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Afternoon Humor: All The Headlines That's Fit To Move The Market
This week's truly market moving headlines, courtesy of Bloomberg (these are 100% real)
Courtesy of John Lohman
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I'm not sure which of the first 2 lines is better.
...said Charlie Sheen to Bill Clinton
if you hadn't said they were real . . .
Back to American Idol.
come on tyler, is this the first time you have visited the NI ODD screen in bloomberg?
They are jumping on anything....
that's because they're porn stars!
Except for the guy with the weasel, watch out for that guy. He was last seen looking for an alien friendly truck. He was also accompanied by a woman from Oregon with a British accent.
It's okay, I hear they crashed into a mailbox.
Proof positive you shouldn't let your horse have more than two martinis before lunch time. :>D
needless to say, grandma's urn fell into a fountain of poop which happened because 15,000 facebook fans couldn't get to the shitter at a birthday party for some stupid 16 year old.
The same, same - more "Lame Stream Media!"
Yes, the endgame must be very close now. These kinds of juvenile distractions are a dead giveaway.
I've read all those and I gotta say they are helpful in my trading activity...
I'm French! Why do you think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king?
http://www.hark.com/clips/nzvwsyyfqb-outrageous-accent
Was it after surgery on her toe?
I love bread. Lately tho, the circus really sucks.
Have you talked to the dad from Utah?
I have. He's truly infantile, though not more than average USA persons. He also said APPL was under-valued at which point I swiftly kicked him in the dick and took my payment in silver bullion. My story, sadly, did not make headlines...
now that's funny - well played sir
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDB-MGsWzQQ
Sorry to say, the bread will likely be stretched with sawdust and chalk in the future.
Stretched? In the future?
Some few years ago I was looking at the ingredients for some kind of high-fiber bread on the shelf and not far down the list was something like "wood cellulose" which (being a carpenter) I immediately understood to be sawdust.
And I bet it cost a buck more a loaf than the regular kind.
Right now, we still pay a premium for the ersatz. When that changes, look out below.
H4x!!!
onward thru the fog
So the dead Weasel was accused of assault?
No, but the horse was charged with drunk driving
Fountain shut off due to poop
Hey, the fountain only cost New London, CT. 11 million dollars. The people of my great, liberal, educated, northeastern, "constitution" state decided to use it to shit on. And they badmouth about the yokels in flyover country, sheesh!
http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2011/06/08/Fountain-shut-off-due-to-poop/UPI...
Thanks for the clarification. I thought this headline was referring to QE ;)
x-cellent!
:)
I spent some time there in New London, Cheesy. Enjoyed it there. Some of the best pizza and tasty grinders I've ever had in my life.
Yeah, New London aint so bad. Better pizza in New Haven, but ya gotta get used to getting mugged there by zetas. I prefer the northwest hills, myself.
Went there too. Frank Pepe's was awesome.
Yes, a true double entendre!
from the article commentary:
"just shoot them on sight"
ahhh yes, soon to be enacted.
I'd like to know how you assault someone with a dead weasel.
Or was "assailant was in possession of a dead weasel" just part of the police report?
Or am I missing this entirely?
Bend over and I'll show ya.
There's porn of that somewhere (see Rule 34). I don't know if you will find it instructive when you get there though.
Of course there is. But I am not going to look it up.
back in a bit.
http://google.com/?q=weasel%20assault%20porn
Opps ha ha wrong screen.
Hey Tyler, how can I delete a comment? TIA
If the post is not replied to by you (or someone else), you can edit your own posts. As soon as there is a reply, it remains read only.
"back in a bit?"
And where pray tell did you abscond to, to do what, with which, which bit you in the back, or am i missing something?
Abbbbbbbbbbbbbbbat!
From the search: "Best Part: The victim asked, 'Why are you carrying a weasel?'"
I doesn't look like that people really need another QE.
Bwahaha. finance.google.com is showing a 100% drop in the dow, or maybe somebody hacked my cookies!
Same here lulz
EOTWAWKI, and it waited until after hours. Figures.
Yeah. GS wrote the IPO for the first binary DOW short. They had a chicken and egg issue registering on the exchange while trading was going on, so they just did it afterhours.
God's work.
STILL!!!!!!!
Well shore, still.
The world ended after hours. You don't just casually reverse that kind of trade, ya know. Jeez get with it.
Nothing about Lindsay Lohan? so depressed....
God, I miss McBags: hope he's rolling in dough in his new job.
We need a new Pillsbury Dough-Boy.
Catch the latest from McBags...
So it has now become illegal to pay the government in an unordinary amount of pennies? Anyone care to speculate how long until paying in $1 bills warrants the same citation....
It was the fact that is was cash in sub-FRN form. See, money already is worthless!
Well, if you stuff the pennies into the barrel of your 12-gauge and fire them at the tax-assessor, yep, that's illegal.
How about Sacajawea dollars?
They don't fit in the barrel. But $50 worth in a pillowcase allows you to make some really convincing and effective payments upside somebody's head.
A few minutes of that and they stop requesting remittance.
Sorry, I was thinking of a cannon. And yes, the pillowcase idea works great. (Who says they don't learn valuable life skills in prison?)
The dead weasel was Punxatawney Phil.
Oh wait, that was a groundhog.
Well, who cares.
So, I guess, pennies are now criminally worthless...
The innigrant hillbilly, should have paid paper FRN for the fee and kept the pennies for the metal content.
Someone ain't pay'n 'tension o'r Utah way.
I did it, I dropped the deuce in the fountain. I also plopped an upper decker in the guest bath at the Delaware Governor's Mansion.
u rox. send me a friend req PLEEEEEZEEEZZ!!11!one!!
Brilliant!!
Upper Decker = The Gift That Keeps On Giving...
on a side related poop note....
I gargoyled a few buildings in my day....
That's when you leave a pile right on the edge of the roof overlooking the city below.
a man after my own fart.
I have done some wacky sh't in my day, but never ever thought about squatting my ass on the edge of a roof top ...
this thread reminds me of the last SP. : ) (South Park, everything sounds, looks, tastes, etc like shit)
BuzzBuzz,,, I'm not sure I understand why you would do that to the weatherman from Fox&Friends..... that's just not cricket old boy.
Google Finance also has the FTSE 100, Nikkei 225
and CAC 40 all down 100% at 5:40.
Do they know something....?
Um. I'd say they don't know jack, actually.
naw. 20-1 they have a bunch of zerohedgers, and they were trying to get on tyler's list.
I logged on to Google finance and it was showing the DIJA at 00.00 down 100%!!
http://i1128.photobucket.com/albums/m491/socialREMODEL/DIJA%200000/Fullscreencapture610201143231PM.jpg
a sign of things to come?
A sign that you did not first read this thread :)
Seriously if this is what the MSM finds ready and able to expend resources upon...
Ozzie ozburne shud runf uhr prepshweddnenht.
Ozzie: oh fuck yeah. if they could have that lame wrestler dude (wuzizname again Jessie summat) for governer of that state (fugget which one) then why can't we have an old rocker for president. And never mind Ah-nold.
Alice Cooper is actually a citizen, so let's nominate him! :>D
Is this sarcasm, or do you actually think Jesse Ventura is lame?
Only in clown shoes America are these the headlines coming out of our "Gang who could not print straight" journalistic community.
Geez, this thread sounds like GPL's proxy statement reads.....
:)))))
this one was on fox- Dow closes below 12,000, its sixth-straight week in the red, as new data suggests the nation's economic recovery could be slow in coming...
recovery could be slow in coming? really? what happened to all the green shoots and economic headwinds ect,ect? how about this instead " economic recovery cancels scheduled North American appearance altogether, no rain date announced as recovery was overheard saying, quote "f*ck 'em" end quote."
There's a lot of truth in that trope that the economic recovery's slow in coming.
It means we'll all be getting fucked for a very long time.
The tiff was over getting stiffed with a pile of FRNs... :>D
6/10 CNN "Napolitano surveys Joplin damage"
Subsequently puts tornadoes on terror watch list. Vowes that administration will not sleep until every last twister is either shot dead or put behind bars.
;)
...or at least porn scanned and groped at all major airports, bus stations, sporting events and little league baseball games...
"new data suggests the nation's economic recovery could be slow in coming..."
On the same time scale as the recovery of the american buffalo?
Or, as many exclaimed, "what recovery?"
What is sad,, is that is what most of the people want in news. They would rather that type news than real news that affects them and their lives. What a sorry distracting media we have.
"Summer movies reduce intelligence by ten IQ points"
"Cloned Bill Hicks says rather be dead"
"Gingrich campaign fakes Facebook Perry porn page"
You try Cornelius...
I rode that dead weasel assault for 30 pips on a Euro/Dollar the other day. Shoulda hung on for more, but ya just never know how far the market'll move when weasels are involved.
Now, if we're talkin' badgers, that's a whole different ballgame.
Shut off due to poop? Was there a circuit breaker thrown today?
BREAKING NEWS: Bowing to pressure from moral stalwarts like Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reed, Congressman Anthony Wiener announced his departure from the U.S. House of Representatives, effective immediately. Weiner spoke from Times Square where he has opened Weiner's weiners hot dog stand. While dishing up hot dogs with mustard and sauerkraut to the hungry throng on Times Square, Weiner boasted his name is "golden" for branding hot dogs sales.
Weiner already has retained Madison Ave branding/marketing/advertising powerhouse BBDO. Weiner plans to franchise his Weiner's weiners first in the New York City, then Newark, then Poughkeepsie, and then the entire nation except the areas west of the Mississippi. Rumors are that Weiner has a gimmick to attract franchisees by offering franchises only to young ladies who he will interview via Twitter. Donald Trump, genius behind the TV reality hit "You're Fired" has approached Weiner with a partnership offer to finance a new reality TV show "You're Hired, Hottie".
An informal, non-scientific survey of hot dog connoisseurs on Times Square asked to rate Weiner's weiners brought responses, such as,
"The weiner was limp. I tossed it to the pigeons."
"I swallowed the weiner in one bit. Pretty tiny weiner for such a big blowhard hawking his weiner. Like his weiner is something special...not!"
"Give me your wallet or I'll shove the mic up your ass."
"What time does the ball drop."
Responding to these mixed reviews Weiner retorted, "Well, of course Times Square is a tough customer. But according to my expert hot dog marketing consultant, Ignatius J. Reilly of Paradise Vendors, the rest of U.S. is a warm bun waiting for my weiner."
http://ignatiusghost.blogspot.com/2009/01/paradise-vendors.html
+100%. Folks, this is exactly how you do it.
Surely the best was the NY Post headline:
Weiner: I'll stick it out.
Surely the best was the NY Post headline:
Weiner: I'll stick it out.
Sounds to me like a blizzard of bullshit.
Bread and virtual circus....
Thank you for very good article Tyler, you are right, again...
check the actual state of forex markets on
http://www.dukascopy.com/tradercontest/?action=blog&trader=SkarakX
These are my people ! Free, inventive, humorous, enjoying life in all it's raging craziness ! For the one millionth time in my adult life I am proud to be an American ! More fun than North Korean Kandid Kamera ! Monedas 2011 Free people have a monopoly on joy ! "Visit Syria Soon....See the Silly Side of Syrians at Play ! We can be just as cute as those American hicks !"....Syrian Tourism Authority. LOL
Barely ten years ago those Syrians were cheering as the twin towers fell in the street ! Well, how's that "Allah Ahkbar" workin' for ya now ? Monedas 2011 Nothin' sweeter than Divine justice !