CNN Offers Citizens of Hawaii Advice on How to Survive a Nuclear Attack

The_Real_Fly's picture

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Following up on last night's broadcast from deep within a nuclear fallout shelter, CNN doubled down on their fear mongering today -- offering advice to the citizens of Hawaii on how to survive on a nuclear attack.

Here are the important bullet points.

Hawaii is the first US state to prepare for nuclear attack from N. Korea.
Everyone CNN spoke to in Hawaii assumed that in the event of a nuclear attack, they'd all die. THIS IS NOT TRUE (fake news).
N. Korea possesses a nuclear bomb like the one we dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki -- 1940s grade garbage.
Tens of thousand of people die on the initial impact, but many more died of radiation poisoning.
CNN reports Hawaiians have 15 minutes to 'take over' for nuclear impact, should N. Korea launch a missile towards them.
Seek shelter and find out where your local nuclear bunker is located. Oh, and have 2 weeks worth of supplies to survive the nuclear holocaust.

Utterly absurd.

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richsob's picture

I have a hard time believing Fat Boy is going to attack Guam, Hawaii or even Pulled Groin, Texas.  It would be a death warrant.  I can only imagine EVERYONE.....even the flaming liberals screaming for Trump to fry North Korea if he did that. 

techpriest's picture

I've heard the same assessment - He may get one good shot off, and then he's done.

My view here is that Trump is trying to create a situation where he can make the NK regime feel cornered, such that they wave their one-shot gun around and become a bigger source of trouble and embarrassment for China. Also, as you said, it would scare Americans into supporting Trump, and even CNN loves Trump when he's ready to get a good war going.

yarpos's picture

In this era of drone strikes and 2000+ yard sniper shots , its hard to beleive he is still around

shovelhead's picture


Liberals think gay wedding cakes are far more important than nuclear attacks.

NoPension's picture

According to CNN....
Whatever Trump does is wrong.

HamFistedIdiot's picture

Such logic didn't save Saddam Hussein. CNN thinks it can pied piper the herd in whatever direction it wants. What is yellow today can be made blue tomorrow. Just wait to hear what it is acceptable to believe on the six o'clock news. Argument by authority, not reason, seems to be the name of the game. I have some family members who don't care so much about being right as they do about not straying from the herd. I think more than half of humanity functions this way. Sad.

A. Boaty's picture

Not a high bar, but Kim has more brains than Hussein. Kim won't get tricked into provoking an attack.

AlphaSeraph's picture

From what I can tell the herd is roughly 80% of the population. Scared as fuck to stray.

Never One Roach's picture

Lets hope the rockets make it as far as LA. And no sense anyone giving them advice since LA'ers know everything already.

Lordflin's picture

I grew up in LA, and, actually, I do know everything... could be a coincidence though....

Bay of Pigs's picture

I've been in Hawaii for 20 years on the Big Island and Maui and can say without question that nobody would believe this crap coming from CNN. This type of propaganda is hysterical in nature and utterly useless nonsense. No ICBM would ever nake it near the Hawaiian Islands from NK.

NK is no threat at all. A false flag from another source is far more likely. Think 9/11.

land_of_the_few's picture

Also, all the blurb about "1940s-grade Hiroshima / Nagasaki" type bombs.

Yes, and the reason the US dropped them from planes was that they were too fucking big to put in a missile,

(which they didn't really have either at the time). They were also prototypes that didn't fit in standard bomb racks (understatement)

Check here for scale vs. actual people:

Fat man:

Little Boy

Colorful fiberglass mockups of both bombs on Tinian with person standing in front for scale




algol_dog's picture

Think the east side of the Big Island would be the safest, with Mauna Kea and the trade winds protecting you. Suppose I'm partial being in Keaau and all. Doubt they could come close to hitting a target over any of these Islands anyway.


Hugh G. Rection's picture

I was living in Wailuku in 2014 when the big hurricane took aim at the islands. My girlfriend made me fill the bathtubs, and my work closed with all sorts of warnings. The hurricane hit the big island and got torn apart!! We went to the beach that afternoon and enjoyed the day off. 

QQQBall's picture

Bay of Pigs. Time to go back to watching Oprah dude - save the heavy thinking to the rest of us.

Alohakid's picture

Oprah? Hasn't that been off the air for over a decade?

Yeah, you're up to date, clown.

WakeUpPeeeeeople's picture

Oprah reruns are still around. And don't forget the Lost Episodes of Oprah that's coming out soon.

Bay of Pigs's picture

Heavy thinking? Sounds like you're the one drinking the CNN Kool Aid.

Who the fuck are you kidding? The CNN story has ZERO credibility.

Bastiat's picture

The announcement of tomorrow's sunrise, if it comes from CNN, has no credibility.

hawaiian waverider's picture

Agreed.  I'm in one of those islands you mention for about same time period.  It will however cause a run at the stores on spam, toilet paper and water as is what happens for every storm threat. 

Storm-Clouds's picture

What was once a plum assignment....

Get the Geiger Counter in the closeup for the fade shot!

HamFistedIdiot's picture

I used to live on the Big Island. I'd rather be there than on O'ahu where 80% of the state's population resides. But I think there are nuclear facilities at Barking Sands on Kauai too. I hope the targeting doesn't forget Zuckerberg's place, if it comes to that.

swmnguy's picture

Nobody in Hawaii needs to worry about Nork Nukes.  This story is being very carefully presented, in a very dishonest way.  And it's coordinated; every corporate media outlet I've seen is doing it the same way.

They talk about the missiles, and then they say Li'l Kim has The Bomb.  Then they mention that according to a report from Japanese Intelligence, they believe Li'l Kim is working on "miniaturization" of a nuclear device.

This means that while Li'l Kim has missiles, he doesn't have any nuclear bombs to put on them.  The nuclear bombs he has are huge and crude, like the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombs.  

So the entire scare about Nork Nukes is phony and made-up.  All the journalists know it or they wouldn't include the parts that completely refute the scare.  They're covering their asses for when everyone else figures out the scam, so they can say, "See, our reporting was factual.  We were merely performing a public service in detailing the potential risks."

The Trump Administration can play hot-shot brinkmanship games, pretending there's a huge threat.  As usual, they're working hand in glove with the complicit media.

Erek's picture

Kim would be doing us all a big favor if he targeted CNN. That would be a perfect way to make amends with the rest of the world.

Ghost of Porky's picture

Tonight at 7, CNN investigates: "Is your local fallout shelter transgender friendly? The answer may shock you."


Bigern's picture

Is there a police unit inside the thing? How long until it turns into KatrinaDome?

J. Peasemold Gruntfuttock's picture

Duck and cover !

Indeed Stackers, that would be the correct procedure if you had a wooden school desk handy.

But at home, or in the office, I prefer the classic technique of decamping to the nearest closet, closing the door tightly, and then swiftly bending over and kissing one's ass goodbye.

This of course would only be necessary if the N.K. Blancmange (Kimmy to his friends) actually had a decent delivery system and a compact enough device with enough yield to do some damage.

From my reading Kimmy has recreated his Nagasaki namesake (with apologies to Kaspar Gutman) but which should more properly be christened FatBoy.

A dirty old clunker for a dirty spoilt brat. Can't have the bucket and spade, and so threatens to take a radioactive dump in the sand box.

Here today, Guam tomorrow.


J. Peasemold Gruntfuttock