The Onion

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Deflation Works!





Threatened with deflation, the authorities will want to turn the tide in the worst possible way. What’s the worst way to stop deflation? With hyperinflation. Yes, we may suffer a year or two more of sluggish growth... or even deflation. Stocks will crash and people will be desperate for paper dollars. But sooner or later, the feds will find their feet and lose their heads. Most likely, the credit-drenched world of 2015 will end... not in a whimper of deflation, but in a bang. Hyperinflation will bring the long depression to a dramatic close long before a quarter of a century has passed.

 
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Entire Treasury Department Competes For Same Goldman Sachs Job Opening





“Within just minutes of listing the open position on our jobs page, the flood of applications from treasury.gov email addresses started rolling in, and it hasn’t slowed down since,”

 
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Turkish Student Sentenced To Prison For Retweeting Satirical Article





With Turkish enforcement now granted a green light to detain anyone, for any reason, the next inevitable crackdown was only a matter of time - that on free speech. Overnight we got a vivid example of just that when a university student in southern Turkey has been handed a one-year suspended sentence for retweeting a satirical article about a governor from Zaytung, a mock news portal in Turkey, daily Cumhuriyet has reported.

 
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Money Printing And The Bane Of Financial Engineering - How The Biggest LBO In History Blew-Up





Financial engineering is one of the worst ills perpetuated by the Fed’s regime of cheap debt and money market subsidies for speculation. And these deformations are turbo-charged by the tax code which creates a powerful bias toward loading capital structures with tax deductible debt, and to delivering returns as lightly taxed capital gains rather than ordinary income. In fact, stock buybacks and LBOs are the bastard offspring of the IRS and Federal Reserve.

 
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Saturday Satire: Candidate Profile - Hillary Clinton





Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is expected to officially announce her candidacy for the 2016 presidential election on Sunday, putting an end to months of speculation about her plans. Here are some key things to know about the first Democrat to declare her candidacy...

 
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Japan Admits Fabricating 2014 Wage Growth Data





At this point calling Japan a failed Keynesian banana republic is an insult to banana republics everywhere.

 
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Federal Agents Investigating Bitcoin Money Laundering Extorted, Stole Over $1 Million In Bitcoin





This is one of those sad times when The Onion realizes it has badly, and permanently, missed its IPO window.

 
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California Democrat Predicts Surge In Hookers, Blames "Global Warming"





Ripped from the pages of The Onion, this is not. California Democrat Barbara Lee proposed a resolution in the House of Representatives that claims women will eventually be forced into prostitution since they face "disproportionately harmful impacts from climate change." So, first 'we' blame weakness in economic growth on excess cold, and now excess global warmth - according to Lee's House Concurrent Resolution 29 - will drive women to "sex work, transactional sex, and early marriage."

 
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Wall Street Firm Unleashes New High-Frequency Impropriety Algo





“In the past, if one of our brokers wanted to exploit a questionably legal regulatory loophole or breach the covenant of good faith with an investment client, that would require hours of manually contravening the basic principles of professional integrity. But this innovative system will allow millions of such transgressions to go through every single day. Going forward, I expect this revolutionary program to be the cornerstone of our business.”

 
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Apple Unveils World-Changing Wrist-Band - Live Feed





Judging by the euphoric exaggeration and fanboyism on mainstream media this morning, today's Apple Watch (not iWatch, definitely not iWatch) unveiling promises to be "world-changing" for the 'wearables' industry (as well as numerous "first time ever..." comments). Of course, there are 'watches' on the market already, but as Reuters Jason Fields 'jokes', the Apple Watch, of course, does more. The face is high resolution and in color. It even has apps that allow you to do a few of the things you’d be able to do if only you could muster the strength to dig your hand into the front pocket of your jeans, or do a little digging in your handbag.

 
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The Weirdest Thing You'll See Today





Government interference gone mad... "Do It For Denmark"

 
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Former CIA Head Pleads Guilty To Mishandling Classified Information, Faces Year In Prison





In a 'ripped from The Onion'-esque headline, WSJ reports that David Petraeus - the former director of the US Central Intelligence Agency - will plead guilty to a charge of mishandling classified information. The reitred military general, whose career was cut short by a very public affair with his biographer, reached a plea deal over sharing unauthorized information with her, in order to avoid an embarrassing trial. To summarize, the man trusted with all of the America's most secret secrets just plead guilty to pillow-talk-sharing of classified information...

 
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Fact Or Fiction: Raytheon CEO To Obama "It's Getting Out Of Hand In Libya"





Using the subject heading “you should definitely check this out,” Thomas A. Kennedy, CEO of the defense contractor Raytheon, reportedly emailed President Obama today with yet another link to an article detailing mounting tensions in Libya...

 
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Thursday Humor: The Pros & Cons Of Fracking





Gas prices are plummeting across America thanks in part to the country doubling its daily oil exports, which is made possible by chemical fracturing technology that scientists have said wreaks havoc on the environment. Here are some pros and cons of fracking:

 
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