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10/5/10 Midevening Report: Japan says money for nothing and ch(opst)icks for free
Oh shit is it on. Japan decided to cut their rates to 0%, the ISM released a number slightly more than a nut hair above guesses, and the lovely yet vibrator-challenged Christine O'Donnell assured voters that she is not a witch (and Money McBags is 95.6% sure that is a real video). All of those caused the market to run faster today than a Madz Negro
(though if you think that name is bad, imagine how her brother Uppity
must feel). So with the currency wars officially on and fiat currency
literally no longer being worth the paper on which it is printed,
investors are throwing money hand over algorithm into the market because
somehow the continual quantitative easing will give the recession a
happy ending like a gentle soapy from the lovely Carrie Keagan.
So glad that is out of the way and we can all go back to forgetting
about the 10% unemployed (or ~20% if you want to include the discouraged
and Mickey Rourke) and roll our gains in to Chinese made 3D flat screen
TVs, abandoned houses we can "flip" for profits, and autographed copies
of The Age of Turbulence which are now selling for an incredibly overpriced $.01 in some places.
The big news on the day was that Japan surprised the markets by
dramatically lowering their benchmark interest rate to a range of 0% to
0.1% from merely 0.1% and apparently that extra .1% is hu-fucking-uge,
well, at least symbolically. Japan is also setting up a $60B fund to
buy government bonds, commercial paper, and first edition Pokemon cards
in order to push down the value of the yen in their attempt to bring the
barter system back to the country (or stave off deflation and stimulate
exports, potato-puhtaato). Given Japan's past success in spurring
their economy out of the doldrums of a deflationary environment, Money
McBags is sure these measures will work in the same way that he is sure
Oprah Winfrey's next diet will work (and Jay Leno, fell free to steal
that one) and Taryn Thomas' new anus will work.
And it wasn't just Japan manipulating their currency as Benny B got his Fed on
yesterday as he spoke to the esteemed economists at the University of
Rhode Island and gave a not so subtle nod to QE2 by saying the Fed will
resume their asset purchasing program. Though he doesn't have "precise
numbers" yet on the $s QE2 would use, he thinks it will be somewhere
between 0 and whatever comes after trillion in the short scale number
naming system (and for the record, "fuckload" is immediately after
"trillion"). Benny B maintains that the last round of quantitative
easing saved the US economy from further harm, a speech he will likely
repeat when it is time for QE3, QE4, and the exciting QE69.
In macro news, the ISM services index came in at 53.2 which was above
the 51.5 of last month and edged out analyst guesses of 52 which has
further caused the market to rally. Surprisingly, the index showed an
increase in employment and new orders while unsurprisingly it showed a
decrease in hope and common sense. Some investors are looking at the
ISM numbers as a sign that a double dip recession has been averted and a
period of slow growth (and slower growth than years 5 through 21 for He Ping Ping)
is now at hand, while others continue to buy gold, whiskey, and bone up
on their fiddle playing to properly prepare for when Rome figuratively,
or perhaps literally, burns (and if Rome is going to burn, Money McBags
only hopes a special NSFW room there goes unharmed).
In stock news, everything was fucking up today (well except for Lisa Rinna's lips
and somehow NFLX). Financials rallied as JPM's analyst upgraded the
sector based on the fact that trading volumes from large institutions
through JPM have been down so the analyst needed to make up a story to
bring action in to the stocks to cause those institutions to once again
trade through JPM.
Elsewhere AAPL was started with a $365 price target and a "buy" from
Jefferies in what Money McBags can only assume was an initiation report
fraught with blinding new insights not already printed by the 42 other
analysts who already cover Apple, and yes that was sarcasm (seriously people, if anyone is buying
AAPL based on what a Jefferies analyst has to say years after the
company already took over the world, then Money McBags will eat a sack
of dong). Apparently 3MM iPads were sold in the first 80 days which is the fastest anything has ever been adopted including DVD players, disposable tampons, and Malawan kids. Not to be outdone by AAPL (well except for the last 10 years), MSFT has announced that they will have an iPad competitor by December
just in time for the holiday season, in addition to that, they say they
will be launching a new football league to compete with the NFL, an oil
cartel to take down OPEC, and a new vibrator to take on the rabbit. And finally WAG was up a bit
after posting decent September sales growth which comes on the heels
(like any good podophiliac) of last week's solid Q driven by rising
pharmacy sales. It is interesting to keep an eye on this (though more
interesting to keep an eye on this) to see what happens to pharmacy sales as the new health care bill is instituted.
Visit Money McBags at the award winning When Genius Prevailed to get more of this daily report including small cap stock analysis and perhaps some Sofia Vergara.
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LOL -and I thought I was bent. Guess Her Muff is priceless link. Origina and cutting edge, +1,000. The sensitive will require lube for sure.
MoneyMcBags .... HYSTERICAL .... I *****CANNOT***** believe you have some kinda link on something
that says "NEW anus" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool
and ****NO**** I do NOT
DARE
click it
some things .... you just CANNOT
UNsee!!! :)
It was nothing, just comedy.
I bow to the master. Bravo!
Fuckload immediately follows trillion. Brilliant.
I fucking love it.
Kudos, Moneybags.
almost 1344. something will have to be done soon. maybe time to head for high ground.
as the shit hits the fan a great distraction will be required to preserve the status quo.
how difficult would it be to initiate a massive undersea landslide causing a sunami to wipe out wall street? just asking.
Not that difficult at all.
http://www.google.com/search?q=canary+islands+tsunami+east+coast&sourcei...
Some good humor, and review, but could use to be a little less 'crass' (in the sexually-tinged, misogynist sort of way).
I for one hope that Mr Mcbags stays crassy. I'm sure the folks at the BOJ would agree.
If Mr Mcbags were to put the crassness on warp drive, the creatures at the SEC might read it of their own free will, and accidently learn something that could benefit us all. Like the lottery add, "it could happen"
holy shit! i have been wondering who i am and she
just laid it out. she is me!
but... doesn't that make her a fucking witch!
man, she is smooth, in a neo feudal sort of way.
i wonder how long till she has to terminate me to move to
her next level of attainment?
time for a garage sale. for me.
Zero Hedge is a mecca for a fuckload of talent........LOL.
Ever wonder if someone has crossed over from the FED to write here?
does once collecting welfare in detroit equate to ' working for the fed' ? how about doing federal time? just asking.
2 things I like about Detroit;
the Red Wings, and The Supremes........I forgot the Tigers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7SuSsvJUqKI
Actually more; the real story.
Sorry RoRo
Tyler doesn't accept single digit IQ's.
Not true, I made it, you too Kayman and many more.
TD is Jesus.
The BOJ, the Fed, and other central bankers have now descended into school yard "double dare" and "double dog dare" that ends with the tongue stuck to a frozen flagpole.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XlPwsmkPHI
Since when did AAPL get in to feminine hygiene products??
Well, they are coming out with a larger model, the iMaxiPad...
LMAO.......
Free money get your free money at 50% interest, deposit it for nothing... roll up roll up