Home Depot Panics Over Millennials; Forced To Host Tutorials On Using Tape Measures, Hammering Nails

Tyler Durden's picture

As wall street analysts celebrate the coming of age of the millennial generation, a group of young people who were supposed to lead another revolutionary wave of consumerism if only they could work long enough to escape their parents' basement, retailers like Home Depot are panicked about selling into what will soon be America's largest demographic...but not for the reasons you might think. 

While avocado resellers like Whole Foods only have to worry about creating a catchy advertising campaign to attract millennials, Home Depot is in full-on panic mode after realizing that an entire generation of Americans have absolutely no clue how to use their products.  As the Wall Street Journal points out, the company has been forced to spend millions to create video tutorials and host in-store classes on how to do everything from using a tape measure to mopping a floor and hammering a nail.

Home Depot's VP of marketing admits she was originally hesitant because she thought some of their videos might be a bit too "condescending" but she quickly learned they were very necessary for our pampered millennials.

In June the company introduced a series of online workshops, including videos on how to use a tape measure and how to hide cords, that were so basic some executives worried they were condescending. “You have to start somewhere,” Mr. Decker says.


Lisa DeStefano, Home Depot vice president of marketing, initially hesitated looking over the list of proposed video lessons, chosen based on high-frequency online search queries. “Were we selling people short? Were these just too obvious?” she says she asked her team. On the tape-measure tutorial, “I said ‘come on, how many things can you say about it?’ ” Ms. DeStefano says.

And just in case you think we're joking and/or exaggerating, here is Home Depot's tape measure tutorial in all its glory:


Meanwhile, Scotts Miracle-Gro has been forced to start training classes to remind frustrated millennials, who can't seem to keep their flowers alive, that plants need sunlight to grow (apparently not a single millennial ever took biology in grade school).  Commenting on the tutorials, a defeated VP of Corporate Affairs, Jim King, admitted "these are simple things we wouldn’t have really thought to do or needed to do 15 to 20 years ago"...sorry, Mr. King this is your life now.

The Scotts Miracle-Gro Co. has started offering gardening lessons for young homeowners that cover basic tips—really, really basic—like making sure sunlight can reach plants.


“These are simple things we wouldn’t have really thought to do or needed to do 15 to 20 years ago,” says Jim King, senior vice president of corporate affairs for Scotts. “But this is a group who may not have grown up putting their hands in the dirt growing their vegetable garden in mom and dad’s backyard.”


“They grew up playing soccer, having dance recitals and playing an Xbox,” says Scott’s Mr. King. “They probably didn’t spend as much time helping mom and dad out in the yard as their predecessors or their predecessors’ predecessors.”


Companies such as Scotts, Home Depot Inc., Procter & Gamble Co. , Williams-Sonoma Inc.’s West Elm and the Sherwin-Williams Co. are hosting classes and online tutorials to teach such basic skills as how to mow the lawn, use a tape measure, mop a floor, hammer a nail and pick a paint color.

Unfortunately, at least for the Home Depots of the world, millennials now represent the largest demographic in America with 4.75 million 26 year olds roaming the streets of New York, San Francisco and Los Angeles without a clue as to how to use a tape measure.

The biggest single age cohort today in the U.S. is 26-year-olds, who number 4.8 million, according to Torsten Slok, chief international economist for Deutsche Bank . People 25, 27 and 24 follow close behind, in that order. Many are on the verge of life-defining moments such as choosing a career, buying a house and having children.


Millennials as a whole are America’s latest demographic bubble, overtaking the baby boom generation and, like them, transforming popular culture, retailing, media and lifestyles. They make up about 42% of all home buyers today, and 71% of all first-time home buyers, according to Zillow Group . Some 86% of millennial home buyers reported making at least one improvement to their home in the past year, more than any other generation, Zillow says.


While we have our doubts that it will save their business, retailers like J.C. Penney and West Elm are trying to adapt to the millennial generation by offering basic in-home services like installing televisions or hanging wall art.

J.C. Penney Co. says the group is willing to hire others for projects. The retailer has pushed into home services, including furnace and air-conditioning repair, water-treatment systems and bathroom renovations, and expanded its window-covering installation.


“They’re much more of a ‘Do-It-for-Me’ type of customer than a ‘Do-It-Yourself’ customer,” says Joe McFarland, executive vice president of J.C. Penney stores. “You don’t need a ladder or a power drill, you don’t even have to wonder if you measured your window right.”


Home-furnishings retailer West Elm offers service packages, which start at $129, to provide plumbing and electrical work, painting, installing a television and hanging wall art and mirrors.


All that said, at least some millennials are trying to be more self-sufficient...as an example, the WSJ notes the case of 26-year-old Breanne Loes who recently borrowed her dad's power tools to craft a wooden headboard...which went really well AFTER she realized the saw blade was on backwards.

Ms. Loes enjoys do-it-yourself projects, and two summers ago built with her now-husband a wooden headboard in her parents’ garage, with help from an online tutorial, her dad, two older brothers and their tools.


The saw wasn’t working at first because the blade was backward. “That was embarrassing,” says Ms. Loes.

Congrats, Breanne, really great job...really.

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Donate Moar's picture


A tool used to measure the length of tapes, like 8 track and reel-to-reel.  Needed for selection of proper speaker wire size.


Justin Case's picture

Must be old system, there's no wires anymoar

Totin's picture

I was recently doing some volunteer work with a group of men and women, cleaning up the property of a local school. One thing we accomplished was cleaning out some plant beds and remulching. One guy bought a rake with him - just a standard hard tine rake like I’ve seen since immediately after my birth. But this guy was going on and on about what a great tool it was. He had literally never seen one before he bought it for this job. At first I thought he was joking but he was very serious. I was just amazed that an adult male had never seen or used a rake before. I didn’t say anything but I just found it pathetic some how. Nice guy, but gees.

TheLastTrump's picture

My step son sold mistletoe door to door with his mom starting at 4. Helped gut a deer at age 4 too.


Did leaf raking jobs with rakes, then a blower when he got older. Mowers etc.


He's 18 and imperfect, but basically he's way ahead of many kids & thanks me for teaching him things.


How sweet it is.

ToSoft4Truth's picture

Single moms like the Palin trollop are too busy getting penis to be bothered raising her children.  

rf80412's picture

It occurs to me how much of what feminists want from the government could be provided equally well by giving them all a Downton Abbey upper class lifestyle with servants.  Women could be "honored" for being mothers but wouldn't be "oppressed" by actually having to take care of their own children.

Totin's picture

I haven’t heard anyone mention Palin for probably more than a year. Odd that you would bring her in to this discussion. Was she the worst Republican mom you could think of?

Abbie Normal's picture

The reference is to the daughter that got knocked up and is proud of remaining a single mom while chasing more potential suitors.

Justin Case's picture

They'll change the male to female and the female to a male.That way everyone will be a mutant ninja.

petaloka's picture

We're screwed. I sell hiking boots in a retail store. You'd be amazed how many times one of these twats has held up a diplay shoe and asked me, "Do these come in sizes?"

ssgredux's picture

No, I don't think I'd be amazed.  Major parenting fail on these kids.

El Vaquero's picture

And when they finally get some of those boots, it's a disaster.  I went and fished a stream I hadn't fished in a long time last summer.  I pulled a small brown trout out of it, and everybody was amazed that there were fish in the stream.  All young 20 somethings who had just recently discovered that there are places that aren't urban. 

rf80412's picture

Home Depot needs to figure out how to package the Mexicans hanging out around back for customers who almost certainly don't own pickup trucks.

SubjectivObject's picture

they all want 20$/hr now

and won't do dirt work

Consuelo's picture



Cue the typical whitebread male GOOG employee:


Mid-late 20's.   Black T-shirt.   3-day stubble (to look out-doorsy/masculine, but he's having gender identity issues, so...)    He's taking one of those MMA courses down the street to you know, get a grip or whatever.    He's into all the trendy social issues (Neo-feminism, environmentalism-writ-large, anti-whatever - as long as it goes against originalism, etc.), he's into all of it - or else...



DaBard51's picture

No instruction manual for a 21st century Dad.

It's all online; see how well that is going.  Hmmm.....



When nine hundred years old you become, look this good you will not.

Yes We Can. But Lets Not.'s picture

Home Depot needn't offer tutorials - there are helpful youtube vids on how to do *anything* - install flooring, remove a tree stump, detect studs behind drywall .....

They offer these tutorials as a form of marketing.


CRM114's picture

There are also a lot of very badly made videos with the correct information, quite a few unhelpful videos, and a few that are downright dangerous. The problem is they don't have any experience to judge which is good and which aren't.

TheLastTrump's picture

True, but you can use your native intelligence to figure out what's helpful or not.


I've fixed many small engines using Youtubes. Got a Husky 340 waiting on my attention right now.

Donate Moar's picture

Well here's some entertaining education material for you friend!

"Taryl Fixes All"


His real name is "Tim Gross", and the teeth are not his, but he provides some really useful small engine info. New videos released every Sunday.

I'm finally charging for my small engine repairs.  I actually freed up a seized generator the other day.  Owner ran it low on oil.  I didn't know it was possible, but YouTube University saved the day! (and a lot of patience on my part - easy $60)

I bought an awesome 54" riding mower (27HP Kohler) the other day for $100.  The owner didn't know how to fix a $15 PTO switch.  He then ran off to the bank and got a $6000 loan for Zero Turn mower for his "business".    Amazing deals out there with many thanks to  uneducated people.



shovelhead's picture

Chainsaw fails are fun.

Theos's picture

Sort of like how old people cant drive or use a computer, or pay for their own healthcare, or not hate black people.

TheLastTrump's picture

Dude...you're a complete fucking dumbass.


Our 92 year old neighbor died about 3 months ago. She was driving & using her computer to the end- and living by herself in her own home without help. 92. She paid for her own healthcare & didn't have a racist bone in her body as far as I could tell.


It sounds like you have problems.


Our 96 year old friend just met her 95 year old friend in a store with my wife present. The friend was just up on her roof sweeping the leaves off. I shit you not.


The 96 year old said there was a lot of misogynistic stuff back in the 30's, 40's....not so much today.



bloofer's picture

Yes, all the old people I know are very good with computers. They are managing web pages and self-publishing books. It is proverbial (not to mention statistical) that they drive better than younger drivers, unless actually disabled.

As for being racist, quite a few of them have black grandchildren, or black neices and nephews. I have black neices and nephews, myself.

PresidentCamacho's picture

Ya lots of black grandchildren, but no black sons in law.  CUCK

Theos's picture

Well that means she didnt vote to trump right? Shame she died.

Drop-Hammer's picture

I hate niggers with a white-hot fury.  Am I doing it wrong?

U4 eee aaa's picture

Where is the video that shows them how to call a repairman

Auntydebt's picture

My hubby is 51 years old and is useful as tits on a boar! Me, 48 years old with a bedazzled hot pink tool belt and own a chop saw!( yes, know how to use it too.)

TheLastTrump's picture

The expression is "as useless as tits on a boar hog", ma'am. :)

Nobody For President's picture

'As useful as mammary glands on a duck' is also acceptable.

This lady sounds interesting. Maybe I can get her to send me a picture of her chop saw...

Falconsixone's picture

What do you chop when your not bedazzling?

U4 eee aaa's picture

So he suckered you in to doing all the repair work too huh? ;)

bloofer's picture

Many of us have husbands like that. (Sigh....) Or used to....

I once watched my ex try to unstop a toilet with the wrong end of the plumber's helper.

bloofer's picture

What I want to know is who put Breanne's saw blade on backwards? Bet it wasn't her. But is was her who noticed it.

83_vf_1100_c's picture

I built 90% of my shop bldg. Sided it with vinyl. You cut that siding with a fine tooth blade installed backwards.

Justin Case's picture

hot pink tool belt

second use S&M?

TheLastTrump's picture

This is just confirmation of what many of us knew.


But don't change this from 40% into 100%.


Look around you. See those 30ish guys with beards driving electrical, plumbing, roofing/ carpentry trade vehicles? Millennials.

Eyes Opened's picture

I posted this further up but as its relevent to your post I'll repeat it ...



Dr_Snooz's picture

After a life spent watching the wicked and adulterous Baby Boom generation swarm across the earth, like a cloud of locusts, consuming everything in their path, I comforted myself with the realization that they would all die off at some point and I would see the world enjoy a measure of peace shortly before I died. Sadly, their demon spawn will outlive me, carrying the Baby Boom legacy of destruction to a whole new level. I am no longer the least bit concerned about the robot take over. This generation of idiots can't hold down jobs anyway, and something has to get the work done if we're to stave off the zombie apocalypse.

Alack that I live to see such days.

GoyimUprising's picture

Yes, the robots will do the work while the masses starve.

TwelveOhOne's picture

Kill two birds, have the zombies do the work.

1stepcloser's picture

What? You mean Millennial boyz don't (or can't) measure their junk anymore?   Cause their size is just perfect!  Mom said so! 

GoyimUprising's picture

Ovens would be more efficient and economical.

Joebloinvestor's picture

Just for S&G I asked the guys I work with if anyone of them has ever replaced a toilet valve assembly.

0 for 5.