Jamie Dimon

...understand the national threat that is our fragmented and perverted equity market microstructure that is driven by such esoteric order-types such a Post No Preference Blind Limit Order created through the buddy system of exchange/order volume producer.

• Global shares sink, following 7.3 percent drop in Japan's Nikkei (Reuters)
• When all fails, pull a Kevin Bacon: Japan Economy Chief Warns Against Panic Over Stock Sell-Off (BBG)
• White House Feeds IRS Frenzy by Revising Accounts (BBG)
• In any scandal, lying to Congress is tough to prove (Reuters)
• Debt limit resets at higher level, budget impasse grinds on (Reuters)
• China factory data to test political calculations (FT)
• European Leaders Saying No to Austerity (BBG)
• And yet, nobody wants in anymore: Iceland’s new coalition government suspends EU accession talks (FT)
• Oil Manipulation Inquiry Shows EU’s Hammer After Libor (BBG)
• The Fed Squeezes the Shadow-Banking System (WSJ)
• Diamond Said to Weigh Backing Barclays Alumni in Venture (BBG)
• Spain’s Private Jets Disappearing as Tycoons Cut Flights (BBG)

• Apple Bonds Stick Buyers With $280.6 Million Loss as Rates Climb (BBG)
• Iceland Freezes EU Plans as New Government Shuns Euro Crisis (BBG)
• "Transparent Fed" - Ben Bernanke meets privately with Darrell Issa (Politico)
• Bank of Japan vows market steps to curb bond turbulence (Reuters) holds policy (FT)
• Stockholm riots spread in third night of unrest (FT)
• Dudley Says Decision on Taper Will Require 3-4 Months (BBG)
• Senate panel passes immigration bill; Obama praises move (Reuters)
• Italy to outline youth jobs plan as government struggles (Reuters)
• Apple CEO Tim Cook, Lawmakers Square Off Over Taxes (WSJ)
• Google Joins Apple Avoiding Taxes With Stateless Income (BBG)
• Sony Board Discussing Loeb’s Entertainment IPO Proposal (BBG)
• Vote Strengthens Dimon's Grip (WSJ), Dimon performance well choreographed (FT)

Today is one on those rare days in which everyone stops pretending fundamentals matter, and admits every market uptick is purely a function of what side of the bed Bernanke wakes up on, how loudly Kuroda sneezes, or how much coffee Mark Carney has had before lunch, but more importantly: that all "risk" is in the hands of a few good central-planners. Following last night's uneventful Bank of Japan meeting, in which Kuroda announced no changes to the "full speed ahead" policy of inflation or bust(ed bank sector following soaring JGB yields) and which pushed the Nikkei225 to surge above the DJIA closing at 15,627, today it is Bernanke's turn not once but twice, when he first takes the chair in the Joint Economic Committee's "Economic Outlook" hearing at 10 am, followed by the May 1 minutes release at 2pm (which may or may not have been previously leaked like last month). As a reminder, Politico reported last night that Ben Bernanke had previously met in secret with Darrell Issa and other lawmakers "to discuss the central bank’s efforts to stimulate the economy and how it could exit this strategy in the future, according to people who attended the meeting."  And since we know how important transparency is to Bernanke and the Congress, "Participants in the meeting declined to disclose specifically what Bernanke told lawmakers beyond saying there was discussion about the Fed’s bond buying programs and other issues." But as long as Mr. Issa, the wealthiest man in the House, has his advance marching orders, all is well.

Another event-free day in which the only major economic data point was the release of UK CPI, which joined the rest of the world in telegraphing price deflation, despite bubbles in the real estate and stock markets, printing 2.0% Y/Y on expectations of a 2.3% increase, the lowest since November 2009 and giving Mark Carney carte blanche to print as soon as he arrives on deck. In an amusing twist of European deja-vuness, last night Japan's economy minister who made waves over the weekend when he said that the Yen has dropped low enough to where people's lives may be getting complicated (i.e., inflation), refuted everything he said as having been lost in translation, and the result was a prompt move higher in the USDJPY, quickly filling the entire Sunday night gap. That said, and as has been made very clear in recent years, data is irrelevant, and the only thing that matters, at least so far in 2013, is whether it is Tuesday: the day that has seen 18 out of 18 consecutive rises in the DJIA so far in 2013, and whether there is a POMO scheduled. We are happy to answer yes to both, so sit back, and wait for the no-volume levitation to wash over ever. The US docket is empty except for Dudley and Bullard speaking, but more importantly, the fate of Jamie Dimon may be determined today when the vote on the Chairman/CEO title is due, while Tim Cook will testify in D.C. on the company's tax strategy and overseas profits.

• Obama's Counsel Was Told of IRS Audit Findings Weeks Ago (WSJ)
• North Korea fires sixth missile in three days (Reuters)
• Enron No Lesson to Traders as EU Probes Oil-Price Manipulation (BBG)
• Don't cry for me, Eurozone: Thinking the Unthinkable - Quitting a Currency (WSJ)
• H-1B Models Strut Into U.S. as Programmers Pray for Help (BBG)
• Gold Bear Bets Reach Record as Soros Cuts Holdings (BBG)
• Yahoo has agreed to pay $1.1 billion for Tumblr (WSJ)
• JPMorgan Holders Led by Chairmen-CEOs to Vote on Dimon (BBG)
• Apple faces grilling over US tax rate (FT)
• Nissan to Sell First Joint Minicar to Expand in Japan Market (BBG)
• Fierce battle for corporate loans sparks US bank risk concerns (FT)
• Microsoft Updates Xbox as Apple to Facebook Gain in Games (BBG)

• Once a beacon, Obama under fire over civil liberties (Reuters)
• Eurozone in longest recession since birth of currency bloc (FT)
• EU Oil Manipulation Probe Shines Light on Platts Pricing Window (BBG)
• BMWs Cheaper Than Hyundais in Korea as Tariffs Crumble (BBG)
• Stock Boom Isn't a Bubble, Says BOJ's Kuroda (WSJ)
• Struggling France strives to shake off economic gloom (FT)
• JPMorgan investors take heat off Dimon (FT)
• Private-Equity Firms Build Instead of Buy (WSJ)
• Bloomberg Saga Highlights Clash Between Two Worlds (WSJ)
• Bank documents portray Cyprus as Russia's favorite haven (Reuters)
• HSBC Signals 14,000 Jobs Cuts in $3 Billion Savings Plan (BBG)
• Argentines Hold More Than $50 Billion in U.S. Currency (BBG)

• Pentagon Plans for the Worst in Syria (WSJ)
• Russia and US agree to Syria conference after Moscow talks (FT)
• Hedge Funds Rush Into Debt Trading With $108 Billion (BBG)
• Detroit is the new "deep value" - Hedge funds in search of distress take a look at Detroit (Reuters)
• Commodities hedge funds suffer weak first quarter (FT)
• But... but... Abenomics - Toshiba posts 62% decline in Q1 net profit (WSJ)
• Americans Are Borrowing Again but Still Less Than Before Freeze (WSJ)
• Man Utd announce Alex Ferguson to retire (FT)
• Asmussen Says ECB Discussed ABS Purchases to Spur SME Lending (BBG)
• Benghazi Attack Set for New Review (WSJ)
• Belgium Says 31 People Arrested Over $50 Million Diamond Theft (BBG)
• Brazilian diplomat Roberto Azevêdo wins WTO leadership battle (FT)
• Bangladesh Garment Factory Building Collapse Toll Reaches 782 (BBG)

• Microsoft prepares U-turn on Windows 8 (FT), Microsoft admits failure on Windows 8 (MW), After Bumpy Start, Microsoft Rethinks Windows 8 (NYT)
• China reports four more bird flu deaths, toll rises to 31 (Reuters)
• Republicans shift stance on US budget (FT)
• NYC Tallest Condo Corridor Gets New Entrant With Steinway (BBG)
• U.S. Says China's Government, Military Used Cyberespionage (WSJ)
• China rejects Pentagon charges of military espionage (Reuters)
• Bank of China Cuts Off North Korean Bank (WSJ)
• Libya defense minister quits over siege of ministries by gunmen (Reuters)
• London Recruiter Says City Job Vacancies Rose 19% (BBG)
• Colleges Cut Prices by Providing More Financial Aid (WSJ)  or, said otherwise, loans
• Jeweler agrees to plead guilty in KPMG insider-trading case (LA Times)

One year after the infamous Jamie Dimon "tempest in a teapot" fiasco, which promptly turned out to be the biggest TBTF prop-trading desk debacle in history, things were going well for JPMorgan. On one hand, the chairman of the TBAC (and thus US Treasury advisor and policy administrator), and former LTCM trader, Matt Zames, was just recently promoted to the sole second in command post at the biggest US bank (and 2nd biggest in the world) by assets, and first in line to take over from Jamie Dimon. On the other hand, one of Mary Jo White's former co-workers, and a JPM defense attorney from Debevoise just became head of the SEC's enforcement division, in theory guaranteeing that the US government would never do more than slap the wrist of JPM in perpetuity. And then, when everything seemed like smooth sailing ahead, the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission (FERC) showed up on March 13, the day before Carl Levin's committee released its latest report on JPM's prop trading blunder, and according to the NYT, alleged that JPM in the past several years, quietly became nothing short than the next Enron. ... But what is worst for JPM, and its brilliant (abovementioned) employee, often times credited with creating the Credit Default Swap product and market (simply an instrument to trade credit with negligible upfront collateral and thus allow equity option-like speculation in the credit realm), is that FERC may be seeking to throw the book at none other than Blythe Masters.

• Euro-Area Unemployment Increases to Record 12.1% Amid Recession (BBG)
• Fed faces calls for radical reform (FT) - Has Jamie Dimon approved of this message? No? Carry on then
• CEO Pay 1,795-to-1 Multiple of Wages Skirts U.S. Law (BBG)
• Ex-UBS Executive Convicted of Paid Sex With Underage Girl (BBG)
• Six months after Sandy, New York fuel supply chain still vulnerable (Reuters)
• Older, richer shoppers lead Japan’s surge in consumer spending (FT)
• Sharp euro zone inflation fall, joblessness point to ECB rate cut (G&M)
• Gold Rush From Dubai to Turkey Saps Supply as Premiums Jump (BBG)
• Japan Industrial Output, Retail Sales Disappoint (MW)
• Gunmen surround Libyan justice ministry (Reuters)
• Insider-Trading Probe Trains Lens on Boards (WSJ)
• Best Buy exits Europe (WSJ)
• Banker Roommates Follow Zuckerberg Not Blankfein With IvyConnect (BBG)

• Gold Bears Defy Rally as Goldman Closes Short Wager (BBG)
• Still stuck on central-bank life support (Reuters)
• Ebbing Inflation Means More Easy Money (BBG)
• So much for socialist wealth redistribution then? François Hollande to woo French business with tax cut (FT)
• Billionaires Flee Havens as Trillions Pursued Offshore (BBG)
• Companies Feel Pinch on Sales in Europe (WSJ)
• Brussels plan will ‘kill off’ money funds (FT)
• Danes as Most-Indebted in World Resist Credit (BBG)
• Syria says prime minister survives Damascus bomb attack (Reuters)
• Syria: Al-Qaeda's battle for control of Assad's chemical weapons plant (Telegraph)
• Nokia Betting on $20 Handset as It Loses Ground on IPhone (BBG)
• Rapid rise of chat apps slims texting cash cow for mobile groups (FT)
• Calgary bitcoin exchange fighting bank backlash in Canada (Calgary Herald)

The man who is the chief advisor to the US Treasury on its debt funding and issuance strategy was just promoted to the rank of second most important person at the biggest commercial bank in the US by assets (of which it was $2.5 trillion), and second biggest commercial bank in the world. And soon, Jamie willing, Matt is set for his final promotion, whereby he will run two very different enterprises: JPMorgan Chase and, by indirect implication, United States, Inc.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you take over the world.

When just one firm accounts for 99.3% of the physical gold sales at the COMEX in the last three months it’s not what most of us on this side of the rainbow would consider “broad-based” selling.  Of course discovering this kind of relevant information requires an internet connection, 2nd grade math and reading skills, and the desire to do a teeny-weeny bit of reporting.  Sadly they’ve wandered so far down the rabbit hole that the concept of “physical demand” (i.e. people actually wanting to take possession of the stuff) is puzzling to them because the vast majority of the world’s so-called “gold-trading” takes place in the realm of make believe (which is their natural habitat).  It’s all fun and games until somebody loses their metal and “somebody” has lost one hell of a lot of metal in the last 90 days... J P Morgan has fumbled ownership of 1,966,000 Troy ounces of gold since February 1.  That’s 74% more gold than the US mint delivered through the US mint’s American Eagle program in all of 2012.  I mention this because there’s little doubt in my mind that the US government is one of JPM’s gold “customers.”  So (if I am correct) the same US government who just let the Morgue dump its gold on the COMEX floor will once again be suspending gold sales to peasants.

It appears Chuck has finally met his match, and his name is Jamie...