GAAP

Tesla Jumps After Smaller Than Expected Loss; Warns Cash Burn Is About To Hit Ludicrous Speed

As we previewed yesterday, perhaps more so that the longs it was the company's near record shorts who were expecting today's earnings release to see if their bearish bets on the company will pan out. And while the stock slid all day, losing 4% in regular hours after Jim Chanos announced he was short the car maket, the stock now appears to be jumping in the after hours session having just reported its Q1 results which were as follows.

SEC Begins Crack Down On Non-GAAP Accounting Gimmicks

Having railed for years against the accounting gimmickry known as non-GAAP, with both the WSJ, AP and even Warren Buffett joining the vocal outcry in recent years, things may finally be changing. According to Dow Jones, the SEC is finally stepping up its scrutiny of companies' "homegrown earnings measures, signaling it plans to target firms that inflate their sales results and employ customized metrics that stray too far from accounting rules."

Global Stocks Plunge After Bank Of Japan "Shock"

Less than one week after the BOJ floated a trial balloon using Bloomberg, that it would reduce the rate it charged some banks which set off the biggest USDJPY rally since October 2014, we are back where we started following last night's "completely unexpected" (for everyone else: we wrote "What If The BOJ Disappoints Tonight: How To Trade It" hours before said "shock") shocking announcement out of the BOJ which did absolutely... nothing. "It’s a total shock,” Nader Naeimi, Sydney- based head of dynamic markets at AMP Capital Investors told Bloomberg. "From currencies to equities to everything -- you can see the reaction in the markets. I can’t believe this. It’s very disappointing."

Business "Subsidies" Plummet 70% As Government Support Evaporates

In order to attract and retain small and big business alike, it's long been a tactic by states and local governments to offer tax breaks. However, as times have got tough - and rules have changed - in Obama's "recovery", government subsidies to their cronies - of at least $50 million - have plummeted by 70% Bloomberg reports.

Twitter Crashes After Slashing Revenue Forecast

Despite all eyes on the slighlty better than expected MAUs (310m vs 308m exp.), Twitter is being clubbed like a baby seal after-hours as it has slashed Q2 revenue:
TWITTER SEES 2Q REV. $590M TO $610M, EST. $677.1M

Most crucially, Twitter explains, "Revenue came in at the low end of our guidance range because brand marketers did not increase spend as quickly as expected in the first quarter." Which also does not exactly bode well for the overall ad spend market.

As Fed Meeting Begins Futures Are Flat In Sleepy Session; Apple Earnings On Deck

With the Fed decision just one day away, followed the very next day by the increasingly more irrational BOJ, stocks had no desire to make significant moves and overnight's boring session was the result, as European stocks and U.S. index futures rose modestly but mostly hugged the flatline while Asian declined 0.2% for a third day as raw-material shares declined and Tokyo equities slumped before central bank meetings in the U.S. and Japan this week. China’s stocks rose the most in almost two weeks, up 0.6% but failed to rise above 3000 on the Shanghai Composite, in thin trading.

The True Story Of Q1 Earnings: Deutsche Admits "Results So Far Are Disappointing; Our 1Q Est. Is At Risk"

Confirming once more that what is one analyst's meat, is another analyst's non-GAAP poison, this "improvment" was not enough for one of Wall Street's most cheerful analysts, DB's David Bianco, who in his Q1 earnings tracker admitted something troubling - the truth: "Results so far are disappointing and our 1Q est. is at risk." In fact, as DB admits, a sharp bounce in the fishhook chart shown above is now dependent on "big beats at Energy." Good luck with those.

What The Charts Say: No Bull - The Evidence

Today, looking at the technical evidence that, so far, suggests that there is zero evidence to suggest that we are in a bull market. In fact it appears there is risk building that this is a completely broken market in its final inning. Yes we’ve had a massive rally off of the February lows, but the technical evidence is mounting that this may still be a bear market rally. Why? Because key charts remain decisively bearish and any sizable pullback could literally kill any notion of a bull market...

Futures, Crude Unchanged Ahead Of Draghi As Parabolic Move In Steel, Iron Ore Continues

One day after stocks were this close from hitting new all time highs on what have been either ok earnings, if looking at non-GAAP data, or atrocious earnings, based on GAAP, and where any oil headline is now immediately translated as bullish by the oil algos, so far futures are relatively flat, while European stocks were at their moments ago in anticipation of the latest ECB announcement due out in just one hour.  However, unlike last month's "quad-bazooka", this time the market expects far less from Draghi. “Having pulled put the monetary bazooka in March, the market is sensibly expecting no further policy measures from the ECB,”

Intel Fires A Massive 12,000 Workers, 11% Of Its Entire Workforce, As It Misses Q1 Sales, Guides Lower

There were some rumors reported late last week that the world's biggest chip maker was about to fire a major portion of its workforce. Moments ago the company confirmed these rumors, when it reported that it was firing a whopping 11% of its entire workforce, laying off a massive 12,000 workers. Confused? Don't be: it's all part of the new normal recovery, and don't forget the spin: don't think of its as 12,000 highly paid engineers and tech workers fired, think of it as 12,000 brand spanking new waiters and bartenders.

US Economy - Ongoing Distortions

The economy’s capital structure remains imbalanced as a result of the enormous amount of monetary pumping since 2008 (total TMS-2 growth since then: approx. 128%). There is a limit to this though, even if it cannot be quantified. What can be stated though is that the greater the boom, the greater the eventual bust usually is. There are now more and more indications that a decisive inflection point may be quite near.

Institutionalized Lying - Why Central Bankers Never See Bubbles

Every day there is more confirmation that the casino is an exceedingly dangerous place and that exposure to the stock, bond and related markets is to be avoided at all hazards. In essence the whole shebang is based on institutionalized lying, meaning that prouncements of central bankers, Wall Street brokers and big company executives are a tissue of misdirection, obfuscation and outright deceit. And they are self-reinforcing, too.

IBM Reports Lowest Revenue In 14 Years; EPS Beats On "Full Retard" Tax Gimmick

Moments ago, IBM reported revenue of $18.7 billion, which may have been a beat to sharply lowered expectations of $18.3 billion, but was nonetheless the worst quarter in IBM history going back all the way to Q1 2002, the lowest quarterly revenue in 14 years. But it was the bottom line where the company went truly "full retard"...