Big Mouth Strikes Again

A reader sent me a link to a video of Slope mascot AJC. I didn't want to watch it, but I glanced at the text summary, which stated:

"Abby Joseph Cohen, Goldman Sachs' senior investment strategist, says shares are set to hold value for the long run but may cheapen over the summer."

OK, so this lady (it's a lady, right?) gets paid millions upon millions of dollars for observations like this. So let's disect this a bit. She (again - sorry to trouble you - we're talking about a she, correct?) says that shares are set to hold value for the long run but may cheapen over the summer.

What does "set to hold value" mean, exactly? What percentage volatility is she talking about?

What is long-run? A year? Five years? A decade?

And stocks may cheapen? May? So if they don't cheapen, she only said "may", so she's off the hook. And if they do cheapen, she predicted it. Oh, and how by how much? I "may" join the Blue Man Group next year. But I probably won't.

I mean, hell, I can make these predictions too. Stocks may rise in value over the summer and may dip in the fall, but overall, equities should outperform in the long-term. There. I did it. Where's my check?

Checking Google's auto-fill, by the way, we can see that the Internet population has two prominent questions on its mind, both of which - curiously - are related to matrimony. I shall not comment further on this topic.