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BANZAI7 NEWS--Dick the toxic derivative giraffe died at the Copenhagen Zoo on Sunday.
He wasn't Too Big To Fail.
The cause of death was a shotgun blast, and after a public autopsy [in front of a bunch of school kids], the animal, who was 11 feet 6 inches, was chopped up and Fed to the zoo’s lions and other big feline counterparties.
Administrator Hank Paulsen said they had decided to kill Dick, who by Wall Street standards, was in just as good (or shitty) health as the other toxic derivative giraffes, because his genes were well represented among the captive TBTF giraffe population in the Wall Street zoo.