime closer to the hyperinflationary collapse we have been creeping towards since August 15, 1971. The US should be trying to get someone else (hey, Russia seems willing and able) to share the load. It should be doing a lot of things to protect the country from the effects of monetary collapse...but it won't because the event has to come naturally. To act would mean to acknowledge and to acknowledge would be to admit...and that itself would speed up the process and allow fingers to be pointed.

So I guess we just keep on doing the things we have been doing and act surprised when things happen.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 22:23 | 6802730 Buster Cherry
Buster Cherry's picture

Things can get complicated when you have a nigger running the show.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 21:20 | 6802493 Able Ape
Able Ape's picture

So, a long time ago, Syrian protesters were roughed up by the Syrian military, they then pooled their savings and bought weapons and ammo, got a leave of absence from their employers, and told their families that they'll have to come up with food and rent money because WE"RE going to defeat Assad and of course, destroy our homes, places of business, hosptitals, etc. because we were abused when we protested....OH YEAH, makes perfect sense to me say lobotomized, imbeciles like Christiane Amanpour of CNN...

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 21:37 | 6802561 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

Even longer ago, the Palestinians were hangin' around, being the assholes that they were back then.  Papa Assad, an even better asshole, got 'em stuck in Homs and ringed the city with artillery and what grunts they had at hand.  Beat the snot outta' the Palestinians, killed a bunch, KGB intervened, got the survivors off to Jordan where the Palestinians kept on being assholes, so Jordan kicked 'em out and we have today.

- Ned

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 21:36 | 6802554 Boubou
Boubou's picture

Norris's views are so cogent I can't believe he is not running for  the publican presidential candidacy.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 21:37 | 6802563 Dre4dwolf
Dre4dwolf's picture

The real threat is Artificial Intelligence.

Microsoft - Cortana

Facebook - MoneyPenny

Google Now...

Apple Siri

Amazon Echo

 

All the tech Giants are engaged in an AI arms race right now, the war is on to be first to develop Sky-Net.

 

And we are all sitting around worrying about nobodies in caves < .  <

 

 

 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 22:21 | 6802718 Polymarkos
Polymarkos's picture

Perhaps we should move in to caves of our own...these human roaches in the Mideast DO have a persistent knack for survival.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 21:38 | 6802567 nah
nah's picture

We won WWII Europe with the Marshal Plan and 10 million boots on the ground

.

WWIII will probably just take longer, and so will the Patriot Act

.

Guns and butter!

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 21:49 | 6802598 MASTER OF UNIVERSE
MASTER OF UNIVERSE's picture

cHUCK nORRIS: wORLD wAR III: tHE cALIPHATE  & tHE kILLER tOMATOES dOES tHE mIDDLE eAST pART dEUX tHE cAT cAME bACK tO tEXAS.

 

Coming to a theater near you!

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 21:49 | 6802599 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

Saw some french chick from gay Paree on CNN tonight, she said: "It is the start of WW III"

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 21:58 | 6802626 Wilcox1
Wilcox1's picture

Th plot was so slow I couldn't stay, anybody know how it turns out?

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 22:00 | 6802633 rejected
rejected's picture

I thought Chuck was a little smarter than this,,, oh well.

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