Jamie Dimon

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Jamie Dimon Diagnosed With Throat Cancer, To Start Radiation And Chemotherapy

He may be "richer than you", but when it comes to cancer everyone is equal. Moments ago, Dow Jones and Bloomberg broke news that JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon has been diagnosed with throat cancer.

  •  J.P. Morgan JPM Chairman, CEO Jamie Dimon Tells Employees, Shareholders He Has Been Diagnosed With Throat Cancer, Condition Curable—J.P. Morgan
  • Dimon Says Prognosis "Excellent," Cancer "Caught Quickly"—J.P. Morgan
  • Dimon Says Cancer Confined, No Evidence Elsewhere—J.P. Morgan
  • Dimon to start Radiation and Chemotherapy Treatment at Memorial Sloan Kettering, treatment to last 8 weeks
  • Dimon advised able to continue to be actively involved in the business

And now the best healthcare that money can buy will be promptly put to use. We wish him a speedy recovery as it would be far more equitable for the JPM CEO to answer for his actions in full health before a jury of his peers, where guilt can not be "admitted or denied" away.

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"Stress Test" Reviewed: Tim Geithner Is "A Grifter, A Petty Con Artist"

Timothy Geithner is likely to go down in American history as one of the most dangerous, destructive cronies to have ever wielded government power. The man is so completely and totally full of shit it’s almost impossible not to notice. The last thing we’d ever want to do in our free time is read a lengthy book filled with Geithner lies and propaganda, so we owe a large debt of gratitude to former Congressional staffer Matt Stoller for doing it for us. Stoller simply tears Geither apart limb from limb, detailing obvious lies about the financial crisis, and even more interestingly, Geithner’s bizarre bio, replete with mysterious and inexplicable promotions into positions of power..."Geithner is at heart a grifter, a petty con artist with the right manners and breeding to lie at the top echelons of American finance..."

Tyler Durden's picture

JPMorgan Lied To Fed, Did Not Report Losing Trades Whistleblower Charges

Long before Virtu was forced to pull its IPO due to the backlash against HFT frontrunners in party due to being stupid enough to post its perfect trading record of 1 trading day loss in 5 years which could only be the result of a grossly rigged market, we pointed out that another entity, one having little in common with your garden variety HFT parasite, namely JPMorgan, had a 2013 trading record which could be summed up on one word only: perfection. Yet while one could simply attribute the same kind of market rigging to JPM as one can (and should) to the average hi-freak, it seems there may be more here than meets the eye so used to seeing manipulation everywhere it looks. According to Australia's Sydney Morning Herald, "a technical support person who worked for JP Morgan in Australia claims the bank regularly misled its New York parent and the US Federal Reserve by failing to report losing trades."

Tyler Durden's picture

The (Other) Truth About The Financial Crisis: 10 "Geithner-Sized" Myths Exposed

After the crisis, many expected that the blameworthy would be punished or at the least be required to return their ill-gotten gains—but they weren’t, and they didn’t. Many thought that those who were injured would be made whole, but most weren’t. And many hoped that there would be a restoration of the financial safety rules to ensure that industry leaders could no longer gamble the equity of their firms to the point of ruin. This didn’t happen, but it’s not too late. It is useful, then, to identify the persistent myths about the causes of the financial crisis and the resulting Dodd-Frank reform legislation and related implementation...."Plenty of people saw it coming, and said so. The problem wasn’t seeing, it was listening."

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Friday Humor: JP Morgan Has Finally Had Enough

Ever seen Jamie Dimon, wearing his presidential cufflinks, stretch, bend and break the truth in front of Congress? The guy, and by implication JPMorgan, is unflappable: there is nothing in this world that could dent his cool. And yet, we may have just uncovered the weakest link in JPMorgan's armor. The one thing in the world that would make JPM "blink" is...

GoldCore's picture

Interview: Bailins May Cause Bank Runs and Capital Controls In Western World - Russia, China Opt Out

And in Cyprus when it happened, the authorities said it was a once-off, because of all of the hot Russian money that is in Cyprus, and this will not happen anywhere else...but meanwhile they are planning for that scenario in most of our countries. People need to be aware of that and they need to prepare.

Tyler Durden's picture

Department Of Defense To Study Bitcoin As A "Terrorist Threat"

A division of the U.S. military known as the Combating Terrorism Technical Support Office (CTTSO), which studies threats to national security (i.e., the status quo’s grip on power) has listed Bitcoin amongst a number of potential terrorist threats. Of course, as we and many others have noted repeatedly, anything which threatens the prevailing criminal status quo will be merely labeled a “terrorist threat” in order to neutralize it. Just in case you aren’t yet convinced of how insane the folks at CTTSO are, “also on the CTTSO’s list of terrorism research topics were Android, Motorola, social media and virtual reality.” What has happened to this country...

Tyler Durden's picture

JPM Misses Top And Bottom Line, Slammed By Collapse In Mortgage Origination, Slide In Fixed Income Trading

So much for the infallible Mr. Dimon.

Moments ago, JPM reported Q1 earnings which missed across the board, driven by the now traditional double whammy of collapsing mortgage revenues - the lifeblood of any old normal bank - and fixed income trading revenues  - the lifeblood of new normal banks. Specifically, JPM reported revenues of $23.9 billion, well below the expected $24.5 billion, matched by a reported earnings miss of $1.28, down from $1.59 a quarter ago (and down $0.02 from Q4, 2014), also missing consensus estimates of $1.38. The breakdown was as follows.

Tyler Durden's picture

Frontrunning: April 11

  • Sensitive Market Data Leaked After Government Phone Call (WSJ)
  • This is a actual Bloomberg headline: China Fake Data to Skew More Export Numbers (BBG)
  • This is another actual BBG headline: U.S. as Global Growth Engine Putt-Putts Instead of Purring (BBG)
  • Ukraine wants to buy European gas to boost energy security (Reuters)
  • JPMorgan Profit Falls 19% on Trading, Mortgage Declines (BBG)
  • Record Europe Dividends Keep $2.8 Trillion From Factories (BBG)
  • Why is Goldman shutting down Sigma X: SEC eyes test that may lead to shift away from 'dark pools' (Reuters)
  • Ebola Outbreak Empties Hotels as West Africa Borders Closed (BBG)
  • Australian PM says searchers confident of position of MH370's black boxes (Reuters)
  • Gross Says El-Erian Should Explain Reason for Exit (BBG)
Tyler Durden's picture

Let QEdom Ring!... Or The One In Which Jamie Dimon Quotes Martin Luther King

When one thinks of the bailout-taking, London-Whale-suffering, regulatory-fine-paying, pay-rise-taking CEO of JPMorgan, the first analogy is not the philosophical similarities between Jamie Dimon and Martin Luther King. But, according to Dimon's letter to shareholders below, he feels injustice has been done and quotes MLK on the future ahead. "The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice" Progress, sometimes painful and slow, has been happening all around us all the time, and the optimist in me believes that it will continue." What a year... he begins.

Tyler Durden's picture

Putin 1 - Dimon 0: JPMorgan Unhalts Russian Money Transfer

after shocking the world with its unilateral decision to halt Russian money transfers without a direct order from the administration, Reuters reports that JPM has folded and will process said payment from Russia's embassy in Kazakhstan to insurance agency Sogaz, easing tension after Moscow accused the U.S. bank of illegally blocking the transaction under the pretext of sanctions.

Tyler Durden's picture

Goodbye Blythe Masters

A week ago we wrote: 'While it has been public for a long time that i) JPM is eager to sell its physical commodities business and ii) the most likely buyer was little known Swiss-based Mercuria, there was nothing definitive released by JPM. Until moments ago, when Jamie Dimon formally announced that JPM is officially parting ways with the physical commodities business. But while contrary to previous expectations, following the sale JPM will still provide commercial gold vaulting operations around the world, it almost certainly means farewell to Blythe Masters." Sure enough:


Farewell Blythe: we hope your replacement will be just as skilled in keeping the price of physical gold affordable for those of us who keep BTFD every single day.

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Office Of Outgoing JPMorgan Asia CEO Raided By Hong Kong's Commission Against Corruption

It just hasn't been JPMorgan's year. Or several years for that matter. The bank which has been on a steady downward slope when it comes to paying billions in quarterly "non-recurring, one-time" legal settlements and charges, and for which engaging in criminal behavior which is neither admitted nor denied, yet which has cost JPM nearly $30 billion in the past several years, has just had its latest "wristslapping" incident, one which involves none other than the recently departed CEO of JPM Asia, Fang Fang, whose office was raided on March 26 by Hong Kong's anti-corruption agency amid a U.S. investigation into the bank’s hiring practices as reported by Bloomberg.

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