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JPM Crashing After It Convenes Emergency Call To Advise Of "Significant Mark-To-Market" Losses In Bruno Iksil/CIO Group

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Out of nowehere, JPM announced 40 minutes ago that it would hold an unscheduled 5pm call to coincide with the release of its 10-Q. Rumors were swirling as to why. The reason is as follows:

  • JPMORGAN SAYS CIO UNIT HAS SIGNIFICANT MARK-TO-MARKET LOSSES - "Fortress balance sheet" at least until Bruno Iskil gets done with it.
  • JPMORGAN SAYS LOSSES ARE IN SYNTHETIC CREDIT PORTFOLIO - but, but, net is NEVER, EVER Gross.
  • JPM WOULD NEED $971M ADDED COLLATERAL IF RATINGS CUT ONE-NOTCH
  • JPM WOULD NEED $1.7B ADDED COLLATERAL IF RATINGS CUT 2 NOTCHES - how about three notches?
  • JPMORGAN: MAY HOLD SOME SYNTHETIC CREDIT POSITIONS LONG TERM - "Level 3 CDS FTW"
  • "As of March 31, 2012, the value of CIO's total AFS securities portfolio exceeded its cost by approximately $8 billion"

As a reminder, the CIO unit is where Bruno Iksil was making $200 billion-sized bets. Basically JPM has suffered massive losses at its CIO group most likely due to its IG/HY positions held by Iksil.

In Corporate, within the Corporate/Private Equity segment, net income (excluding Private Equity results and litigation expense) for the second quarter is currently estimated to be a loss of approximately $800 million. (Prior guidance for Corporate quarterly net income (excluding Private Equity results, litigation expense and nonrecurring significant items) was approximately $200 million.) Actual second quarter results could be substantially different from the current estimate and will depend on market levels and portfolio actions related to investments held by the Chief Investment Office (CIO), as well as other activities in Corporate during the remainder of the quarter.

 

Since March 31, 2012, CIO has had significant mark-to-market losses in its synthetic credit portfolio, and this portfolio has proven to be riskier, more volatile and less effective as an economic hedge than the Firm previously believed. The losses in CIO's synthetic credit portfolio have been partially offset by realized gains from sales, predominantly of credit-related positions, in CIO's AFS securities portfolio. As of March 31, 2012, the value of CIO's total AFS securities portfolio exceeded its cost by approximately $8 billion. Since then, this portfolio (inclusive of the realized gains in the second quarter to date) has appreciated in value.

 

The Firm is currently repositioning CIO's synthetic credit portfolio, which it is doing in conjunction with its assessment of the Firm's overall credit exposure. As this repositioning is being effected in a manner designed to maximize economic value, CIO may hold certain of its current synthetic credit positions for the longer term.

 

Accordingly, net income in Corporate likely will be more volatile in future periods than it has been in the past.

 

The Firm faces a variety of exposures resulting from repurchase demands and litigation arising out of its various roles as issuer and/or underwriter of mortgage-backed securities (“MBS”) offerings in private-label securitizations. It is possible that these matters will take a number of years to resolve and their ultimate resolution is currently uncertain. Reserves for such matters may need to be increased in the future; however, with the additional litigation reserves taken in the first quarter of 2012, absent any materially adverse developments that could change management’s current views, JPMorgan Chase does not currently anticipate further material additions to its litigation reserves for mortgage-backed securities-related matters over the remainder of the year.

All of this is coming form the just filed 10-Q. The full link is here. 

Call dial in: (866) 541-2724 in the U.S. and Canada; (706) 634-7246 for international.

Stock now down 5% after hours dragging down ES 7 points with it.

Some segments from the 10-Q as we peruse it:

  • A one-notch downgrade in the Firm’s internal risk ratings for its entire wholesale loan portfolio could imply an increase in the Firm’s modeled loss estimates of approximately $2.0 billion.

 

and just for some clarity on how this occurred. We know the poisitions that Iksil held were in IG9 (more likely to be tranches) but this $2bn loss comes from a tiny 12bps decompression in the index - which means the DV01 must be huge...(as we already knew given the massive rise in net notional that we warned about)...

 

This is the Investment Grade credit index series 9 - which is the most active tranche-related index and was the index that Iksil had driven massively rich to its fair-value...

Chart: Bloomberg

 

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Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:20 | 2414754 rubearish10
rubearish10's picture

It'll fixed and all green by tomorrow's US open. FASB returns with overnight updated CIO M2M RULE for Blythe.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:20 | 2414755 max2205
max2205's picture

Wow folks. I was on the last Bear Stearns call and let me tell you, this doesn't sound too different. Black fucking swan alert !

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:21 | 2414758 Watts_D_Matter
Watts_D_Matter's picture

Dimon says...You should ASSUME!!  Dimon you fuckin fuck....I hope you get ass raped by 100 pigmies!

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:27 | 2414781 bdc63
bdc63's picture

you should wish something on him that he wouldn't enjoy so much ...

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:22 | 2414761 mc_LDN
mc_LDN's picture

BURN M F'ERS!!! BA HAHAHAHAHAHA

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:23 | 2414762 penexpers
penexpers's picture

DIE, JPM, DIE!

And fuck you, Bernanke!

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:23 | 2414763 icanhasbailout
icanhasbailout's picture

listening to this call is fucking awesome thank you ZH!

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:24 | 2414765 medicalstudent
medicalstudent's picture

faz skyrocketing

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:38 | 2414768 falak pema
falak pema's picture

wow, talk about greeeeeeeece.....this is GREASE on the pole dance that can slide all the way to Hades gates.

why do these banks have frenchy synthetic bombs, are they all wearing invisible belts? Kerviel, Toure, Iskil; the frogs have all been planted by some frog Merlin to bring down the Anglo Camelot. Mordred you be a froggy ??? Bony's ancestor to bringie downie the anglo wonkey donkey bank? 

Where is "littleguy" to correct my purple anglais? Dimon is a true Anglo Simple Simon who met a french pieman. Now he has egg all over his face; damned scrambled eggs; oeuf à la coq français. 

BTW : I think its all the fault of Hollande. If Sarko had won this would never have happened. Superman Sarko would have kicked can to kingdom come, not this "cheese" who says "freeze" to the synthetics market : stand and deliver to Tobin Tax! Your money or your life. That is froggy talk, but it seems to have impressed Simple Simon. 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:41 | 2414858 CrashisOptimistic
CrashisOptimistic's picture

You're almost right.

This shit has Greek Swaps written all over it.  The new election in Greece probably told them their ass is burned.

Now ask yourself what swap exposure exists for Spain.  At GE, BAC, WFC, pretty much all the US swine.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:05 | 2414999 falak pema
falak pema's picture

I'd rather not I don't like the idea of getting synthetic ulcers to go with my incredible derivative fly swots. 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:25 | 2414771 newworldorder
newworldorder's picture

Congrats to those with puts going into tomorrow. That said however, most investors, including some here at ZH do not have a clue as to what is going on at JPM. CNBS will explain it all away by tomorrow morning, unless a major media outlet can write a story in a language that most non finance people can understand.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:34 | 2414814 Tenshin Headache
Tenshin Headache's picture

" Trades in that portfolio were "poorly executed" and that the losses were "egregious, self-inflicted mistakes," Dimon said.

 

Spin that.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:37 | 2414829 max2205
max2205's picture

Congrats to Jamie.... They loaded up 3 days ago. It should eliminate the CIO mark. Nothing to see here

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:28 | 2414772 Gamma735
Gamma735's picture

Well, JPM screwed MFGlobal.  My guess is that G$ is screwing JMP.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:35 | 2414813 crawl
crawl's picture

GS has to be the counter party. And I bet they used so many different companies to buy it.

This is a lawyer's wet dream. Multi billion dollar bank, losses, covering up the serious losses as long as possible, inflating the dividend to shield the ugly truth.

Stock holders are the losers, lawyers win, taxpayer will pay, management gets paid a bonus for saving the bank. No accountability.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:26 | 2414775 icanhasbailout
icanhasbailout's picture

hey, what's the name of the JPM guy who's talking? Ophelia something?

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:26 | 2414777 midgetrannyporn
midgetrannyporn's picture

Finerman put a buy on JPM just the other day. Priceless.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:25 | 2414780 navy62802
navy62802's picture

Gonna be an interesting weekend.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:27 | 2414782 holdbuysell
holdbuysell's picture

Cockroach theory and hyper-rehypothecation begs the question:

WHO'S NEXT?

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:26 | 2414785 devo
devo's picture

Bank run

ps. They just realized now they had "significant loses"? haha

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:28 | 2414786 jmcadg
jmcadg's picture

Dimon blubbering about the blubba, who should soon be with bubba. Epic.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:28 | 2414788 fuu
fuu's picture

Jamie has the sniffles.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:27 | 2414789 Piranha
Piranha's picture

its beautiful, the trigger for us to move below 1340

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:29 | 2414791 nobusiness
nobusiness's picture

Don't worry JPM shareholders that wasn't your money anyway it was the farmers commodity traders from MF Global.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:29 | 2414794 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

I see Swans... and they could be of the Barack variety.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:29 | 2414796 TheAlchemist
TheAlchemist's picture

Honest question:  I wonder if anyone besides some poor mailroom lackey will lose their job over this BS?

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:35 | 2414821 Gamma735
Gamma735's picture

As long as the mailroom lackey can bundle over a half a million in Obama campaign funds he will be fine.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:29 | 2414797 bnbdnb
bnbdnb's picture

Not what the banking sector needs to confidence. Margin call anyone?

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:29 | 2414798 Madbull777
Madbull777's picture

Most sellside traders that have dealt with JPM CIO have known for years that they are taking a ton of risk in all sorts of assets including esoteric credit risk and illiquid emerging market assets. This is one large realmoney fund - their assets rival the biggest realmoney funds out there, except that their profits are backed by depositors and taxpayers. Looks like the biggest culprit is the FED in that they have allowed unfettered risk-taking at JPM despite the AIG/LEHMAN/BEAR events of 2008. The FED is sound asleep at the switch.

 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:48 | 2414893 Tenshin Headache
Tenshin Headache's picture

The world is much less stressful to manage when you don't engage in excessively complex thinking.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:31 | 2414800 nobusiness
nobusiness's picture

Those banks will announce anything to force QE3.  I guess it was JPM's turn to give the FED an excuse.  QE3 in June.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:33 | 2414812 bdc63
bdc63's picture

June?! -- you think they'll wait that long?

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:30 | 2414802 WoodMizer
WoodMizer's picture

Goddamn it, last night I laid awake prepping mentally for the coming collapse. I decided that I need to quit smoking for health and money reasons. I swore to myself; I would quit upon the death of a major bank. I thought I had more time.
Looks like I am going to be real irritable next week.

What does this mean for EBT cards in June?

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:30 | 2414803 rebelscum1967
rebelscum1967's picture

I like that I bought some phyzz silver to help stick it to the banksters in my own small way. Die JPM.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:32 | 2414806 youngman
youngman's picture

"synthetic credit portfolio"......if you have to invest in this kind of shit to make money...you should not be a bank....nor should you be backed by the federal Government....period....

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:37 | 2414833 newworldorder
newworldorder's picture

+1000

The FED is backing them and you know what that means. One private bank backs another private bank with the blessings from Congress and our Executive Branch.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:45 | 2415193 Dingleberry
Dingleberry's picture

gotta love the expedited "bank holding designations" given out by Uncle Ben.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:33 | 2414809 breakyoself
breakyoself's picture

Who did we pay for that algorithm? fire his ass now.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 19:03 | 2415292 Seer
Seer's picture

Uh... it wasn't really all our fault, it's was the COMPUTER'S FAULT!  And in a muffled voice: "you think that they'll buy this?" and the response- "well, they fucking bought everything else, why not?!"

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:33 | 2414810 sbenard
sbenard's picture

This is beginning to look a lot like Lehman...

Everywhere you go...

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:33 | 2414811 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

I hope the shorters had some good shorts going on this.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:36 | 2414825 bdc63
bdc63's picture

I'm VERY long SKF ... if Bernanke fuckin does something "helpful" before the open tomorrow I swear I'm going postal ...

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:51 | 2415708 lotsoffun
lotsoffun's picture

shorters were crushed and gone 2 years ago.  that's why the market is where it is.  as of yesterday.

 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:34 | 2414815 Problem Is
Problem Is's picture

Couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of tax-payer bailed out douche holes...

Gimmie a Shine, Jamie
If it wasn't for fraud and tax-payer bailouts as a business model...

Jamie Dimon would be shining shoes...

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:35 | 2414816 Elmer Fudd
Elmer Fudd's picture

This sounds like a job for Printerman!  Able to leap Marriner Eccles in a sigle bound! Its a drone, no, its air force 1, no its PRINTERMAN! 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:37 | 2414822 deepsouthdoug
deepsouthdoug's picture

Isn't it more like pixel man - as in pixel trillions - in this day and age?

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:34 | 2414817 shuckster
shuckster's picture

Nice job on the prompt reporting. Naturally this was one of the few places actually reporting on the topic

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:36 | 2414818 deepsouthdoug
deepsouthdoug's picture

Woohoo!  My Citi short is crashing in sympathy!  Banksters!  My CAT short is way down too!

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:35 | 2414819 resurger
resurger's picture

WOOT!

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:36 | 2414823 Godisanhftbot
Godisanhftbot's picture

 Kept hearing a heavy 'sniff' from Jaimie

 

 Lots of stress, maybe he's using

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:39 | 2414840 bdc63
bdc63's picture

Hey! Don't judge! -- You would be crying too if your balls were in a vice.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:37 | 2414824 TMT
TMT's picture

Hurry up and roll out Sharpton to get us focused on important shit like gay marriage ... JPM isn't shit ... the gay stuff is really what's holding us back as a country.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:39 | 2414838 Godisanhftbot
Godisanhftbot's picture

  Those credit trades were pretty gay , by Jamies own admit.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:37 | 2414827 bobnoxy
bobnoxy's picture

Er...about those loan loss reserves you keep pulling onto the income statement to make your earnings beats...

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:41 | 2414855 bdc63
bdc63's picture

yep - those would be one in the same.  jamie is NOT going to be having a good year ...

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:38 | 2414828 web bot
web bot's picture

I speak dummy, so just so I understand...

Is "synthetic credit portfolio" another word for derivatives?

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:45 | 2414879 Gamma735
Gamma735's picture

"synthetic credit portfolio"= rehypothecated assets

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:38 | 2414832 Godisanhftbot
Godisanhftbot's picture

 Translation, "We can't make big bucks unless we roll them bones"

 

 Snake Eyes!

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:40 | 2414846 Godisanhftbot
Godisanhftbot's picture

 Are all the traders in London flaming morons?

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:47 | 2415697 lotsoffun
lotsoffun's picture

not at all.  they are 'brill'.  'spot on'.  they take down big banks and make big bonus and move on to the next host.

 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:42 | 2414859 breakyoself
breakyoself's picture

This is funny because today CNBC was doing the full court press on trying to get retail investors to come back. Had everybody on to say Rattner didn't know what he was talking about. JPM proved he was very right.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:45 | 2414866 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Melissa Lee on Fast Money:  "It's ironic because JPM was the financial we were telling everyone was best of breed."

Not ironic Melissa, HILARIOUS.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:46 | 2414880 Rastamon
Rastamon's picture

 

 

 

 

where is Jim Cramer telling me to buy just before the CRASH? i don't know what to dooooooooooooooo !! lol

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:48 | 2415692 lotsoffun
lotsoffun's picture

but you DO know what to do!  buy damit!  bennie just put down his dinner, kissed his lovely wife, went to the office, rolled up his sleeves and he's printing right now.  it's a tough job, for a big man, but somebody has to do it.

:) this is going to be lots of fun.  i listened to the call, and jamie was scared.  the losses are a lot bigger.  this is like when good ole stan o'neill announced his 8 billion dollar loss and the market rallyed because 'it was over'.

 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:52 | 2414915 bdc63
bdc63's picture

CNBC is TOTALLY shell-shocked right now ... just like they were with Corzine ...

These people are God-like heros to them.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:45 | 2415188 Dingleberry
Dingleberry's picture

And you thought Erin Burnett was the only fool with tits.....

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:43 | 2415189 resurger
resurger's picture

lol

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:41 | 2414861 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Watch Gold, Silver, and Oil pop tomorrow.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:53 | 2414928 ffart
ffart's picture

Doubt it. If the TBTFs go down they will drag everyone else with them.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:58 | 2414954 Yikes
Yikes's picture

Yep, will have to liquidate postions to cover.  Gold will be first in line.  Buy the dip?  Mmmm, I'm going to let things shake out a bit.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:08 | 2415020 ffart
ffart's picture

Gold could easily correct for another year. Not saying it will happen that way, but I think we will see better prices in the near future.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:56 | 2414949 Rastamon
Rastamon's picture

someone should be guarding the COMEX vaults right now .... Jamie and Blythe might be re-re-rehypothecating it to their Swiss bank accounts.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:44 | 2414868 Yorick7
Yorick7's picture

sack the idiot now, show him the door and his p45 and take his secuirty pass.  there is a big difference between good traders and big gamblers.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:44 | 2414878 TrustWho
TrustWho's picture

Daddy Daddy Bernanke, help me (Jamie)

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:43 | 2415182 Dingleberry
Dingleberry's picture

"ok my little bankster.....I'll print a few hundred billion for ya, but pretty please, promise me you'll behave from now on and be more careful"

-"Sugar Daddy" Ben

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:48 | 2414887 The Econ Ideal
The Econ Ideal's picture

Tyler: Excellent coverage of this. Perhaps you were prescient enough to book a CDS position against JPM back in April when you first reported these JPM bets? 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:50 | 2414901 Hoody Who
Hoody Who's picture

We just might get some large drops in silver. Gold?

Or could it go up.  I don't know, but but ....

Check the trucks to make sure the "backup beepers" are working.

There may be massive folks "backing up" the truck!

 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:52 | 2414917 jayman21
jayman21's picture

:-)

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:52 | 2414920 Racer
Racer's picture

Naturally they will all get HUGE golden parachutes for doing so badly.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:54 | 2414943 Godisanhftbot
Godisanhftbot's picture

 What they deserve are Golden Showers

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:54 | 2414936 Godisanhftbot
Godisanhftbot's picture

 Hang this on your wall James,

 

 If its synthetic, its PATHETIC !!

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:55 | 2414944 tony bonn
tony bonn's picture

mark to market?? what a silly quaint idea....

too bad this loss doesn't put them belly up

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:00 | 2414968 robt0536
robt0536's picture

Tyler Durden - your chart is the 5Y, I thought they had the 10Y?

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:58 | 2414970 Hoody Who
Hoody Who's picture

The lifters are lifeless,

The cams are jammed,

And oil is running out of the headlights again.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:06 | 2415010 breakyoself
breakyoself's picture

Anybody watching this Cramer guy. He is consoling his sheep before the selloff tomorrow. Amazing that he's still herding the sheep. 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:50 | 2415217 devo
devo's picture

It's hard to fleece agitated sheep!

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:08 | 2415011 chunga
chunga's picture

BANK RUN!

 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:16 | 2415053 junkyardjack
junkyardjack's picture

Are there any more companies they can steal funds from?  Sacrifice yourself to the gods!!

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:24 | 2415096 devo
devo's picture

I'm sure JPM and Futures will melt up by morning. Somehow this is a positive ("it's now priced in...all in the past...nothing to see here!") hahah

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 21:25 | 2415817 blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

I've always liked the idea that "the market" is so much smarter than yourself that no matter how big a piece of news you think something is, there's never reason to believe "the market" didn't already know. 

It's smarter than all of us and yet somehow never has it right.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:51 | 2415213 Let The Wurlitz...
Let The Wurlitzer Play's picture

This is God puinishing JPM, they should have never closed the Vatican account and let Barry fight the church himself.  DONT MESS WITH THE POPE!!

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 19:26 | 2415381 youngman
youngman's picture

I wonder if he called Bernanke or Timmy first........but one thing is for sure...the Bankers learned absolutly nothing from the 2008 deal...nothing...they didn´t cut back on anything...synthetic credit portfolio.....what the hell is that...its gambling that is what it is....its not consertative banking that is for sure...

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:08 | 2415522 oddjob
oddjob's picture

This is what happens when you sell Silver you don't own.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:13 | 2415541 chinaboy
chinaboy's picture

Does this give JPM more ammo to argue against regulations? Oops. No. Already back fired.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:39 | 2415665 BroCharlie
BroCharlie's picture

I just got my Keiser, 999 baby.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 23:21 | 2415843 Cadavre
Cadavre's picture

The Jamie says: "Just because we're stupid doesn't mean everybody else is stupid."
F*ck da "degree of stupidity" f*cking ranking schlep. Please! The degree to which "Street" bathhouse butt buddies are stupid is by design. Prey food born stupid.  Everybody else IS STUPID TOO! You ain't thinking again your a real "feeder" cause of some precious you polish again, are you JD? Accept it the "street" is a coral of tender beef on the hoof ripe for picking.

The Jamie says: "I don't know if we violated the Volker rule, but we did violate the (Jamie) Dimon rule."
Just speculating on precisely what the "rule" be, To most it look like a "Dimon Rule" violation is to make sure to steal enough before leaving the scene of the cime". So the Dimon rule could be sumpin like, "Always make sure to steal enough."?

Example, the 1.2 Billion that the Dimon and the Corrizine look to have contrived to pilfer from suckers being worked by MF Global, was a couple of beers short a six pack attempt to cover JPM's outstanding markers, A portion of JPM Q1 shortfalls, at least, reported today, represent the balance of markers that the MFG loot job was short?

But .. and ain't claiming knowing nothing ... but if the Corrizne was testifying in 2011, and the MFG heist was passed to JPM in 2011. So ... err .. uuumh .. then .. if be the case .. why weren't this stuff reported Q4? Is GAP dead?

Pretty much in the f*cking face obvious to a f*cking wet noodle what is going on here. Allow a simple proposal for efficiency's sake, that the the Dimon rule be combined with the implied Corrizine rule and construed as follows:

"Always make sure to steal enough and that all involved lie under oath when testifying before congress,

On a technical note: Did the Jamie misread the balance sheet (again) and underguestimate called markers. Did a bag get lost in route? Them New ex-GS Jersey bagmen - ya gotta watch em fer sure.

The Jamie says: "The swap market needs to be deregulated."
WTF? WHAT? huh? What f*cking regulations he be talking about anyhow?

That's just the opposite of what the Jamie want believe me. Why? Cause ending market regulation means JPM MFG et `al ain't no longer protected by DoJ juristictional claims. They'll be sued, or worser, to place were the sun don't  shine, Ending regulation and shutting down regulatory protection rackets mean when, for speculative example, the Corrizine and MFG steal 23% of customer deposits, CASH,  the Corrizine and the MFG suits forefeit all they got  and enjoy their next 20 years mating and  crocheting for a 300 pound some stink hunk in a orange jump suite named "Billy Bob Bubba Joe". It mean when "Street" carney barkers are retailing loans and then fraudulently misrepresenting borrower ability to pay for the purpose of fee harvesting, and then repackage as bonds with fabricated prospectuses and disclaimers, the "Wall Street Bath House Boys" eat it deep long time (or enjoy a coup `d grace delivered by a burned client's "contractor") cause the FED and DoT wont print then pass out 100 cents on the dollars to cover the markers and the DoJ's protection racket will be shutdown.

The Keiser hosted Chris Whalen today (U-Tube), after an enjoyable first half bout of rant bouncing off the co-host. Whales assessment of Wells Fargo is pretty f*cking scary.

On a fashion note, the Keiser's doo appears to be approaching the exact one Durden's 48x48 avatar presents.

CNBC said: Home builders are up! Gave no reason cause their ain't no reason, except a delayed report that mortgage rates are the lowest ever the HFTs knew about before it was official! These guys still think undischarged indebtedness is sitting around waiting for rates to be dropped so it can feed on on a vacuum  - Again?

Love this: "Is now the time individual investors should be considering getting back into the market?" Miraculously, on the CNBC, the answer is YES every time!

It's price fixing - that all it be folks!.

 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 21:39 | 2415869 Nobody For President
Nobody For President's picture

Sliding sideways to topic, but not exactly off it: a love letter to ZH.

So today I continue my ride with TZA and watch the usual rise and fall at start up until the rumor of a 'anybody but Syriza' consortium is gonna form a Greek gumermint of continued austerity started the market crankin' until noonish when it proved untrue; thence the long, slow slide to 15 minutes before close and cometh the big volume, DOW to zero and then a touch below, thence, with 4 minutes to go:

boom, the PPT puts in some REAL buy-side vol and kicks that sucker 19.98 green, a huge +0.16% good, the market closes and CNBC screams "Dow snaps losing streak"; the vix does a skydive, futures all point to a lower opening on the morrow, and Lord Dimon announces a mega mea culpa and after hours financials begin a trip to the basement and my TZA, sort of slightly red all day goes green -

and I actually kind of could follow WTF was happening because I have been on this site daily for over a year now - and what would have been total confusion made a sort of mad sense in this completely destroyed so-called market, with no real price discovery, dark pools, HFT trading, and enormous corruption at the highest levels of finance and government. And once again, only ZH is really on it in a real-time sense.

Thanks ZH, and thanks to the many posters, most of whom have a clue or three about the current rather sick reality of today's markets. I might actually make some money this week...

 

 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 21:52 | 2415920 Rudini
Rudini's picture

These kind of trading desks & departments are tools with which losses in other positions can be dumped and made belieavable. There is probably a degree of truth to the announcement, but without such positioning, how else would JPM write off ghost assets? They probably synthesized their own synthetic credit losses.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 22:25 | 2416016 AU5K
AU5K's picture

what does it matter.  risk/loss is socialized, profits privatized.

 

taxpayers will just pick up the tab.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 23:06 | 2416130 natty light
natty light's picture

Check out 24hgold

Load the boat followed by unfortunate boating accident.

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 14:13 | 2418095 papaclop
papaclop's picture

Karma is a bitch, and so is Jamie Dimon.  JP Morgan holds 78 trillion in derivatives.  The 2 billion they supposedly lost represents the snowball on top of the iceberg of derivatives.  They've been shorting the silver market since silver was in the teens, so you ain't seen nothing yet.

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 15:26 | 2418313 loveyajimbo
loveyajimbo's picture

Hope this is the start of the Morgan/Goldman collapse, the toxic 'roids need to be burned down... and Gensler, the pathetic crook at the CFTC must be dropping a snickers into his knickers about now... these assholes will end up in prison, if there is any justice in our mortally wounded country.

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