Jim Cramer

...and so it begins - with a bellwether:

*FEDEX CUTS 1Q EPS FORECAST TO $1.37-$1.43, EST. $1.56

"Weakness in the global economy constrained revenue growth at FedEx Express more than expected in the earlier guidance."

FDX -4% AH and UPS -2.5% - both to lows of year! This is a not a good sign for GDP!

With a price hovering around $1,600 an ounce and the prospect of "additional monetary accommodation" hinted to in the latest meeting of the FOMC, gold is once again becoming a hot topic of discussion. Krugman, praising 'The Atlantic's recent blustering anti-Gold-standard riff, points to gold's volatility, its relationship with interest rates (and general levels of asset prices - which we discussed here), and the number of 'financial panics' that occurred during gold-standards. These criticisms, while containing empirical data, are grossly deceptive.  The information provided doesn’t support Krugman’s assertions whatsoever.  Instead of utilizing sound economic theory as an interpreter of the data, Krugman and his Keynesian colleagues use it to prove their claims.  Their methodological positivism has lead them to fallacious conclusions which just so happen to support their favored policies of state domination over money.  The reality is that not only has gold held its value over time, those panics which Krugman refers to occurred because of government intervention; not the gold standard. Keynes himself was contemptuous of the middle class throughout his professional career.  This is perhaps why he held such disdain for gold.

Of course, we are sure this will not weigh on Bernanke's decisions in the next week or two but for all those who don't see inflation, courtesy of John Lohman, gas prices have never been higher during this third week of August. We remain flabbergasted that in the Wizard of Washington's recent defense of QE, there was no mention of record high gas prices as justification for it 'working' and it would appear that 'transitory' means something different than us mere un-omnipotent-beings can comprehend.

The jury is still out whether Israel will or will not attack Iran, despite the endless and relentless (dis)information in the media from all sides, and certainly when such an attack might happen, but if it did take place, these are all the logistically possible formats what an airborne attack could look like.

The sit-back-and-relax 'buy and hold' strategy that unqualified portfolio managers banked on for so many years has perished in this highly leveraged, central-banking-dominated environment. There is something, though, that is more troubling for the US economy, and specifically middle-class laborers: Robotics. The reality is that this atypical Great Recession has forced business owners to become savvy: businesses have learned how to operate--and even thrive--in this dry economic environment, and the main tool that has allowed them to do so is cost-cutting.  Unfortunately for the labor market, these cost-reduction techniques  are sticking, and for the time being business owners (particularly manufacturers) see no reason to add more human employees when they can purchase robots at a cheaper rate.

With expectations for a muddle-through slight positive print, the headline Dallas Fed index just printed at -13.2 (exp. 1.9). This is its lowest level since September of last year and the biggest miss of expectations since May of last year. The headline index is teetering on the edge of its worst levels since 2009 as the month to month change in the general business activity index dropped a massive 19pts - its largest drop since April 2005. Specifically it appears the outlook for capital expenditures was among the largest sub-index to have its hope crushed - and this strongly suggests (and confirms) a sub-50 ISM print.

As JPM takes off, US equities go vertical, and EURUSD overdoses on erectile dysfunction stop-hunting-algo medicine, the good old US consumer - that bastion of demand and foundation of all things GDP-based just said sentiment levels are the worst of the year so far. UMich Consumer Confidence Sentiment just printed 72.0 against expectations of 73.4 - the biggest miss since December 2009. Worst still is the plunge in expectations (economic outlook) to the lowest in 7 months as the 2-month drop is the biggest in a year. It would appear all is not well on Main Street - as the massive schism between ISM Composite relative strength and the reality of the economy remains. As an aside, given this morning's hotter than expected inflation data, 1 year ahead forecasts for inflation fell to their lowest in 19 months.

Prepare to have your minds blown courtesy of what is easily the most astounding chart we have seen in a long, long time, prepared by the economists at the, drumroll, New York Fed, which finds that absent what the Fed calls "Pre-FOMC Announcement Drift", or the move in the S&P in the 24 hours preceding FOMC announcements, the S&P 500 would be at or below 600 points, compared to its current level over 1300. The reason for the divergence: the combined impact of cumulative returns of in the S&P on days before, of, and after FOMC announcements. But, but, fundamental, technical, coffee grinds, Finance 101, Oprah Winfrey, Jim Cramer and Econ 101 analysis (in declining order of relevance and increasing order of voodoo) all tell us this is im-po-ssible? Because if the Fed is right about the Fed induced drift, it is all about, you guessed it, easy money. 

Confused as to how to position your equity portfolio? Need to BTFD? Unsure of what is going on now that Bernanke has left you alone in the dark with reality? Have no fear. These simple three charts, that perfectly describe the process top-down for arriving at a view on US equities, will allay all your fears of missing the next great bull market leg. Equity Prices track Earnings Estimates; Earnings track ISM; and Real-Time Surveys indicate ISM going down. @Not_Jim_Cramer provides this clarifying confirmation of what we noted yesterday with regard to oil prices and slowing global growth (or a lack of printing) - equities appear alone in their hope for now.

Little to be said here: everyone's favorite proxy of all that is broken with Europe, and now the retail investor, Margin Stanley just closed at the lowest price since December 2008. The move lower continues as Zero Hedge warned back in September of 2011. Compare this to Jim Cramer's February 2 pronouncement that Morgan Stanley is a "dirt cheap stock"... at $19.66!? The 40% prolapse in the four months since (120% annualized?) probably make it dirtest cheapest?

Minutes ago we reported that as the WSJ broke an hour ago, the Nasdaq has pronounced a retroactive mea culpa, claiming that had it known back then what it knows now, namely the plethora of technical glitches plaguing its systems, that it would have simply called the whose FaceBook IPO off. Yet we wonder: is the NASDAQ lying? The reason why we are suspicious that the exchange knew all too well just how badly it was overloaded, is the following stunning report from, who else, Nanex, which shows that for a period of 17 seconds, just around the time the FaceBook IPO launched for trade, all "quotes and trades from reporting exchange NASDAQ for all NYSE, AMEX, ARCA and Nasdaq listed stocks completely stopped." In other words: full radio silence. Or, as Nanex wonders, did "Nasdaq panic and reboot major systems to gain control over High Frequency Trading, just before the FB open of trading?" If so, not only was Nasdaq fully aware of the fully technical glitchiness of its systems, but it may well have precipitated even more confusion and more trading errors, resulting in the two hour trade confirm delays first reported on Zero Hedge, all in a mad dash and epic scramble to avoid reputational and monetary damage at the expense of investors.

From the BBC: "Facebook has started testing a system that lets users pay to highlight or promote posts.  Facebook said the goal was to see if users were interested in paying to flag up their information." That’s their plan? That’s Zuckerberg’s big idea? Get users to pay to post premium content!? Did the well-circulated hoax that Facebook planned to get users to pay for use just turn out to be true? If they proceed with this (unlikely) it seems fairly obvious the world would say goodbye Facebook, hello free alternatives. The truth is that Facebook is a toy, a dreamworld, a figment of the imagination. Zuckerberg wanted to make the world a more connected place (and build a huge database of personal preferences), and he succeeded thanks to a huge slathering of venture capital. That’s an accomplishment, but it’s not a business. While the angel investors and college-dorm engineers will feel gratified at paper gains, it is becoming hard to ignore that there is no great profit engine under the venture. In fact, the big money coming into Facebook just seems to be money from new investors — they raised eighteen times as much in their flotation yesterday as they did in a whole year of advertising revenue. For an established company with such huge market penetration, they’re veering dangerously close to Bernie Madoff’s business model.

At various stages in the last two years everyone from China, to Germany, to the Fed to the IMF, to Martians, to the Imperial Death Star has been fingered as the latest saviour of the status quo. And so far — in spite of a few multi-billion-dollar half-hearted efforts like the €440 billion EFSF —  nobody has really shown up. Perhaps that’s because nobody thus far fancies funnelling the money down a black hole. After Greece comes Portugal, and Spain and Ireland and Italy, all of whom together have on the face of things at least €780 billion outstanding (which of course has been securitised and hypothecated up throughout the European financial system into a far larger amount of shadow liabilities, for a critical figure of at least €3 trillion) and no real viable route (other than perhaps fire sales of state property? Sell the Parthenon to Goldman Sachs?) to paying this back (austerity has just led to falling tax revenues, meaning even more money has had to be borrowed), not to mention the trillions owed by the now-jobless citizens of these countries, which is now also imperilled. What’s the incentive in throwing more time, effort, energy and resources into a solution that will likely ultimately prove as futile as the EFSF?

The trouble is that this is playing chicken with an eighteen-wheeler.

Yet another whistleblower has stepped up, this time one already known to the general public, and one that Zero Hedge covered just over a month ago: we refer to the case of former CBO worker, Lan T. Pham, who, as the WSJ described in early February, "alleges she was terminated [by the CBO] after 2½ months for sharing pessimistic outlooks for the banking and housing sectors in 2010" and who "alleges supervisors stifled opinions that contradicted economic fixes endorsed by some on Wall Street, including research from a Morgan Stanley economist who served as a CBO adviser." As we observed in February, "what is most troubling is if indeed the CBO is nothing but merely another front for Wall Street to work its propaganda magic on the administration. Because at the core of every policy are numbers, usually with dollar signs in front of them, numbers which have to make sense and have to be projected into the future, no matter how grossly laughable the resultant hockeystick." As it turns out, somewhat expectedly, the WSJ version of events was incomplete. There is much more to this very important story, one which has major implications over "impartial" policy decisionmaking, and as a result, Ms. Pham has approached Zero Hedge to share her full story with the public.

Minutes ago on CNBC, Jim Cramer announced that Greg Smith will never get a job on Wall Street again as "one never goes to the press. Ever." Naturally, the assumption is that the secrets of Wall Street's dirty clothing are supposed to stay inside the family, or else one may wake up with a horsehead in their bed. There is one small problem with that. Now that compensations on Wall Street have plunged, and terminations are set for the biggest spike since the Lehman collapse, the opportunity cost to defect from the club has also collapsed. And if anything, Greg Smith's NYT OpEd has shown that it is not only ok to go to the press, but is in fact cool. So what happens next? Well, as the following Reuters article reports, 'whistleblowing' over corrupt and criminal practices on Wall Street is suddenly becoming the next growth industry. Yes - people may get 'priced out' of the industry, but since the industry will likely fire you regardless in the "New Normal" where fundamentals don't matter, and where the only thing that does matter is the H.4.1 statement (as Zero Hedge incidentally pointed out back in early 2010), why not expose some of the dirt that has been shovelled deep under the coach, and get paid some serious cash while doing it?