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FBI Opens Inquiry Into JPM Loss
Earlier we were complaining that the newsflow was on its way to getting full-retard surreal. It just crossed that line.
From NBC:
NY FBI Opens Inquiry into JPMorgan Chase Loss
The FBI in New York has opened an inquiry into JP Morgan Chase's $2 billion loss, NBC 4 New York has learned.
People familiar with the matter tell NBC 4 New York that the inquiry is not a criminal investigation. The FBI is taking a preliminary look at the incident.
JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon disclosed last week that the bank had lost the $2 billion by making a bad bet with so-called credit derivatives.
Investors lopped off nearly 10 percent from JPMorgan's stock price the next day, and 3 percent more on Monday. Since Dimon made the announcement, nearly $20 billion in market value has evaporated.
Sooooo: FBI jobs created or saved investigating JPM: +10,000?
Translated: the FBI has been unleashed to investigate how a bailed out TBTF bank with full government backstop can possibly lose money, and to arrest those responsible.
The good news: this surely means that the FBI will certainly now look at recent vaporization events at MF Global. Right??? Right???
The scariest news of the day: FBI agents are now using Bloomberg Terminals.
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Who let the dogs out? Obama/Holder.
You may hate JD and JP, but this is a perfect excuse for the government to threaten and demand MORE control of banks. Gee, do you think they want more "fair lending" and crony loans to their friends?
http://confoundedinterest.wordpress.com/2012/05/13/regulation-jpmorgan-c...
JPM gets the FBI and MF Global and Corzine walk. Nice justice system.
Any TBTF bank should be considered a national security risk and should be monitored and investigated when anything like this happens...bring on the NSA
Is this bullish for SKF?
Who said "I didn't come here to bail out fat cat bankers?
There's a knee slapper for you, got anymore good jokes?
Why don't a few of us smarties around here figure out a way to hack into the Bloomberg terminals, skew the numbers and make off like bandits!
I get 10% because it was idea!
•J•
V-V
JPMorgan bought out the assets of MF Global in a friendly take over back in 2012, announced this morning by the White House Special Reporting Goon Squad. John Corzine had replaced Ben Bernanke at the Fed in the summer of 2012, and Ben became head of an investigationary team that hunted down that missing MF Global money for the poor bastards that got fucked over by some low end expendable cleaning staff, and interns back in the day. Curiously enough, not one red cent was ever recovered.
All liabilities pertaining to MFGlobal had been swept under the newly woven "carpet of lies "campaign conceived by Secretary of State Ina Drew, and will not be seen by the light of day - ever - again - period - they promise. Any assets of course, were purchased by JPMorgan for one dollar, and an expired McDonalds coupon for a McCoffee, due to the risk involved in strip mining free assets and spending them on severance packages for phoney London Whale fall guys 'n girls.
The above was the summary of a ten year investigation into banking practices, concluded in 2022, at the cost of 3 trillion dollars to the taxpayer. President for Life, Mittens Rommely, celebrated the landmark event by increasing the medication of the FEMA camp survivors of the 2012 global economic meltdown free of charge. This was done in a fiscally prudent manner by reducing their GMO food rations to 800 calories per day for a year or two, subject to change without notice, to reduce the incentive to protert the wonderful news.
huh... translation: police state... tell us fisrt, so we can arrest the "terrorists" involved in causing the loss (as noted)
Reminder:
JFK, OKC, and September 11, 2001
So what chance does this "investigation" have exactly?
A snowball's, in hell.
Obama must be running out of money so this is probably a shakedown. When JPM finally coughs up the right amount of money, the FBI will go back to figuring out how double agents wear their underwear. I forgot who said this, paraphrasing: every time I feel I have reached a new level of cynicism, something comes up and I have to raise it. When the FBI finally gets the word to investigate Jon corzine and MF Global, I might lower my cynicism threshold a tad.
Don't lower it. FBI would be the highest level whitewash. If all else fails they would botch the case so it would be thrown out of court.
"The scariest news of the day: FBI agents are now using Bloomberg Terminals."
betcha some new ZH signups too - but thats too scary for today save it for later - we gotta make it past the potential "after lunch" greek default!
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702304537904577279720671471152.htmland
New and improved STRESS TEST!
The FBI investigates JPM to find a demonic presence.
It’s a new X files episode!
Yep.
It's a totally surreal mystery that there would be a criminal investigation in this matter-- considering that MF Global stole Billions from their customers and have completely gotten away with it.
Some Standards of Justice would sure be nice here!
+ 1.5BB
Only *5* mentions of Corzine so far ...
Obviously someone is talking on the inside. There is more going on. I think we all know that.
be nice to see that asshole Dimon in the Big House getting buggered... maybe the FBI will investigate the SEC destruction of LOADS of pertinent documents from investigations that were bought off? Or insider trading in the congress (whatever happened to that?)?? Or, maybe take over all regulation of financial markets because the current "regulators" are all corrupt down to their colons?
These are not the $2 Billion that you are looking for.
Does the FBI have a man inside feeding the plan to the perps?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2vpcABWJiY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_7z5eUK7F0
FBI= Foolish Bastards Indeed
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/knew/view/
This one is for you Piccard http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOtMizMQ6oM
http://www.deepcapture.com/the-miscreants-global-bust-out-chapter-1-was-the-united-states-attacked-by-financial-terrorists/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWFYjVv3hXE&feature=related
Why do I have the image that the agents assigned to this case are on a coked out strip club bender courtesy of some JP Morgue issued bernanke bucks?
FBI is looking for barbaric relics.
Looks like another FBI night at mans country- home of the famous Chicago unicorn show, I'm sure Jamie can easily explain this obvious misunderstanding once he has the "flexibility" to do so..
..as usual- clothing optional..
"Theres blood in the water - lets go kill somebody!"
If the FBI is not to be trusted, Holder can not be heard without contempt and distain, and the President can not be taken at his word, we have nothing left.
Well kinda maybe. In Texas, besides a 12 gauge filled with double ought, there is the Texas Rangers. Now, maybe you think that should read there Are the Texas Rangers. Nope. THE
Hell may freeze over, but until that day, you don’t want the Texas Rangers after you. No matter who you are.
Could it be that this is a plant by the bank itself so that market participants are dissuaded from attempting to squeeze the positions the bank is stuck in?
Anyone watching silver, what's the likelihood that JPM is dumping their paper silver to cover the London whale?
http://www.ianfraser.org/how-financial-whistleblowers-can-avoid-being-stabbed-in-the-back/
The article first ran in The Guardian which is interesting given what they did to Assange.
Brett Scott is calling for a Financial Wikileaks. FW is already here at ZH (through analysis as opposed to hacking) Even financial wikileaks can't work when you are so heavily in denial.
(And I'm referring to the general population, not just the banksters, although them too!)
Jail is one of the best places for detoxing from substance dependence, softening your conscience and coming back to the reality that actions have consequences.
A month has passed and I didn't hear anything from the FBI. In the first place, this is not their ground.
What are their reports going to?
Sir, crime scene is clean. Everything is safe now. (or are in safe now).
There were speculations that the loss could be as much as $8 billion. If there's some truth in that, JPMorgan will never disclose more loss as they have been on the host seat these past weeks.
Best regards,
Belinda | www.nextpay.com