Alzheimers' America - Where Shit Happens & Is Promptly Forgotten

Tyler Durden's picture

Authored by Howard Kunstler via,

Paging Doctor Oz! A patient calling itself The United States wandered into the emergency room disoriented, wearing a filthy warm-up suit, claiming it was “the greatest” this and that… but was unable to complete the nine-page admission protocol or present valid insurance ID. Patient is growing increasingly violent, threatening staff and other patients….

Nations do develop something like Alzheimers. Perhaps you haven’t noticed that for some time now nothing sticks in the national brain-pan - if that’s what we can call the news media and its analogs on the Web waves. For months, an obsession about “Russian interference in the election” raged through the left lobe of the national consciousness. Then, about a week ago, it vanished utterly. Grandpa suffered similar delusions about the Russians meddling with “our precious bodily fluids.” (Paging Doctor Strangelove.)

Not so far back as last summer, a candidate named Trump un-ironically called for “an end to endless war in the Middle East.” The oft-applied policy of “regime change,” he said, was not working out in the various US-engineered failed states such as Libya, Iraq, Somalia, Yemen, Ukraine. About two weeks ago, I seem to recall, the State Department even declared explicitly that we had no brief for regime change in the case of one Bashar al-Assad over in Syria.

Then there was something in the wifi waves about a poison gas attack. The evidence as to exactly who perpetrated it looked, how-you-say, not altogether convincing. This evidence amounted to the US Intel services, in their aggregate omniscience, asserting that, “yes, it was so that this weasel Assad bombed his people with Sarin.” Wolf Blitzer and Rachel Maddow ran so hard with the story that they vanished over the horizon.

The patient had a dream after that: a dream of cruise missiles reigning down hellfire judgment upon a Syrian air base. Quite a few of them went astray and blew up some prickly pears in the desert and a pod of migrating sea turtles out in the Mediterranean. (Thank you Microsoft Windows.) Then the Secretary of State, Mr. Tillerson declared that “Assad must go.” The patient now was completely confused about who was coming or going. Then the patient forgot about the dream and we’ve heard no more about this fairytale land of Syria since then. Oh well….

It seemed like only yesterday that head honcho over North Korea — a character straight out of the James Bond fantasies with the weirdest haircut in recorded history — was threatening to blow up the United States. A US aircraft carrier fleet was soon steaming around his half of the Korean peninsula. A rocket lifted off somewhere… and promptly blew up. Well, at least something blew up. I forgot what, exactly….

And now I see on the morning wire that ISIS has gone and pulled off another terror incident in Paris — one cop dead, one injured in a street  shooting. Weren’t there other incidents before this one, possibly even worse ones? I forget. Anyway, in this case, it was easy to figure out the man’s identity (one Karim Cheurfi) because the fucker had spent 15 years in prison after being convicted of three attempted murders, two against police officers, and was released on parole in 2015. There was some additional chatter in the wire story about the incident having an effect on an upcoming French election. But I forget who’s running. And when the darn thing is over, I’ll probably forget who won, and why.

That’s how we roll in the national Alzheimers ward. Shit happens and then is promptly forgotten. Sometimes the shit that happens is forgotten so completely that it’s like living in universe where nothing happens. The auditors who once reported to work in your brain have left their stations — with no duties left after the smart-phone came on the scene. They are among the millions “no longer looking for work” in those BLS reports.

Maybe this is a manifestation of what used to be called “God’s mercy.” Now that we’ve almost succeeded in making the planet uninhabitable, we don’t have to remember how it got that way, or what will happen to us in the meantime, while we’re still here.

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
demi urge's picture

Member star wars?

I member.

Raffie's picture

I don't remember being absent minded.

Ghost of PartysOver's picture

As long as I don't forget to buy the dip.  Now, what did I do with my teeth?

baldknobber's picture

You don't have to buy the dip. Jesus is coming and he is bringing the dip, we could always use chips .


BennyBoy's picture


Pepperidge Farm Remembers!

Tom_Pain's picture

"Tight pussy, loose shoes, and a warm place to shit!"

Chief Wonder Bread's picture

Tight pussy, loose shoes, and a warm place to shit!

das raciss

"Nations do develop something like Alzheimers"

Actually only Murica has developed something like Alzheimers and why is that?

Stuck on Zero's picture

Fool me once. Fool me once. Fool me once. Fool me once. Fool me once. Fool me once. Fool me once. Fool me once. Fool me once.

techpriest's picture

Turn off the 24-hour news. Take notes from podcasts by people who know the subjects you care about. The real story piles up over time.

Jim in MN's picture

I remember 'podcasts'.  Those were pre-tweet, eh?

SpinyNorman's picture

I member... member the Meheecans?

demi urge's picture

I member!  member the americants?

Fake Trump's picture

Trump Alzheimer...a new virus. No known cure yet.

roadhazard's picture

Trumpheimers... which is different from Oldtimers.

Common_Law's picture

Known causes: fluoride  aka rat poison that has been shown by Harvard  tocause a 7-8 pt IQ drop with short term exposure. 1 bottle of water has the same amount of fluoride as your daily toothpaste dab. You know, the tube that says if any is swallowed to call poison control.. 

Fluoride Poison on Tap is a great documentary on the subject. ZH readers might like it because it's roots come from the Mellon family when they were over the treasury dept.

Still Losing Money's picture

you don't actually expect the 5 second attention span, brain dead non thinking gullible sheep   social media generation to actualy remember anything, do you? 

Bill of Rights's picture

Yup, I said this earlier...

PitBullsRule's picture

No thats not new, right after we had World War 1, we had World War 2.  And right after WW2, we had the Korean War.  And just a decade or so after that, Kennedy got us into the Vietnam war.  One time we had a president called "Teddy" Roosevelt that got us into a War with Spain, in Cuba.  

We've always had assholes for presidents, and those assholes have always sent us off to war.  We're still electing assholes, we always will, and they will always get us into wars.   

scintillator9's picture

And Kennedy was also working to get us OUT of Vietnam, and ordered it so on October 2, 1963.

An unfortunate series of events happened after that.





Ace006's picture

As sophisticated as it gets. Don't forget Wilson!

And Lincoln.

Gen. Ripper's picture

An EMP will cure American Alzheimer's

Giant Meteor's picture

San Fran back on line yet ?

khnum's picture

Thanks to the misuse of John Baird and Steve Job's inventions the average citizen now has an attention span worse than a goldfish and the situational awareness of a chicken pegged to a slaughterhouse carousel.

DuneCreature's picture


Live Hard, Whatever They Are, I Forgot, Die Free

~ DC v4.967542

Jim in MN's picture

I literally just yesterday suggested to a friend at the EPA that she recommend a chemtrail regulation initiative to the new top dogs there.....


.....heh, was I kidding?   Hmmm.   Not sure when I am kidding any more.

SpinyNorman's picture

I thought I had Alheizers but it turned out to be Sometimers.

MrBoompi's picture

Even if we didn't forget anything, it wouldn't make a goddamned bit of difference.  The warmongering establishment will do whatever they want to anyway.  

Oldwood's picture

We forget lest it all drive us mad!!!!

HRClinton's picture

As long as you still know good sax from bad, and profit from loss. 

All else you can buy or replace.

stubb's picture

Great article. 

Jim in MN's picture

There was something before the comments.   Or....hmm.  



There, I remembered something.

TheSilentMajority's picture

The base hasn't forgotten.

He and the rest of his crew will lose the next election cycle if he continues doing the opposite of what he promised.

michigan independant's picture

Something we rally around called the objective thingys of life as the masses ponder the cheese that slide off the american cracker a long time ago.

peippe's picture

where am i 

& where are my pants

michigan independant's picture

You drank to much and no you did not marry her in Vegas.

adanata's picture


Sensory overload is part of the plot....  we are so screwed.

gdpetti's picture

Same thing everytime... and the next empire in waiting wonders WTF went wrong with the old one... why did they go stupid?... this is the questions asked and taught in school, the MSM etc until they too 'go stupid'.

The goal of life here in Purgatory, which is a school in self-conscious awareness, is to see all this BS and start asking questions... as the answers to the test await these questions... which make sense of our life experiences... which then start to fit together like pieces of a puzzle.... only a few percent are ready to graduate in any one cycle.

insanelysane's picture

I remember when everyone laughed when Mitt said that Russia was still our biggest enemy.  Everyone laughed and laughed right up until last November.

In addition to Alzheimers we have Cognitive Dissonance so it makes sense when we are told:

Only a small number of Muslims are terrorists so we shouldn't bother the entire group AND Only a small number of gun owners commit crime but taking guns away from everyone would be the safest solution.  Wouldn't it be safest to remove all Muslims too?

There are a million examples.


Benito_Camela's picture

Fucking Russia is not our "biggest enemy" unless you can point to what, exactly, they have done to American interests or the U.S. homeland.

Answer: Not a damn thing, General Ripper. Go drink your grain alcohol and rainwater. 

Aubiekong's picture

Alzheimer's is caused by the environmental pollution and the processed mostly cheap carbohydrate loaded foods Americans eat.   Go for a ketogenic diet for a healthy brain....

Benito_Camela's picture

LOL, way to go. You only read the headline.