• Gold Money
    05/26/2016 - 14:27
    Here’s a question that might have you pondering: Is gold a commodity? More importantly, are we doing a disservice to the gold industry by calling gold a commodity? These may sound like silly...

Afternoon Humor: All The Headlines That's Fit To Move The Market

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Fri, 06/10/2011 - 16:52 | 1359482 slow_roast
slow_roast's picture

I'm not sure which of the first 2 lines is better.

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 17:48 | 1359667 Cheesy Bastard
Cheesy Bastard's picture

...said Charlie Sheen to Bill Clinton

Sat, 06/11/2011 - 05:02 | 1360824 Highrev
Highrev's picture

if you hadn't said they were real . . .

 

Back to American Idol.

Sat, 06/11/2011 - 13:58 | 1361352 lettuce
lettuce's picture

come on tyler, is this the first time you have visited the NI ODD screen in bloomberg?

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 16:56 | 1359484 asdasmos
asdasmos's picture

They are jumping on anything....

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 17:03 | 1359487 Sabibaby
Sabibaby's picture

that's because they're porn stars!

Except for the guy with the weasel, watch out for that guy. He was last seen looking for an alien friendly truck. He was also accompanied by a woman from Oregon with a British accent.

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 17:52 | 1359687 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

It's okay, I hear they crashed into a mailbox.

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 23:23 | 1360485 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Proof positive you shouldn't let your horse have more than two martinis before lunch time. :>D

Sat, 06/11/2011 - 03:09 | 1360789 Sabibaby
Sabibaby's picture

needless to say, grandma's urn fell into a fountain of poop which happened because 15,000 facebook fans couldn't get to the shitter at a birthday party for some stupid 16 year old.

Sat, 06/11/2011 - 10:27 | 1361042 OutLookingIn
OutLookingIn's picture

The same, same - more "Lame Stream Media!"

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 16:55 | 1359496 serotonindumptruck
serotonindumptruck's picture

Yes, the endgame must be very close now. These kinds of juvenile distractions are a dead giveaway.

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 16:57 | 1359488 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

I've read all those and I gotta say they are helpful in my trading activity...

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 17:18 | 1359553 SWRichmond
SWRichmond's picture

I'm French!  Why do you think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king?

http://www.hark.com/clips/nzvwsyyfqb-outrageous-accent

Was it after surgery on her toe?

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 16:55 | 1359499 cossack55
cossack55's picture

I love bread. Lately tho, the circus really sucks. 

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 16:59 | 1359505 Sabibaby
Sabibaby's picture

Have you talked to the dad from Utah?

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 17:10 | 1359530 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

I have. He's truly infantile, though not more than average USA persons. He also said APPL was under-valued at which point I swiftly kicked him in the dick and took my payment in silver bullion. My story, sadly, did not make headlines...

 

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 17:16 | 1359550 Clayton Bigsby
Clayton Bigsby's picture

now that's funny - well played sir

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 17:28 | 1359580 magpie
magpie's picture

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDB-MGsWzQQ

Sorry to say, the bread will likely be stretched with sawdust and chalk in the future.

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 17:35 | 1359602 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Stretched? In the future?

Some few years ago I was looking at the ingredients for some kind of high-fiber bread on the shelf and not far down the list was something like "wood cellulose" which (being a carpenter) I immediately understood to be sawdust.

And I bet it cost a buck more a loaf than the regular kind.

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 18:13 | 1359758 magpie
magpie's picture

Right now, we still pay a premium for the ersatz. When that changes, look out below.

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 16:59 | 1359503 bugs_
bugs_'s picture

H4x!!!

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 16:59 | 1359513 gofigure
gofigure's picture

onward thru the fog

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 17:00 | 1359514 Braindonor1
Braindonor1's picture

So the dead Weasel was accused of assault?

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 18:51 | 1359900 FOC 1183
FOC 1183's picture

No, but the horse was charged with drunk driving

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 17:12 | 1359541 Cheesy Bastard
Cheesy Bastard's picture

Fountain shut off due to poop

Hey, the fountain only cost New London, CT. 11 million dollars. The people of my great, liberal, educated, northeastern, "constitution" state decided to use it to shit on.  And they badmouth about the yokels in flyover country, sheesh!

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2011/06/08/Fountain-shut-off-due-to-poop/UPI...

 

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 17:18 | 1359558 sitenine
sitenine's picture

Thanks for the clarification. I thought this headline was referring to QE ;)

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 17:23 | 1359577 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

x-cellent!

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 17:28 | 1359593 Cheesy Bastard
Cheesy Bastard's picture

:)

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 19:03 | 1359938 Bay of Pigs
Bay of Pigs's picture

I spent some time there in New London, Cheesy. Enjoyed it there. Some of the best pizza and tasty grinders I've ever had in my life.

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 19:13 | 1359973 Cheesy Bastard
Cheesy Bastard's picture

Yeah, New London aint so bad.  Better pizza in New Haven, but ya gotta get used to getting mugged there by zetas.  I prefer the northwest hills, myself.

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 21:25 | 1360275 Bay of Pigs
Bay of Pigs's picture

Went there too. Frank Pepe's was awesome.

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 18:51 | 1359903 John_Coltrane
John_Coltrane's picture

Yes, a true double entendre!

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 18:24 | 1359813 Cathartes Aura
Cathartes Aura's picture

from the article commentary:

"just shoot them on sight"

ahhh yes, soon to be enacted.

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 17:15 | 1359549 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

I'd like to know how you assault someone with a dead weasel.

Or was "assailant was in possession of a dead weasel" just part of the police report?

Or am I missing this entirely?

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 17:16 | 1359561 element115
element115's picture

Bend over and I'll show ya.

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 17:23 | 1359576 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

There's porn of that somewhere (see Rule 34).  I don't know if you will find it instructive when you get there though.

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 17:29 | 1359585 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Of course there is. But I am not going to look it up.

back in a bit.

 

 

http://google.com/?q=weasel%20assault%20porn

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 17:34 | 1359613 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Opps ha ha wrong screen.

Hey Tyler, how can I delete a comment? TIA

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 22:01 | 1360353 CD
CD's picture

If the post is not replied to by you (or someone else), you can edit your own posts. As soon as there is a reply, it remains read only.

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 17:40 | 1359627 knukles
knukles's picture

"back in a bit?"

And where pray tell did you abscond to, to do what, with which, which bit you in the back, or am i missing something?
Abbbbbbbbbbbbbbbat!

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 23:24 | 1360490 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

From the search:  "Best Part: The victim asked, 'Why are you carrying a weasel?'"

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 17:17 | 1359552 YesWeKahn
YesWeKahn's picture

I doesn't look like that people really need another QE.

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 17:17 | 1359554 wisefool
wisefool's picture

Bwahaha. finance.google.com is showing a 100% drop in the dow, or maybe somebody hacked my cookies!

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 17:16 | 1359563 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Same here lulz

EOTWAWKI, and it waited until after hours. Figures.

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 17:36 | 1359607 wisefool
wisefool's picture

Yeah. GS wrote the IPO for the first binary DOW short. They had a chicken and egg issue registering on the exchange while trading was going on, so they just did it afterhours.

God's work.

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 17:34 | 1359614 Mach1513
Mach1513's picture

STILL!!!!!!!

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 17:45 | 1359655 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Well shore, still.

The world ended after hours. You don't just casually reverse that kind of trade, ya know. Jeez get with it.

 

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 17:24 | 1359559 mynhair
mynhair's picture

Nothing about Lindsay Lohan?  so depressed....

God, I miss McBags: hope he's rolling in dough in his new job.

We need a new Pillsbury Dough-Boy.

Fri, 06/10/2011 - 17:20 | 1359567 Critical Path
Critical Path's picture

So it has now become illegal to pay the government in an unordinary amount of pennies?  Anyone care to speculate how long until paying in $1 bills warrants the same citation....

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