• Marc To Market
    12/20/2014 - 12:21
    When the dollar falls, we are told it is logical.  The empire is crashing and burning.  When the dollar rises, the markets, we are told are manipulated.    Well, the dollar is...

The Onion

Tyler Durden's picture

5 Million Illegal Immigrants To Realize Dreams Of Slightly Less Uncertainty





“When I came to this country 11 years ago, it was in the hope that one day, if I worked hard enough, I could be granted a temporary, tenuous reprieve from the threat of being forcefully removed,”

 
Tyler Durden's picture

Friday Humor: How Ebola Quarantine Works





Remember, it's for your own good...

 
Tyler Durden's picture

Pentagon Approves Mandatory 21-Day Quarantine Of US Troops Returning From Ebola Missions





As President Obama explained yesterday, "it's different this time" for the military. And sure enough, while non-symptomatic civilians can come and go around the world in the hopes that they do not become symptomatic following potential contact with Ebola patients, Chuch Hagel has ordered a 21-day mandatory quarantine for all US troops returning from West Africa. The use of the 'q' word is clearly against White House protocols and so The Pentagon refers to it as "controlled monitoring" but, as AFP reports, Hagel calls it a "prudent" measure to prevent the spread of the deadly disease - which just this morning the WHO said had topped 13,000 cases worldwide.

 
Tyler Durden's picture

Worried About "Ebolas On A Plane"? Five Things To Know





Given our previous comments that "air traffic is the driver," it is perhaps not surprising that the Obama administration announced Wednesday that airline passengers arriving from the three West African countries experiencing an unprecedented Ebola outbreak will now be screened for potential exposure to the deadly disease when they arrive at five major U.S. airports. The screening will include having their temperatures taken. As AP's Alicia Caldwell explains, here are five things you need to know about the screenings...

 
Tyler Durden's picture

How To Protect Yourself Against Ebola





This week saw the first confirmed case of Ebola virus within the United States, the latest development in an outbreak that has already claimed over 3,000 lives. Here are some recommendations from The Onion on how you can protect yourself against this deadly disease:

 
Tyler Durden's picture

Saturday Humor: iPhone 6 Plus vs Samsung Galaxy S5





As untold millions unwrap their shiny new iPhone 6's this weekend, we thought the following would be useful for some context...

 
Tyler Durden's picture

238 Years Of The (Dis)United Kingdom





As the World anxiously awaits the results of today's Scottish Referendum for independence from The United Kingdom, we thought a little context on just how many 'nations' have left over the last 238 years...

 
Tyler Durden's picture

President Obama Unveils The "It's Different This Time" ISIS Strategy - Live Feed





Previewing tonight’s televised prime-time address to the nation, The Onion reports that White House aides confirmed that President Obama will reassure Americans that the impending military campaign against ISIS will be the exact same type of open-ended, drawn-out conflict that they are used to. “The president’s message is clear: This will be just another one of our routine intractable engagements in the region - it’s going to be unending, it’s going to be expensive, and it’s going to affect our credibility within the international community. There will not be any surprises for folks to worry about.”

And in The President's own words, "But I want the American people to understand how this effort will be different from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan."

 
Tyler Durden's picture

The iClock Post-Mortem





 
Tyler Durden's picture

US Chopper Squadron Invades Poland, Accidentally





No, this is not from The Onion. Bloomberg reports that six U.S. army helicopters landed in a rapeseed field in northern Poland to ask for directions after veering off course on their way back from military exercises. Locals were alarmed and explained, "we know that security is the most important thing right now... But thank God it was the Americans." We wonder how long before Sikorski proclaims this an invasion and demands NATO react...

 
Tyler Durden's picture

Fact Or Fiction: The Pros And Cons Of Militarizing The Police





The ongoing clashes between residents of Ferguson, MO and heavily armed police forces - which are equipped with M16 rifles and armored vehicles - have drawn attention to the increasing militarization of police in the United States. Here are the 'alternative' cases for and against outfitting local law enforcement with military-grade weapons...

 
Tyler Durden's picture

Fact Or Fiction: On This Day In 1914





 
Tyler Durden's picture

Netanyahu: The Bombings Will Continue Until Calm Is Restored





 
Tyler Durden's picture

Fact Or Fiction: Environmental Study Finds Air In Chicago Now 75% Bullets





Highlighting increasingly dangerous conditions within the city, a new study published Monday by Northwestern University’s Department of Environmental Studies revealed that approximately 75 percent of the air in Chicago is now composed of bullets.

 
Tyler Durden's picture

Are You Targeted By The NSA?





Meet XKeyscore - "a computer network exploitation system", as described in an NSA presentation, devoted to gathering "nearly everything a user does on the internet." The German site Das Erste has exposed the shocking truth about the rules used by the NSA to decide who is a "target" for surveillance. While the NSA claims to only "target" a small fraction of internet users, the perhaps unsurprising truth is very different. As Boing Boing concludes, one expert suggested that the NSA's intention here was to separate the sheep from the goats -- to split the entire population of the Internet into "people who have the technical know-how to be private" and "people who don't" and then capture all the communications from the first group.

 
Syndicate content
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!