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European Mission Accomplished: Everyone Is Now Thoroughly Baffled With Bullshit

Tyler Durden's picture


Some time ago we suggested that in lieu of actual practicable solutions (and a promise to recapitalize several trillion worth of insolvent banks absent some magic money printing tree or gold coin defecating unicorn, is so stupid only the market ramping vacuum tube algos can believe, if only for a few hours), the only thing left for Europe's leaders is to baffle absolutely everyone with relentless bullshit. Judging by the following Bloomberg news screencapture, they have now succeeded.

Presented without further snark.

h/t Charlie


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Sun, 10/09/2011 - 21:56 | 1756120 CashCowEquity
CashCowEquity's picture


Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:01 | 1756135 illyia
illyia's picture

ZH, at its very best

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:13 | 1756165 eureka
eureka's picture

No big deal - scizophrenic information is spawned every day at Bloomberg.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:16 | 1756173 flacon
flacon's picture

The non-edible barbaric yellow metal is up, despite the European "tradition" of obfuscation. 

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:19 | 1756183 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

Angela Merkel reinstates Gestapo in Germany:



Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:29 | 1756205 HoofHearted
HoofHearted's picture

Maybe I'm missing something, but isn't this what seems to happen all the time whether it is Timmay or the Beard or Merkozy? The markets are so fucking confused, that we have actually had several up days. I've decided to play along and take some profits by playing follow the sheeple. It's worked way too nicely...

I know how this ends, so I've got plenty of PMs plus the necessities. We won't discuss those in case the government trolls are out looking for new homegrown terrorists...

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 00:06 | 1756424 DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

I'm pleased they've at least got a new headline. For the last few weeks the headlines have been flipping between

Stocks higher on hope of euro fix


Stocks drop on Greece contagion fears

Lazy writers were just recycling the same stories day after day with a few edits.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 08:38 | 1756956 tumblemore
tumblemore's picture

"The markets are so fucking confused"

They're being so manipulated by Bernanke's little mood-altering computer pixies the "markets" aren't operating as genuine markets at the moment. They're financial Hollywood.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:43 | 1756372 Shvanztanz
Shvanztanz's picture

I was just over on but the last entry was three hours ago, last entry had something to do with an emergency secret mobilization? I dunno. Crazy Germans.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 02:45 | 1756621 Shvanztanz
Shvanztanz's picture

Wie sagt man, "strike a nerve" auf Deutsch?

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 03:43 | 1756650 PY-129-20
PY-129-20's picture

Standardübersetzung: "einen wunden Punkt treffen" :)

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 01:21 | 1756553 Die Weiße Rose
Die Weiße Rose's picture

as for Europe,

we have been through Austerity before and we have learned our lesson well.

most Europeans I know have lots of savings stashed away,which is what Europeans do:

Make hay while the sun shines,so you can hold out for the dark and cold winter.

as for the USA, this will be a very long and dark, cold winter of discontent -

so take care...


Mon, 10/10/2011 - 10:29 | 1757353 deeznutz
deeznutz's picture

savings in a potentially worthless currency?

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 01:02 | 1756537 Idiocracy
Idiocracy's picture

exactly.  every good journalist needs to hedge their bullshit

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:03 | 1756141 Crisismode
Crisismode's picture

Merkel farts and the markets melt-up.

Sarkozy farts and the markets melt-down.

When they both fart simultaneously the markets become manic-depressive for a few nanoseconds.

And then resume the climb upwards on bad news, good news, no news at all.


Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:05 | 1756295 derek_vineyard
derek_vineyard's picture

Just read your charts......words are worthless.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 03:54 | 1756656 bullonparade
bullonparade's picture

This is Bloomberg bullshit, not European bullshit. If Merkels bullshit gets interpreted in 2 distinct ways only one can be true bullshit. just goes to show how anxious the market is to explain the the European governement has ny executive power at all.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 06:27 | 1756757 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Markets getting filled by hot air just like the Hindenburg blimp. 

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 21:58 | 1756126 chump666
chump666's picture

The BS trade is upon us.

also China just cut fuel prices ala curb inflation, more like China's massive deflation dump coming.

Asia is looking tasty again

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:00 | 1756129 Sheens Liver
Sheens Liver's picture

Wow, and butterflies are flying out of my ass too!

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:22 | 1756337 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

A flying unicorn is circling my back yard.


Mon, 10/10/2011 - 00:12 | 1756431 DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

Go easy on the 'shrooms okay?

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 01:10 | 1756550 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

I have decided to become a surrealator and sell surrealestate.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:01 | 1756131 nasdaq99
nasdaq99's picture

indeed. they are trying to wear the world out so that somebody will make the mistake of handing them large sums of cash with which to deal with this problem, because the problem is to big for them to actually fix.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:01 | 1756132 Oracle of Kypseli
Oracle of Kypseli's picture

The sad thing is that they themeselves believe that shit. the world is upside down and yes it can get more convoluted.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 07:06 | 1756790 Vendetta
Vendetta's picture

Which shit do they believe?   I tend to believe it is the shifts in the dung beetle migration patterns that move the markets.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:53 | 1756136 Newsboy
Newsboy's picture

OK, where is the money from all those Treasuries that got sold?

I smell a rat.





And now it's over, crashing hard...

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:02 | 1756137 upWising
upWising's picture

OK boys and girls, it's time for ART.

Take a crayon out of your box.  Any color will do and you can use either end of the crayon.

Now, boys and girls:  draw a square circle.  Or a round square.

¿ Wasn't that easy ?

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:02 | 1756138 reader2010
reader2010's picture

They need to lure lots of zeros and lots of Os back to the game.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:08 | 1756158 Cursive
Cursive's picture


Many a commenter has accussed the public of being fat, dumb and stupid and those criticisms are warranted; however, I think the current economic malaise has enlightened much of the public to the lies and theft of the political and banking class.  We're in the final stage now.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:20 | 1756178 reader2010
reader2010's picture

Final stage? You really think so? I have talked to a lot of people,  and my general feeling is that most of them still firmly believe the lies in the form of popaganda sold by MSM. You really think those OWSers can aim at the root cause of their agony? 

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:56 | 1756275 Cursive
Cursive's picture


What's an OWSer?  People deal with grief differently and it is difficult for people to change ingrained behavior/responses overnight.  Have you asked them how they like this economy?  Asked them how wonderful their lives have changed for the better in the last 3 years?  Asked them if their savings have gone up or down and how they feel about it?  Asked them how they feel about bankers in general?  Maybe you have, but I can tell you I get very direct and very negative responses to all of the above.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:19 | 1756328 JLee2027
JLee2027's picture

OWS = Occupy Wall Street.

Is this the beginning of the war? OWSer's versus the Elites? Cage Match!

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:47 | 1756386 Cursive
Cursive's picture


Thanks for the help.  Haven't given OWS much thought.  I'm thinking the AA DDOS hack on 10/10/11 is much bigger than OWS.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:59 | 1756406 Shvanztanz
Shvanztanz's picture

300 million men enter! 299,900 leave!


300 million men enter! 299,900 leave!


300 million men enter! 299,900 leave!


skip the violence, just occupy all the cabs and subways, then no one can get to work! 



Mon, 10/10/2011 - 00:03 | 1756417 reader2010
reader2010's picture


You're right and people are fed up with, guess what?, politicians. They hope they will be able to vote some others, such as Ron Paul,  in to "change" their lives for better real soon. At least that's I was led to believe. However,many of them fail to comprehend that  the real problem is the Infinite Growth monetary paradigm,  that requires more and more debt serfs created everyday in this world.  What those in the Occupy protests all over the country are masturbating to is their glorified American Dream, that's sold to them by the MSM/Hollywood/Very Big Money. No change is possible, I am afraid, as long as they can't go after the root cause of their agony.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 00:36 | 1756482 Cliff Claven Cheers
Cliff Claven Cheers's picture

They say Americans are a billion + pounds over weight cumulatively.  I for one think a crash will do America good.  We can live off our fat stores for a long time and then we will all be good and skinny with less health problems and therefore less health care costs.  


PS has anyone seen the Big Wet Fart Rynak around.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 00:38 | 1756488 reader2010
Mon, 10/10/2011 - 07:18 | 1756809 Vendetta
Vendetta's picture

I'm not so sure what people believe makes a difference as to what 'stage' in the collapse we are in.  Its the level of the deception that they believe in likely correlates to the level of psychological trauma they will experience when the final stage, monetary system exit stage left, occurs.

Pavlov's dogs' conditioning to salivate at a ring of a bell was erased by the trauma of torrential floods wiping out his laboratories in Moscow. 

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:01 | 1756280 cranky-old-geezer
cranky-old-geezer's picture



The only "stage" we entered was Sept '08 when really massive bailouts started.  We've been in that "stage" ever since.  And it's going to continue until the Euro and US dollar are simply worthless.

This isn't a sovereign debt crisis.  It's the biggest citizen looting spree in human history.

If bailouts weren't possible, banks would have told irresponslble governments to sink or swim a long time ago.

But banks know they can tap citizens' wealth anytime they wish, so they keep lending money they know will never be paid back.

It's a huge fucking plan to bleed citizens dry.  Slowly.  Steadily.  Under the cover story of "sovereign debt crisis".

This isn't going to end.  It's going on and on till they bleed everybody dry.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:09 | 1756302 Shvanztanz
Shvanztanz's picture

I had to give you an up, since I agree 100% and to give you props for upgrading from ass to pussy.

Sorry, just couldn't pass up a watermelon like that.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:16 | 1756319 Shvanztanz
Shvanztanz's picture

So, I guess now it's ass again.

Whether you meant to or not, you've proved that all it takes to occupy an idiot is to show alternating images of ass and pussy.

Problem solved, angry masses sedated, print away!

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:44 | 1756373 cranky-old-geezer
cranky-old-geezer's picture



I don't know why it switches back and forth.  I uploaded that luscious cameltoe this morning, much clearer in the larger shot, these 40 x 40 gif avatars lose much (lovely) detail :)

If I could post a pic I'd post the larger shot.  Let's just say it's lickingly good :)

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:48 | 1756388 Shvanztanz
Shvanztanz's picture

one or the other, it suits me fine, and the other readers probably don't know they have you to thank for distracting me long enough to write that much less inane shit

good on you

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 00:13 | 1756437 Mariposa de Oro
Mariposa de Oro's picture

I believe a name change is in order.  May I suggest horney old geezer?

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 12:47 | 1756465 cranky-old-geezer
cranky-old-geezer's picture



Perhaps you're right.

I chose that handle back when I was really pissed about all the Wall Street looting going on. But since then I've realized, hey, it's just how things are now. They're going to bleed the people dry eventually, no one is gonna stop 'em, accept it, prepare for it individually, everybody else is going down, just the way it is.

So I'm not really cranky anymore, and not really old either, and not really a geezer either come to think of it.

Women say I look like a slim version of Mike Ditka, mustache and all, if that gives you some idea. I don't know, just reporting what they say.

So yea, maybe a handle change is in order.

And it's h-o-r-n-y btw :)

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 02:53 | 1756627 PonziBeaver
PonziBeaver's picture

We do need a bit more resolution than 40 x 40. I can barely see my tinfoil hat.

I caught a glimpse of that camel-toe for a moment before it flipped back. It was luscious!

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:02 | 1756139 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

this is bullish

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:13 | 1756166 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 This was planned! Buzz, I did my Bratwhorst and loved it ! Offt o  / a  spoon fed Asia.  Stay long Green Backs>

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:04 | 1756143 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

A pledge ain't worth the piece of paper it's written on.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:16 | 1756172 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

  Where is my D. Crossing? I sent the cash...

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:20 | 1756330 JLee2027
JLee2027's picture

Hey a Dollar isn't worth a Quarter anymore.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:42 | 1756230 Quaderratic Probing
Quaderratic Probing's picture

Pledge is no different than saying " The Check is in the mail ". Might as well melt up while we wait for it to be delivered next month....

Is their mail really slower than ours? Probably has to be routed through Greece.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:14 | 1756315 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

A pledge ain't worth the piece of paper it's written on.

Especially if it's written on soft, absorbent, two-ply paper.


Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:04 | 1756145 Shvanztanz
Shvanztanz's picture

Belgian Minister de Merde du Bull, Peyo denies the rumors that the Euro has been Smurfed, despite multiple reports of Smurf related smurfings in many major metropolitan smurfs, the smurfing of financial institutions and the over all smurf of a coherent smurf for smurf among leading smurfs in Belgium.

Peyo: "There is no reason to Smurf, we have only Smurf to Smurf, and we have only yet begun to Smurf."




Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:04 | 1756146 Cindy_Dies_In_T...
Cindy_Dies_In_The_End's picture

One article written by the Pravda, the other one has not been properly pummeled into submission yet.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:06 | 1756147 DormRoom
DormRoom's picture

bloomberg doublespeak.   I wonder if headline trading algos enter recursive, infinite loops because of it.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:22 | 1756336 Shvanztanz
Shvanztanz's picture

No problem. I just got out of an emergency meeting with TPTB. They are just going to create a Good Dow and a Bad Dow. Good Dow will be surging 700 points by noon to signal optimism and Bad Dow will be below 9k at about the same time to generate immediate Bail Out, Stimulus, Twist and QE.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:05 | 1756149 Freewheelin Franklin
Freewheelin Franklin's picture

Maybe the problem(s) will just go away by themselves.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:05 | 1756150 Cursive
Cursive's picture

If you don't like the newsflow, just wait 10 minutes and it will likely change 180 degrees.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:54 | 1756402 Shvanztanz
Shvanztanz's picture

That's not what you said ten minutes ago. Now you can't edit your entry.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:06 | 1756154 jekyll island
jekyll island's picture

I feel better.  Don't you feel better too?  Hey, let's buy some Euro bonds because we feel better! 

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:11 | 1756163 Caveman93
Caveman93's picture

It's DUCK Season! No! It's RABBIT Season. No! It's.....(you get the picture). 

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:39 | 1756223 Misean
Misean's picture

Hey! Laughing boy! No buwwets weft!

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:14 | 1756167 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

With any luck, this market could drive a man to drink;)

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:55 | 1756272 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

I'm already doing that. :)

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:27 | 1756346 Manthong
Manthong's picture

After this gem, I think I'll have a stiff shot myself:

"investors who want low volatility and a sure bet for the next few years, should bet on Chinese stocks."


Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:50 | 1756358 Shvanztanz
Shvanztanz's picture

I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

I read the same article on

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:40 | 1756371 ReadySteadyGo
ReadySteadyGo's picture

Cheers!  6 shots of Jaeger already consumed.

See?  I'm a consumer too!

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 00:21 | 1756450 snowball777
snowball777's picture

ze prys stah-bee-lee-tee! <hic>

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:14 | 1756168 defencev
defencev's picture

The solution of Euro crisis is going to be simple and everybody (except for readers of Zerohedge) know that. The new facility will be established within few days; Greece will be allowed to default; the funds from facility are going to be used to fence off remaining weak links and recapitalize the banks if necessary; if all these still fail Dragi will strart printing euros; end of the story. Forget about all the bullshit being spread here and elsewhere by those who crave global Armagedon.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:33 | 1756215 jdelano
jdelano's picture

And what happens next year? You comprehend that printing fresh currency dilutes the value of e currency presently in circulation? You comprehend at structural reforms in Peripheral Europe will only grease the slippery slope of debt insolvency as the reforms further impair GDP and that therefore the only solution is to print until the euro is quite literally worthless? (same problem in the good ol USA too bud). Curious what you people tell yourselves in order to sleep at night....

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:00 | 1756286 Cursive
Cursive's picture



LOL.  Phew.  I almost thought my so-called craving for global armageddon was going to go unfulfilled until you put that asshat back in his spot.  :D

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:06 | 1756297 Shvanztanz
Shvanztanz's picture

FYI, as per MSM Newspeak dictionary:

Craving for Global Armageddon = Any statement contrary to obligatory lemming behavior.

Lemming Behavior = Smile, nod, agree, repeat.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 02:39 | 1756618 falun bong
falun bong's picture

To have a single currency you need a single political entity, end of story, can't and won't work without it. If you have a single currency zone but retain individual bond markets then they can get picked off (like when Soros forced the pound out of the EMU). But Merkel can't sell the Eurobond idea to her constituency no matter how bad Sarkozy wants it. They've had political union and a single currency that worked in Europe a few times before: under Julius Caesar; Charlemagne; Napoleon; and Hitler.

When they unwound the single currency from the Austro-Hungarian Empire, everybody had a week to bring their money in to get stamped according to the country you were in, Austria, Hungary etc. Maybe that would work this time too.

Corporations and banks want the Euro to work, but none of the people do. Only two countries got to vote on whether to have a Euro in the first place. Like everywhere else in the world, the battle is The People versus The Banks/Elites. Not sure yet who wins this time far the score is $4 trillion - 0

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:48 | 1756240 jdelano
jdelano's picture

Also have to add that the really offensive thing about self deluding happy cloud children like you is you can't be bothered with trivial details like basic math. If you'd be so kind, please explain to everyone here how the approximately 200 billion in un- pledged rescue funds are going to "fence off" the "remaining weak links" and recapitalize half the banks in Europe? If you say "leverage" I'll refer you to my other post.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:52 | 1756401 Shvanztanz
Shvanztanz's picture

ok, so "leverage" is out, how about "spackling"

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 00:23 | 1756452 snowball777
snowball777's picture

Clearly, they will win it all playing Baccarat.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 00:38 | 1756486 Shvanztanz
Shvanztanz's picture

Funny, at first glance, I thought you wrote, "playing Bureaucrat". That would be the best game ever. There would be two squares. Do nothing and collect 200$.  

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:28 | 1756349 Rynak
Rynak's picture

Right, because as someone else pointed out in another thread, the problem is the debt... not why it exists. That guy also claimed, that the PIIGS could just all be bailed out (uh, with WHAT?)... and then everything will be lalaland.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 00:45 | 1756504 Cliff Claven Cheers
Cliff Claven Cheers's picture

Thanks for pointing out the obvious you Big Wet Fart.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 00:26 | 1756462 DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

Well  Shvanztanz we know where your leftover glue went.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:15 | 1756169 Conman
Conman's picture

Odd, when you click on the second headline you get a compeltely different article.

"Yen Weakens as Stock Gains Damp Safety Demand"

Guess someone wrote the headline ahead of time sometime in the afternoon and needed to modify it after pushing the publish button.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:19 | 1756171 Shvanztanz
Shvanztanz's picture


Bovine Solid Waste Act   


[The following article appeared in the Universal Gazette last Thursday:]


On Thursday, the Senate passed the Bovine Solid Waste Act, by a margin of 61-2 with 3 members voting “present”, and 34 voting “absent” due to their absentia. The President responded by signing the Act into law, giving birth to a new sprawling arm of the federal government, Bovine Solid Waste Administration. This comes as the latest in a series of legislative moves intended to breathe new life into a badly ailing economy, suffering mounting job losses and general loss of hope for change. 


Critics of the bill, however, have voiced their opposition to the bill through overt acts of apathy, indifference and bitter acquiescence. Considering the waves and magnitude of the spending included in previous Acts such as the CARP and the current, unending series of modifications to the Emergency Spending Act of 2009, voices of fiscal responsibility have grown weary of the chore of imparting common sense to those in power. Others have pointed to the fact that as of now, there is no money in the Federal Reserve or the Treasury, so promises to fund the BSWA are as empty as the accounts that would fund them. 


Many Bullshitters expected the Government to adopt bullshit as its governing dynamic much as those of other eras adopted state ideals like Theocracy, Capitalism, Monarchy, Communism, or Fecaphilia into official charterdom. Some Bullshitters say that to come directly to the public, talking directly about bullshit, and declaring bullshit a state institution falls miles short of the intended goal of bullshit, which is to bullshit. 


When asked exactly what the BSWA would actually do, newly named official spokesman Rook Hornschwaggle responded, “We are in the early stages of determining exactly what the work plan will be, but I can say right now without any certainty, that there will not be any smoke-blowing, tap dancing, double talk, likely stories, semantic rhetoric, log-rolling, down-dumbing, thumb-twiddling, nose-picking, nail-filing, nit-picking, hair-splitting, corn-holing, cattle-prodding, red-herrings, goose chases, snipe hunts, half-assing, bone-throwing, henpecking, bridge selling, bridge loans, bail outs, ponzi-schemes, witch trials, short sheeted beds, goat ropes, circle jerks, comb-overs, dick dances, booger flicking, reach-arounds or three-quarter hand-jobs. 


Mon, 10/10/2011 - 05:57 | 1756737 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Yikes!  Flashback to early '70s National Lampoon!  Keep up the good werk!

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:16 | 1756174 carbonmutant
carbonmutant's picture

Why do forex traders still think the Euro is woth the risk?

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:21 | 1756189 zen0
zen0's picture

I was going to try to say something smart, but truth be told, I have no idea. I cannot fathom such blindness.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:19 | 1756326 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Someone sold them a box with blinking lights and convinced them that it was a greater fool detector.


Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:28 | 1756193 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 Great question C/B. F/x traders doen't exist! 


            The EUR is intriguing. It wouldd be a con- versation. I would look at the group of 17 { WIKI} style first.


 Well?  Then you decide?   Personally, I learned how to  " HEDGE ",..


   S.P. AY. YetAT><

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:16 | 1756175 Everyman
Everyman's picture

Is there any news organizations that do any "reporting" or "investigating" or "research" these days?  Man the LameSteam Media is getting dementia!  How can you have those two headlines on the same fucking page????

Oh, yeah, and they will have an editor get busted for being stupid for the two headlines, and not the reporters that are just regurgitating drivel.


Isn't it even a little suspicious and "kum by ya" for even the fucking news media outlets? I mean . c'mon, for real, you guys in the fucking media can;t see through the 8 foot tall stack of bullshit they just shoveled out the fucking door?

Really, and you call yourself "journalists"?


That is bad enough, but there are people that call themselves "investors" that risk money on stupid shit like this!

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:17 | 1756176 TradingJoe
TradingJoe's picture

This BS will end badly and very very soon! Trying to scare people for the sake of scarring is dumb!
Algos will crash themselves at one point trying to front run all this BS!

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:17 | 1756177 PaperBugsBurn
PaperBugsBurn's picture

Can't wait until the US reaches the point Cairo is at now.

Kill the pigs (and the MSM bitches too!)!!!

Kill the pigs (and the MSM bitches too!)!!!

Kill the pigs (and the MSM bitches too!)!!!

Kill the pigs (and the MSM bitches too!)!!!

Kill the pigs (and the MSM bitches too!)!!!

Kill the pigs (and the MSM bitches too!)!!!

Kill the pigs (and the MSM bitches too!)!!!

Kill the pigs (and the MSM bitches too!)!!!

Kill the pigs (and the MSM bitches too!)!!!

Kill the pigs (and the MSM bitches too!)!!!

Kill the motherfucking pigsssssssss !!!!!!!

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:21 | 1756335 JLee2027
JLee2027's picture

How about we tie you to the front of the battering ram when we storm the castle?

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 00:29 | 1756463 snowball777
snowball777's picture

* For some definition of pigs to be determined later.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 09:01 | 1757021 mick_richfield
mick_richfield's picture

Lord of the Flies comes to ZH.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:18 | 1756180 totem
totem's picture

Sounds like they got an advance copy of "Mad Libs: High Finance" and, after a rip-roaring meeting, releasing the game results as official statements.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:19 | 1756184 zen0
zen0's picture

If someone just shot Merkel or Sarkozy, all this bs would end. Hell, shoot both the Mofos.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 00:43 | 1756497 Miles Kendig
Miles Kendig's picture

The best way to hurt a rich person is to make them a poor person - Billy Ray Valentine

The best way to hurt a powerful person is to strip them of their power and make them shovel shit.  Just remember to dress 'em up right first.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 01:25 | 1756564 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Given your background, I would love to see a post from you regarding what should be happening to prosecute banker scum. I know you would need to think about a specific case (there are so many) but I have been curious, given that there are no prosecutions going on, how one would actually look, if one happened. 

Make them poor, put them in jail.

Ahhh! Clawbacks, my fellow bitchez. Sweeter than silver, gold, or honey comb.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 03:54 | 1756657 Miles Kendig
Miles Kendig's picture

I'll bump it as close to the top of my stack as can be MsCreant. 

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:20 | 1756186 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Fruit flies offset further EU crisis for 24 hours.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:21 | 1756187 Rakshas
Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:27 | 1756192 HardlyZero
HardlyZero's picture

"European Mission Accomplished"

Hey...its not that bad.  They bought TPTB two weeks to stash their PMs in their repository, update their plans, get their passports lined up.  Its better than a 1-hour rush to get to the airports...and fly out on any ticket in random directions unknown.  Aren't all the main players retiring or recently retired ?

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:44 | 1756241 Shvanztanz
Shvanztanz's picture

"We don't accept checks, sir."

"Don't you know who I am? I'm the number two banker in Amsterdam!"

"The number one banker's in the back washing the dishes."

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:25 | 1756198 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 You are such a bunch of PIN dicks! Come on I pay attention ya Pussies!

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:26 | 1756202 Shvanztanz
Shvanztanz's picture

This or that?

This or that or that or this?

This or that or that or this or that or this or this or that?

This or that or that or this or that or this or this or that or this or that or that or this and that or this or this or that?

This or that or that or this or that or this or this or that or this or that or that or this and that or this or this or that or neither this or that or that or this or that or this or this or that or this or that or that or this and that or this or this or that nor this or that or that or this or that or this or this or that or this or that or that or this and that or this or this or that.

This or that, or both or neither?

This or that or both or neither or this or that or both or neither and this or that or both and neither?

Neither both nor neither or both neither and both?

This or that? 

This that, this that this that this or that?



Mon, 10/10/2011 - 00:34 | 1756478 DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

Well is this bullish or not??

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:30 | 1756207 monopoly
monopoly's picture

To funny, just too funny. This house of cards is still being held up by the belief that all will be well soon. We here know that is not what is going to happen. There is this thesis that whatever bank blows up can be coddled before it is fried. One bank a a time and it will all be OK. But when the whole system goes parabolic and blows up, then it will all come together. Just look at these futures, they are ridiculous. The only true trade is.....well, you all know.

And stocks keep blowing up, just one at a time. NFLX...MCP....PCX...Look at the airlines. They are being taken out back and destroyed. But, just a soft patch. It is all around us, but as long as they keep Nordstroms, Tiffany, and the rest moving, the 3% who are solvent will keep this going for a while longer. Cannot short this market unless you day trade. And if you day trade most will be slaughtered. Not for me. Got my stuff, like my miners and each day is kinda boring for me.

And with the bond market closed tomorrow, be careful. Lots of false signals sometimes.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:32 | 1756210 freeasabee1
freeasabee1's picture

nothing is true, and everything is permitted.....that seems to be the case lately

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:33 | 1756216 Saxxon
Saxxon's picture

Gentlemen, they are going to simply nationalize the banks one by one and buy off the ratings agencies or make them an offer they can't refuse.  Slovakia too.  Do you think they are going to let that small country fuck everything up?  

The cocksucking politicians\whores\gangsters\handlicking banker lapdogs (with all due respect) will cave because they have to.

SPY will climb out of its range.  Metals will too.  Oil . . . yes, well that's just too bad.  They will push the sheep as far as they will go.  We are now $.20 under $4 a gallon in No. California . . . $4 gas is the tipping point imho . . . keep it there and the ratfuckers can get re-elected.

Where's the 'Boring World' guy?  He's right A LOT isn't he.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:35 | 1756219 Hoody Who
Hoody Who's picture

My eyes have crossed.  But thats not all. 

My lifters are lifeless,

my cams are jammed,

and I got oil running out of the headlights again. Oh My!!

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:35 | 1756220 Rusty Shorts
Rusty Shorts's picture


Theater is great! Here's some real shit.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:38 | 1756222 Kokulakai
Kokulakai's picture

Gilded cowpies all around.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:42 | 1756227 mberry8870
mberry8870's picture

People can be dumber longer than I can be solvent.


Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:42 | 1756228 sasebo
sasebo's picture

The banks printed too much money out of thin air & they & rich investors loaned it to companies & countrys who can't pay it back. Now they both want their central banks to print more paper money & pay them off for their stupid failed loans. But, where is all that paper money going?  If it gets back into the economy it'll cause massive inflation. And where are all those bad notes going? They need to find a home for it all. But the paper money & notes have one thing in common, it's all debt. Backed by what? The economies of the countries who are buying all the bad notes & borrowing more than they're collecting in taxes. And their economies aren't growing because the low interest rate policies of the central banks are misallocating capital & promoting consumption of all the economies output. How stupid is that? How can the economies grow? 

And the central banks & politicians are too stupid & greedy to figure this out.  

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:03 | 1756291 CrashisOptimistic
CrashisOptimistic's picture

You are almost right.

There can be no growth.  Ever.  Without it, all their past paradigms for survival fail.

There can be no growth, correct.  But it's not ZIRP that prevents it.

It's $106 Brent.  That's the killer.  And without a miracle, it can't change.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:41 | 1756377 traderjoe
traderjoe's picture

Too stupid? No, they engineered the greatest con in history - the private ownership of the creation of money, including the benefit of earning interest on sovereign debt. Sovereigns don't have to borrow money.

And they have trained the sheeple well, and paid for the politicians.

Seems like the plan is working quite nicely, thank you very much...

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:43 | 1756237 Father Lucifer
Father Lucifer's picture

In 3 weeks they will have a plan to definately have a really good plan in time to implement said plan with all due haste to perform the necessary plan to finalize the final plan. And the markets will rally forever.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:44 | 1756239 Belarus
Belarus's picture

If Merkel really does agree with a recap of European banks, and they really do put forth a plan, what this means is that Germany is ready to print. It can't mean any other thing. The sovereigns simply do not have the money to recap the banks on the backs of their balance sheets. As Kyle Bass said: everyone sort of thinks Germany is the white horse here, but Germany's debt/gdp is already 80%--before they've even recapitalized their own banks. So it's impossible to think the EU can recap the banking system without printing. Impossible.

So, the plan of a plan to make a plan, can only mean one thing: Merkel is ready to print, nothwithstanding what Germans want or think. But when has that ever stopped the despotic system from doing what it does best: fucking the very people they supposedly represent. 

I believe this is the way the market is digesting the news of the rumor of the said plan of all plans to save everything; Europe will print. Which takes counter-party risk away as U.S. banks unwind any and all EU exposure. This is why U.S. stocks are ripping higher while the DAX and CAC is down. 

Of course, this will all fall on its own weight: but one thing is certain if Merkel and Saroksy do what they say they're gonna do: the can will have been kicked a little further out.

What we have here, at the top of every political party now, are Professional Can Kickers. Slovakia will do the same thing all politicians do: put up a big fight, only to cave "for the greater good." You can always count on the fact in this cultural crises that no political party will end up making the right decision. 

And that's how you just gotta play the hand folks.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:58 | 1756278 jdelano
jdelano's picture

Rock a bye baby...

The subtext of this post, and many others like it, is "please, please let them print so my world doesn't come crashing down.". Grow up. If they do print, it will come crashing down, twice as hard, a year or two from now. If they don't print, bondholders take haircuts and we go into an ugly but not catastrophic global recession wherein pensions get reset and everyone gets taxed until they bleed. Lesser of two evils. god I wish adults were running the world right now.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:23 | 1756338 Belarus
Belarus's picture

Well, there, JD bubba. You sound like a raging baffoon. Believe you me, I am positioned to give a shit what Europe does and I'm just trying to figure out the non-sense like any one else. Like many poster HAVE said, which I agree, no one knows what the fuck they're gonna do until they actually present a single iota of data....until then it's just one big apeshit guessing game. I'm just presenting a case as though Merkel could be taken at face value....which is a large leap of faith itself and the vast majority of ZH's understand this.

And if you re-read my post and take the cotton out of your very plunged head, you'd see I know the EU printing money would not end well either.....perhaps you missed the "can kicking" part numb-nuts. 

Res ipsa loquitar.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 00:02 | 1756418 jdelano
jdelano's picture

A raging Buffoon? Better than tauri in decurso. I thought that was actually pretty tame but I suppose you're right. Raging pissed off right now that the world is willingly throwing itself down the drain. Probably a bit of misdirected rage--but all you guys secretly praying for printing in hopes that your pms will make you one-eyed men among the blind when you seem well aware how destructive that printing will actually be--in a way it's worse than the idiots who think this is all just going to blow over.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 00:49 | 1756510 Toe Cutter
Toe Cutter's picture

Agree. No one knows.

On the off note, I read your post in the voice of an old gold miner from 1849 and it was hilarious. Try it, it's funny.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 00:24 | 1756453 alien-IQ
alien-IQ's picture

The only logical reason (politician logic that is) to keep kicking the can further and further down the road is to make sure that this house of cards collapses on somebody else's watch and not theirs.

The fact that postponing the inevitable will only make it worse is of no concern to long as they can blame someone else for the collapse.

It's quite sick really.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:47 | 1756250 Piranhanoia
Piranhanoia's picture

I am breeding sprinboks that shit kruggerands. Hardest thing is to follow the bouncy blighters and pick up the goods.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:53 | 1756261 unununium
unununium's picture

The screen capture is a glimpse inside the media machine, and Bloomberg in particular.

Not every writer is part of the spin machine, and the spinmeister editors seem to be having more trouble keeping up lately.  Little glimpses of the outside world are creeping into the matrix.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 22:55 | 1756267 Caviar Emptor
Caviar Emptor's picture

The Plan: We have just discovered a closet filled with  Euros to save the banks with! It's not money printing since they aleady existed, and we just plum forgot. They were hidding underneath those skeletons we've also been discovering...

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:09 | 1756301 zorba THE GREEK
zorba THE GREEK's picture

When is the last time we saw any details coming out of Europe? 

Until we see details, nothing has been agreed upon and all statements

from the EZ or EU or any of the numerous groups who claim to be in charge,

are complete and absolute BS. By the time the 17 countries in the EZ and the

ECB and the IMF and the EFSF and whatever other entity has a say in Europe

all come together and agree on a plausible plan of action, there will be nothing

left to salvage. The EZ was doomed from the beginning as there was no mechanism

in their charter to deal with a member's default.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:11 | 1756308 Coldfire
Coldfire's picture

Have a modicum of pity for Merkozy. No one can polish the turd that is the EuroPonzi.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 00:39 | 1756492 Miles Kendig
Miles Kendig's picture

To hell with those fucking fucked up motherfuckers.

- Love Rahm

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:14 | 1756313 Scalaris
Scalaris's picture

I got used to it. Bloomberg's bipolar headline spewing is a daily phenomenon. I'll go as far as to say that they are doing it on..

*dun dun dunnn* -> 



Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:25 | 1756340 Gamma735
Gamma735's picture

A financial crisis always uncovers the underlying political crisis.  No nation is immune.  

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:28 | 1756351 holdbuysell
holdbuysell's picture

In other words, they don't know jack and are only in it for the fiat.

Sun, 10/09/2011 - 23:49 | 1756389 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 I had my " FUN" .  Sort of ?

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 00:31 | 1756473 snowball777
snowball777's picture

Putting the fun in fund?

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 00:40 | 1756494 Miles Kendig
Miles Kendig's picture

Well, there damn sure isn't any fun being put into dysfunctional at present...

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 00:13 | 1756435 Die Weiße Rose
Die Weiße Rose's picture

Recession is when your neighbor loses his job.

Depression is when you lose your Job.

And Recovery is when Ben Bernanke and Tim Geitner lose theirs.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 00:36 | 1756484 Miles Kendig
Miles Kendig's picture

You could get rid of Geithner, Bernanke or whomever, the crap will continue until there is structural change.  In essence it matters not who is in the chair since whoever is will be an excellent shit shoveler.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 00:33 | 1756467 Miles Kendig
Miles Kendig's picture

Some time ago we suggested that in lieu of actual practicable solutions
(and a promise to recapitalize several trillion worth of insolvent banks
absent some magic money printing tree or gold coin defecating unicorn... - Tyler Durden

Tyler, perhaps it's time to talk about the real contagion effects beyond the headline financial intermediaries, the banks, and move on to include all those other entities that play pivotal roles in all this.  I'm talking insurers, re-insurers, pension funds [especially state sponsored ones that have been a prime mechanism for placing the hooks into policy makers throughout the OECD region], major industrial concerns and on and on and on.  These are the true broadening effects of the so called contagion.  For reasons all to clear will not be addressed until we have another AIG moment when some major cross border money center institution will need to get a quick 100% return on their swaps and there is no longer a state that can not simply make do with "guaranteeing" it, but will actually have to produce hard cash to settle the trade.  While folks are busy blathering about banks and their headline exposures and talking up how buffering against those risks are all that's needed perhaps it's time for a little drill down from someone that really knows the subjects of discussion to toss a bright light on this hit parade of shit soup sandwiches being served up for mass consumption.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 00:30 | 1756468 Conman
Conman's picture

If you think thats funny check out CNBC's page for even more bipolar action.


Mon, 10/10/2011 - 00:32 | 1756476 ptolemy_newit
ptolemy_newit's picture

Greece gets the boot to save the Eruo Union and keep the other piigs in line

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 00:58 | 1756530 Toe Cutter
Toe Cutter's picture

It's consolidation. They will probably let them default along with Portugal, Spain, etc. Then they will implement, through stranglehold, The United States of Europe. The crash has been set by design along time ago. The EU was just a test.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 01:23 | 1756540 Fiat Money
Fiat Money's picture

 (continued from above)

 ZH and other financial activist blogs NEED TO EXPLAIN to the American people, the power of PREDATORY, intentional SABOTAGE finance:  how if you are SHORT a company, you can do things to MAKE that company's stock decline.

Cramer illustrated SEVERAL techniques in his infamous "FOMENTING" video,  (usually SCRUBBED, CENSORED from YouTube, by his  "It's ILLEGAL to FOMENT [manipulate the price of a stock]  BUT YOU DO IT ANYWAYS, the SEC won't notice, and your hedge-fund will go under if you don't."   

 Also, another financial activist website explained how then Treasury Secretary (and former Golddamn-Sachs CHAIRMAN)  Hank Paulson ATTACKED the Euro:  He used a Treasury fund which they were storing ("hoarding") Euros, and, WHEN THEY NEEDED a STRONG DOLLAR that month, they intentionally DUMPED their hoard of a billion +/-  Euros on the open market - and knocked the Euro down majorly. 

  This was the US TREASURY SECRETARY, using GOVERNMENT FUNDS, to ATTACK the Euro !!!    If you were a "private" player (gs ???!), and you KNEW IN ADVANCE that this ATTACK was about to go down - you position yourself to PROFIT, you haven't "EARNED" a dime, but you have EXTRACTED millions.

  Fast forward to 2011,   Ben B. & Little Timmy G. have put Paulson's above 2008 EURO ATTACK on the CONVEYOR BELT, they are PRINTING UP SO much money (and FORCING Swiss, Euro, China, and others to follow along) that they can STOP ON A DIME, and WRECK their currency target  flavor-of-the-week,  EACH TIME EXTRACTING billions. 

  Most "heartland" Americans simply don't understand the powers of above cartel, MONEY TRUST  financial SABOTAGE, when they balther on with their prescribed TPTB talking points  about how great "free market capitalism" is. 

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 01:10 | 1756549 Fiat Money
Fiat Money's picture

"European mission accomplished: Everyone is now thoroughly baffled by bullshit.  Some time ago we suggested that in lieu of actual practicable solutions..."

Come on, Tyler - GET A CLUE. "They" are NOT trying to "solve" the European debt crisis - OR the American economic crisis. 

  THEY, Economic Hit Man style, PROFIT from the SABOTAGE DESTRUCTION of everyone else's jobs, income assets, and claims to wealth.  In John Perkins "Confessions of an Economic Hit Man," he described how TBTP favorite prey was sucking the wealth out of  "3rd world countries' municipal electric, water, and other essential services, much less, heavens forbid, those small countries'  raw resources or ag producing estates. 

  Unrestrained by even a modicum of restraint / oversight / regulation after a decade-and-half of "Rubinomics" DEREGULATION, The Big Boys have set their "ECM" sghts on the BIG economies - England, Europe, & USA.

  Oh - did I forget to mention, that Soros & co - ALMOST CERTAINLY BACKED BY you-know-who - EXTORTED one BILLION pounds out of the British pound?  Or that you-know-who, the family behind the LBMA,  tried (my guess) to DUPLICATE Soros' NAKED SHORT SALES success, but instead of against the British pound, AGAINST GOLD - and, to COVER their LOSSES, Chancellor Brown was forced to DUMP HALF of England's gold reserves on market, at multi-decade low prices?  (see "Brown's Bottom" at Jesse's Cafe)

      Or that Professor/ Dr. Michael Hudson contends that Rubin, Summers, Harvard, & GS (by name)  INTENTIONALLY created "RADICAL PRIVATIZATION" in Russia in the 1990s, which was so ruthlessly effecient   that Russia's ENTIRE POPULATION DECLINED, in "peace dividend" 1990s,  MORE than it had under 4 years of invasion/war by the Nazis, 1941-45?   And that Dr. Hudson very specifically stated that the Bernanke & Geithner appointments, indicated that mass-murderous  RADICAL PRIVATIZATION was now AT HAND in USA ??

  Conquest, looting, rape, pillage & plunder can be very profitable for the victors.    See the Conquistadors, and the Anglo conquest of North America, and Asia (India, Ceylon, Suth Africa,  other Brit colonies, and invasion of China "Opium War")  

   For how "Capitalism" has been successfully used as a cover to mask genocidal conquest in the modern era,  see   

   And simply note:  THE MORE THEY WRECK the economy, THE MORE THEY PAT THEMSELVES ON THE BACK as "financial experrts" - see Bernanke's shit-eating grins. 

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 01:14 | 1756555 walcott
walcott's picture

Not surprising. Bloomberg is a scizo psychopath.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 01:17 | 1756559 El Gordo
El Gordo's picture

Well, nothing to see here.  Think I'll just go lope my mule.

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 01:20 | 1756560 Toe Cutter
Toe Cutter's picture

Tomorrows forecast: "It will be raining sunshine".

Mon, 10/10/2011 - 02:04 | 1756597 Reptil
Reptil's picture

You have to realise; the unknown scares people. The traders that are actually people.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!