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Chuck Norris: World War III Started Last Friday In Paris

Tyler Durden's picture




 

If you know anything about Chuck Norris (or his alter ego Walker Texas Ranger), you know that he’s not one to take things lying down. 

Just look at what happened over the summer when, after a number of Texans got worried about the US Spec Ops Command’s Jade Helm 15 “exercises,” Norris warned The Pentagon that the drills came “a little too close to the backdoor of [his] ranch.” 

A few months later, after Norris became “exhausted” with Tehran’s nuclear “antics”, Walker suggested that if he were allowed to speak for and act on behalf of the entire international community, the Bahamas would never obtain a nuclear weapon, Iranian drug dealers would never be given a 90-day heads up to hide their stash, and most importantly, Iran’s nuclear ambitions would be "sniffed" out and "pre-emptive strikes" would be launched.

Well, in the wake of the Paris attacks, Norris is out with a new missive titled simply, “World War III?”

No, really. Just click the link, you'll see.

In it, we get a history lesson, a quantitative assessment of Islamic State’s power vis-a-vis other Sunni extremist groups, and all sorts of semantic shenanigans. Below, find some highlights and commentary. 

First, Norris says this:

...if you weren’t convinced before, now you know what a disorganized World War III looks like from the six simultaneous Paris terror attacks by ISIS that killed at least 129 precious souls and injured more than 300 more. And to think just a year ago, President Obama called ISIS “a jayvee team.” In fact, on Friday morning just before the attacks in Paris, President Obama again minimized ISIS’ power as he shared on “Good Morning America,” “I don’t think they’re gaining ground. What is true is that from the start, our goal has been first to contain, and we have contained them. … We’ve [also] made some progress in trying to reduce the flow of foreign fighters...”

 

Whoops. Another misdirected miscalculation.

We’re not sure what a “misdirected miscalculation” is, and the word “convinced” doesn’t work with the phrase “now you know”, but Norris is correct that Obama had a rather unfortunate soundbite on Good Morning America and we think we understand what Chuck is trying to say. But just so we’re sure, let’s see if he can clear it up:

I believe these coordinated murder sprees in Paris may go down in history like the Nazis’ invasion of Poland on Sept. 1, 1939, as the spark that lit the fuse for a wider European involvement in World War II. Though apples and oranges in warfare, the impact of ISIS in Syria and Iraq is comparable to Hitler’s annexation of Czechoslovakia and Austria, which caused great concern and condemnation but not greater European revolt.

Ok, got it. ISIS taking territory in Syria and Iraq is a lot like Anschluss and the German occupation of Sudetenland. You see, late 1930s Germany was a rising industrial and military powerhouse capable of annexing entire states by decree. Much like ISIS, a ragtag group of desert bandits operating out of bombed out cities in the war-torn Middle East.

But hey, at least Norris admits their style of warfare is “apples to oranges.” 

It took the closer invasion of Poland to provoke a military battle from France and Great Britain. So, I believe, ISIS’ attacks on Paris will prompt Western nations and others to coalesce against ISIS like never before, especially for those countries whose victims lie among the dead and injured.

Well, on that point we’d have to agree, although we think Chuck may be missing a thing or two when it comes to understanding the real motivation for Western troops going to Syria. 

The expansion of ISIS’ footprint is undeniable. The jihadists possess a hundredfold the power of al-Qaida and, in their own estimation, are well on the way to Caliphate victory.

Yes, they “possess a hundredfold the power of al-Qaeda.” We would love to know how Norris calculated that and we’d also like to know what “well on the way to Caliphate victory” means. Does that mean the Caliphate itself is nearly victorious? Or does that mean ISIS is soon to be victorious in realizing its goal of creating a Caliphate? Because if it’s the former, well, of course they’re going to say that - we're sure that "by their own estimation", ISIS is a lot of things. If it’s the latter, we suggest Norris take a look at a map of some real historical Caliphates and decide how close he thinks ISIS is to realizing their goal.


In true Walker fashion, Norris goes out in a blaze of glory with four policy recommendations. 

Number 1: Mr. President, we need you to quit sticking your head in the sands of cultural, military and religious ignorance and minimizing the power of ISIS. We need you to unleash the full force of the U.S. military and U.S. Intelligence to destroy it both domestically and abroad. We must triple the protection at all of our ports and borders. It is also imperative that nations around the globe join us in collectively stopping ISIS’ Caliphate.

Right. It is imperative that nations around the globe "join in collectively stopping ISIS", which is why it's so damn curious that Washington steadfastly refuses to cooperate with Russia and Iran on doing just that.

Number 2: We need the White House and major mainstream media to quit downplaying Islamic terrorism and playing politically correct cards by moving away from terms like terrorists and jihadists, and condoning Islamic extremism under the rubric of pacifying peaceful Muslims.

Yeah, really. What's with the lack of ISIS media coverage? Besides the fact that CNN has run nothing but ISIS coverage for 72 straight hours to the point that apparently, everyone other than Anderson Cooper and Erin Burnett just got to take three whole days off, and besides this...

...it's almost like no one cares. 

Number 3: We do not need Washington to foolishly open its arms to Syrian refugees when we are in a war with ISIS. Are we naïve enough to believe that the jihadists aren’t packing the flood of Syrian refugees with their minions and importing their jihad into multiple nations around the world, including the U.S.?

Honestly Chuck, who knows at this point and since we've covered it on any number of occasions, we'll just leave it for now.

Number 4: One year from now, we absolutely need a new (Republican) president who rebuilds and expands the U.S. military and U.S. Intelligence, fighting Islamic jihadists like never before, before they succeed in coordinated acts of terror in the U.S. that make Paris and even Sept. 11 seem like Islamic child’s play.

Ah, yes and there it is. The obligatory political plug. Fair enough. Everyone is entitled to that every now and again we suppose.

The irony here is that Norris' premise may in fact be right. That is, what happened in Paris may very well be the spark that starts World War III and so on that point we have to give it to Walker: he seems to be drawing a plausible connection between Poland ca. 1939 and Paris 2015 although it's not at all clear that he fully appreciates what might well be going on behind the scenes.

If Norris is right and World War III did indeed start last Friday in Paris, the only question for ISIS now is this: will Walker be joining the fight? 

Because if so, expect Raqqa to fall in about, oh, let's just call it 14 minutes...

 

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Mon, 11/16/2015 - 22:01 | 6802635 dsty
dsty's picture

I think that everyone here that has made a dispariging comment re ISIS should be sent to senstivity training at Yale!

slap slap

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 22:04 | 6802650 FSFT
FSFT's picture

We should invade Syria. Tactical nuke the joint

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 22:06 | 6802656 jesus_loves_you
jesus_loves_you's picture

Hey Chuck it's all fake.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 22:06 | 6802662 restelle
restelle's picture

Chuck Norris is a paid HollyWeird actor.  Fuck what he (it) says.  AND THINK FOR YOURSELVES.

Tue, 11/17/2015 - 06:11 | 6803581 dreadnaught
dreadnaught's picture

I wonder...Sylvester Stalone hid in Sweden for a few years when he got his draft notice to Vietnam;

But he sure makes a great Hollywood sound stage warrior     meh

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 22:09 | 6802670 KashNCarry
KashNCarry's picture

      "I smell blood and

an era of prominent madmen."

                                     W.H. Auden

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 22:11 | 6802675 Jug Jugette
Jug Jugette's picture

Another Hollywood dipshit whom sycophancy has led to believe his lips drip pearls. Still, better than La Cacciolina and her lachrymosity. 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 22:12 | 6802680 restelle
restelle's picture

Conchita Wurst...   WTF is this thing? 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 22:18 | 6802703 Buster Cherry
Buster Cherry's picture

Abaasoud aint no fuckin Belgian surname.

It's a fuckin sand nigger surname.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 22:18 | 6802710 Polymarkos
Polymarkos's picture

Norris is closer to correct. The author if this article is a doofus.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 22:23 | 6802725 Talcott
Talcott's picture

All these chootz with their viagra'd attitude toward war...using modern tech....

 

http://ajitvadakayil.blogspot.com/2015/11/world-war-3-sans-gps-emp-taken...

 

I say bullshit, no more war you chootz, the peaceful people demand barbarian's be checked by conscience.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JQkO7z47x4

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 22:26 | 6802734 Porous Horace
Porous Horace's picture

Chuck Norris is an idiot. WW3 started in 1979, when the CIA launched Operation Cyclone.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 22:30 | 6802749 Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

As everyone knows, Russia and France have a long history of alliances.  Well perhaps not everyone cares to read much.  I didn't see anyone mention it here but did anyone notice that the US Fifth Fleet pulled back after the Russians started their business in Syria and the French sent in their aircraft carrier?  That was symbolic although most Mericans might have missed it.  Well, the Muslims didn't miss it and thus your attack on Paris.  This is not about what was done ten years ago or 50 years ago but rather many centuries ago.

My Russian wife, who does not drink, announced to me that "World War III has started."  What?  She does not say things like that so it caught me off guard.          

Wed, 11/18/2015 - 11:10 | 6808817 COL Jackson
COL Jackson's picture

"Russia and France have a long history of alliances".  Yes in 1812 Napoleon  personally went to Moscow to "negotiate" their alliance.

The French have a long history of manipulating alliances to their interests just like everyone else.

 

 

 

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 22:48 | 6802818 loveyajimbo
loveyajimbo's picture

If they keep saying the Belgian bearded bologna biter is the mastermind of the attacks... CIA Brennan will be peeved that someone else is getting HIS credit...

Wed, 11/18/2015 - 11:14 | 6808833 COL Jackson
COL Jackson's picture

Brennan cant wait for retirement so he can grow a beard and get his Jihad on in public.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 22:57 | 6802855 TabakLover
TabakLover's picture

The Neo-cons must be all laying around limp and dehydrated............they've been jizzing all over themselves since Friday night.  Mofo-ing war loving mofos.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 22:58 | 6802860 dsty
dsty's picture
IF WE COULD JUST FIGURE OUT WHO'S CAUSING THE PROBLEM?
Let’s see, do I understand this thing correctly?
    
The Shoe Bomber was a Muslim 
The Beltway Snipers were Muslim
The Fort Hood Shooter was a Muslim 
The underwear Bomber was a Muslim 
The U.S.S. Cole Bombers were Muslims 
The Madrid Train Bombers were Muslims 
The Bali Nightclub Bombers were Muslims r
The London Subway Bombers were Muslims 
The Moscow Theater Attackers were Muslims 
The Boston Marathon Bombers were Muslims 
The Pan-Am flight #93 Bombers were Muslims 
The Air France Entebbe Hijackers were Muslims 
The Iranian Embassy Takeover, was by Muslims 
The Beirut U.S. Embassy bombers were Muslims 
The Libyan U.S. Embassy Attack was by Muslims 
The Buenos Aires Suicide Bombers were Muslims 
The Israeli Olympic Team Attackers were Muslims 
The Kenyan U.S. Embassy Bombers were Muslims 
The Saudi, Khobar Towers Bombers were Muslims 
The Beirut Marine Barracks bombers were Muslims 
The Besian Russian School Attackers were Muslims 
The first World Trade Center Bombers were Muslims 
The Bombay & Mumbai India Attackers were Muslims 
The Achille Lauro Cruise Ship Hijackers were Muslims 
The September 11th 2001 Airline Hijackers were Muslims  The November 13, 2015 Paris Bombers and Shooters were Muslims

    
Think of it
    
Buddhists living with Hindus = No Problem 
Hindus living with Christians = No Problem 
Hindus living with Jews = No Problem 
Christians living with Shintos = No Problem 
Shintos living with Confucians = No Problem 
Confucians living with Baha'is = No Problem 
Baha'is living with Jews = No Problem 
Jews living with Atheists = No Problem 
Atheists living with Buddhists = No Problem 
Buddhists living with Sikhs = No Problem 
Sikhs living with Hindus = No Problem 
Hindus living with Baha'is = No Problem 
Baha'is living with Christians = No Problem 
Christians living with Jews = No Problem 
Jews living with Buddhists = No Problem 
Buddhists living with Shintos = No Problem 
Shintos living with Atheists = No Problem 
Atheists living with Confucians = No Problem 
Confucians living with Hindus = No Problem 
    
    *********WHEREAS************** 
    
Muslims living with Hindus = Problem 
Muslims living with Buddhists = Problem 
Muslims living with Christians = Problem 
Muslims living with Jews = Problem 
Muslims living with Sikhs = Problem 
Muslims living with Baha'is = Problem 
Muslims living with Shintos = Problem 
Muslims living with Atheists = Problem 
MUSLIMS LIVING WITH MUSLIMS = BIG PROBLEM 
    
    **********SO THIS LEADS TO ***************** 
    
They're not happy in Gaza 
They're not happy in Egypt 
They're not happy in Libya 
They're not happy in Morocco 
They're not happy in Iran 
They're not happy in Iraq 
They're not happy in Yemen 
They're not happy in Afghanistan 
They're not happy in Pakistan 
They're not happy in Syria 
They're not happy in Lebanon 
They're not happy in Nigeria 
They're not happy in Kenya 
They're not happy in Sudan 
    
    ******** So, where are they happy? **********
   
They're happy in Australia 
They're happy in England 
They're happy in Belgium 
They're happy in France 
They're happy in Italy 
They're happy in Germany 
They're happy in Sweden 
They're happy in the USA & Canada 
They're happy in Norway & India 
   
They're happy in almost every country that is not Islamic!

And who do they blame? Not Islam... Not their leadership... Not themselves... 
    
THEY BLAME THE COUNTRIES THEY ARE HAPPY IN!
    
And they want to change the countries they're happy in, to be like 
the countries they came from where they were unhappy.
    
Islamic Jihad: AN ISLAMIC TERROR DIRECTIVE 
ISIS: AN ISLAMIC TERROR ORGANIZATION 
Al-Qaeda: AN ISLAMIC TERROR ORGANIZATION 
Taliban: AN ISLAMIC TERROR ORGANIZATION 
Hamas: AN ISLAMIC TERROR ORGANIZATION 
Hezbollah: AN ISLAMIC TERROR ORGANIZATION 
Boko Haram: AN ISLAMIC TERROR ORGANIZATION 
Al-Nusra: AN ISLAMIC TERROR ORGANIZATION 
Abu Sayyaf: AN ISLAMIC TERROR ORGANIZATION 
Al-Badr: AN ISLAMIC TERROR ORGANIZATION 
Muslim Brotherhood: AN ISLAMIC TERROR ORGANIZATION 
Lashkar-e-Taiba: AN ISLAMIC TERROR ORGANIZATION 
Palestine Liberation Front: AN ISLAMIC TERROR ORGANIZATION 
Ansaru: AN ISLAMIC TERROR ORGANIZATION 
Jemaah Islamiyah: AN ISLAMIC TERROR ORGANIZATION 
Abdullah Azzam Brigades: AN ISLAMIC TERROR ORGANIZATION 
AND A LOT MORE !!!!!!! 
    
I'm sorry, I'm completely stumped......Do you have any idea who might be causing the problem?

Tue, 11/17/2015 - 00:07 | 6803067 Crocodile
Tue, 11/17/2015 - 03:40 | 6803429 Manipuflation
Manipuflation's picture

We are all causing the problem.  This is what happens when you mix politics, government and religion.  This is very large issue... It IS the issue.  I have done my best to learn and I have.  I have learned a great deal about myself in the process.  I have never raised my fists although I have more ability to do so than almost anyone.  None of it makes any sense.  Pure hate will not get you anywhere.

As much as I hate the state, I do support space exploration.  I like the private interests who are doing some things now to advance that goal.  If everyone had a common goal we might not waste all of our resources fighting each other.  There is an entire universe to explore.  I won't see it and neither will you but it might be possible to do eventually.  It sure seems a lot better option than fighting and killing each other.  Killing each other is a waste of time.

I guess I really don't care how long you have all hated on one another because that just won't help.  We can all be reasonable.    

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 23:05 | 6802873 Crocodile
Crocodile's picture

There is a major flaw with Chuckie Cheese's analysis; he overlooks the fact that IS, ISIS, ISIL & Al-CIAda are are Pentagon concoctions; therefore when the US Military attacks them, they are causing a rift in the Pentagon.  Not to mention that the "well coordinated" attack in Paris was done by the same; Norris is only adding to the problem by not recognizing the fact that ISIL is funded, trained and armed by NATO/US.

 

Need proof; here directly from the President this past Julyhttps://www.rt.com/usa/272470-obama-training-isis-slip/

 

The French need to understand that their government is where their anger needs to be, for they are part of NATO and owned by the US shadow fascist oligarchy, which allowed this "too" well coordinated attack.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 23:05 | 6802875 Cabreado
Cabreado's picture

Ah, the ZH editorial leans more and more towards not caring about editorials...

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 23:10 | 6802876 Crocodile
Crocodile's picture
Reality Check: One on One with President Obama, Why Is The U.S. Supporting Al Qaeda In Syria?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hrerl8EwqH0  (note the date 9-11-2012)

 

CIA Agent Explains How Al-Qaeda Doesn't Exist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSQQlQ66bVg

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 23:17 | 6802919 headless blogger
headless blogger's picture

So he concludes we need another Republican president to protect us from further attacks here in the "homeland". Apparently, he thinks George Bush did a good job.

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 23:18 | 6802923 Drop out
Drop out's picture

Keep it cereal ming!

Mon, 11/16/2015 - 23:31 | 6802955 Phillyguy
Phillyguy's picture

Norris’s tirade are the ravings of an ignoramus who (obviously) has not bothered to read anything or critically study US foreign policy. The situation in the ME is not a Hollywood movie or video game with John Wayne going in and shooting all of the bad guys. Reality check- I suspect John Wayne and Chuck Norris would get their buts kick by these radical Islamic fighters. ISIS/ISIL/Daesh and related groups have been supported and trained by US/NATO (including France)/GCC for years and provided safe havens in Jordan, Turkey and Israeli occupied Golan Heights, to conduct attacks on Syria- kind of an enemy of my enemy is my friend approach. Unfortunately, at the end of the day, the enemy of your enemy is likely still your enemy. The goal of US/NATO/GCC has been to use ISIS and related groups to enact regime change in Syria and has not changed, Paris notwithstanding. I hate to break it to Chuck, but the current situation with ISIS started with Reagan’s decision to arm and train radical Islamic groups in Afghanistan, led by Osama Bin Laden, and Bush IIs invasion of Iraq, based on lies. The end result- 911 + taxpayer funded $ multi-trillion wars in Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya, Yemen and Syria, which have evolved into military, political and economic disasters. If Chuck Norris truly wants to combat ISIS, he should first do his homework. He can begin by reading this piece from David Stockman (former Director of the Office of Management and Budget under President Ronald Reagan); Link: davidstockmanscontracorner.com/blowback-the-washington-war-partys-folly-comes-home-to-roost

Tue, 11/17/2015 - 04:37 | 6803481 Clowns on Acid
Clowns on Acid's picture

Don't fuck with Chuck...

Tue, 11/17/2015 - 08:30 | 6803790 EddieLomax
EddieLomax's picture

Two points, the use of Daesh is playing to the apologists tune, we do not call the Islamic republic of Iran something else, or the Democractic republic of Congo something other than democratic, so if they call themselves Islamic state lets call them that, it is not our responsibility to protect Islam.

Second point is that while true, that the US did fund the Islamic groups in Afghanistan, the point is that they did exist before the funding, the US did not create these groups, it just helped them along.  Islam has been fighting away for hundreds of years, the British empire has dozens of examples where the locals were Islamic lead or inspired, I am not commenting on their validity in fighting the British, but the point that it was normal to see them Islamic lead rather then by another cause, Islam did not just pop up in the 1980's, its been alive and beheading for 100's of years.

Tue, 11/17/2015 - 00:05 | 6803057 BlussMann
BlussMann's picture

Cuck Norris is a Glen Beck bot. Tune him out.

Tue, 11/17/2015 - 04:56 | 6803494 Fireman
Fireman's picture

USSA and its cardboard cutout monkeys has gone from being terror scare number one to a sickening joke. Chukkk freaking Norris! Jeeeeeeez!

 

What next...Rambo Ruminates?

Tue, 11/17/2015 - 06:03 | 6803570 SmedleyButlersGhost
SmedleyButlersGhost's picture

Maybe that actually makes sense. The guys in the ISIS video are actors - so why not pit them against other actors?

Tue, 11/17/2015 - 06:07 | 6803575 dreadnaught
dreadnaught's picture

I dont see any announcements about him joining the armed services; Big mouth, NO action

Tue, 11/17/2015 - 06:08 | 6803576 Baby Eating Dingo22
Baby Eating Dingo22's picture

Fuck Chuck!

Tue, 11/17/2015 - 07:37 | 6803677 EddieLomax
EddieLomax's picture

Regarding #2, the media and state is not talking too much about the real news, they're intentionally trying to misdirect you.

All the news we hear is about how groups like ISIS do not represent real Islam, and that we need to bomb Syria to defeat them.

The fact is that they are Muslims who believe in a very pure version of Islam.  And that they launched the attack using people mostly living in Belgium, not Syria.

Tue, 11/17/2015 - 08:11 | 6803750 dojufitz
dojufitz's picture

Imagine Isis getting what it wants.....

An Islamic State where if you don't believe in the religion you are killed.....

What Muslim would accpet those terms?

Who would trade with them? What could they offer any sane Muslim?

 

I recall when Isis was pushed out of a city it controlled and when taken they found no one living in it.

A ghost town......that is Isis.

 

 

Tue, 11/17/2015 - 08:24 | 6803780 Red Raspberry
Red Raspberry's picture

Walker Texas Ranger is a great example of a statist view point.  Conservatives complain about political correctness but WTR is the epitomy of PC and governemt control.

Tue, 11/17/2015 - 09:48 | 6804006 Archive_file
Archive_file's picture

Chuck Norris isn't somebody I would take history lessons from.

Tue, 11/17/2015 - 12:57 | 6804829 DosZap
DosZap's picture

"Right. Chuck Norris is not some badass rugged individual gunslinger... hes an actor. His job is to trick you into thinking he is something that he is not through charisma and theatrics and acting. He's also a fundamentalist Christian and a creationist.

 

Tell him that to his face, even at his age,I am sure you would last maybe one second.( damn sure goes for Segal,he is an accomplished long range marksman and multliple black belt.)

"He's also a fundamentalist Christian and a creationist.As opposed to what?, an head chopping/machine gunning coward SOB,Islamic radical?,or an atheist?.Does his personal beliefs IN your OPINION make him not sane?,look in the mirror dude.


Tue, 11/17/2015 - 14:07 | 6805089 kerr
kerr's picture

The dirty fucking isis muzzies must be slaughtered

Tue, 11/17/2015 - 15:40 | 6805623 jizast
jizast's picture

ISIS taking territory in Syria and Iraq is a lot like Russia is taking territory in Ukraine. It's worth noting that Nazis and Russia/USSR invaded Poland at the same time, just beffore the WWII. So WWIII will involve Russia as a main antagonist. ISIS is a joke, they don't stand a chanse in a full scale war.

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