Dell

Hopefully the $155 million purchase of Picasso's "Le Reve" by Steve Cohen coupled with his splurge on a $60 million East Hamptons pad comes with a 30 full day money back guarantee, because very soon he may have more practical and immediate uses for the money. If the SAC head was hoping that the recent $602 million settlement his firm had reached with the SEC was enough to put all his troubles behind him, he may want to think twice. First, yesterday, New York District Judge Victor Marrero pulled a "Judge Rakoff", when he balked at the SEC’s use of the “neither admit nor deny” provision (the same argument used by Rakoff when he rejected an SEC settlement with Citigroup in 2011). Marrero also asked what would happen if Martoma, who has pleaded not guilty to related criminal charges, is convicted. “How would it look if in the settlement before it, the parties were allowed to say ‘We did nothing wrong?’” Marrero asked. “The ground is shaking, let’s admit that,” said Marrero. “This court is in the same position that Judge Rakoff was some months ago." But in the end we are sure that Marrero, just like Rakoff, will fold to pressure, and money. However, where things got interesting is that moments ago the Feds arrested long-time SAC suspect and PM Michael Steinberg, giving him a perp walk out of his Park Avenue apartment. This was the highest profile arrest so of any SAC employee and means that while the SEC may be trying to close the book on Cohen, the Feds are only now getting started.

• Berezovsky Died of Hanging Without Struggle, Police Say (BBG)
• BRICS Nations Plan New Bank to Bypass World Bank, IMF (BBG)
• China pledges more investments to Africa (FT)
• BOJ's Kuroda signals targeting longer-dated JGBs (Reuters)
• North Korea orders artillery to be combat ready, targeting U.S. bases (Reuters)
• Supreme Court to take up gay marriage for the first time (Reuters)
• U.S. Cracks Down on 'Forced' Insurance (WSJ)
• Japanese courts press Abe on electoral reform (FT)
• Vietnam accuses China of attack on fishermen in South China Sea (Reuters)
• Italy's High Court Overturns Knox Acquittal (WSJ)
• Facebook’s Zuckerberg Said to Explore Forming Political Group (BBG)

• Cyprus Salvaged After EU Deal Shuts Bank to Get $13B (BBG)
• Last-minute Cyprus deal to close bank, force losses (Reuters)
• Anxious, angry Cypriots face uncertain future (Reuters)
• Spain Brings the Pain to Bank Investors (WSJ)
• First Switzerland now... U.S. Seeks Answers in Liechtenstein on Tax Cheats (BBG)
• Rebel Free Syrian Army founder loses leg in Syria blast (Reuters)
• European Stocks Rise on Cyprus Deal as Italian Bonds, Crude Gain (BBG)
• Michael Dell Likely to Sweeten Buyout Bid to Save Legacy (BBG)
• Bankers’ pay premium is narrowing (FT)
• Surgery Restoring Penis After Prostate Cancer Increasing (BBG)
• Silent or supportive, conservatives give gay marriage momentum (Reuters)

• Cyprus targets big depositors in bank plan  (FT)
• Merkel Vents Anger at Cyprus Over Bailout Plan as Deadline Looms (BBG)
• Russia rebuffs Cyprus, EU awaits bailout "Plan B" (Reuters)
• Russia Rejects Cyprus Bid for Financial Rescue as Deadline Looms (BBG)
• Cyprus unveils shake-up as the clock ticks (FT)
• Remember Italy? Italy’s stalemate unnerves investors (FT)
• Credit Suisse CEO pay jump to fuel banker bonus debate (Reuters)
• Kuroda Rebuts Reflation Naysayers as BOJ Action Looms (BBG)
• Fund Manager Says 'Whale' Trade Was a Bet (WSJ)
• House averts government shutdown, backs Ryan budget (Reuters)
• Hong Kong Homes Face 20% Price Drop as Banks Raise Rates (BBG)

• Euro zone call notes reveal extent of alarm over Cyprus (Reuters)
• Stagnant Japan Rolls Dice on New Era of Easy Money (WSJ)
• Cyprus, European data batters shares and euro (Reuters)
• UK cuts taxes to revive stagnant economy (FT)
• "Quality Control" Rat Body Linked to Blackout at Fukushima (NYT)
• North Korea issues fresh threat to U.S., South probes hacking (Reuters)
• South Korea Says Chinese Code Used in Computer Attack (BBG)
• Osborne paves way for Carney to retool Bank of England (Reuters)
• Carney Gets ‘Escape Velocity’ Mandate With Limiter (BBG)
• Osborne Pledges Five More Years of U.K. Austerity (BBG)
• Bernanke Saying He’s Dispensable Suggests Tenure Ending (BBG)
• Senate Passes Bill to Fund Operations (WSJ)

• Cyprus parliament ready to veto deposit tax (Reuters)
• Power still out at damaged nuclear plant in Japan (AP)
• CS' Dougan Calls Bankers Out-Earning Investors Unsustainable (BBG)
• Citi in $730 Million Pact on Debt Suits (WSJ)
• Bernanke Tightens Hold on Fed Message Against Hawks (BBG)
• India Central Bank Cuts Lending Rate (WSJ)
• ECB role in bailout comes under scrutiny (FT)
• Putin Buddy Gets $7 Billion of Deals for Sochi Olympics (BBG)
• BlackRock to Cut About 300 Jobs in Fink’s Reorganization (BBG)
• Trade, economy top agenda as China's Xi meets U.S.'s Lew (Reuters)
• Late Winter Storm Threatens Heavy Snow for Northern New England (BBG)
• China Foreign Investment Rebounds as Confidence Returns (BBG)
• Republicans differ on flexibility on taxes with Obama (Reuters)

Not even the usual monthly futures panacea (which in fact manages to fool the entire centrally-planned market twice every month, all the time), the always rising German ZEW Economic Sentiment survey, which mysteriously did not come at an all time high, but still rose from February's 48.2 to 48.5, despite expectations of a decline to 48.1, has managed to push the EUR higher in overnight trading, as a result keeping a lid on any of the generic no-volume futures levitation we have all grown to love. The reason is not that concurrently with the German data we got abysmal Eurozone Construction Output data, which plunged -7.3% Y/Y, the most in four months, following a slump in French and Spanish activity offsetting the German "confidence-boosting economic miracle" but simply because there continues to be no clarity whatsoever on events in Cyprus, where as noted earlier, the parliament may vote as soon as 6 hours from now to veto the proposed deposit confiscation "bailout/in" plan, which could lead to the first Eurozone banking system collapse, and the first expulsion of a member Eurozone nation, setting the wheels in motion for the unthinkable.

• Cypriot Bank Levy Is ‘Ominous’ for Bondholders, Barclays Says (BBG)
• Euro, Stocks Drops; Gold, German Bonds Rally on Cyprus (BBG)
• Total chaos:Cyprus tries to rework divisive bank tax (Reuters)
• More total chaos: Cyprus Prepares New Deposit-Tax Proposal (WSJ)
• Euro Slides Most in 14 Months on Cyprus Turmoil; Yen Strengthens (BBG)
• Osborne to admit fresh blow to debt target (FT)
• Even the Finns are giving up: Finnish Government May Relinquish Deficit Target to Boost Growth (BBG)
• Moody’s Sees Defaults as PBOC Warns on Local Risks (BBG)
• Australia Faces ‘Massive Hit’ to Government Revenue, Swan Says (BBG)
• Inside a Warier Fed, Watch the New Guy (Hilsenrath)
• Obama to Tap Perez for Labor Secretary (WSJ) - and with that the "minorities" quota is full
• Finally, this should be good: BuzzFeed to Launch Business Section (WSJ)

• JPMorgan Report Piles Pressure on Dimon in Too-Big Debate (BBG)
• Employers Blast Fees From New Health Law (WSJ)
• Obama unveils US energy blueprint (FT)
• Obama to Push Advanced-Vehicle Research (WSJ) - here come Solar-powered cars?
• BRICs Abandoned by Locals as Fund Outflows Reach 1996 High (BBG)
• Obama won't trip over Netanyahu's Iran "red line" (Reuters)
• Samsung puts firepower behind Galaxy (FT)
• Boeing sees 787 airborne in weeks with fortified battery (Reuters)
• Greece Counts on Gas, Gambling to Revive Asset Sales Tied to Aid (BBG)
• Goldman’s O’Neill Says S&P 500 Beyond 1,600 Needs Growth (BBG)
• China’s new president in corruption battle (FT)
• Post-Chavez Venezuela as Chilly for Companies From P&G to Coke (BBG)

The Biggest Welfare Queens of All ...

• Cardinals head to conclave to elect pope for troubled Church (Reuters)
• Hyperinflation 'Unthinkable' Even With Bold Easing: Abe (Nikkei)
• Ryan Plan Revives '12 Election Issues (WSJ)
• Italy 1-yr debt costs highest since Dec after downgrade (Reuters)
• Republicans to unveil $4.6tn of cuts (FT) - Obama set to dismiss Ryan plan to balance budget within decade
• CIA Ramps Up Role in Iraq (WSJ)
• Hollande Hostility Fuels Charm Offensive to Show He’s No Sarkozy (BBG)
• SEC testing customized punishments (Reuters)
• Judge Cans Soda Ban  (WSJ)
• Hungary Lawmakers Rebuff EU, U.S. (WSJ)
• Even Berlusconi Can’t Slow Bulls Boosting Euro View (BBG) - luckily the consensus is never wrong
• Funding for Lending ‘put on steroids’ (FT)
• Investigators Narrow Focus in Dreamliner Probe (WSJ)
• With new group, Obama team seeks answer to Karl Rove (Reuters)

• One in four Germans would back anti-euro party (Reuters)
• EU Chiefs Seeking to Stave Off Euro Crisis Turn to Cyprus (BBG)
• Ryan Says His Budget Would Slow Annual Spending Growth to 3.4% (BBG)
• Goldman leads decline as Wall Street commodity revenues plummet (Reuters)
• South Korea and US begin military drills (FT) and North Korea cuts off hotline with South Korea (Reuters)
• Karzai Inflames U.S. Tensions  (WSJ)
• Algorithms Get a Human Hand in Steering Web (NYT)
• Meeting Is Set to Choose Pope (WSJ)
• More U.S. Profits Parked Abroad, Saving on Taxes (WSJ)
• Banks rush to redraft pay deals (FT)
• Fugitive Fund Manager Stuffed Underwear With Cash, Fled (BBG)
• Post-Newtown Gun Limits Agenda Narrows in U.S. Congress (BBG)
• China Hints at Shift in One-Child Policy (WSJ)

• Firms Send Record Cash Back to Investors (WSJ)
• And in totally opposite news, from the same source: Firms Race to Raise Cash (WSJ)
• China warns over fresh currency tensions (FT)
• Hollande faces pressure over jobs pledge (FT)
• Obama efforts renew ‘grand bargain’ hopes (FT)
• Shirakawa BOJ Expansion Gets No Respect as Stocks Cheer Exit (BBG)
• Japan’s Nakao Defends Easing as China’s Chen Expresses Concern (BBG)
• Boeing Had Considered Battery Fire Nearly Impossible, Report Says (WSJ)
• ECB Chief Plays Down Italy Fears (WSJ)
• China moves to make its markets credible (FT)
• Euro Group head says UK at risk of 'sterling crisis' (Telegraph)

• French unemployment rises again to highest since 1999 (Reuters)
• BoJ rejects call for monetary easing (FT)
• North Korea threatens pre-emptive nuclear strike against US (Guardian)
• Firms Race to Raise Cash (WSJ)
• Time Warner Will Split From Magazine Unit in Third Spinoff (BBG) - slideshows, kittens, "all you need to knows" coming to Time
• U.S. economy, world's engine, remains in "neutral": Fed's Fisher (Reuters)
• BOE Keeps QE on Hold as Officials Weigh More Radical Measures (BBG)
• Jobs start to go as US sequestration cuts in (FT)
• BofA Times an Options Trade Well  (WSJ)
• Congress Budget Cuts Damage U.S. Economy Without Aiding Outlook (BBG)
• Dell’s Crafted LBO Pitch Gets Messy as Investors Circle (BBG)
• Dell says Icahn opposes go-private deal (Reuters)
• Portugal Rating Outlook Raised to Stable by S&P on Budget Plan (BBG)
• China’s Richer-Than-Romney Lawmakers Reveal Reform Challenge (BBG)

Bernanke: "None of the things you said are accurate"

Corker: "Oh yes they are"