How The Grinch Almost Stole Wall Street's Christmas
(How the Grinch Stole Christmas)
William Banzai7, Christmas 2008

Every banksta down on Wall Street Liked CDOs a lot...
But the Grinch, who lived in a Greenwich trailer, Did NOT!
The Grinch hated those asset backed dickheads for a whole list of reasons!
Now, that is why we are having this exciting Fall tradng season.
It could be his trader head was screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his white shoes were a little too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his NAV was 12 sizes too small.
Whatever the reason, His smarts or his shoes,
He stood there  just hating all those Wall Street Whose Whos,
Staring down at his trading book with a sour, Grinchy frown,
Detesting those warm Bloomberg screens in Wall Street town.
For he knew every Captain down in Wall Street beneath,
Was busy now, trying to sail through Greenspan's great subprime reef.
"And they're hammering day traders" he snarled with a sneer,
"In three hours its Christmas! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to give those Bankstas a drubbing!"
For Tomorrow, he knew, all the Whose Who of Bankstas,
Would wake bright and early. And rush to save all their bonus earnings!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise!
Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE!
NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the Whose Whos, young and old, would all fly Far East.
And they'd try to talk Korea and China into feasting on synthetic asset backed yeast!
And they'd feast! And they'd FEAST!
FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would feast on champagne and rare banker roast bonus beast.
Which was something the Grinch couldn't stand in the least!
And THEN They'd do something He liked least of all!
Every Who down in Wall Street, the Bulls and the Bears,
Would stand close together, with opening bells ringing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Whos would start singing!
They'd sing! And they'd sing! And they'd SING!
SING! SING! SING!
And the more the Grinch thought of this Singing,
The more the Grinch thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"
"Why, for year after year I've put up with it now!"

"I MUST stop a Wall Street bailout from coming! But HOW?"

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!

THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" The Grinch laughed in his throat.
And he made a some quick calls to spread rumours of unkown toxic asset stew.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great short seller trick!"
"With this phone and this screen, I'll batter those Wall Street Dicks!"
"PoohPooh to the Whose Whos!" he was grinchishly humming.
"They're finding out now that no White Knight is coming!"
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!"
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the Whos down in Wall Street will all cry BooHoo!"
"That's a noise," grinned the Grinch, "That I simply MUST hear!"
So he paused. And the Grinch put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear noises over the trading screen glow.
It started low. Then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared down at Bloomberg and Reuters! The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every gangsta down in Wall Street, the longs and the shorts,
Was singing! Without any fright at all!
He HADN'T seen a Big Wall Street bailout coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came!
And the Grinch, stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"
"It came with out tickers! It came without a tab!"
"It came as Federal largesse in big boxes and bags!"
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe a Bailout," he thought, "is not just for financial Whooers"
"Maybe a Fed bailout...perhaps can help me... a little bit too!"
And what happened then? Well...on Main Street they say,
That the Grinch's tax bill grew 12 sizes that day!
And the minute his wallet didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his Lexus jeep through the Bronx morning light,
And he met those Wall Street boys for a Smith & Wolensky feast!
And he, HE HIMSELF! The Grinch carved the roast bonus beast!